WAT has been helping me a lot but he is away from computer this weekend. Planning to expose to ww this monday at MC. I want to know if my approach is correct?

I have solid evidence of A but I don't want to reveal it to her. I'm going to look her in the eye and tell her that I know that she is having an A and i know a lot more than she could possibly think i do. i'm going to tell her that i have already consulted with an attorney and the fact that there is infidelity involved it will not help her in a custody hearing. she can either come clean with the lies and secrets here today with the MC or if she chooses not to, i will contact my attorney and file for D. once that is done they will subpoena both hers and his phone records, their e-mails, etc. the truth is either going to come out the hard and expensive way or she can start being honest with me. we can't financially afford a d and it doesn't make sense to go through all that pain and expenses in which both of us and our families are going to be the ones who get hurt. i won't even start with how much this will impact our son. she has to know that. i am willing to try to get past this together and i still want us to be a family, but the first step in that process is for her to come clean.

the downside is that if she calls my bluff i have to start the d proceedings. should i give her more time to end the A or will these hard tactics scare her into confessing? i definitely know with 100% certainty that she is having an A and with who. i know the proof will come out if it does go to court.

I'm no lawyer but I don't think you can subpoena the OM's phone and email records. Unfortunately, having an affair is not against the law. You may as well let her know how you found out, at least some of the legal means anyway.

I spoke with my lawyer and we can subpoena his e-mails (i didn't ask about cell phone) but i don't think we will have to. i'm sure there's enough in my ww's cell phone records and e-mails to confirm the A.

Am i using a bad tactic trying to ger her to come clean on the spot. Do i need to give her more time to end the A? I'm prepared to leave the MC and start making my rounds to her family exposing the A to them.

I'm sure I'm not the first to say this here but....Tomorrow's the day I turn my WW's life upside down.

Anyone else had success exposing without revealing any solid proof? I have the proof i need, i just don't want to show her. right now i don't trust her and want to maintain the upper hand from a legal standpoint. i want to save our marriage, but she needs to come a long way before i can trust her again.

if you've been keeping up with my post, do you think my tactic will work?

I suggest you not threaten her with the attorney and custody statements.

You don't want a divorce, right?

Don't up the ante in this ring of the circus.

But yes, look her in the eye and tell her you know. Use OM's name. Stay calm and DO NOT get into a "prove it" argument. Go slow and be smart. You know WAY more about what's going on in her head than she does. You know about the dynamics of infidelity - you've learned them her. Take advantage of this. She, on the other hand, thinks her case is special and unique. No one else can understand her sitch.

Be calm and in control.

WAT

Good to have you back WAT. I started another thread because some things happened last night and today that I don't know what to make of them.

Here's the link if you get a chance. Thanks for all the great advice!
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD