You are focusing on the wrong things right now.

1. Read His Needs/Her Needs to learn how to communicate with your real H. Then read surviving an affair. This will prepare you for when you find undeniable proof. Both are by Dr. Harley.

From what you already posted, he is having at the very least an EA. That is not good but you need to do some work yourself.

2. In those books you will learn about plans A and B. Both plans are for the BS and family. Learn how to implement them.

That's for starters. There is a lot more but for now you need to get started ASAP.

Expect your H to protect his communication with the OW. Expect the OW to ask the WS (your H as a wayward spouse) for big and little things.....she may make up stuff just t/b near him.

You may suggest that your family is suffering due to a lack of trust and maybe his union responsiblities is keeping him from restoring your family's trust in him.

IMHO, he should give up his being a union steward if that is how the OW keeps him on a string. In reality a WS is not valuable to a union shop because the same lack of trust issue can happen if he is partial to the OW over the other members.

L.

He will not give up his steward position..I don't want him to, it's very important to him and he loves doing it.. I am gonna let things go for a few days and then ask him about his contact with her..Just a friendly conversation, in a round about way, asking if he did what I asked.. I am so certain that I can trust him..

Another good day w/H today.. He came over after his meeting this morning and helped me get the yard mowed..After, we got in the pool and then, well you know..<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
So we worked well together, played well together, got along great! I am starting to feel so positive about the direction things are heading!

Alright..Day #4 under good terms.. No fussing, no fighting, just spending good time together..His contact with OW is down a WHOLE bunch..I am so proud of him respecting my wishes..I have made points each day to tell him "Thank You" for working so hard everyday to take care of us..

Suggestions Please!!


Things have been going very well! We have seen each other and talked almost daily..I asked him to try and let me know how he was feeling, because I have been more than open about how I feel and I just don't know what his feelings are about things..He decided to write me a letter, but it was basically the same stuff, he feels confused about things and doesn't know if we can have a happy future together..So that gets me pretty down mainly because I was feeling so strongly that things were going well..

On the ENQ he ranked Financial Support as #1.. OK, so I got a job and started today..The problem is that I work days and he works nights..Which means each day(if he were home) we would only being seeing each other for about an hour or so after he gets home and we go to bed..I guess what has me upset about this is the fact I feel like I am meeting his #1 EN but because there is no time left for us to be together, I am getting screwed..He has told me that I deserve to have someone who will be there to spend time with me..I have told him that I don't want anyone else and I would rather have him for an hour a day rather than someone else all night long..We have done this before, I worked days and he worked nights and everything was fine..His plans are to get in a position that will have him working days in March..Our schedules are not gonna be like this forever, but I can't make him look at it in that way..

Should I ask him to come home, so that we can get daily together time in? I know it was suggested MC first..He's coming over at 7:30am so he can watch the kids until he goes to work..Just seems silly to ask him to come over and stay til midnight or so and then come back at 7:30am the next morning..But we need to spend time together..

It just hurts that someone you give your life, love, hopes, dreams, and heart to is the one that is hurting you more than anyone has ever hurt you..

Hang in there, and keep sticking to Plan A. The idea is to do it for several months. As long as he has any contact with the OW, he will be mixed up. Your job, right now is to show him you can meet his emotional needs.

Later, if contact continues, you can go to the next step, Plan B.