Hey guys...thanks for so much support here...while i understand JJ point...and in most circumstances i would say yes...it is important to keep relationship in tact...ww, her actions, her issues etc...show no remorse, no empathy, no desire to protect D in anyway.

WW HAS CHOSEN to severe her parentage to daughter. This was NEVER my goal or desire. She has not called, not checked in even once to see how D is doing. she left and there has been no contact since. she has left me to deal with the aftermath of HER.

I have spoken to many counselors and attorney's about this. They also say to GO DARK...let her contact me...If she calls to see d - she may - on my terms in a controlled environment.....In my house - OM is not permitted near my D. She is confused enough as it is...and does not understand what WW has done. She has essentially fallen off the planet right now. I don't even know where she is staying - except that it is in the city with OP.

It is everyone's bet (attorney's, counselors and people who know her well) that within 6months to a year she will have put us all through more ****** and then entirely disappear - crying victim all the way

She CAN NOT skip in and out of D's life on her whims. THIS WILL CAUSE MY DAUGHTER HARM FAR INTO HER FUTURE. This is her pattern with people and I know this to be true.

I brought this child thousands of miles to this country for a better life...i brought her here with the intentions of having a 2 parent family....with all the dreams and wishes any parent has...and i will be damned if i am going to allow this woman to screw her up. The life she deserves is the life she will have - with or without her.

I got D and myself into this situation by choosing someone with poor character...and inability to live up to her commitments and responsibilities...NOW IT IS MY RESPONSIBILTY TO PROTECT D FROM THIS ABUSE...AND ANY MORE CONFUSION AND HURT THAT THIS SITUATION CAN POTENTIALLY CAUSE.

Methinks you have summed up the entire situation perfectly, CL. Stand your ground and fight for what's right.

You have grown so much in the past couple of months. Your strength shows in your words.

How's that Plan B letter coming? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes,
SD

We're with you, CL...

Privilege to be a part of your journey.

Now...how are you doing? What are you feeling?

Think I'd just have left that part off, huh?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just can't give a break, can I?

LA

I agree. I think you are right on target. We are here to support you in anyway possible.

Plan B letter - is coming along...i got a new truck...picking it up this weekend. I am tying up the loose ends for the insurance and then sending her the letter/her bills/and telling her where she can pick up the car...i don't want it and don't care about the money she will get out of it. I just want out.

You are a good, brave man, cl, who is doing the right thing to protect his daughter. Hang tight and don't take any crap, my friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am feeling really good...solid and strong...figuring out all the legistics is a pain in the a**. But in my gut i am good. I was shocked at the wave of relief i felt when i came home and she was not here. Much happier now that i am not wondering what she is doing - not having her throw it in my face. She is OP's problem now...that is a relief...i can start rebuilding my life...

i am freakin tired though...i am sure it will pass eventually

CL, I'm glad that you're focused on a safe, structured, and respectful environment for your daughter and her mom to have contact. I sincerely hope (for your daughter's sake) that you and all the other professionals are wrong about your wife and what she'll do. I would like to see visitation be regular, scheduled, and reliable as clockwork -- again for your daughter's sake. If that cannot be the case, then yes, you and they are correct. Create the structure around your wife's inability to do so.

And get therapy for your daughter -- and yourself.

Just J - structure and stability is all I want for her. my ww has some serious serious issues...i don't know if she is capable of stepping up for the long haul.

I am working with a counselor...for us both. D's emotionally well being is my #1 priority.

I'm very glad to hear it.

CL

you are doing a GREAT JOB at being the BEST PARENT during a storm you did not create

and rest assured, you are NOT doing PERMANENT harm to your daughter ... steady your course ... it's an honor to post to you

Pep

Permanent harm may indeed arise out of this situation. It appears to me, however, that CL is doing the best he can in a very difficult situation. CL, I'm so sorry that your is not making the effort to see your daughter. That is truly something that I cannot understand.

for emphasis

[color:"red"] rest assured, you are NOT doing PERMANENT harm to your daughter [/color]

This is not very positive and encouraging. Matter of fact it is uncalled for.

You preach *compassion*. Why don't you show a little compassion and encourage the guy? He is really a remarkable parent/DAD.

I donno about this hurting/struggling/caring/wounded/father ....

but you are certainly scaring ME

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

"This is not very positive and encouraging. Matter of fact it is uncalled for."

I disagree. I believe you are judging her post...when it is for CL to do so. She said "may" and that he is doing the best he can in a very difficult situation.

Compassion. Truth. What you usually preach, Susan.

What's up with that "uncalled for" stuff?

LA

The guy appears to be doing what needs to be done to protect his daughter. It is not an easy task, I'm sure.

He has plenty to worry about WITHOUT these HUGE seeds of doubt or guilt being planted.

My personal opinion.

Thanks folks...yes this is scary stuff. I respect the opinions of others...and try to listen without judgement. We all have our stories here and they color us various ways.

Any damage that has been done by WW I can not change...but my D knows I am always there for her - not going anywhere - have her back... "for life!"
now all I can do is minimize the hurt as best I can - and prevent any more from occuring.

I am confident I am doing what is best for D...yes JustJ's posts did unnerve me a bit - BUT - my course of action is steady and strong and what is best for D.

Have you heard anything from WW today?

Pep

LovingAnyway, thanks for your thoughts.

Susan, the effigy is still already burned. But really, marshmallows and hot dogs are still available and the coals are warm. Enjoy!

Pep, I'm sorry that something I said scared you. What's so frightening to you in all this? I find it very sad that this situation exists, certainly, and I'd say that CL is right to be worried about it and how it will turn out. (More about that below.) But you being scared? *******

*****edit***********

CL, I am sorry you were unnerved, and I'm glad that what I said made you think. It is a really risky and unpleasant situation that you're in, and I would like to see you able to co-parent with your wife. There are other possible actions that might create a structure your wife can work with -- such as a simple offer of a regular afternoon or evening or day or whatever -- that she can spend with your (plural) daughter. I don't know whether that would work or not, though.

One other question. Was your wife abused at some point in her history? It's unusual for someone to be so flaky about relationships without that kind of thing.