I tried to stay out of this but how in the world can you say you are honest with yourself when you have yet to realize you were again a WAYWARD WIFE?

How in the world can you say that what you did was so much less than talking via email? Did you not have email contact with OM during this time?

How in the world can you say you got no support here, either. I have hardly ever posted to you, yet I said on the initial day that I knew you would do the right thing. I was wrong wasn't I?

How in the world can things be sooo wonderful between you and your BETRAYED HUSBAND when you are still denying that you were actively involved in an AFFAIR with the OTHER MAN AGAIN???

Please do not say you are not- every post is so foggy I seriously doubt you can see what you are posting.

Maybe instead of offering private counsel to another WAYWARD WIFE, you would be better served in spending some time in talking with your BETRAYED HUSBAND. You keep saying you are putting off talking. WHY IN THE WORLD are you putting it off???

Seriously.

Why put off working on your marriage, Jen?

Everytime someone asks you, you say "we are going to talk about it later on." Maybe that time is here.

Where have I said I wasn't a WW again? I know I was. The difference between the 18 month A during which I was totally obsessed and this time (4 meetings I think, 3 of them accidental) when my eyes were open doesn't hold any water with any of you so why should I keep repeating it.



Well, if anyone is listening which they're not, there were no outpourings of feelings and no, I did NOT have e-mail contact with the OM during this time. Or phone contact. At the coffee meeting he said why don't we have a drink on Friday night. I said ok, why not?



This one is just risible.



Because they are wonderful. Actively involved in an affair? Well, having been "actively involved in an affair" I can tell you there's a fair bit of difference between a couple of chats and the complete emotional obsession that was the A. SF occurred 10 times in 18 months and, yes, I know that 1 time is one time too many (before you all jump down my throat) but it does make a bit of difference, believe it or not. That doesn't mean I'm making light of the contact this time. I KNOW IT WAS WRONG. I am RIGHTING IT. Sheesh.

We have talked believe it or not and we will talk more. Boy, I can tell you've all been discussing me "elsewhere". It has all the hallmarks.

BK,

If by "hammered" you are referring to the post in that "other" forum, I think that one missed. But that is just me. I was not complaining - I was simply showing my respect for your honesty. Lighten up dude. You're okay.

Nope, I haven't discussed you anywhere.

I just read your posts because I really feel for your husband.

Cool, Pio. Just didn't want you to think I was having a go at you is all. We're cool man.

Please explain to me because I really don't understand why you really feel for my husband.

He's probably being treated to more honesty and more love and more affection than he has been for the last 3 years.

I know you think I'm making light of the recent contact. I'm not. Me and my H went through a terrible month again after Mel called. We have talked around it and through it and above it. You don't know my H, you have NO idea what sort of man he is.

Our son was going to be away this weekend but all the roads south were snowed in and he is back home again which is a disappointment as we were looking forward to some "us" time and some talking time.

I just read the e-mails---------

They are love letters--no doubt---------and they are good ones.

A good love letter reads like that and always has the issue of “our love cannot be fulfilled”. This hurdle creates significant obsessiveness about the relationship if one is to believe the data published about the brain chemistry of love.

It does not get any more romantic than two people talking about unrequited love due to circumstances out of their hands-----ie “we are both married --otherwise our love would be consummated”.

Sounds like love to me and if Suset was my wife I would give her the pink slip.

Sorry for being blunt, but at this stage I don’t think there is anything else that can be done.

In fact, I am quite sure Bob Pure would also give her a pink slip.

Hmm Jen. The night of th emillion billion years thread I am sure you told me and the other MB'er that you were in email contact with OM as well and were in fact expecting an email from him. That's email contact.

Jen - you are minimising and rationalising this whole thing like a newly discovered WW. You really do need to just stop the justifications and rationalisations and the it was only's. Please. Rob loves you. What an amazing man after all this. Make this right and stop with the foghorn stuff here.

Despite what you might think, you are not a constant topic of conversation elsewhere.

You know what Jen? My wife, who is out of the fog for less than a year, when she heard about the spate of relapses on MB - her first words were - "What don't they get about No Contact" and in your specific case, she said "she has to move away from OM"

Insight from a new FWW eh. Blessings Jen. I do hope you see that counsellor and I look forward to continuing to support you and Rob. We all only care about you both Jen.

Well, Stanley, I got none of that from the OM and I wasn't looking for it.

He told me I'd put on weight. Really romantic.

I have a question

Will everytime a FWS faulters at NC be marked by a rehashing of the "Kiwi Situation"?

I mean how many times do we have to hear it??

Kiwi, this is a serious question. Are you an attention freak? Are you jealous that other people get more 'press' than you, so now you get lots of 'press'... are you happy?

A soldier I work with has a boyfriend that lost his job at a very good college due to DUI. She was not focused on teh problem.

She was glowing about the fact they were "superstars" in town now because the papers had people all over them. All the time.

Is that it with you??

Jen, so let me ask you this. If a BS comes here and says "my spouse has been to coffee and drinks with a person who is not me. I think they might have run into each other a few times, and oh by the way, they were involved in an affair a while back. Do you think this is an affair?"

Would we say- hmm, they are not having an acive affair- they are having a what? a mini affair?

Would there be another name we could call it?

Just because you didn't have sex, just because you didn't confess your undying love, how in the world is it less?

I'd really like to know.

Maybe because my husband only had sex with the ow once, I'm not supposed to be as hurt?

Maybe someone whose spouse 'only' has an EA shouldn't even feel as bad as me?

I honestly don't get it.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hurt that he only had sex one time.

I didn't know there was a WS scale.

I thought a WS was a WS and a BS was a BS.

I didn't know we were supposed to compare our spouse's affairs to see what was more and what was less.

I feel so much better knowing that only one sexual encounter was barley a physical affair. I guess that's what you mean since only a few meetings didn't qualify for a full affair.

For pity's sake, I KNOW Rob loves me and I love him. I think I'd call looking him in the eye during SF and saying I love you, working on my marriage. That means something to me and to him.

What do you want from me? As I've just said and I'll repeat it again, when you have been in an obsessive A, the recent meetings just don't come close. If I said, oh yes, I met up with the OM again and we had passionate SF in every conceivable position would it make you all happy. AND WE DIDN'T BTW in case none of you are listening again.

hmmm, my husband and I had sex pretty much every day while he was in his affair and he always looked me in the eye and told me he loved me.

Patriot, I've just read your post. That is unfair, uncalled for and downright nasty. A WS yourself aren't you? With real problems in your marriage? Unlike mine which is pretty darned happy.

BigK, NO E-MAIL CONTACT.

I wish I'd never posted here.

Why are you all so determined that I be unhappy or that I'm not telling the truth? I guess it all makes you feel better about your own lives.

Jen - if you don't want the focus to be on you then don't post in other threads. All it does is continue to stir this stuff up again. Or is that your intention?

Thank you BigK (sarcasm) you've just reduced me to tears.

Don't worry you won't be hearing anything else from me. Thanks for the heads up, I'll remember never to post on MB again.

Question:

Is a mini-affair called accarnival?

unfair? How so. You have been the topic du jour for going on two months now. It was old weeks ago. You continue to thrive in the attention, I imagine... because you keep posting and trying to justify all of your actions.

What are the facts. You broke NC. You made plans to meet with the OM more than once. And let’s not forget that you failed to tell your husband and only faced it when someone from another country ousted you. As you said it... 'why not'. Well.. You don't have to be the head pygmy at the local Wal-mart down under to figure out why not. Idiotville jokes aside... it was plain stupid and heartless

And then you are trying to minimize it, just like a TRUE WS I might add, all in the face of the very people who won't take your crap and know better.

You used to post like one of the risen again glorified FWSs around here and now you seem to think you are some poor picked on little lady... yet you keep coming back and trying to minimize your actions. What I see is immaturity… and you are old enough to be my mother, really.

Your actions? Destruction of the trust your husband might have built for you... after you screwed around for 18 months. 10 times. 1000 times. Funny... it only takes once to be called adultery.

Downright nasty is meeting your OM in a personal situation and hiding it from your husband. You admitted to that. Do you own it?

And as far as me, I am an FWS. I’ve earned the F. Where’s yours? Back at the pub maybe? Sitting across from OM?

And to insult my marriage? And to tell me yours is perfect? Without problems? Sounds like honesty is a huge problem in your marriage. Telling and seeing… looks like from here. Live in reality Kiwi. You crossed a boundary you should not have by meeting with OM. No justification for it. And if your marriage is just perfect now… then congratulations. Good for you! Is it because your husband is the greatest man you have ever know? Is it because your husband is the only man you want?

Or is OM really always just a cup of coffee away?

And don’t go playing the crying card. If you didn’t want this attention… you would be lashing out for it. If you want to play big… then be big.

Jen - I was actually referring to making Suzets thread about you. Not saying don't post at all but you knew that right?

Sorry for the TJ Suzet.

I love to read Stan-ley's posts. Very pragmatic. I would say that what was said in those emails should be looked at very closely. If I were Suzet's (with a star's) husband*, I would find that very upsetting. People are different and will react differently to infidelity and tolerate different amounts of it. As always you have the distribution with say Bob Pure on one end and, oh I don't know, kinger on the other end. And then there is the rest of us big fat bunch making up the middle. In my particular case, if gemela were found doing things like this, I would remove her from my life simply because I know I can do much better. It is no longer about what WW does or doesn't do. It is about what is best for me and the DDs. If I am willing to put up with less than total commitment from my wife, she stays. If I won't accept less, she goes. It is just personal choice. Plan A/B is designed to give WW the time to make that decision.

Some WW's do pull themselves back toward the recovery side. Some delude themselves into thinking they have. Some run off into the sunset with OM. But the FORMER WW does not exist. They are RWW's. I admire what Bob Pure has done in his case. He has every right to take pride in what he has done. I hope his R/FWW never relapses. Actually I hope none of you ever relapses. There is nothing good or right about infidelity. I hope very one of you finds the answer to what you need. If Suzet* has shown those emails to her husband* and he has made the decision to remain in the marriage and try, I respect them both for different reasons. Bob is right in that the BS must do whatever it takes to be able to respect himself when it is all said and done. But that applies to the WS as well really.