I don't want to t/j HopethisWorks so I'll take it here. I didn't expect e-mails from people on MB but a follow up e-mail from the people I talk to on the "other" board would have been nice, especially as a bombshell had been dropped into our house.

HTW and I were both arbitrarily "removed" from the other board. We were not given the courtesy of being told we were being removed and I suspect I was removed so they could talk about me. Or maybe I was just persona non gratis. I'll never know.

Jen is it offensive to ask you how you got on with Rob re renewed contact? I never got to read what happened. I'm assuming that Rob is ok? How have you been doing? Just curious - but if this is a t/j just ignore me.

an

Jen,

Since I don't frequent any other board I was/am unaware of that situation. However, Jen it is my deepest hope that you find peace and that Rob can find it in his heart to give you another chance...if YOU want one.

I have been uncertain exactly where your feelings are at this point with regard to Rob, and with regard to OM. I hope you have them sorted out now. I will say that you are going to have some work to do, to reinstate the trust that you two had rebuilt.

I would be happy to help anyway I can, but you will have to lead this and ask for what you need or want to know.

If the other board was of help to you, I do hope that you will gain access to it once again. You and HTW both need and deserve any and all help that is available. Odd isn't it that you and he are on the opposite sides of things, and yet now find yourselves in similar but not identical situations.

I look forward to hearing from you Jen and I hope that things work out well for you.

God Bless,

JL

Hi Kiwij,

We’ve never really interacted, but I saw the recent developments in your sitch. I just wanted to wish you and your husband the best.

This is kinda a threadjack, Kiwi, but this was for JL from another thread.

Just Learning, you may have missed this about you in Sincere1's thread in Recovery.

"My activity in message boards is so minimal now. I do believe it's so easy to become attracted to someone's personality on a forum, and if it's taken outside the forum--say, with e-mail, then instant messaging, etc--watch out!

I've often said it would be easy to become attracted to someone like Just Learning here on MB (hypothetically, of course!) Here you have the wise, kind, compassionate mentor. Imagine starting an e-mail correspondence with him, or someone else right here on MB, and finding out that you had so much in common, etc. Yes, it could happen even here!"

JL, you may not know how many MB ladies have a secret 'crush' on you. LOL (By 'crush' I mean ADMIRATION for your fine character, your devotion to your wife and your CARING ADVICE you give for so many people, for so many years, here on MB.)

By the way, I do NOT agree that calling a MB member's spouse was the right thing to do. (I know many others think it was so this is just my thoughts) To me, that was over stepping into cyber land anonymity. ('Dropping the bomb', as Kiwi said, should be done by spouse first, then friends or relatives that care about the couple and are right there for them.) JMHO

I realize it was alright with Kiwi and it worked out YET this would take away the safety of posting here at MB if this were to happen in ALL similar cases. Agree JL?

People come here (BS and FWS) and express their agonizing gut feelings with strangers; feelings they could not express to their spouses. They receive lots of caring advice to help them make the right decisions for their own marriages.

::::JL, you may not know how many MB ladies have a secret crush on you. LOL

Just as well there are ladies like me on mb's or JL could get a swollen head. I really think JL is quite a sweetie, but absolutely no crush, as that's inappropriate. I prefer to use up my inappropriate behavior in other ways.

an

Do you really think thats appropriate on a board that is devoted to saving marriages from adultery? Good grief...


And quite a few folks would disagree with you on that. Where is it written that you can ONLY help family members and everyone else can go to he11? That is a pretty callous, cold, uncaring attitude that reflects a lack of empathy. Just so you know, her H is getting plenty of help from "cyber-land," friends. So is Jen.

Should one feel entitled to feel "safe" about destroying another person behind their back? What an odd statement. I hope you NEVER feel safe about having an affair and lying to your spouse. If I have taken away your feeling of "safety" to do so, then I consider that a major accomplishment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kiwi

If it's where I think - I didn't know till you made reference on HTW thread! I dont think in general anyone was told? Or maybe just I wasn't? I just thought you didn't come over there anymore due to things working out with your H. I would love to email you - but never knew your email - always gave you mine in case you ever wanted to email <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am glad to hear you guys are making things work well KiwiJ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((HUGS)))

I am glad things are improving for you two, Jen. I think of you and Rob often, and pray for both of you.

posting on MB did nothing to compromize Kiwi's safety of anonymity

private emailing did

THAT is the take-home message (for me)

if anyone wants complete anonymity
do not email

Pep

For the record, I do not have a crush on JL.

Wha?

Oh, "ladies".

Nevermind.

WAT

IWAR


I think Mel considers herself a friend .... because they were doing private emails

Pep

Rain

I wanted to tell my husband about my affair...but I couldn't get the courage to do it...I started to get careless in the subcounsious hopes I would get caught or someone would tell on me.

When I did get caught - the relief was so there - now he knew - it was out - and we could move forward.

I know this sounds wierd.

But I guessed early on, and have since seen Kiwi say the same, that she is relieved someone told him, that she may not have ever done it herself and was secretly hoping someone would do it for her. Trust me - since MB isn't a secret to Rob, she would not have been writing all about it on a MB forum if the affair had restarted...just like she didn't write about meeting OM to drinks PRIOR to going to drinks with him, but after when she wanted help.

I think Mel was a great friend to their marriage - helping Kiwi do something she knew deep down fear might forever keep her from doing...

Alot of people are like Kiwi and I, and I would hope I have friends like mel on my side so if I ever needed help again - to do what I could not, someone would help me.

If Mel knew I was having an affair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I fully EXPECT her to

A. hunt me down and beat my azz
B. contact my H and tell him

and she KNOWS my real name, has seen my pix and can find me

I trust her

and it goes both ways

if Mel was having an A ... I'd report her to the Texas ranger known a LONGHORN ... and trouble would ensue

Pep

This would be right! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> If I were having an affair, I know AT LEAST 10 people here who would track me down like a DAWG, kick my [censored] and then tell my husband! Those are the kind of good friends I have made on this forum. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A true friend will not sit by and do nothing while I wreck my life. The people who didn't give a damn about me, would pat me on the back and do nothing!

Melody,.,

I'm willing to track you down like a (D O G) and kick your [censored] for just mentioining your state...

ARK

Jen...

For the record, I emailed you last in a response to an email that you sent me-which, btw, I was pleasantly surprised to receive...It's YOU that never responded to me...However, in your defense, you received my email on the same day that Rob got the truth, so I understood that you had a lot going on...Ya know, others have a lot going on in their lives too...Doesn't mean they don't care, or think of you, or pray for you...

And Jen, you don't always know what's going on in the minds of others...Would it surprise you to know that I often thought in the past that you weren't my biggest fan? I always felt that I had trouble gaining rapport with you when I tried...You seemed pretty aloof where I was concerned-Now these were MY perceptions, so I realize that they don't actually say squat about you...So again, before you go thinking that others don't care, remember, that you can't read their minds...Also, in my defense, I am the WORLD'S WORST email corresponder...Just ask Mrs. BigK-LOL...

Anyway, bottom line is that I hope very much that you and Rob are doing well...Should you ever want to, feel free to drop me an email...If you do, I promise that I'll do all that I can to take my butt out of lazy emailer mode... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

P.S. Someone here has a crush on YODA??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

P.P.S. Also for the record, I think that what Mel did was an incredibly caring gesture...I'm glad that she put her money where her mouth always is-makes me respect her all the more! And btw, without the truth, Rob nor Jen had a prayer for a worthwhile, fulfilling marriage...

Well, having met JL (briefly) at an MB gathering, I can understand the crush, although he's probably closer to my age than most of yours. Perhaps I understand the crush in more ways than are immediately apparent...

You see, I met JL briefly -- so briefly, that my memories of his face are already distorted, half reality, half imagination. It's almost guaranteed that if I saw a photo of him, I would not recognize him.

Such, such are the products of imagination. Even with people we've met once, after a few months we've morphed them into someone else in our imagination.

It would be interesting if, as veteran MBers, we began to see crushes as crushes, a psychological phenomenon, and not romantic opportunities. If we began to study ourselves more than the object of our fantasies. What qualities have we projected into this particular person, and why? Why do we feel the need to imagine someone? What do we hope for, and why?

Here's an exercise when you get an MB crush: imagine the object is 300 lbs. overweight, balding, in desperate need of a dentist.

And, as Annie Leibowitz said, "If your fantasies were of interest to others, they would not be fantasies."

ps. I do not have a crush on JL.