please talk to me i don't have anyone else

i know i don't deserve it

please no judgment i've really broken down this time

i don't have anyone else

he's in alaska with my son

there is no one here and won't be for two weeks

they are unreachable

my daughter and her family are moving 2500 miles away this weekend

they were within easy driving distance

not anymore

when he gets back from alaska he leaves the next day for china

then he is going directly from china to florida for HIS family reunion

i thought we were both going

things had been better around here

really

we were going out and having fun

he bought me a brand new car

while in new york last week, he even skipped a broadway show to talk to me on the phone instead

very positive

it seemed different

but i found out yesterday i am not invited to the reunion

not by him and not by his family

he bought a plane ticket for one for the return trip

party of one

party of one

party of one

and apparently his older sister, the family matriarch, has been telling him to "move on and be happy" for some time now

i was there for her when her parents died - H's parents too

she would not even talk to me

she hung up on me

i have never reached out to her before but i did this time

she hung up on me

and here's the really pathetic part

i ordered a new dress for the reunion i thought i was going to

what a laugh

maybe they can all tear it up and use it to shine their shoes

i'd call the suicide hotline, but i'm really afraid they'd just tell me i'm too stupid to live anyway and hang up on me too

I'm so sorry this is going on. I don't know a lot about your sitch, but I wanted to let you know that there are lots of us here for you.

Call the hotline too.

(((((MULAN))))))

Not sure what help I can offer. Other than to say I'm here feeling for you....

Mulan, you are not stupid. You have had more fortitude than most people. If you are feeling suicidal please call the hotline. You can email me at killnme-mb@yahoo.com

I care.

He really needs to get you a plane ticket to the reunion.

He tried to buy your happiness with the car.

Oh, Mulan!

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're having a horrible time.

I don't know what to say, but sending you (((((hugs))))).

Can you go with your daughter for a while, to "help her move"? That way you'd be around family and have something to distract you from some of the pain.

Hang in there.

Mulan - Please don't do something stupid because you aren't invited to a dysfunctional family reunion! I sympathize with your hurt feelings, but often the family sticks by their blood.

My WH's family cut me off. Even 2 of the 4 children I helped raise.

Nobody, no man, no husband, no WS, is worth the kind of agony he is putting you through. Really. You deserve so, so much better.

Do you love your husband?

Mulan -

I am so sorry to feel the pain you are in.

It's not fair the way that BS's get beat up.

So sad that he doesn't recognize the blessing you are to him and incalcuable worth....

Georgia

Mulan

Please don't talk about ending it.
Look outside today there are plenty of things in this world just waiting for you to join in.
I know right now you don't want to join in but someday you will.
The world is never a better place because a good person is not in it.

I know you are hurting. But one day you will be hurting less. Just like my name says. Then one day you will be hurting again for different reasons. This is all part of life.

But in the end, you will be remembered as a survivor not a quitter.

I will say this:
People only have the control over you that you let them have.

Do not let these people make you question your worth. Do not let these people bring you down.

You know my FWW's aunt was very hostile toward me after the A. She advised her niece to leave me too even though she cheated on me. She told her niece not to let me make her feel bad etc.

Guess what her H cheated on her and left her. I guess he took her advice.

Many times people maybe your SIL project their problems into others relationships. If SIL is unhappy she may be telling your H that to make herself feel better about herself.

I would advise you to go down to starbucks get a coffee and just sit and people watch for a while. You will see some funny things there. It always cheers me up.

Sheese, Mulan. With in-laws like that, who needs enemies?

You are so much above this.

Don't allow them to drag you down.

Their reunion will get washed out by the next tropical storm anyway.

Hang with us, Mulan. You are so strong for others here. I've "watched" you grow and be so helpful to others. Blow this off.

Very likely he has to try to appease his family. This doesn't mean he agrees with them.

WAT

Yes, pep, as pathetic as i know it is, i do love my husband.

that's the whole problem, isn't it?

i just can't live with the lies and the abandonment.

again, i know how pathetic that is to love someone who clearly does not love you back

it's weak and needy and pathetic and stupid

i just don't know what to do

i can't drop everything and go to my daughter's house or anywhere else

i have a job that i can't leave

seems to me i'm the last person who should be unemployed right now!

it's a terrible catch-22

if i leave, i will lose everything and i do mean everything

my house

my home

my family

even my horse will have to be sold i will not be able to afford her and i barely see her now as it is

i used to be a novelist but i have lost that too

i cannot write anymore

i spent my advance for the last book on hotel rooms

i would camp out in the hotel alone to finish the damn book because it was too upsetting to try to stay home while he just ignored me

i did finish it and it was published but it was *eight months late* being turned in and that is career suicide for a novelist - they will never give me another contract and i don't blame them at all

my son did graduate from high school but he is still living at home and trying to prepare for college

i cannot bring myself to abandon him while he still lives at home

i just can't

so

i can stay here and try to help my son but be too upset function normally, much less write books or even train the horse

or

i can move out and not see my son and not afford the horse and have to work such long hours at regular job to pay the bills that there is no time to write a novel anyway

i don't mean to whine

i really don't

the horse is not a pet

i was a rider for a long time and thought i would grow up to be a trainer

the horse is a coping mechanism and part of who i am

losing her would be just one more thing, mostly because i did such a poor job of training her due to lack of time

and she was very, very ill three years ago - nearly had to be put down

H never even asked what happened to her

not once

so

i can stay here and do nothing but work because i am too *wrecked* to do anything else

or

i can move out and do nothing but work because i can't *afford* to do anything else

i am still here because my son is here

that's the tiebreaker

otherwise i feel totally paralyzed

i wake up every morning with the same choice:

Stay and be ignored and lied to
or
Leave and lose everything including my day-to-day, at-home relationship with my son

yeah i know how selfish and pathetic it sounds

believe me i know

but at least it's honest

that's pretty much all i have left

Hey Mulan,

People like your H come from families like that.

Do you know how much I would have paid to skip some of my exH's family reunions? And I didnt have anyone as openly hostile as your sil.

SCREW HER! Get mad, you know depression is anger turned inwards, right? Eff-em, eff-him, eff-her, eff-em all to eff'n eff!

Please get out of the house, get some sun, get some coffee and just relax. It all doesnt have to be right, right now. I know that you're tired. We all get that way sometimes.

Pieta just told a dirty joke on another thread... wanna read it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Pieta's dirty joke

Please hang in there... Your life is more than him - Dru

Wow Mulan!! A published novelist, that is sooo cool!

Perhaps you can figure out a way that we can get a copy of your novel!

You sound like a smart lady...too bad bozo doesn't see it...

It does sound different, Mulan.

Any chance he won't go once you talk to him about this?

How did you find out about not being invited?

Oh Mulan, I just hate to read this and I know you don't want pity...I am not feeling sorry for you.

I am feeling sorry for me, and for all of us who are here in cyber land and not really able to go hang out with you for if we were able to do that, we would be talking and laughing...and healing.

That's what you need to do Mulan, you need to heal so all these fresh hurts don't keep piling up on the one huge hurt that you have not been able to heal from.

Mulan, I read every single word you write and you have no idea just how valuable you are.

And I will dance a dance of happiness like no other when that day comes, the day you remember who you are and the healing begins for you.

Oh Mulan.

Eff the reunion. Why can't you leave your job? Why? We have things such as emergencies in my company, and bosses who are understanding if you give them a chance? Can you go on one of those cruises or a neat trip for like minded souls as yourself? The artistic writer type souls?

Or some kind of nature safari?

Could you at least look into something like that? Get out of the house for a week or two Mulan.

What about a short novel or essay about this crap?

Mulan,
I understand the connection to the horse. Can you take a few days and spend a bunch of time w/ her? I thought you were in Ohio-can you get her to Hocking Hills? The next few days are going to be nice. A trail ride heals many things.....

***How did you find out about not being invited?***

i have the password to one of his email accounts. (maybe god knows how many accounts he has - i don't)

anyway, i found the e-ticket receipt from USAir confirming his flight

party of one

party of one

party of one

***What about a short novel or essay about this crap?***

one of my books was pretty straightforwardly about this crap and was a pretty good revenge fantasy if i do say so myself

and the last book, the one written in the hotel rooms, was a thinly disguised story of what happens when a careless, thoughtless man rejects the gifts a woman offers him

my website okerry.net describes them

but i am not here to sell books

if anybody from mb really wants to read one just email me the address through my site and i will send you one for free

thank you all so much for being here

i miss my son so much

i can't even call him because they are up in alaska

it's just me and the cat and all the work i'm supposed to be doing

oh that and mb <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

thank you all again