thanks i understand and i can see when i call all the time it dont work out the way i want
but my problem is not legal seperation she wants me to sign an uncontested divorce.
thats why i cant sign right now cause that will end the marriage right there and kill any hope of recon

I did sign the sep papers...against the advice of my attorney (my Dad). Everyone said I should fight it. But I feared fighting it would drive him away, and I was right. The papers I signed gave my husband he option to file un-contested to a divorce after a 6-months waiting period.

I lived in fear for the first year and a half into recovery because I knew he could have the divorce anytime he wanted. But 2 years later he has never filed the final divorce paper work. He still can if he wishes. He has that option.

Does your state have a waiting period for the divorce?

i dont think so thats what she told me
i live in nyc so ill have to do some research on that.thanks
but if theres no waiting period i have no choice but to wait till im ready

My husband filed in Virginia. I know every state is different. I am from California, and our laws vary.

i think theres no waiting period for uncontested divorce in ny.
ill have no choice but to stall it and ill just give her space and figure out a good way to break her out of this

wife just walked out taking some of her stuff.went to cash a check and will be back if any one can give me advice of what to do when she comes bak please respond in 2 minutes thanks

great advice there JM. Desperation is not attractive. Remember when you met. When she went home for the night, did you say, "I love you, I need you, I don't ever want to be without you. I will do anything" ?

Of course not. Why would that be attractive now? Desperation pushes others away. She wants time and space, give it to her. Continue to Plan A and she should see the light. Best of luck, man.

IF I recall, most divorce courts want to see a willingness to reconcile and even appoint that process. I am in NY state CNY in fact and that is part of my long range plan. I want to be seen as amicable as possible. Remember, the last thing you want her to remember about you is you being great to her, not whining and sniveling.

GL

well went how i thoughtr it would.she came back in took alot of her stuff,avoided all talk at all costs,anything i said she got defensive about
i even told her to look how the dog wont even get up off the floor <when usally he would go wild when she came home prior,i think he feels it tooo>
i know she didnt want me to bring up the phone call we had yesterday so i kinda helped pack her stuff,which she had this wierd look on her face when i did.also told her ill be more than happy to box all her stuff up and send it to her moms and she didnt answer.
so it came back to the dog who has to go to the vet and i told her its still her responisbility to come and she told me to give her a break sarcasticly.
shes so full of herself right now so i said dont flatter yourself its about the dog and if you dont want to bother with him dont come by no more.....i got the same look on her face as she gave prior to when i helped her pack stuff up.
i dont know what the ****** is goin on in her head but she is nuts right now and even though i didnt mean it what i was sayin i want her back here badly i have to say i see im starting to confuse her with the off balance stuff

She is nuts. Totally effing insane. When you helped her pack, you were showing the you you want to become. She had that weird look because she couldn't understand who you were.

My WS said, "It's like living with an alien. Because my behavior is so changed."

Read Harley's bit on conversations. An focus on those ENs you neglected (sounds like I am talking to myself).

It could have been worse.

Don't show her desperation! ENs baby. Throw her completely off balance. You want her to remember who you are becoming, not who you were.

Offer to take the dog as a nice gesture. Have you apologized for how you have treated her? I wrote a short sweet email to my WS. I revised it like 10 times to get the right feel but in the end it was an apology with no "buts".

i did apoligize for my faults a while back when she had first moved out.but now im waiting for hers
she tells people and family we know she has things to apoligixze for but not to me yet!
today i feel more bitterness towards her as apposed to love i dont know if this is good or bad but i got to stay focused b4 i blow up
i see she loves the fact that she is controlling the pace and now im putting on an act that im all for it to and she seems a little confused,not confused like she wants back in but confused like wow he really might be getting over me

You can't possibly know what is going on inside her head. Guessing does not help (I tried that. Confusion may be good, like she is second guessing herself? Remember, this is going to take a long time. It has only been 2 1/2 months of the affair and my knowledge of it, and it seems like time has slowed to a stop.

Some days you will feel bitterness, talk to someone else about it or at least vent here! Then, reserve the quiet calm you for your interactions.

(I love writing this out because it is like I am writing to myself!)

thanks i needed that ..i guess feelings of giving up is normal.cause i cant even believe i know who the woman is ...she is that different.i know im in for a long sick ride but thats what marriage is i guess <sickness>and health,and good times and <bad>.then if overcome i guess the real happieness begins,hope really

There are peaks and valleys. This valley can only make the next mountain peak that much more beautiful.

thank you all you people on this site which i even forget how i found this really?is keepin my sanity thank you and thank you all for lettin me know what i am fighting for

any ideas on how to stall divorce?
she mentioned it sunday and hasnt said nothing since so you think i should leave that topic alone

is there any one out there who would know how to have contact with a ws who has left the house?
i dont want to keep calling to seem needy
did anybody have a certain way they would be able to contact a ws during this time so i can keep the contact good

anyone?

i really need someone to help me my w,wife will be stopping by i need a pep talk so i doont blow my chance to leave a good impression