Needing,

Next time that happens just ask him to rev up the bike a little before you get off of it. A couple good minutes of the bike at about 4000rpm's should do it. LOL.

My stance is simple on this one. Sometimes we do what is necessary to regain that closeness. I do not know if whatever he asked you to do last night is something you did before the A but if it is then he may not know how you don't really like it.

It is your body and you have every right to not do something but it doesn't mean you can't have SF. You can use redirection to get to where you feel comfy. If he says oh lay down like this say I will in a minute let me .... first. You pick what you want .... to be. In your case could be the foreplay you wanted.

I can tell you from personal experience that men are stupid sometimes like that. LOL. Heck I would try crap out of the Kama Sutra and some of it my FWW did not like but she never told me. I was just going along on my marry little way and she never said anything. Now I know that the flying over the shoulder face in the pillow one leg wrapped around my neck while the other is suspended by a bungee cord position is not really that fun for her. Go figure.

Find your comfort zone for now and explain it to him. SF should bring you closer not put space between you. By the way if you do try the one my FWW doesn't like don't use a feather pillow the feathers poke through the pillow case.

Needing, I'm sorry your relationship with your step-father is so poor. Some people are like that. All is not lost though. I have a close relationship with my daughter, but she never mentions it to her mother because my ex and I don't see eye to eye on...well...almost everything. I have not had any contact with my ex since 1990 or 1991...I can't remember exactly. Point is, you can have a relationship with your mom and let step dad take care of himself. Try it. It can work.

NC -

Again, I'll echo what Longhorn and others have said about men in the sex department...we can be incredibly slow sometimes (or just selfish), but the good news is we are teachable <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Don't be afraid to tell your H what you want in that department. I'm willing to bet that many men would love to have their wives tell them what pleases them or what they want.

Sure, there's a lot of fun in the explore and discover department, but sometimes us guys can get pretty frustrated if the things we try don't seem to do anything for our wives, and it gets worse if our wives are not open enough with us to tell/show.

As LH said, you know your H best, so you can figure out how to approach him on this. Look at it this way - you have absolutely nothing to lose by speaking up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Also, sorry to hear about your problems with your step-dad. It's unfortunate in this day and age that there are still people who judge a person's value strictly on the physical (color, attributes, size, whatever). My wife and I are reverse of you and your husband (I'm white, she's black), but we've been fortunate in that no one has (at least openly) made disparaging comments or refused to see the grand kids.

I hope you can at least restore your relationship with your mom and step-siblings....it would be sad if they had to suffer the loss of you because of your SD's attitudes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Needing comfort,

I am on the same wagon as you are. I think it will just take time. I pray alot. Sometimes it seems like God is not listening, but then, somedays everything is fine and it seems like my husband wants to be here. I urge you to pray. If you want the marriage. Pray! And keep doing what you are doing to show your husband you want him. Have you told him what your boundaries are? I told my husband and he now know what I will not accept from him. I don't see any phone calls from OW. Course that's not to say they don't talk at work. I am praying on this matter as well. I want my husband to find another job. I will pray for you.

Hurtingless- I'm going to have to try that one out at least once. Now is that the left leg behind the neck or the right left behind the right ear or the left ear? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I can say that it was something we had done before the A, but I asked if he had done it with OW. H said yes, I had done it with H since A, but Last night it just bothered me and it had to be because I wasn't worked up! I think I'm going to try that bike thing. I do reaLLY LIKE that vibe!! 3rd gear was my favortie until we jetted the carb! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I will be calling my mom tonight to let her know what I think of my SS's CD and the kid's money. I guess I need to talk to her about how we can get closer. At least explore the probably of a relationship with her! I really wish she had email, that way I could email her pics on the kids and stuff! Mom's met hubbie, she didn't seem to have a problem with him until SDad got in the way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I do enjoy SF with H. This Plan A stuff has really helped me with my love for hubbie, because I think about all the good times that we have had together and want that back so bad. The day that I blew up and started hitting H was like a turning point. He said he doesn't hold it against me, said he figured I needed to get all of it out! I thought that was very big of him. I have no doubt that we will still be together in a year or two, we've been through too much together to stop fighting for us now! I love him more now then I have in a long time, but we have a long way to go! A lot of issues that need to be worked on; mainly communication if that's not apparent from my end last night! I'm not upset about it today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I think I could have handled the situation better. In bed is the place that I'm the most quiet in saying (not expressing) what I need, want, like and dislike! I think that's going to be a major focus area for improvement in me! I really need to open up and voice my opinion in that area! How in the He)) am I going to improve that? LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thanks guys I appreciate your time and wisdom!

Hey! Maybe a beer or two one night? LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> think that will help! I'm not really a drinker, neither is hubbie, but that might be a nice date! Get tipsy, talk, play around, fool around, Do cartwheels in the front yard, water balloon fight, who knows! Have a good weekend if I don't talk to you all again. I plan to have a great weekend no matter what! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Have a great weekend, Needing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Forget about the cartwheels and water ballons those are for amatures.

You can start off with naked twister. Once you get really good at that add baby oil to the mix. Hours of fun for the H and W brought to you by milton bradly.

Be sure not to do it on hard floors though your tushy will get bruised.

I know the feeling of doing something with the FWS that they did for the OP. OS has been extemely difficult for me because she did it for him and will not finish the same way for me as she did for him. HMMMM. Says it is disgusting.

Our SF is really good always has been. (for both of us). I make sure she gets hers usually before I get mine. Other night we were fooling around. Don't ask to many details it gets a little kinky but I was pleasuring her while I was enjoying OS. When I finished a little before her I wanted to make sure she finished as well. She jumped out of bed, spit, gargled, brushed her teeth and gargled again. I finished her off then didn't sleep the entire night.

I felt like I was repulsive to her. I don't even really enjoy OS any more because of that. And yes I did tell her about how it made me feel. She said I am sick and twisted for wanting her to do that. She said fine I did it for him once I will do it for you once. Still waiting for that once. LOL

Broken-you are too funny! I have to admit I've never done those! Maybe one day I could talk H into it!

Ny-thank you so much for the prayers. I too will pray for you! Look forwad to more posts from you too!

LH- you have a wondeful one too!

Hurtingless- When H and I started growing apart, I stopped wanting to do things that I use to like. I would said that it was disguising, that I didn't like it. I would said things like "I wish I could, and I want to, but I can't get pass the nastiness of it!" I would even go to bed after he was asleep not to have to have SF with him. I didn't want to have to make up excuses and or lie.

I have always hated lying! My parents lied so much about our family, kept secrets, didn't tell the truth about why I was living with my grandparents, about college, and just everything in general. That's the hardest part of this whole A, and recovery with H, because he knows I can't stand dishonesty! That's what I have to work on, the rest is the easy part.

OHHH, and believe you me, I'm not asking for detail. You and Broken are some interesting characters. I don't mean that in a bad way! LOL

Well, I called my mom! We always have a good conversation, but she always seems to cut it short. We're never on the phone for more than fifteen minutes. I told her I emailed StepS, and that I wanted her other CD's. Apparently, this is the first one that's been mass producted! She's amazing. Mom said she'll love the feedback! I also, stuck my neck out and told mom to tell SD that I love him and hoped to hear from him soon! Told her I loved her (not ususal) and hung up! I NEVER mention my SD when talking to her, she may bring him up but I don't!

One baby step at a time!

well, I've got this great idea to lite the BBQ pit! Now, I've only done that once. I think/told H that's a man's job. Only way to get him to cook, you see! PRAY that I don't light my hair on fire or burn my eyebrows off! LMAO

I'm sure it wont be that bad but sure is a super crazy image in my head! Give you guys something to laugh about!

I think lime helps with the taste. No, you don't add lime to it, you give him some limeaid before.

Hey, folks. A little TMI here. If I were you, I'd edit your posts a little to remove graphic elements. I'm not sure the moderators on MB like such stuff out here.

Thanks LH! Sorry @ that, to those of you I may have offended! I will be more carful in the future! Is that better or do I need to do more?

NC,

No she used to do it for me and never claimed it was disgusting.

About 5 years ago during her anorexic(sp) phase she decided there were too many calories. I told her I liked it better the other way. She said she is not going to waste good calories on that. Never had a problem with it before. Seven years of doing it then boom too many calories.

Then she does it for OM. I guess the calories were no big issue. And no I don't want it just because she gave did it for him. I wanted it back before then. Has been a problem for me since it stopped. I just sometimes feel like an a$$ for being so understanding about it. OK honey if you don't want the extra clories thats ok with me even though it doesn't feel as good.

What really gets me is there was an article about it in a mens magazine that says when a women does that she shows the man she completely excepts him. OUCH

I feel like telling her OS is disgusting for me now and she will be getting none of it. Too many calories. See how she likes it. No massages cause my hands hurt.etc. I don't think she gets how good she has it. Throwing away the damn bungee cord too. That will show her. Straight missionary with no foreplay for her for the next month.

Good luck with your Mom. My mom and I didn't talk for a year and a half after my father passed away and guess what she is my rock through this.

HUrting- Sorry I'm going to have to leave that topic alone.
Thanks for the advice and what changed with your mom?

I know there is no good way to make me feel better about it. LOL

What changed with my mom was she actually took my sisters side in an argument because my sister was having some health issues.

When my father passed away we had a big blow up. My FWW actually called my mom because my kids missed her. All better. She is actually watching the kids this weekend.

Mom appologized, I appologized we took responsibility for our actions.

You my friend have a much worse scenario then I have on that front so I am sorry about that.

Teaching my kids tollerance. I don't understand how people can be that ignorant toward other races. My kids are lucky I hate everyone equally so I am not prejudice. LOL just kidding on that one.

Their best friends before they moved were mixed race. So I have a funny story for you on that.

The father was black the mother was white. My kids really don't understand racism. We would hang out and when the father would play with them in the pool his kids would call him a brownie. Well my kids had no idea what that meant so they started calling him brownie too. I had to put a stop to it. LOL. The father actually started laughing his a$$ of because he knew they were repeating what his kids called him. We had to sit down and explain to them why they can't say that. Shoulda saw the looks they got at the pool that day.

Have a good weekend.

One more thing on the mom thing. We both admitted we wish it would have happened much sooner. You can be close with your mom and not the SD.

OKay, I BBQed w/o hurting myself, someone else, or something else. Of course, H did get home and said the coals weren't ready. So, I had to take the meat off until it was! I told him I lite it five times, what else was I suppose to do? LOL He got a kick out off this! Now, I know...wait for the coals to get white! LMAO H did say that he was proud that I even attempted it! Big step today! GO MEEEE!

Believer-lime? No comment! LMAO

As far as my mom, I thought about writing her a letter but I'm really hestiate about that! I would end up revealing way more than I need too. My SD would even call my house! Maybe I'll send him a father's day card. I hear that some people try to mend fences when they near the end of their life. He has with my step B and S. My mom and SD didn't move away until 98 when I was pregnant for my oldest son. A few years later, SD started talking to his kids. Now, they are all one bad happy family from what I hear from my mom, and I'm left on the outside. Mom sees SB's kids, I don't think SS has any. What could possess a person to chose her H over her only D?

With that said, I believe that God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle, and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger! I'm not a quitter, never have been, and no matter what, I'm not about to quit now! Not with my M, or anything else! I may have some bad days but I will success, one way or another! If I can help aomeone else in the process, that's landiappe(sp)! (a Bonus)

I would send a Father's Day card. No harm in that, and then you have made the first peace offering.

Thanks, I think I will!

Supper was bad, but H didn't said anything about it! LOL The meat was hard or should I say chewy! LOL He ate it like a true tropper, I had to ask if it was just me. He said no, he just didn't want to say anything. I guess he wants me to try BBQing in the future. We had to laugh when he tried to get a piece on his fork and it flew into his lap.

What kind of meat did you cook?

Pork fingers! I want to start out with something simple! I'm still laughing about it! That made my day!

Yikes! What are pork fingers?