Sure thing - ask away. It'll keep me busy. A new OT thread would be good.
Mulan
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

NotsoUneak is a published writer too. I LOVED her book.

How are you doing Mulan?

Mulan, what is it about your husband that you love? I'm not trying to be glib but is it possible that the man you love is a man of your own creation? Would the man you love treat a woman of such value this way?

How would you feel to find out your daughters' H was treating her in such a manner? Would you have any respect left for your SIL? Would you think your daughter was thinking clearly if she professed love for this man after all that he has put her through?

Sometimes it hurts so much to realize that people are not as we would like them to be that it's easier to imagine they are. Are you hoping that somewhere hidden beneath the callousness of his actions your H is still the man you have thought him to be all this time? What if the reality check says he's not? Now why do you stay?

I am currently trying to answer some of the same questions while dealing with debilitating depression and 3 young children. I know I am asking alot, but I am asking you to join me in trying to rebirth a personality that we may not remember or that we may not even know yet. Let's just start something new and live, a little at a time, just for us. Let's try it and see what happens, who knows, we may start a great new trend!

When I was much younger, I came to the very edge of suicide, looked over the brink and started my headlong plunge towards the abyss, before I chose (at the last minute) to step back. Killing yourself is such a permanent solution to what is, in reality, a temporary problem, even if it doesn't feel temporary now. Don't buy your oblivion at the expense of your children's awareness that their mother is gone, your freedom from pain at the cost of theirs for the rest of their lives. I'm 58 now. This happened when I was 21. The pain I felt then is long over, but thanks to God's brakes--applied just in time--my life is not. You are in my prayers.

t&l

Mulan, I had to blink a couple of times to make sure my eyes just hadn't fuzzed over when it said you had been translated into Dutch. I am so jealous!

You know, there are tons of us in CA right now - maybe you could make the grand tour and we could all sing and dance and try to distract you for a while.

Does no more contract just mean that you would have to write the book all the way through before they accept it? Surely they would not reject a book from you if it was already written...

I am still trying to think how to use my experience with A's in my writing. A full-length Christian novel about infidelity? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> My imagination isn't that good right now, and I'm sure not ready for an autobiography, either. I had to chuckle over your revenge fantasy plot.

Take good care of yourself, and start brainstorming for wild and unusual ways you might be able to solve your difficulties. (My solution for everything is moving to Oklahoma, lol.) Even if your plans change, deciding on a direction and working toward it will help keep you focused on something.

I will put you at the top of my prayer list tonight, to make sure I don't fall asleep before I get to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Neak - can you write a "Christian" novel, but make it really racy? Seems like it would sell.....

Mulan - I, too, have looked over the edge.

It is not worth it.

My daughter reads the "Warriors" series. The characters are cats. What do cat lovers think about those books? DD12 LOVES them. She wants to be a vet.

My prayers are with you, Mulan.

far

Mulan,

Sit and write your most desired solutions to your pain - no barriers - not work not money not time or space. Get wacky in your solutions - choose some of the plots from your books and when the crazy, logical, whimsical, funny, impossible list is finished - post it here. There are fifty ways to fix any pain - you have looked at one, so we will take that as a given - now write the other 49.

SP

Oh and when you can't think of anything to put on the list, go and lay your head on your horse's flank and ideas will come with the tears. If you cannot get to him, then just close your eyes, hug yourself, take 36 breathes in this position and inspiration will come.

SP

Most of us here it seems have looked over the edge, even the guy I am dating when he lost all, including his business...and I think that the pain has helped to shape us into the people we are today, and who we will be tomorrow.

I once read where at no other time in our life, except in the aftermath of accute, devastating pain will be more creative, will we be more able to grow and expand. We just need to harness it...the miracle behind the grievance.

My little cat stood by me every step of the way, AMM. Never really was a cat lover but I have this little cat and I sure do love her.

"(My solution for everything is moving to Oklahoma, lol.)

Notso, I love Okalahoma too! I will never forget the people I met when I lived there. What beauty the landscape lacks, the people make up for in spades.

Well, I started the thread and then forgot to come back here to post the link. It's over at http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...=0#Post3037191.

And yeah, I figured that putting your mind on something other than your current troubles might not be a bad idea. Transformations can happen in all kinds of ways, and helping someone else is something that has gotten me through really really bad times more than once.

Oh, and I've looked at that abyss, too. I am so glad I didn't go further -- I have had more wonderful times in that three years than I would have thought possible. That's not to say it wasn't godawful some of the time, too. But I'm still very glad I'm here.

Mulan,

I just wanted to check in with you today.

I hope your heart is a little less heavy today. Some times we wish we could stop the world pushing in on us then one day we realize we can by just pushing back a little.

I think everyone here has given you some good advice. For me when I am feeling down I just find one little thing I do well then I do it.

I enjoy playing with my Boys and yesterday was a bad day. I went home played with my son, the other one was at a baseball game, and at the end he said to me. You know dad I am so lucky because you are the only dad that comes out and plays with us. Boy did I see how important I am in this world at that very moment.

Again I hope you are feeling at least a little better today.

Thank you so much for all of your responses. I will come back during the day and reply to each of them. I have got to get some work done today - I really crashed yesterday and got nothing done - so I will be in and out today.

I am feeling somewhat better thanks to all of you. There will be no one here at the house but me and the cat and the unloaded shotgun (which I can load and fire) until at least 6/25, and WH will be gone after that until 7/08. The ringers on the house phones are turned off and I just check the machine once in a while for messages. Kids, work and horse-boarding stable always call my cell. WH does not have the cell number. Sure, he could get it, but he won't.

I figure it's good practice for living alone. If/when I have to move, I'm taking the cat with me. That way, I know DS18 will come to visit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

Hi Mulan....just wanted you to know my prayers are with you. I'm not really sure being alone right now is the right choice....and I personally would feel much better if you invited a friend over or got out of the house for a while. Why not go on a little retreat yourself? Spend a day at the spa? I know a beautiful one I could recommend.

(((((((((((((((mulan)))))))))))))))))))))
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((((((((((((((mulan))))))))))))))))))))))

Mulan,

I'm not sure what to say to you right now. I've always enjoyed reading your posts, but I don't think that I have interacted with you very often.

I know that this is hard. You've invested a lot in your marriage. You've given your youth to it. You've borne two children and saw them through to adulthood. I'm sure you made many personal and professional sacrifices. I guess what I'm wondering is, besides emotional damage (and a bit of property), what is the marriage giving to you?

There are many worse things in life than a failed marriage. Sometimes, we simply do fall in love with people that just aren't good partners. Sometimes people change radically in a long marriage.

Mulan, you are a beautiful, talented woman. You have two kids that love you. You have a cat and a pampered horse that need you. Please, get out of the house for a while. Do you have a girlfriend that you haven't seen in a long time? Plan a trip and catch up with her. Go to a writer's convention. Do something where you can get out and be around other people. Sometimes, for me anyway, it is a simple joy just to sit and watch people. This is the only reason I just don't die of boredom when my wife drags me to the mall.

I wish there was something I could write that would salve your hurts, but I don’t have the words to do so.

Actually, I live in the Desert Southwest now -- but the Hocking Hills did serve as a stand-in for Ireland when I lived in Ohio.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

It's okay. I was living alone with a four-year-old daughter when I met H. I just do not enjoy living alone even though I know I can. I do not look forward to having to walk away from my family. So I'm a wimp. That's why I stay.

Hey, just tell the girls that you don't live with Mom - Mom lives with you. That way, you are just being a good son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

Heh. Toilets cleaned.

Is it okay if I used his toothbrush?

Yes, horse needs attention. She is boarded and gets good basic care, but is much in need of regular work and training. I'm concentrating on my job right now because I can't train her if I can't afford her.

I'm workin' on it.

Thanks.
Mulan

"Hey, just tell the girls that you don't live with Mom - Mom lives with you. That way, you are just being a good son."

Thats a dang good idea. Girls like that don't they. LOL

Glad you are feeling better.

Thanks so much. Sometimes all you can do is try to reach out to somebody else.


Aw, thanks. But remember that in many ways it's a job like any other - it's a skill that can be learned if you want to. If I can do it, I know you could, too.


The sad part is, some 12 years ago, WH's father was diagnosed with leukemia and going down fast. I had just had my first book published and was working on the second, so FIL asked me to put him in the book. And I did - him, and his five sons, and his daughter. All of them. So, how do you put a man who works at General Motors and builds cars into a book about first century Ireland? I made him a chariot maker and blacksmith, and all of the rest of them fit in, too. The book was published after FIL died, but I know H never looked at it even though he knew what I had done for his father. I think one of the sons read it, but that's all. I know the sister never did.

Yeah, you're welcome, y'all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Thanks so much. As I mentioned, he's in Alaska now, then going straight to China and straight to Florida for the family reunion that I am not invited to. So I won't see him for a while. I'm using it for practice.
Mulan

I'd like to think so, Ami, but that has proved to be a fool's errand in the past. Every time I try to think the best of him, I get kicked in the gut with steel-toed boots.


H did what he normally does - just said nothing and tried to hide his plans until the last minute when it's too late for me to do anything about them, if I even know about them at all. And since his sister told me that she did not want to hear anything from me and she just wants "her brother" to "move on and be happy," I'll take that as a "no, you're not invited."

Thanks for responding. Hope you are doing better, too.
Mulan