This is important

start working out

exercise is a fantastic anti-depressant

and it will do wonders for your relationship if your WW sees you taking good care of yourself

if you are also a smoker ... start cutting down with intention to quit ... being on ADs can assist with smoking cessation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ... might as well reap the benifit !

but do not advise your WW to quit cigs at this time >>> let her observe YOU getting in shape and loving yourself enough to take excellent care of your body

ask her to give your back a rub-down for those sore muscles .... why not?

all she can do is refuse ... if she does ... say "OK. Perhaps next time. Can I bring you something from the kitchen?"

Plan A baby .... it is awesome if you do it right!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep Mr.Wondering's list close to you. I know he kept his copy in his wallet and referred to it often. It's a fantastic policy.

Pepper has a great point. Exercise releases a lot of normal hormones that do wonderful things...among them curbing your appetite, inhibits the desire to smoke, and I defy you to worry about anything while you're in the middle of an exercise. When I get frustrated, I go horse around a mass of heavy weights on a barbell. Believe me, you have nothing in the world on your mind except the bar and that weight when you're lying on your back with a couple hundred pounds you need to press up. And...it's all part of Plan A. Go for it, pardner.

This is funny and gonna sound corney, but I downloaded a bunch of Marine Corps cadences from a web site and loaded them into my mp3 player, biked for 20 minutes and ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes, blus did some weights. Wife went with me as did our 13 year old, but I gotts tell ya, it was the 1st complete hour in the last month and a half that I didnt think of my situation.

Great advice.....

I can understand you doubting me...but you doubted Pepper? Whew!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not to worry friends not doubting anyone anymore, just anxiously awaiting for SAA to arrive tomorrow, and felt good to work out the last 2 days and along with the jet skies over the weekend, I am so sore I can hardly move.
Like we said in the Marines, "no pain no gain"

THIS I gotta see...

share please

Pep

Not sure what you mean Pep, there's nothing to see, unless you want a video of some old guy working out....YUK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Cadences are just basically songs that are sung while running in formation.

Ok, advice needed please..

Our 13 year old son leaves Thursday evening with my parents for a trip to the black hills and surrounding areas and he'll be gone for about 10 days or so.

My WW and I haven't spoken about our situation at all since Sunday. I haven't brought it up, nor has she. We are talking though about lot's of other things, so the communication is open.

I did overhear her talking to her dad yesterday and she made the comment "Just waiting for the other shoe to drop" that's all I heard, nothing before or after and have no idea what her dad said to make her say that, but I'm sure it was about us.

Any recommendations on what I should be doing these 10 day's, I have stopped telling her I love you, as she never say's it back since I exposed her. but I am doing the right things at home, being a good husband, doing things around the house. I just don't want to push it, but yet, don't want to be the lost puppy dog either.

I'm expecting SAA to arrive today.. WW and son are going over to one of her girlfriends for dinner tonight(I exposed her to her and she backed WW, The other GF I exposed her to will also be their, the kids will all be upstairs x-boxing it, so I'm sure the girls will chat some, but probably not till later as there will be other s there that don't know.

I think this 10 day's alone with her will really be key in weather she decides to stay in and work at the marriage or cut and run.

I've haven't been the romancer, just haven't been, and I think if I try to do that now, will be a big mistake as she might view it as suspicious(I don't even know if I know how to be a romancer anymore)

We both like to throw darts(not at each other <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, yet) so maybe that is in order. I just see these 10 day's as key.

I'm gonna start SAA tonight, and make sure she sees me reading it when she gets home. I don't want our son to see the book though, She is very adamant that DS doesn't hear our conversations, although I know he knows more than we think he might.

what is the website?

is it classified or something?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep

You should expose this to your son but I'd wait until after he comes home. By including him out, you're contributing to the deception and lying to him by omission.

If I told you, I'd have to kill you!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

www.limeware.com

It's a peer to peer download site, similar to what napster was.

KILL me now

I have limewire @ home

Mike,

Good for you, taking some positive steps to take care of yourself!!



Okay. Now prove her wrong. Don't drop any "shoes".


Yes...


Good. Now is not the time for ILY's. It actually makes WS's and newly FWS's very uncomfortable and acts as a repellant rather than an attractant.


Good. Awsome. Excellent.



Right attitude.



VERY IMPORTANT not to be clingy or needy. If she's having a dark moment or seems detatched... ask her, matter-of-factly, if she wants to be left alone. Then go find something to do that you ENJOY (even if you have to fake it!).


This is not good, IMO. Expect her to withdraw from you after this... but if you continue with a good plan-A, the effects should be temporary.


Could be. But don't let if freak you out. Try to memorize those do's and don't's and stick to them.


That's okay. This probably isn't the time for romance, anyway. (assuming your W is anything like me and many other WW/FWW). So soon after the end of the affair, romantic gestures are like ILY's.


Yes. Yes. Yes. And anything else you can think of that will be fun for the both of you. ANOTHER BIGGIE!.

You're a fast learner Mike. Hang in there.

--SC

Mike,

Your sitch is like many others here, try to read as much as you can, it does help. I've never heard of a MC advising there wasn't a M to save, isn't that up to the two participants, not the MC? Sounds a bit unethical. Also, it doesn't seem helpful to have your ww go to the same MC. Sounds like there may be some attraction there by the way you describe it. Lots of us BS's have to go on AD's btw, it took me a lot longer than you to go on it, good for you.
I would not feel bad in the least for spying. I got the same spyware as you and that is what blew open my WH's continued contact with the ow, also similar to your sitch. Your ww seems to be projecting her guilt onto you be turning the tables and saying how can she trust you? Pleaz! Luckily, when I busted my WH, he knew he was caught by the computer, wasn't sure how, but never focused on that. My son's weren't happy as they also use the computers that its on.

I think your story is somewhat sad that many people would side with your WW bc of the "spying". As if that even comes close to her deceipt! She has done one of the worst things someone can do to another person, ask any BS here. It really isn't even in the same universe as getting the passwords on her e-mail account.

I would put the spyware back on, get her new passwords if possible. Good luck and keep posting/reading here!

Dammit!!!!!

WW just called me, she spent the evening with her 2 girlfriends that I exposed her too last week, and they are tottally against me know, telling her she should leave me as soon as possible and that I was absoulutley in the wrong for spying on and reading her e-mails and for exposing her.

Her other friends who's she's telling her side of the story to are also saying I'm the bad guy, even her dad, So everyone I exposed her too has come to her defense, the website(MB) I'm going to is full of kooks who are giving me bad advice, I wasnt rational and acting on emotions when I exposed her.

Om has run for cover, will not return any calls or emails from her, and now she say's "Mission Accomplished" to me for ending it with him. She's so lost in the FOG right now I can hardley believe it, She is the victom now, and everything I did now is way worse than anything she has done.

Now it's a pride thing with her, I feel she thinks she has to save face with them by dumping us. She thinks everything I've done since June 13th was vindictive and mean and just to get back at her, I tried to say it was to save my marriage, but she wont have any of it.

I try to keep to plan, but I'm not sure I can do it. Got SAA yesterday, but had activities with son and didnt get a chance to read any yet, then when wife came home, i didnt want to plop it open right there.

signed, depressed in Iowa......

...in other words, the response you expected to get from her once exposure did its job.

Keep your cool for the moment. If any of her friends, family etc. brings this issue up, ensure that they understand that you believe the biggest threat to your M was HER ADULTERY, and you were prepared to do anything to end that threat, including exposure - which has apparently done the job it was intended to do.



NOTHING you've done since D-Day has been as damaging to your M as her A. Hopefully she will eventually realize this.

how do you know this?

because your foggy WW said so ....????

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

inquiring minds want to know

Pep

FYI

the fog-speak not only causes the adulterous dorks to SPEAK with forked tongue

but it also
filters their listening skills as well...

NO ONE likes to be cheated on

NO ONE

even the adulterous don't like it

and dollars to donuts at least one of her GFs has been cheated on in her life ....

so whatever your WW ~told you~ that these girls said .... assume that your wife's foggy hearing impaired condition errased ~any trace~ of ~non-adultery supportive~ comments the girls may have made


PLUS ~~~~ your WW likely LIED and/or exagerated YOUR faults in your marriage

the adulterous are ALL victims of their faithful spouses ... did you not realize this???

even MY husband, when he was "in love" with the serial adulterous but beautiful maxi-pad ... he was only there because the Pepster was not nice enuff to him !!!

ya think?

in other words .... frozen-horse-doo-doo-on-a-stick

Pep

Here's a really different Plan A suggestion ....

it's gonna floor you, so sit down

send flowers to the GFs with a note attached

"thanks for being so supportive of *WW name* right now. It is important that she has good friends to talk to while she is so confused & in so much pain. It means a lot to me that you are there for her. Sincerely *YOU*"

~~~~~~~~~~~~ cut her lying victimization crap off at the knees

plus

how can your WW be angry at you for supporting her supporters?

Pep

I think Pep's idea is brilliant. Of course, that's not the first time I've had that reaction.