You know, instead of sending him the old Plan B letter, why not send him an updated one telling him that you have been speaking to him as of late because he appeared interested in reconciling. But you have recently discovered the existance of his love letters to the OW. Because of that, you will be ending all contact with him until he ends his affair. Or something to that effect.

I like that line of thinking.....How detailed should I be with the info in the "love letters"? Out of courtesy, should I pre-warn OWH?

Here is a start, and this is off the top of my head:

"WH -

I feel as strongly today as I did a year ago about our Marriage. I still take ownership of contributing towards an atmosphere in our Marriage that made you choose to have an Affair with OW. I also still believe in the foundation that our Marriage was built on and the ability that we have to make it better and stronger than it ever was before.

Your continued contact with me over the past 6 months with letters and voicemails - telling me that you loved me, that you missed me and there was nothing between you and OW - led me to a point where I felt the time was right to speak with you on the phone. That you were at a point where you were interested in reconciling. That is why I took your call and spoke with you for such a long time a couple of weeks ago.

I have recently disovered the existance of initmate love letters to OW as well as a multitude of phone calls and most likely a full reignition of your Affair. This has caused a great deal of pain to me. Because of this, I will be ending all contact with you until you have ended your Affair.

WH, don't you agree that the best case scenario is for the parents of our child to be in love with each other? For them to be best friends again, go on those family vacations together and celebrate the joys of life.

I strongly and passionately believe in our ability to do that. We can rebuild our Marriage, but only when you can show me that your Affair is over.

In the meantime, please do not leave any voicemails unless it is an emergency or you are calling to let me know you are running late. Please have DS home by the times we have agreed on.

WH - I love you still. Your wife, Kimberly"

A copy will go to OW with a short note: "OW, Please know that DS still misses his daddy incredibly. I am strongly committed to rebuilding my marriage with WH and giving DS a chance to be part of a family with a Mom and a Dad. I love WH dearly and will wait for the chance where WH and I can make each other happy again."

How's that?

Kim

Another vm from WH. DS had asked to call his Dad earlier b/c he wanted his dad to come and get him for a little bit before we went out of town Saturday morning. They got cut off b/c the battery on WH"s phone went dead. WH wanted me to tell DS he was sorry....Also said "It would have been nice if you could have told me your schedule instead of DS"

I did. In my note I told him we would be gone for the weekend.

I'm not responding to his vm.

Kim

That sounds good. Can you change this: "In the meantime, please do not leave any voicemails unless it is an emergency or you are calling to let me know you are running late. Please have DS home by the times we have agreed on." by taking out "or you are calling to let me know you are running late." He needs to be on time!

I think you should also address this letter to the OWH and MAKE SURE your WH knows it is going to him too especially since you know for sure now EXACTLY WHY he didn't want the OWH to get a copy of his nc letter. You realize that is why now, don't you?

Just checking in on you, Kim. Sounds like you are handling things really well!

I know I'm a day late, but could you please call it what it is? I know it's semantics for most, but it is ADULTRY, not "affair". None of the "affairs" I've ever been to required me to lose my chonies...or my morals.

Other than that, I think your letter is very good!

- Other Kimmy

Well said D! I always use the words " adultrey" and "cheating" when refering to my WW A since hollywood has romanticized the word affair. When you use those words it just sounds morally wrong and may help get through the fog somewhat.

It's not too late. I am either giving it to him in the morning or Tuesday night. I will change it up here with your suggestions and see how it reads:

WH -

I feel as strongly today as I did a year ago about our Marriage. I still take ownership of contributing towards an atmosphere in our Marriage that made you choose to cheat with OW. I also still believe in the foundation that our Marriage was built on and the ability that we have to make it better and stronger than it ever was before.

Your continued contact with me over the past 6 months with letters and voicemails - telling me that you loved me, that you missed me, there was nothing between you and OW and that you didn't want to hear from her again - led me to a point where I felt the time was right to speak with you on the phone. That you were at a point where you were interested in reconciling. That is why I took your call and spoke with you for such a long time a couple of weeks ago.

I have recently disovered the existance of initmate love letters to OW as well as a multitude of phone calls and most likely a full reignition of the Adultery. This has caused a great deal of pain to me. Because of this, I will be ending all contact with you until you are finished cheating with OW.

WH, don't you agree that the best case scenario is for the parents of our child to be in love with each other? For them to be best friends again, go on those family vacations together and celebrate the joys of life? I remember and still have that list of things that you wrote to me in a note - things that you loved about us.

I strongly and passionately believe in our ability to do those things again. We can rebuild our Marriage, but only when you can show me that you are finished with this Adultress (IS THAT SPELLED RIGHT??) Affair.

In the meantime, please do not leave any voicemails unless it is an emergency. Also please have DS home by the times we have agreed on.

WH - I love you still. Your wife, Kimberly"

A copy will go to OW with a short note: "OW, Please know that DS still misses his daddy incredibly. I am strongly committed to rebuilding my marriage with WH and giving DS a chance to be part of a family with a Mom and a Dad. I love WH dearly and will wait for him to end his Adultery and have the chance where WH and I can make each other happy again."

I changed a couple of words and added a sentence or two. Knowing that OW will get this note will let her know that WH has been "trying" to reconcile. That should make her real happy!!

How does it sound with the cheating and Adultery words instead?

Melody - I wlll address a copy to OW and one to OWH.

Kim

Another vm from WH this morning.......Thanking me for letting DS see him Saturday and wishing me a Happy Birthday. At the end I got an "I love you."

I did not respond......He sounded a bit irritated on the phone that I was not responding to any of his notes or messages.

Kim

Also, please tell me I'm not being manipulative including some of those things about what WH told me and the part about the list of things he "loved about us." Knowing that a copy is going to OW.....

I guess I am being somewhat manipulative....because I know it will make OW mad(or maybe not). Hmmmmm......Should I take those things out?????

Kim

What is wrong with that exactly??

Happy Birthday, Kim!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It is the truth. So, I suppose nothing is wrong with it. And I need not worry about how WH is going to react. If he's so excited about OW, then why shouldn't she know what he is up to also??



Thanks!!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Should I call OWH and tell him what I am up to?

Kim

I think that he might try and do some damage control that could undermine the impact of your letter because he is such a professional conflict avoider. He should have confronted his wife HIMSELF about this and shame on him for not doing so! So, I vote no.

My copy to OWH will include a short note too: OWH, I will continue to believe in my marriage. I pray that God will work in both of our marriages and restore them to better than they were before. You have within you the ability to accomplish so much more than you ever thought. Nothing worthwhile was ever built on lies and deceit. I have included the Marriage Builders information for you and encourage you to take advantage of all they have to offer"

Kim

Nice touch!

OHHHHH!!! And one thing about this relationship between OW and OWH. IF he was ever going to beat the living crap out of her it would have been right after he discovered those detailed love notes from WH. Man, if anything were going to set a person off that would.

This claim about OWH beating the HE!! out of her is bull.

So, I won't warn him.

Kim

Glad you approve! I have decided to mail the letters to OWH and OW on Monday & give WH's his on Tuesday night.

That will give me the chance to enjoy the weekend without thinking about anyone's reactions.

Kim

Hey Kim, why don't you mention the lie about the wife beating in your note to him? Have you ever told him his W says this crap about him?

I will admit that I have not had the courage to do that. I will think about that over the weekend. That would really create some anger on both WH and OW's parts.

I will take my 1st draft and try to slide that in.

UGH.

Kim