Take a hike FH.

You should be glad I'm sticking up for marriage a whole lot better than some others here.

This is not about an "imperfection." It's far from it. This is closer to total irresponsibility. Why aren't you mad as he11 at James? Hmmmmm?

Here he is, making a mockery of marriage in the likes of Brittney Spears. "What WAS I doing?"

All the while your "brothers" are encouraging our legislature to ban gay marriage - as it undermines the sanctity of marriage. Hello??? James ought to be a major advocate for marriage and he fails YOU misserably! Biblical perspective my a$$. Sheese! Where was the biblical perspective of a pastor when he said "I do"??

I'm mad as he11 about it because I respect marriage and I want to see it respected more so by others. Here's Pastor James shooting us all in the back. God should fire him.

So, go ahead and poo poo my outrage. Make my day.

WAT

WAT, you sure are loaded with the "milk of human kindness."

But then I doubt you'll ever understand.



Why? You aren't sticking up for marriage, you are raging against someone who hasn't even admitted to infidelity, just the thought that maybe they shouldn't have married.

Get a grip WAT, you're animosity to anything or anyone related to Christianity is showing again.



aaaahh, so that's it. You never did anything irresponsible in your life and won't tolerate any mistakes from anyone else.



News flash WAT, James is a far cry from "Brittney Spears." He comes here with a problem and you want to boil him in oil. Oh ya, I forgot, that's what you're "supposed to do" with Christians according to WAT's Guide for the.....



A good question, and one that I intend to explore with James if he is willing. Although I am tempted to suggest he might want to converse via email rather than on this forum of openness and tolerance and concern for helping the struggling, or at least as long as WAT is around spewing "oh so helpful venom."

But I forget, WAT was NEVER young and never did anything irresponsible. Never married only to have it not "work out." Give me a break WAT. NONE of is perfect and none of us is incapable of sinning or making bad choices.



WAT, spare us your histrionics. You don't believe in God, much less in Jesus Christ. What exactly are you outraged about? Is it that you are personalizing and internalizing someone who thinks they may have made a mistake in marrying? Well now, just how many married couples across the country are you going to get upset with and rant and g rage because they don't have your concept of a "perfect marriage?" Some marital counselor you'll make.



Hope I did. G'day mate!

krusht - Do you have some problem that I'm unaware of? Let me try to rephrase it so it'll be a little clearer.

It is sad that anyone is here because of adultery, and that especially includes those who are believers who "should know better" than to break God's commandments.

There is nothing "wrong" with believers, unless you ask WAT, then you'll get an earful of what's "wrong" with believers, or at least Christians.




Works for me. Do you have a spare UPPER ROOM handy that we could use?




Ahh, I see. You don't like Scripture and God's Word. What else don't you like about Christ or the fact that we are ALL sinners?

Now what was that phrase you quoted??? Oh ya: "But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1st Corinthians 13:13)."

Got any more room on your Scripture Quoter's bench, Kirk?

I guess in your book some people (like pastors) can't make mistakes and don't need any help with anything. They can't be confused and/or struggling with human emotions because they are supposed to "above all that 'human stuff'."

I have an idea <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> , how about we focus on the matter of james1980 and quit all this quoting and bashing one another. Everyone is gonna have their own opinions so lets stop judging each other and focus our energy on helping james get thru this situation!!

I'm willing. That was the point of my request to WAT that got him started again with his typical vitriol.

As for Krusht(Kirk), take it up with him. I have no idea why he wants to join the "WAT fracas," or what he has against Scripture FOR Christians.

Where is James anyway? I'm beginning to wonder if he's even still here reading <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />! Everyone but him has posted <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />!

--Sarah

Sarah - considering the attack he received, I'm not surprised he hasn't posted. I hope that he will, but I won't be surprised if he doesn't.

Religion equals controversy. =)

James, I think there is a lot of good advice here but I also think that you are internally conflicted between what you should do, what you think God wants you to do, what God really wants you to do and what you really want to do etc etc etc.

I think you need to go somewhere, alone and quiet your mind so you can hear what is in your heart and receive what the good Lord wants you to receive. Maybe you are just having a little cold feet....maybe not. But you need to get that head of yours calmed down first before you can sort through all of that emotion.

As for divorce, and hellfire and brimstones - I believe that what is written about divorce is spiritual law - but I also don't believe that those of us who have divorced are condemned to He11 either. I do think my spiritual relationship may be a little to liberal for some of you here - but our Lord is a loving God who wants what is best for us, HE also knows that we are human and only human.

James - I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to take your time with this and sort things out, this is a weighty decision as you know, but God will reveal the right answer ... in HIS time.
Good luck!

Dear James,

I am so sorry for your confusion over whether it is better to stay in a loveless marriage, or to divorce your wife because of an error.

James, what I am going to say will probably bring the anger out in some of the mb posters, but I am a realist.

James, something as important as being married should be for love.

Those feelings of having done something hasty and regretable is your conscience telling you that it was wrong to have married her for the wrong reasons.

If I was in your shoes, I would divorce my wife.

She deserves a man who loves her with all his heart.

You deserve a wife that loves you with all her heart.

You have such a long life in front of you, doesn't your wife and you deserve to be married to the person that they are in love with?

Marriage is difficult enough for those that do love each other, why add to the stress by marrying someone you don't love.

So in my honest opinion, I would suggest that you honor your gut feeling, cut your losses while there are no children in the mix of things.


Sincerely,
the not so popular person,
k.d.'s heartbreak

kdsheartbreak - While you obviously trying to be "practical" and "helpful," there is a underlying premise to your advice that maybe should be looked at a little closer.


"You have such a long life in front of you,"

This assumes that we have anything beyond "today." While we all hope for a long life, none of us IS promised tomorrow. Our relationship with Christ is, therefore, the "most important thing" that we need to consider before thinking about our own possible "future" here on earth.

" doesn't your wife and you deserve to be married to the person that they are in love with?"

Please don't misunderstand what I am going to say in response to this question, but the answer, imho, is "no."
"Deserving" something implies some inherent "right" to something as if it's "owed" to us simply because we "are."

Love as you describe it in your question seems to be "feelings of love." If that is so, "feelings" come AFTER we choose to act in a loving way toward someone, and then that recipient begins to respond and reciprocate with "loving actions" that they CHOOSE to do.

As "deposits" are made into our respective "Love Banks" they eventually reach a level where we get the "feelings" to go along with the actions.

To state it as you did in your question would seem to be the same sort of rationalization that a Wayward Spouse might use to "justify" their choice to sin because it "feels good."




This is "secular" type reasoning and justification, and I understand where you are coming from and that you are trying to be helpful as you see it.

However, for a Christian, REGARDLESS of "why" they chose to marry, once married they are in a Covenant with God and have only ONE legitimate grounds for divorce. And "feeling like I made a mistake" is not one of them.

James sorely needs some Christian, Biblical, counseling and I hope he continues to post so we can try to help him with his "state of confusion."

God bless.

Forever hers,

I am a christian, having grown up attending church as a child with my grandmother to her pentecostal church, and later on my own when my family moved away from my grandparents.

My view on leaving his wife due to not being in love with her was not fully clarified in my post.

I do not support divorce in cases where they married for love and it had pre-existed before the marriage.

I do suggest divorce when the marriage is new, regret is felt by both spouses, and they have many years.

Yes, they could learn how to fall in love by filling each others most emotional needs, but I don't really think that it applies to a person that never had those feelings of love for that person before.

By the way, both sets of my granparents were married for life.

My parents divorced, all my aunts on one side divorced and remarried, three out of 8 children on my paternal grandparents side divorced and only one of my sisters out of three divorced.

So, I have seen it from both sides.

Marriage is extremely important to me. I have been married 27 years, and still stuck with a man that betrayed me.


Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak