One thing I think i may have failed to mention is that my WW has no intentions of ever marrying the OM, or at least that's what she has told the 2 friends that's she's confided in. He really is a loser, but apparently he's good at something.

He cannot hold a job, and hes about 15 years older than her, with 4 or 5 kids from 2 or 3 marriages.

He is very active in little league, coaching both little leage and AAU, and also is an umpire. The reason i say this is because I know he smokes pot, I'm wondering if i should expose him to the boards of AAU and little league. I have no proof now as I deleated the e-mail proof that I had.

WW does send him deep e-mails telling him though she will always be his and anything she has will always be his and crap like that. They both eat and sleep baseball, and that is what attracted them together initially.

Mike, if you see OM smoking pot, by all means let the association know about it, but I don't think you should do it under the current circumstances. While it needs doing, if you do it now, it'll be seen as spiteful and vindictive. In truth, it might even be, right? I'd recommend staying on the high road and not going there now.

Exposing the fact that he is an adultery partner of a woman with a boy (involved in little league?) (the same age as boys he is coaching IS a perfectly legitimate thing to do. You have proof he is actively working to break apart a family and that is counter to the aims of both organizations. I'd say yes, expose to them on this narrow issue.

Are you saying your WW is STILL emailing him, telling him she'll "always be his" (what crap!) or are you talking about emails you've seen in the past?

I will go about doing this. I gotta find out how though.

That e-mail was sent last week, Well after the May 13th exposure, when she told be all he was to her was a Fbuddy, they e-mail (her, from work) and talk on the phone frequently. I know Monday was the last time I knew they talked. On tuesday(June 13th) is when I informed her I had the e-mails and all ****** broke loose, I dont know of any contact since, although she has said they are done, but have seen no proof of it, and I dont know how she could prove it, honestly.

Here is a sample of their e-mail exchange from may 24th, the only e-mail between them that I now have:

OM: hey..........
this is the info on that music and entertainment business i was telling you about..........check it out and i'll talk to you soon.......

WW: i'll ck it out at home.. been a big bust down on emailing from work..so i'm stuck at breaks and lunches only...thanks hun!

OM: i understand doll................tonite..................maybe....say, after 7:30-8...?????????

WW: wish i could, sugar, but have baseball game... then my mom's bday, so going out for pizza after...believe me... sorry just ain't the word..... dang!

OM: that's ok too luv.................just keep in touch, and let me know what u think about BL

WW: i will sweets.. prob get on at lunch today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> but now i'm all depressed... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> sniff sniff.....

Now this was sent between them after may 13th, but he was only suppossed to be a fbuddy, but the conversations seems way more deep than that.

Mike,
Has she offered you ANY explanation as to why she "needs" a F-buddy?
--SC

no they don't

these are not DEEP conversations

it's flirting

simple as that

she likes flirting

OM is a professional flirt

he needs to be given "motivation" in order to stop his "fun"

Plan A REALLY hard right now as you rev up to do some exposure of their affair

make it as public an embarrasment for him as you possibly can (legally)

Pep

she say's he's the best she's ever had, yet she say's it's just oral, she did say they had intercourse 1 time and that was at the very beginning of their affair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Last night, when we were have a good conversation i did ask her to at least clean up the back seat of her vehicle(she has a Honda CRV), she said what do you mean, I said, well I'm 41 years old and I do know what semen stains look like. she looked at me and shook her head and said your crazy, see I knew you would just keep bringning it up and bringing it up, and for the record we've never been in the back seat.

I said I know, I read e-mails of you talking about getting in the back and she said I was wrong. I'm like well there are stains in your car in the back seat and they are semen stains, 2 of which are quarter sized white stans and about a dozen little dropplets on the other side of the back seat. I dont know if any of you are familiar with CRV's but theres not much room in the front, you i soppose you could perform oral on a man, but I dont see how on a woman.

So I'm pretty sure she was out and out lying to me. iasked her to go out to the garage and see, but she didnt want to.

stop discussing stains

that will NOT help your Plan A prior to your Plan B

No contact from WW today at all, this really sucks..... We used to e-mail or talk a few times a day at the least, now I'm getting the total cold shoulder, yesterday she only called me to yell at me for telling her friends husband about her friends affairs.

feel totally lost and have no clue what's going on.

it might be...

your recent conversation topic (stains) has caused her to withdraw ...

if you want to attract your WW toward home & YOU ... what is the "attractant" you plan to use ?

Pep

FOCUS on your PLAN

right now

stop bouncing emotionally

The sickly-sweet emails are routine. In their tiny little minds, adulterers are transported back in time to junior high and their first puppy love. It’s typical, but no less nauseating for all of that.

Pay zero attention to the “best she’s ever had” nonsense. Oh, she believes it right now, but it’s just in her alien mind. I’m a little surprised you haven’t heard that OM is the “love of her life,” her “soul mate,” or something of the like. The aliens usually say something like that somewhere along the line.

Mike, you don’t need to prove to your wife you know she’s been involved in a physical adultery. She already knows that. There are betrayed spouses out here who have caught their wayward ones in bed with the other person and the wayward spouse still denied there was anything going on. So...please don’t let anger and resentment begin to take over your life. Don’t let the urge to discuss such things as semen stains override the strategy you’ve worked on to end this adultery and recover your marriage, okay?

Sir, if you aren’t on anti-depressants already, please consider seeing your doctor and getting some. Your situation is exactly what they are designed for. Additionally, do you have a good, pro-marriage counselor experienced with the problems infidelity creates? You need one for couples counseling, but you can also benefit from such a counselor in individual counseling. IC will help keep you sane and give you the ability to stay strong while the rollercoaster starts its run.

Her withdrawal from you today is routine also. She’s pissed her fantasy world is cracking up and she’s going to “freeze” you out. She’s punishing you for breaking up her adultery. If I were you, I’d ignore the cold shoulder treatment and go about living your life.

What IS your Plan A, Mike? What things are you going to do to improve about yourself? Are you going to take that class from the local community college…read that classic novel you’ve always meant to…start that woodworking project…lose that little roll around your belly by exercising more? Let us know what you see ahead in Plan A.

Reference the OM: as Pepper said, expose him to people who can pressure him into stopping this obscenity. The umpire’s association and little league are excellent places to start. I think you can start by calling their head offices in the local area. If you don’t know how to find them, buttonhole an umpire or coach at the next game you go to. There’s no need to hunt for a high-tech solution when a low-tech one will serve quite well.

Have you found out any other information about this guy? (Have you considered hiring that PI to find information for you?) He may be using company resources to stay in contact with your WW. His boss may well appreciate hearing about this whole thing. Any other targets for exposure?

Hang in there, Mike. Things are tough right now and its not going to get better for a while. You WILL come out of this whole though. Don’t ever doubt that.

I have seen her e-mails where she said he is her ying and she is his yang

Ok, but I bet the stains are gone soon, and I didnt mention them to put a thorn there, it's just brings hurt every time I ride in her car and see them, all I did was ask her to clean them off.

I've never taken things like that, and really am scared to do so, but I will consider it.


I really want to do this, WW at this point does not(fog I think) I sent a request to Harley's, but all of my slots I picked are unavailiable.

I wish i knew of good marriage councelors in the Des moines are, the phone book is full of them, but we struck out with the last one IMO


She just sent me an e-mail from her work e-mail this time(i dont know what she's thinking, is she asking to get fired?)

All it said in the subject line was GDMFC. We are both huge Cubs fans and that is code for God Damn Mother F***** Cubs, in others there getting beat. I dont normally listen to them during the day, to busy and especially now that I'm on MB, but I wonder what it means in the grand scope of things. I replied and told her thanks for the chuckle as I really did chuckle when i saw the e-mail come in because I knew exactly what it meant, Does this show any signs that she might possible ant to work this out I wonder?

This is where I'm not sure, i'm doing all the things in the carrot, and am following real closely to the stick, probably not exposing enough though.

We were both along with son going to join a fitness club Wed night, but the current events kind of prevented that.

I've got the e-mail to the president of the littleleague, I dont want to do it from work though. I am a little worried that WW or OM could call my work and say I'm using company resources inappropriettly as well. I did talk to my boss yesterday before I left, She recently lost her H to cancer a couple of months ago, and we have talked at lenth about my situation, she told me to do what ever it takes to save my marriage. I have spent a ton of time on the internet this week, so I am worried a bit.

Not really, before tuesday and before I found this site, I had an e-mails with all his contacts in an e-mail he sent WW, but like a fool I deleted it.

I will, TY, and thanks agin for all the help, I couldnt do this without you all.

Mike,

Answer Pep's question. What's the "carrot" of your plan A?

Think back to the time the two of you were first dating, and all the things you did to put your best foot forward and get her to like you. That's what you want to be doing now. (Hint: most of us girls like guys who are upbeat, funny, self-assured, not too needy or clingy, smell good, ect.)

She's trying to punish you by not contacting you today. Let it roll off your back. Do something nice for her tonight... like get her flowers on the way home... or set up a candle-lit bubble bath for her to come home to. She may accuse you of trying to manipulate her. Just respond that you know she's had a rough few days and wanted to do something nice for her.


This "f-buddy/best she's ever had" business troubles me a little. What, exactly, is she trying to say? That she woke up one day and decided she was bored with you so she went looking for a little action elsewhere? And that's perfectly okay for a married woman to do?

Because... usually WWs will say things like... "you neglected me and hurt me so much over the years that I fell out of love with you. And I fell in love with someone else." Now... most people around here will tell you that it's all fog babble and revisionist history anyway, so don't pay much attention to it. But I say, it helps explain why a person might have been vulnerable to an affair, and gives you a starting point to learn what you might have done to hurt her, and to start fixing the problems that existed in the marriage before the affair.

But for her to suggest that she went out and got a piece of azz just 'cause she felt like it... I don't know... maybe some of the vets around here have heard that one before, but I haven't? Is she saying that you don't satisfy her in bed? Or do you think she's just trying to hurt you? Or maybe saying it to cover-up the fact that she really has been hurt by you, but doesn't want to reveal her vulnerability?

Odd...

--SC

Cookie

my guess

OM has been straight with this woman that she's nothing more than a piece of azz (although he prolly flowered up the speech) & not to consider a future together other than just screwing around

there is a sub-cullture of folks who like the idea of "open marriage" ... and this OM may be selling this brand of crap to this WW

and "the best I ever had" seems like a deliberate stabbing ... she's pizza'ed off about something in her marriage !

Pep

Well, interesting weekend thus far, we awere all suppossed to spend the weekend up at a lake 1.5 hours away. WW opted not to got, so it was just the son and I, WW missed out on a great weekend and some quality time with our son, we had a blast on the wave runners.

I came home to "It's been 3 days now and I see no future with you." "You blew it" and all kinds of other stuff. I decided to continue with the stick of plan A, and talk to het parents. Her mom wasnt home, but Dad was, she suspected I was going there when I left and called him 1st, and filled him in on some of it, I filled himj in on the rest. He was completely against me exposing her to anyone especially her work, and along with all her/our friends that I've told said that I have no chance now.

So now, in everyones eyes I am the bad guy, and all I am is vidictive and mean spirited.

When I got home, WW was upstairs crying, and hung up the phone with her dad, apparently he layed into her, and told her she should just suck it up and stay, because I am holding all of the cards as some of the stuff I told him Ai read could effect child custody for her, so in effect I have her between a rock and a hard place.

We talked dabout 1 hour or so, she finally said she was sorry for the pain she has caused me(I brought it up)

One thing we did agree on, is what started our demise and when in our marriage the brick wall went up. before our 13 year old was born, WW had a miscarriage, I went out to a poker game that night, for the last few day's I have been thinking of that moment in our lifes and thought that was what it was, so today I asked her...She didnt even have to think about it, I told her I was sorry for what I had done back then, she feels she's been on her own ever since, and that it had festered into what we have today.

I promised her that if she wants out, then she's free to go, and i promised that I would not try to get custody, other than %50. There doesnt seem to be any hope for us now.

What sucks is that 6 day's ago, even though she hasnt seen OM, we've had a good month, great month actually, even though it was all contingent on her being allowed to see OW, she said she hadnt needed to, because I was giving her everything she needed at home, she e-mailed him, but no PC.

You seem to be without a plan to save your marriage ... why is that?

Pep

Emotional distress at this point I would suspect. I see my whole life falling apart,a nd I'm trying plan A, but it seems to keep backfiring. Not sure where to start, sure I've read a couple links people have given to me, but at this point, I'm having a rea hard time digesting anything I read and putting it to work for me, except for the carrot and the stick. Apparently i've done a real good job exposing her, I've exposed her so well, that the people I've exposed her to are siding with her and think doing that, along with getting her e-mail password is about the lowest thing a person can do.

Call your physician

you seem depressed

are you?

Pep

If you are depressed at the moment some of the following symptoms may sound familiar:

You feel miserable and sad.
You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy .
You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible.
You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess.
You feel very anxious sometimes.
You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible.
You find it difficult to think clearly.
You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time.
You feel a burden to others.
You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living.
You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do.
You feel irritable or angry more than usual.
You feel you have no confidence.
You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them).
You feel that life is unfair.
You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.
You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.'
You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause, such as back pain.