"Thats EXACTLY what you are advocating when you object to the exposure of this affair to Rob. You are arguing against exposure of the affair, against the very basics of Marriage Builders principles."

Hardly. I'm advocating Kiwi exposing herself. I think that is pretty MB if you ask me. You being the appointed truth teller is what we are having issue with.

Well this is it for me today as I'm all off for holiday. I just wanted to say that so Mel doesn't think that she hurt my feeling and that I left <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I know what a sensitive gal she really is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have a great weekend everyone. Nothing like a good debate to put one it a fine mental state.

What part of "ROB NEEDED TO KNOW" do you not understand? You would have no reason to NOT take Jen at her word when her actions SUPPORTED HER WORDS, duh! Jen DID NOT TELL her husband when given ample opportunity. She told us she was NOT going to tell him and we have NO REASON to disbelieve her.

It does not matter if she "might have" told him at some arbitrary point in the distant future, what mattered is that ROB WAS INFORMED.

And informed he was. And grateful he was. And grateful is Jen that he knows.


But you don't because you didn't. We have to deal with reality here, not your unfulfilled ideals.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

keeps the alzheimers boogy-man at a distance !

LOL

No, you are ADVOCATING SECRECY, my friend, since Jen would NOT tell Rob. Exposure is exposure regardless of who does it. NOWHERE does Harley stipulate that only specific people can expose, only that the affair should be exposed to the BS ALWAYS.


Do you not believe that everyone is "appointed" to tell the truth?" How odd.....

How long was Kiwi to be given to come to the realization she was committing adultery again? How long was Rob supposed to be in the limbo of doubt? How long is it okay for a cheating adulteress to put her husband through h3ll? The answer to all of the above is a time period equal to or less than the time it took me to type this...and I'm a fast typist.

What part of integrity don't some people get?

I think Lemon's byline applies here. Paraphrasing: "There are those who don't get it, and don't get that they don't get it."

Now wait a minute there, Longhorn, only some people are "appointed" to tell the truth! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I didn't realize that. I'm not terribly good at waiting while I watch evil being done.

Wait! Even as some can appoint themselves as supremely knowledgeable persons who are entitled to judge who of us can or cannot expose obscenity, so can I appoint myself as duly authorized to expose it.

There! I am so appointed. I can expose adultery whenever and wherever I find it…and I will.

Jen...

I think that you should really think long and hard about what you are saying here...It seems that you are discounting Rob's ability to be your equal partner...Recovery means BOTH of you, and while that may entail individual processes, working through those individual processes TOGETHER is what makes you married...it's what creates the INTIMACY and binds you together...intimacy does NOT mean only the good things get shared...Remember, your vows included for better or for worse...I think Rob really gets that-look at him Jen, he's still there...what will it take for you to share ALL of you with him...Are you afraid that he won't love the "real" you? I think that you would be wise to let him...for both of you...

Sometimes I worry that something that I might say may hurt Mr. W and then I realize that really it's the not telling him all that is me that would really hurt him...WHY? Because if I don't share ALL that is ME, and if he doesn't share ALL that is HIM then what kind of marriage would we have anyway? Certainly not one where we are one...and I don't want that kind of marriage and neither does Mr. W...It's an amazing feeling to know that someone really loves the entirety of you...

Recovery is a process Jen...one that must be worked in tandem...

Mrs. W

For crying out. I'm sick of being misunderstood in what I say.

One, you must have all missed where I told the OM that I wasn't going down that path again. I haven't seen or heard hide nor hair of him since.

Two, I was terrified to tell. My dear friend Kyellow knows me very well. She said to me I know you, you won't be able to keep this to yourself. Tell him sooner, not later.

Three, I didn't mean I was going to "hide" anything from Rob on MB. JL asked me what I wanted from my marriage. I would rather that came from me to Rob not through a third party. For Pete's sake, it's all positive.

Four, while you're all debating this Rob and I have been outside having a cigarette (yes, we're both smoking again) talking about people who dress up as animals in furry suits to have SF.

Five, thanks Pep.

no matter how many times you ask me Jen, I am NOT dressing up as a lamb !

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Jen...

I'm confused...My post to you was my trying to be helpful and supportive...I'm not certain if you read it that way...Are you frustrated with me? Hey, just say so if you don't want my help or input, I am certainly okay with that(and I'm not being snide)...and I don't mean that I will be angry if that's what you choose...Seriously, no worries...

Mrs. W

P.S. My point was that you seem to be indicating that you had/have an intimacy with this board that I think would serve you and your marriage better if instead you established that intimacy with Rob...In other words, PROCESS with Rob and then SHARE with the board get input here that you then share AND process with Rob...

LMAO Pep!!!!

It's true, people really do this. They call themselves "Furries". I read an article about it.

We were outside deciding what we'd be. (j/k) We decided zebras were too silly, but leopards or tigers might be quite cool.

Mrs W, I value your input very much. Please don't be offended.

You are right, I should process with Rob THEN share with the board. I've always probably done it the other way round. Heck, for a long time there's been nothing to process and I've spent most of my time being an idiot in Idiotville.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mrs Dubya}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

ROTFLMAO Pep.

Well, CN, sounds like you may be back in contact, why don't you shoot me an email and we'll talk about it...I promise I won't tell your wife!

LMAO Big K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />...You took the words right outta my mouth!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

hahahahaha (You need to read in admin more MrsW)

Maybe it's just me...but...

Jen seems to be a very intelligent woman. Intelligent enough to know and accept the fact that when someone... anyone...discovered the fact of what was going on, that the odds of Rob finding out increased greatly. By telling someone, she accepted that very thing happening. She knew that could be an outcome.

She was willing to take that chance...

If it's an issue here, the way that Rob found out, then the REAL issue is that either Jen should have kept it to herself, or...better yet...should have refrained from doing it. I would hope that none of us here are naive enough to think that if we do something that we do not want known that we think we can involve third parties...and then complain because it is not a secret anymore.

If someone has a gripe about the way that Rob found out, then they should not be chastising MEL for saying it, but rather chastising Jen for telling it to a third party.

The only true secrets are the ones that only ONE person knows. When more than one knows, it just as well be considered public.

Smart people know that they cannot control another person's tongue.

If I am sitting on my front porch, and see you going down the road weaving all over the place throwing beer cans out the window, don't get mad at me for calling the police. Don't try to argue that it was none of my business that since I was on the porch, and not on the road, that it had nothing to do with me. That it was none of my business..That you may have made it home and not hurt a soul...

...That dog don't hunt around here.


HCII

hcii,

And how is your new life? It has been a long time since you posted here friend. I do hope things are going well for you. I think an update is in order, don't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL