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So I guess you don’t have a problem with being no better than OM, the vermon who had an affair with your wife, no? I take exception to this commnet since my WW's OM is scum of the earth. He full well knew my WW was married and still preyed on her with his sly comments and remarks. He is a piece of sh1t and I would feel elated if he died a horrible death tomorrow. He has a history of preying on woman at his work just like a child mollestor prey on children. Please do not compare me to him. This girl is NOT married nor has a boyfriend. How can you compare me to that piece of worthless trash. He took advantage of a married woman's insecurities and vulnerabilities.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Because you know full well that you are married.
That is where the comparison has it's weight.
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I take exception to this commnet since my WW's OM is scum of the earth. He full well knew my WW was married and still preyed on her with his sly comments and remarks. He is a piece of sh1t and I would feel elated if he died a horrible death tomorrow. He has a history of preying on woman at his work just like a child mollestor prey on children. Please do not compare me to him. I know you're not like him HTWs. But did you ever think that OM had to start somewhere. How do you know his first affair wasn't similar to what you're comtemplating, from a relationship where he was betrayed first and it was a revenge affair?
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Funny nuf'
When he left me, he didn't think it would hurt me - cause I was a kaniving (sp?) FWS that was going to continually hurt him forever. It ripped my heart out.
Dont make stupid assumptions...you are already fog talking friend... dorry, with all due respect, you were a FWW when you H left you for OW. Did you not have remorse at the time? My WW is still a WW and has no remorse...none. In fact she said she had the PA to hurt me. If my WW had even a sliver of remorse I would look at it differently. I can't hurt her right now...she doesn't want me or even need me.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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YOU'RE married... YOU'RE the one who's vulnerable...
...and this girl... will hate HERSELF one day, if she gets involved with you, as a married man.
Please, listen... those of us who have gone down that road... and hate who we *were* during that time... are embarrassed about what we did to "feel good"... the humiliation ... the pain... to everyone.
We can't make you change your mind... only you can do that. I hope you do.
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Hope - you are JUSTIFYING, RATIONALIZING
Lets put aside your wife for a minute and look at you.
Right now your wife is teaching your children NOTHING for morals...and they DO see and DO learn...
YOU are all they have left to learn right from wrong.
HER WRONG does not make YOURS right.
YOU WILL BOTH BE WRONG - what an example to set...
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HTW,
A person like OM doesn't just wake up one day as a full blown cheater/preditor/amoral person.
Its a chipping away process of one's moral character. Bit by bit. A person can make a poor moral decision once, then the next time it can be a little easier, and so on and so on.
You are about to start chipping away at your good moral character with this decision in front of you.
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And this woman; you would really admire a woman who would get involved with a MM? If this is the case, then she is no better than your w's OM. Period. Again, my WW's OM preyed on a married woman. This girl is alone and I'm seperated. I'm not saying it isn't wrong, just that there is a difference here.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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you are making a difference - the truth is - they really are one in the same...you are barely seperated...and would still be waiting on your wife if you hadn't of discovered feelings for this woman....you didn't seperate, heal then find someone. You conviently found someone...
Same old...
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OK then let's split hairs.
At what point do you accept that marital status is subject to your dissatisfaction with your marriage/life?
What makes you married or not married?
If this can be argued in your favor..WW and her OM can use the very same model and it will be no less valid. All of your claims of difference are in vain.
Something to think about before you drop your standards to accomodate the rush of new interest.
Every minute that this continues you are validating not only your WWs choices but also her methods.
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This girl is alone and I'm seperated. You are NOT available, you are MARRIED. If you were available, you'd be divorced. The reason you are only "separated" and not divorced is because you still love your wife and hoped to reconcile. How fair and sweet of you to use this girl to make yourself feel better, when we all know you still love your wife. If you are intent on going thru with this, AT LEAST GET A DIVORCE FIRST.
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Just wanted to let you know Hope...you aren't unique - thinking your sitch is different somehow is typical to each and every WS.
Don't try to spin or defend it to me, you'd be preaching to the choir...
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I know exactly how you feel. I remember very well how it felt to have a man I would never have had a second thought about under normal circumstances seem interested in me.
Here's what my very short, one hop in the sack, affair gave me:
A divorce
Loss of family
Loss of integrity
Loss of self-esteem
Loss of my job
Loss of friends
Loss of respect
Here's what it gave me:
Nothing
I am telling you straight out -- as someone whose (now-ex)spouse cheated first (several times) -- there is never a "reason" to cheat. You will HATE yourself if you go through with this.
Your hormones and brain chemicals are flying at warp speed right now... you "feel" lots of things... DON'T TRUST YOUR FEELINGS.
It isn't worth it. I'm hearing what you are saying and some of it does hit the mark. I'm also finding that some of what you say is not registering either. It's a wierd feeling.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Hope
In all honestly - the only motivation driving you that differs than your wife - is your justification is what she has done to you - her affair. Her justification was what you had done to her - be it numerous little things.
See the connection? see the same pattern - I bet she did the same thing - I really like this guy - and my marriage really isn't that great - I wouldn't want to loose someone that really could be the one I could make it work with... dorry, I'm not sure I completely agree with you here. Let's assume that I had not been in a relationship for some time and then I met this girl. Do you think I would approach her differently? I'm not sure I would since she has many of the qualities I look for. And again she may have absolutely no feelings for me which ends it right there.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Again, my WW's OM preyed on a married woman. This girl is alone and I'm seperated. I'm not saying it isn't wrong, just that there is a difference here. [/quote]
Your own words..."I'm not saying it isn't wrong,,,"
Translate your own words; take out the double negative - "I am saying it is wrong".
You said it.
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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HTWs wrote:
I'm not saying it isn't wrong, just that there is a difference here. Yeah, uh huh. "Wrong different" in what way HTWs??? - Good wrong? - Its me, so its a better wrong? - I was hurt so I deserve it kinda wrong? - Revenge affair different wrong? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
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Do you know if she would agree to date a married man who is an emotional mess & she'd likely end up being a transitional woman?
Do you think so low of her?
Pep pep, you always have a way to get right to the point. I've thought about that believe it or not and it would decrease her "unfallibility" (sp) if she were to date me while seperated. On the other hand if she refused to date me because I was not divorced, it would make her that much more attractive to me.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Hope - if you are arguing in the hopes you are gonna get a - go for it - you deserve some happiness - then you should leave mB.
If you are truly serious about the end of your marriage (cause this will more than likely be the end as your WW WILL use as further justification), then DIVORCE her, and fast - then do what you need to do.
You are justifying it - saying you are seperated, saying it's different. This is truly the fog...
and in all honestly - if you really are in fog - NOTHING one of us can say will cahnge your mind - cause once that belief pattern shifts - you are right about everything and everyone else is wrong - been there done that.
You kids do see everything whether you hide it good or not - why not show them how to do things in the right order.
call your lawyer - divorce your wife...get it SETTLED...then ask this woman for a date.
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Sure..it would be an indication that she values honor in men she dates..which would axe you from the list neatly.
Either she is loose and will date you while you are still married.
Or she will be revolted that you would suggest such a thing to her.
You lose in either case.
Check mate.
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Sure..it would be an indication that she values honor in men she dates..which would axe you from the list neatly.
Either she is loose and will date you while you are still married.
Or she will be revolted that you would suggest such a thing to her.
You lose in either case.
Check mate. I so admire you, Noodle.
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