during this whole plan A followed by plan B thing hon..

PLEASE ALSO FOCUS ON YOU..healing, taking good care of you, meeting YOUR OWN EN's. funny, but I learned how to meet my own EN's. did it well actually <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

please be good to yourself. and KEEP YOUR BRAIN IN THE 'ON' POSITION AT ALL TIMES.

Hi Shattered,

I just wanted to drop by and let you know I think about you alot and am always hoping to hear your situation is getting better, with or without your XH.

I still have hope for you since you WH has shown that he still wants you in his life.

Peach makes alot of good points and if you can try a killer plan A for three weeks then it would be worth a shot. I know how you feel about the draining LB$ and subsequent LB'ing. It's so hard when you get nothing back.

I too would like to end with a very strong Plan A but like you my energy level is so low. Do you think you could do this followed by a very dark Plan B?

It looks like Confused42 (now ChaCha) may be having some success with her Plan B. Whatever you decide keep us posted.

You're in my prayers...

HTW

Peachy,

Thank you so much for your post. I really don't like writing at times like this because I feel like a total f'in loser! I know I'm not. I really do. But sometimes I just feel that way. You are all sooooooo right. Everybody told me to go dark back in Jan or Feb. But I kept on thinking - He wants to come back {he told me so and HIS inability to keep away led me to believe that} and I continued to make foolish choices because of it. I kept thinking it's going to happen any time now and if I do Plan B he may change his mind.

In many ways I am feel angry at him for what I perceive to be his using me, and I am angry at myself for allowing someone to walk all over me. Where are my boundaries? Where is my self respect?

You know what else? I know I can be happy with or without him. But every time I start to pick myself up a bit, I get sucked in and let down.

He is at a bbq at OW's house tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> A friend of mine saw OW and OW was violently waving at her. My friend didn't recognize her because she only met her once. Friend says "So, have you seen {Shattered's Ex} lately? And OW says "Well, he's been kind of busy lately with his son and some other stuff, but he's coming over tonight for a bbq." Barf barf. Loser! Honestly, I have hung on far too long because I reallllllly just don't understand the draw there. It just makes no sense at all.

So Peachy, thank you thank you. I really appreciate your post.
S.

Hope - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> - So glad to see you! I'll have to hop over to your thread to see what's going on - and it better be all good!

I think about your sitch a lot also and don't understand your WW's thinking process right now. You know Hope, guys have it so much easier. And none of you like to be alone. All you have to do is ask someone out and you're good to go! Don't rush. If the time comes to move on, they'll be ALL OVER you!

I think a little of both. It's hard to implement so many personal changes when you're reeling from a huge blow to your self esteem. When I was young and met my husband, it was different. I had lots of girlfriends and we'd go out together. It's so much easier to socialize in new situations and flirt when you're dragging your posse of GF's behind you. But I will eventually be brave and venture out into the unknown.

I have actually met some guys, not as BF's but just in passing. I was trying out bicycles at an outdoor sports place and had a really nice long talk with the salesman. He is also divorced, has always vacationed in the same place as us, a lot of similarities. Not my type physically but a nice person. I made sure to drop that in the conversation with WEx. He wanted to know how I knew he was divorced and how I got all this info about him. I told him I'm a magnet! I also met a guy shopping for a new car. He is also divorced, has a boat, etc. etc. I played that up big. Oh yeah ________ wants me to buy a such and such. Oh yeah, he has a boat on the lake, he's divorced too, blah blah blah. WEx seemed to be a little angry about this guy. I left notes around the house "call _____".

So somedays I feel great and I'm really looking forward to meeting somebody or having a fabulous NEW passionate relationship with Wex, but some days, like when I wrote the above, seem very grim and hopelelss.

You're right - time to get out more!!
Thanks for droppin' in Kim. I'll check your thread.
S.

I want to say that my family has been there for me, as best as they could. They didn't abandon me, I just wish they were here. My sister flew me to my brother's for a week after d-day and they were there on the phone - just not how I wanted things.

Hi Shattered...glad you are back we missed you!

I'm in plan B and I stink at it. My WH knows the right buttons to push...the sweet, kind..show up when I don't expect him kind. I told him for 2 years he has been telling me he has no feelings for me. So now I need him to leave me alone...he said well obviously I still have feelings for you cause I can't seem to stay away. I wanted to hear it...longed to hear it. Its just uncomfortable for him. Its still all about him...he's not concerned for me or the kids...not really. Its about him. I am such a sucker.

You've done an awesome plan A it may be time for plan B soon especially if he is going to BBQ w/ OW. Don't follow my lead. Do a DARK plan B>>>>he will hate it.