Great Smile,

I don't understand why you are surprised by your WH's action. He was a WH with you and you were his OW when he was with his xW. I don't understand why you think things would be different for you.

Back 2 the genetic material...

I would now knowing what I do know now, have a med professional aid in the act...NOT actually get with xwh himself, as he could be carrying everything since he's been sleeping with pretty much everyone since we separated.....need I mention the pain/anguish/embarassment and stress I endured when I went back home to my life long gyno/personal friend and had to ask the man to test me for every sexually transmitted disease known to man b/c I was scared my WS had given me something? I cried during the whole thing...even during the blood being drawn/giving urine specimin part. My doc almost cried too...what a good friend.

luckily I had NOT A DARN THING <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> it's funny but last summer, the wistress claimed actually to me that she had "funny bumps down there" and had to go to her gyno b/c her cheating H (my XH) may have given here something.

Maybe a 52 hr britney marriage with the X. But that's it. He is fun at a casino. One with a good pool.

Yes, I would. Even knowing everything--how I felt the night he told me, how I have felt these past six months, everything.

I still do not know how this story will play out, but I do know I have the most amazing children I could have ever hoped for. And I don't get all the credit for that! He has provided more than just their genetic material!

I am optimistic enough, that I think if I had the knowledge of what would happen beforehand, I would have believed completely that I could prevent it. And I am optimistic enough now to believe that my marriage is still worth the effort.

I once told him that he was the love of my life . . . and maybe I was right about that after all!

-CSJ

If I can raise my kids well and not see their lives ruined in all this mess, I will be so grateful to my WH for his part in bringing them into our lives and helping raise them.

But it is so hard to enjoy them and life, really, when every happy moment feels like a mask over the worst kind of ongoing pain. I still have a lot of moments where I think the best question for me is not would I marry H again but do I have to be born at all? Life seems way too painful alot of the time for this to all be "worth it"? Depressing, I know. You will all be happy to know that I don't say sad stuff like this to anyone but the folks on MB. Everyone in my real life sees the happy, together "me" and that's the way I like it.

No, I would not walk down the aisle again with someone who doesn't love me. Why in the world would I want to? I don't know why he ever acted like he wanted to marry me- he had his first A less than 3 years into the marriage.

Whatever will I tell my children when they grow up and start asking questions about marriage?

Quote from Nikko:
I am almost five years out from d-day.....for a long time, and i mean years the answer was no. over the last 2 years it has changed into a certain yes! it took him awhile, but he is finally getting it and we both seem happy. we are happy. he is again the man i fell in love with and getting better everyday!
_____________

Guess I was just looking for this kind of hope! I hope I will immediately say a YES a year or two from now.


Quote from cfc
The only reason I want to know is that my FWS says he wished he never met me, hasn't loved me for ten years, only put up with me to not hurt my feelings, had kids to make me happy, and that I have never been his friend.
__________

Sorry I don't know you whole story but: it seams contradictory that he didn't love you but then he was concern with you of hurting your feelings. (this looks like WS fog talk)
(Even tho my H never told me he didn't love me, I believe he said the worst he could have ever said, that he had the A's because of the children, we had them too young, he now took it off, but said it then)


Quote from Oak:
Whatever will I tell my children when they grow up and start asking questions about marriage?
_________

At least we now know of the MB principals, we can lead them much better into having a good "affair proof" marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Thanks all for responding.

Unequivocally no.

****** no!

I would run for my life too.

faster than fast and quicker than quick.

Max

Yes – definitely! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> My H is the best thing that ever happened to me...in spite of our current problems and difficulties in life (infertility and unemployment).

Heck Yeah!

Had you asked me this 6 - 10 years ago, the answer would have been NO! I think we all have our doubts at times.

I answered this months ago. And after more water under the bridge I would like to say [color:"red"] !! NO WAY !! [/color]

I would definitely marry my H again. I also would want to have the knowledge that I have now though.

I have a beautiful son from this M. I would never change that.

Kim

No. The philosophies of marriage that each of us brought to our marriage created misery from literally hours after the wedding ceremony. My unconditional commitment to marriage and belief that I knew what was best for us collided with his view that marriage is about respect that we're two different people who can do what each of us pleases regardless of the impact on the other and that, if we suffer due to the choices made by the others, well God willed it. His view is an interpretation of John Paull II's words: "In the workings of Divine Providence there are no mere coincidences." God may not have willed that he have an affair, but he did will that I suffer and so grow in my faith due to the trauma of having a husband who had an affair. In other words, his choices should be accepted by me because they are reflective of God's will for me.

Respectful

Your Husband is a spiritual moron. God does not will people kill one another, hurt one another, abort life, start wars, rape, pillage, lie, cheat, steal, etc. These are the choices of man and man alone. Men have free will and often exercise it poorly. God did not want your husband to cheat so that you may experience some spiritual growth or awakening. He may choose to use the fallout from it to do just that, but he did not NEED your narcissit husband to help him grow you spritually. This almost sounds as if he is spiritually possessed or lost

Somehow I don't believe that God's will is for you to live in an abusive relationship. That is YOUR will and your choice. You are a volunteer, not a victim.

NOT FOR ALL THE MONEY IN DUBAI X UNITED ARAB EMIRATES MONEY X LAS VEGAS MONEY X SAM WALTONS MONEY X BILL GATES MONEY X ALL THE MONEY IN THE UNITED STATES MINT.

Save for the beautiful child that came out of our union, I would say no. But because of him, I must say yes. But I would only do it if I were given the right to know what was going to go wrong so that I could find a way to divert it from occuring.

When I became pregnant with DD13, I was 23 and we were not yet married (although we were engaged).

I told WXH that I wanted to keep the baby (he and an ex-girlfriend had aborted a previous baby) and that he was free to leave if he didn't want anything to do with our child.

He stayed, and eventually we married. Now I wish with all my heart that he had left when I first became pregnant.

Alph.

No.

Wish I had not ignored the flashing red lights (they weren't mere flags) that my loneliness and infatuation helped me to gloss over.

I've thought about this alot. Yes, in spite of the intense pain she's caused me, we have two beautiful kids and have mostly good memories. I'm hopeful that the future will be better, as we learn from out mistakes. Hope is one factors I considered, post D-day, in deciding whether to stay together or not. Kids welfare was another factor.

V/r,
No way

Yes. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't believe in the concept of one true love for each person. But he is as close as anything comes to just that.
Lake