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Great job on exposure. I know this is very hard for you right now, but you're doing a fantastic job!
She's mad at you because he's mad at her. Don't you think this is a good thing? Most OM like their position because it's "strings free". Not only are there strings now, they're starting to choke him.
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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So far every attempt I make to stop her affair elicits the most severe anger from her I have ever seen -- a big time lovebuster. I just hope it isn't backfiring on me. She asked me the other night what it would take to get me out of the house. hiker, honestly, did you imagine that any attempt to disrupt her affair would be met with kisses and hugs? I don't understand your surprise here. You have essentially taken the crack pipe frm a crack addict. You should expect her to be SPITTING FURIOUS and VENOMOUS if you have hit your mark.What is happening here is what we see EVERY DAY in every exposure. This is supposed to happen! I just think you should get ahold of the OMW again and see what is happening there. Do you know what country and town his parents live in? She asked me the other night what it would take to get me out of the house. What was your response?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Some people have told me that if she comes back it would not be her decision and therefore not a good solution for reconciliation. huh? Then whose decision would it be?? Unless you are holding a gun to her head, then it is HER decision to come back if she comes back. What you are trying to do is to sober up the drunk by removing her booze [the OM] so she CAN make such a decision.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She asked me the other night what it would take to get me out of the house. What was your response? [/quote] Maybe his answer should be, "You'll get me out of the house when you hold my hand and say you're willing to come with me to move away from this toxic situation."
Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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Hiker,
Good Job on the exposure! Making life tough for the OM is always a good thing for you and your family and eventually your M.
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So far every attempt I make to stop her affair elicits the most severe anger from her I have ever seen -- a big time lovebuster. I just hope it isn't backfiring on me. She asked me the other night what it would take to get me out of the house.
Response: When He77 freezes over. LOL She is going to be really mad about all of this until it's completely over.
You are on the high ground, doing the right thing. Let it run off your back like water off a duck. Oh and by the way, exposure is not a Love Buster! It seems liek it, but it's really not so don't worry about that.
Listen to MelodyLane, she has this stuf down to a fine science. Her advice helped me, and everything she said worked. She is giving you great advice, follow it.
Good luck!
"Never argue with idiots or WSs, They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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My response was "I'm not leaving. I want to save this marriage."
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I went in and changed all the passwords back Why? You've now demonstrated to her that you have that level of access to what she does. You should have left the ones that she set, if you knew them.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Another disturbing thing . . . when I looked at our phone bill (our cell phone bill shows origin and destination of calls) I pieced together the fact that she obviously took her mother to meet the OM.
Her mother has been no help at all to my cause. She told my wife to "pursue your passion, follow your heart."
Her mother is on her third marriage, so that tells you something.
Melody,
The OM's wife is in Brazil. She should be coming back soon and I will try to get in touch with her. Apparently she is ready to split with the OM, but I don't know this for a fact. They did sell their house and the OM is living alone in an apartment. But he is still seeing my wife in motel rooms so that tells me something, like the OM doesn't want someone to know what he's doing.
Last edited by Hiker45; 06/06/06 07:56 AM.
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Her mother has been no help at all to my cause. She told my wife to "pursue your passion, follow your heart." good thing she's not a serial killer, huh? What an unloving creep for a parent!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I didn't know the new passwords. Interesting - how did you manage to change them back? For most systems, typically you need access to the current password in order to set a new one. Do you have a keylogger on the PC?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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if your the primary account holder you can do anything...thats how i cracked into my then wh's accounts. called aol at 2am and told them to open them up....lol
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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My response was "I'm not leaving. I want to save this marriage." Dern - I missed your decision on this. Good job. Now I can start paying attention again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> As a point of detail, exposure is probably the grandest lovebuster of all. But it's a calculated and (hopefully) a short term one. Remember, a lovebuster is anything that the spouse feels as diminishing their love bank balance. The best the delivering spouse can do is pre-determine what ought not be a love buster. The receiving spouse always gets to decide what is and what isn't an LB. Exposure is a known lovebuster. Period. WAT
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What do you mean by "let up a bit"?
You should let her stew and react only to direct questions, usually by reciting the BS mantra: "I want to preserve the family and rebuild our marriage. All of my actions are in this direction."
A good universal response to vile spew is "I understand your concern."
WAT
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Yeah, it turned out to be big. I wonder if I should let up a bit until she cools off. It's hard to make the home a safe and welcome place when she probably wants to stab me in my sleep. This is why I am a staunch advocate of getting it all done in ONE FELL SWOOP. That way exposure is done to maximum impact and you only have to deal with one big love buster. When will his wife be back from Brazil? How do you know thats not some lie the OM told her in the hopes she would tell you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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