Hi, Kim. Glad you and DS are having a fun weekend. You sound just as clutzy as my poor DD this weekend. Yesterday, she managed to close my heavy metal hamper lid on her thumb. Today, she was running around inside the house in her swim diaper after an afternoon in the kiddie pool, and tripped over a ball. Poor thing ran into the corner of a doorway and gave herself a nasty bruise from her eyebrow to her cheek. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi SM!

Was reading up a bit on your thread earlier......I think a tatoo would be kind of fun! Maybe on the ankle or something?

YOWIE! Hope your DD is ok! Be prepared for much more of that though!

Good to hear from ya!

And the MILF thing. The more I think about that, the more offended I get! Oh well.

Kim

Hello!

Sitch is the same with me still!

Over the past month, I've gotten a voice mail from WH telling me that He thought about me every day. That he loves me.(This was last month on our anniversary). Silly man even asked me out to dinner that night. Today I get another voice mail that he wished we could be doing things as a family, that he wanted us to see the fireworks together. Said that he hasn't spoken to "her" in months.

Yet, he still can't take the steps necessary to make me feel safe.

Last week I had to call him b/c I got a flat tire on my way home from work(my day to pick up DS). I had to call him b/c I wouldn't be able to make it in time to pick up DS. I was able to pull into a gas station, but no one would help. So I got in the car to try to find a full service place. No luck. By this time the tire was totally flat. I pulled over and tried to change it myself, but couldn't. I couldn't get the darn lug nuts to turn. And people kept driving by me!!!!!!!!!

In the meantime, WH calls to see how I was managing and wanted to come to where I was to change the tire himself. I told him no. That I couldn't see him. He called me "sweetie" and said that the area I was in was not safe. I still told him NO.

So, I drove back to the first gas station where traffic was busier anyway. Hoping that someone would help. I don't have roadside service & didn't have a number for one.

Finally, a man pulled in to help. YAY.

What is up with people these days?? Too busy to stop. Too much in a hurry to get home.

I sent a note down with WH tonight about day care schedule. I told WH to have DS home after the fire works "That I should be home shortly after the fire works too". I am going out to watch them. WH needn't know I am going by myself!!! Let him think..........

I got to take DS to a special fireworks show on Saturday. It was spectacular!

Happy 4th of July. God Bless the USA~

Kim

This is not accurate. The correct word is WON'T

Hey Kim, nothing to say but a big Hello!!

Hi Mel & Jean -

Mel, thanks for correcting that. He WON"T do what it takes right now.

Jean, hope you are doing o.k.!!!

I had made plans to take DS to the coast towards the end of the month. Just two nights to see the beach and relax. Thought it would be nice for the two of us to get away. My Dad called and kind of invited he & my Mom along.....wanted to go a little further down the coast to a nicer beach. I said that sounded great, although I kind of wished it would be just DS and I. I have a hard time telling my Dad NO. I think my Mom put it in his head that I was hurt because my sis didn't invite me and DS along on their trip. So, my Dad is trying to make up for it. I know he worries about me.

So, it will be myself, DS, my Mom and Dad. I chose a great spot further down the coast. It will be nice to have some company and we will all have a good time.

I will still be in the state so WH won't be able to use that against me(I told him I wasn't comfortable with him taking DS three states away). I am sending a note down letting him know I will be off work the end of the month and won't be staying in town.

He sent a note up last week stating that he hadn't seen OW ALL YEAR and that there had been NO CONTACT FOR TWO MONTHS OR MORE. And that we needed to talk or "quit."

So that's it!

Kim

I am sending a note down letting him know I will be off work the end of the month and won't be staying in town.

Why?

If you are in Plan B I don't think you should send this note. Doing this keeps him consistently in the loop, so to speak also...bad idea. It might do him some good to be out of that loop.

Unless you have to have his permission <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I wouldn't keep him apprised of my plans.

jmho
committed

Have a great vacation Kim. Good to hear from you.

Are you afraid that you may be missing a chance for reconciliation by sticking to your conditions? Or do you know that your conditions are the bare minimum it will take to feel safe again? (I am living vicariously through you as my WH is still as gone as always).

Wow, two whole months, huh? That would mean he was still in contact as recently as MAY. Then he should have no problem meeting your conditions and demonstrating his committment to no contact, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Committed - It is more so he will know about DS's Schedule and that DS will not be available for visitation that week. Perhaps I should word it differently........Anyway I say it though, it lets him know what I am doing too.

I would love to let him not know, but it involves DS's schedule and their visitation......

Jean - As you know, I have struggled with that No Contact letter. I have felt at times that I am missing out on reconciliation. Today I say that I don't want him back if he cannot do it. My gosh. I only need to think back on last summer and the torture I went through. Like Melody Lane reminded me - If he can so boldly take OW's calls in front of ME and DS then he can figure out a way in his heart and mind to humbly send a letter to OW stating his desire to never see her again and let her know he is rebuilding his M.

I don't want a man that cannot fight for his family. I do not want a man that will not do what it takes to make his wife feel safe. It is not only me that I am trying to protect, it is DS. I don't want some half-hearted attempt, have his Daddy come home and then break our hearts again.

That's where I am at now. But as you know, it's a rollercoaster ride. My heart might feel differently tomorrow........

Thanks for checking in Jean!

Kim

I am glad that you are sticking to your guns (guts) on the NC letter. You should print that reply out and read it if you start to get shaky. It really is a very simple thing that he could do to save his family.

Mel - I missed your post up there - Yeah, he should have no problem sending the NC if it has been two months. I'm sorry to say that I am beginning to think WH is a coward.....

Jean - I should print that out! It's hard to take your own advice sometimes!!!

I had a yard sale last weekend and wanted to sell this huge ugly shelfing unit that WH got free from a friend. No one bought it & I didn't want to put it back in the garage. So, I just finished busting it up with an axe! Boy was that therapeutic!! It sure is nice being able to get rid of things that you never wanted anyway!!

Kim

Went out for a quick bite and a 'Rita....hoped that WH would have DS home in the driveway already.....NOPE. WH continue to push it with the home by 7 PM thing. It is now 7:18. I see I am going to have to re-state the importance of having DS home by the appointed time unless otherwise notified.

I had to TM him last Thursday to bring DS home.

ARGH.

Kim

O.k. - they just pulled up. 45 MINUTES LATE!

Kim

OMG!!!!!!! WH just sent DS up here for matches so they could light some fireworks!!!! I told him NO that they were late(that DAddy dropped him off late) DS just went back out & they are lighting fireworks in the driveway!!!!!!!!

I am so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim

I feel awful....I totally lost it. When DS finally came in, I told him his Dad was a Jerk. I have never done that before and I feel about the size of an ant right now. I went to my room, shut the door & just cried. A let loose cry.

DS wanted to go out to play, I told him no that it was late. I put the blame on his Dad, which I later regretted....although it was true.

Later I apologized to DS and told him that I loved him. That I was not angry at him, I was angry at his Dad. I found DS in his room w/the door closed and locked.

I need to remember that I cannot control WH, but I can control how I react to what WH does.

Ugh.

Kim

There was a note in DS's pocket.... just found it!

Here is the jist of it:"I am assuming that I won't see DS while you're "out of town" on vacation. I am not happy about you taking him out of town and not telling me where and not allowing me to take him on a trip to see his other grandparents. Pleas don't antagonize me with this kind of thing. At this point OW is not a factor. It's just you and me. If you're still messaging OWH tell him to f**** off. WH"

Wow. that was a rather pleasant note. Really makes me want him back.

Why is he so angry and nasty?

How about tm him "WH, trust is everything.Kim"

I know, don't do anything. He is trying to get a rise out of me.

Maybe I should have allowed him to take DS out of state??

Certainly I am allowed to take a vaction in state with DS. I would be happy to tell him where we will be.

Geez.

Kim

File for a divorce so that custody is clear. You can work out a marriage if the king baby grows up!

This sort of game is something he will play and play and play to manipulate your emotions and throw guilt at you, until he gets that your love for him is all used up.

Make it clear about traveling out of state for both of you. This man is about as unfit to be a husband as I've seen. Lighting firecrackers in your drive way is a pretty adolescent way to push your buttons, but it worked.

If I were to send any kind of note, it would be, "Your behavior is not endearing. I don't want to see or hear from you until the conditions of my letter are met, and you have a sufficient number of counseling sessions with Steve, that Steve calls me and tells me we have a marriage to work on. Only then will I consider talking with you and beginning the process."

But it would be better for you to stay silent.

KaylaAndy -

I am about used up on trying to respond to him. What is he thinking? I don't understand whey he is trying to make me feel guilty when he is the one who had the A.

Should I cancel my trip? I would have to do it tomorrow.....because I have to give 14 days.

Kim

Don't cancel your trip, Kim. Don't respond to him at all. Just throw the note in the trash.