Hiya AGG - Haven't had a chance to really type out some thoughts on your sitch but I think I'll be able to later this evening. You know I've reconciled and we're right in the thick of postnupping...I'll hurry back soon as I can.

that she doesn't get to do things she'd normally do,

I’ve been thinking about my own behavior during the past few weeks and during our discussions, and I think I probably say things which come across differently than I intend them to and leave you with a mistaken impression of the way I feel about some things. For instance, I think I end up bringing up your kids and family in a way that I shouldn’t. First of all, I love your kids and family. They are great people, and I enjoy spending time with them and being a part of their lives and having them be a part of mine. Sometimes I bring them up in a comparative sense when I’m trying to make a point, and I think that might leave you with an impression that I have a problem with them or the time you spend with them. I absolutely don’t, but sometimes it’s the only way I can think of to make a separate point about my needs. This, however, gets neither of us anywhere so I should just try to explain my needs some other way and leave others out of it. I actually feel lucky to have shared all the times with your kids/family that I have. When I’ve referred to making an “effort” to do things with you and the kids, I haven’t mean that I didn’t enjoy our activities; it’s just that being with people for an introvert like me requires more effort (to be upbeat, good company, etc.) than it might for an extrovert. In fact, I’ve sincerely been looking forward to going up to your sister's to see her new baby. That to me would be a lot of fun for all of us so I hope we can still do that.

Anyway, getting back to my behavior… given the amount of hurt you feel, I think I must come on too strongly when I’m making a point. I know I had an issue with this when I was with <XBF>, and I thought I had toned it down quite a bit but there must be something I do when I’m speaking my mind that comes across as insensitive. I’d like to work on that. One part of this insensitivity may make you feel like I underappreciate you. For instance, I think it’s wonderful how you’re so supportive of my relationship with my family. Many men would not be okay with their partner traveling back East the way I do. You’re so sweet to be okay with that. And when I keep pushing and pushing for you to go back with me, that appreciation and all the good feelings I have about you are nowhere in sight so that must feel pretty bad to you. And I’m very sorry to put you in that position. I think you also feel that I’m not always open to considering or empathizing with another point of view. You’re probably right; I do feel things pretty strongly so I’d like to work on that as well.

I do feel things pretty strongly so I’d like to work on that as well.

I think I must come on too strongly when I’m making a point. I know I had an issue with this when I was with <XBF>,.

I love and respect and admire and can relate to the choices you make in your life and to your character for lack of a better term. Even though it's not apparent when we disagree on a subject, I do feel that even if we were to not do things the way I'd prefer that your way isn't really all that different and I believe that you make excellent, sound, responsible choices that definitely have value, and it feels secure and comfortable to be with someone whose choices/decisions I respect that much.

I know one significant difference we have is in our ability to maintain a tidy household. But it is an achievable goal of mine to get my place straightened up and to keep it that way. You're a great motivator in that sense, and I love having someone in my life who motivates me in such a positive way. I've continued to work on organizing the catalogs that we sorted through so I'm making some progress there. Not that there isn't a long way to go. But I'm coming around to realizing that I've got a truly unmanageable amount of stuff and some of it (actually, a lot of if) has got to go. It does feel good like you said to get rid of things... it is quite freeing.

Another very positive effect you've had on me is on my sleep schedule. I'd still like to work on shifting it a little earlier but the good news is that I feel better all around since I've been getting to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I feel more energized and even though you probably can't tell I do tend to get more things done.

Also, I spend less time "getting ready" in the morning. I'm sure you can't even imagine that it could take me any longer than it already does, but I used to spend close to 3 hours getting ready and now I've gotten it down to an hour and a half or a little more. That's quite a difference! In fact, one of my sisters said to me, "Does AGG realize how much you've changed since you've been with him?" I don't know if you do realize it, but you've had a great effect on my confidence to go out without any makeup or without styling my hair. You make me feel beautiful no matter what I do or don't do to myself.

So there's already been growth in 3 significant areas, and I believe there's still room for more particularly since I view the changes I've made as being very positive. Thank you for being such a great influence on me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I truly appreciate it and love you for it.

Another thing that makes you so special to me is the great father that you are to your kids... you're so loving and caring with them. And you're so generous with your time and attention to them. You make sure their needs are met. And your parenting skills are very apparent in the people your kids are developing into... they're respectful, responsible, strong, thoughtful, kind and loving. Kids any parent would be extremely proud of.

And I love you for the way you treat me... with concern for my well being, with thoughtfulness, with generosity, with understanding, with love. You make me feel so special and so very loved. I know you've been left with the impression that you're lacking in the area of making me feel loved but that's not the case. I do feel a tremendous amount of love from you. And it shows in the way you treat me. The things I've expressed in the past few weeks are not really indicative of feeling a lack of love from you in an overall sense and maybe I'm paying too much attention to details but there are just some moments when I feel insecure. And that insecurity I think stems from a fear of having my needs get lost in the shuffle of your and the kids' needs. I'm not saying it's necessarily a rational feeling but it's something I hope you and I can deal with together at some point. You really have been so generous and understanding with me, and there just may be some things I need to better accept about being with someone who has children that I haven't really understood yet.

I've also rethought the whole going back East thing... maybe there are some creative solutions we can come up with. There's a slight chance I could persuade my family to come out here sometimes. And I do want you to know that spending special occasions with you (like New Year's and <your son's> birthday) is important to me so there's stuff to be worked out there and I realize it's not a given that we'll be able to be at my family's during that time. I am truly sorry for not being more understanding of your feelings during our discussions on this topic.

Well, those are the thoughts and feelings I wanted to share with you, you special, wonderful man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Again, I hope I'm not disrupting your time to think.

think she is capitulating on too many things to not feel resentment at some point (I know I would).

I guess I'd want proof, as in waiting and seeing her place become what she says she wants it to be, or her patterns become what she says she wants them to be, etc.