You are acting like an @ss. You are one of the fools on these boards that loves to pull out the DJ dribble everytime someone speaks without sugar coating the obvious.

Your posts are extremely disrespectful towards the principles of this board. Opps... was that a DJ???

nothing

you are correct

sorry

Pep

Jersey

I am insulted by Suzet*

really

that is what is really bothering me

I feel highly insulted by her...

for her to refuse to confess to OM's wife after all these years of support from betrayed wives ... feels like a hard slap

... and guess what?

MY feelings count as much as hers.

Pep

betrayedinjersey...

Can you PLEASE enlighten me with your knowledge of how in the world that telling Suzet that continuing to work at the same company with OM and to not further safeguard her marriage by doing the MORAL and ETHICAL thing in telling OMW would be helping her in any way, shape or form??? That just makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER, not to mention that advice would be AGAINST MB PRINCIPLES...

But I know what you are going to say..."It's the way you tell her that matters"...NO IT'S NOT...The truth does not need to be sugar coated...THERE IS NO WAY TO PRETTY UP THE TRUTH HERE...Kinda like putting perfume on a HAWG...ain't gonna help...The HAWG will still STANK to HIGH HEAVEN!!! The truth here is that Suzet is leaving the door open for the OM to allow him to continue to persue her to stroke her own ego...The truth is that she doesn't care one iota what this will do to her husband or the OM's wife...The truth is that she cares ONLY about Suzet...HOW BUT HOW CAN YOU MAKE THAT PRETTY??? THOSE ARE, INDEED, THE FACTS!!!

Presumably people come to MB to learn MB PRINCIPLES...to apply to their MARRIAGES...NOT TO APPLY TO STRANGERS ON A BOARD...I don't care if I DJ Suzet or you or anyone else here, I am NOT MARRIED to any of you...My only allegiances here are to Mr. W and MB Principles...You will NEVER see me DJ those two important parts of this board...I assume EVERYONE here posts to get the TRUTH...PRETTY OR UGLY...the TRUTH is what I am here for-if I ever come here spewing fog, I fully expect MB members to beat me silly with 2 x 4's of steel...

I don't know about you, but I am not a circus clown just here to post for the enjoyment and entertainment of others...I'm here to learn MB principles and help others do the same...I have a staff of young people that will blow sunshine up my butt all day long if I want them to, I do pay them after all-but I don't EVEN want that, in fact, I always find it suspect when one of them kisses my [censored] in a ridiculous show of false loyalty...I always think, HMMMM...WHAT ARE THEY UP TO? WHAT IS THEIR AGENDA? I much prefer honesty from EVERYONE-strangers and especially friends...Don't you? If not, let me know, if you pay me, I will LIE to you ALL DAY LONG...It would have to be a HUGE paycheck though...I like someone else here at MB, that I have tremendous respect for, do not suffer fools well...

Mrs. W

It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools.
Ecclesiastes 7:5

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Yep, you be the one I'm talkin' bout Miss Melly...I love that scripture!!!

Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Suzet in case you’re still reading, it is clear why you and your H hesitate to pursue this further. The fact is:

ANY woman who comes on to a man and then threatens to expose his shocked and delighted response is not going to fare well in the real world.

In your case, exposure opens an entire other can of worms so you and your H have decided not to expose.

Because of your husband’s lawsuit and b/c you used company equipment and time, management is most likely already aware of the emails. It would be extremely difficult to explain what you wrote if the OM (or most likely his wife) were to pursue this with the company. The OM can always try pleading a midlife crisis in response to your seed planting but your portion is a bit more difficult to explain away. He may be less replaceable than you as well if it comes down to it.

It is ironic that in a way, you “blew the whistle” just as your husband did. You instigated, OM stupidly responded, you confirmed and there we have it. Will the company look benignly upon this? Not likely, considering your husband’s reputation as a troublemaker (warranted or not) I do know that if I were to be in the wife’s shoes, I’d stop at nothing to have you gone, and I’m SURE you’d do the same if it were your H.

Okay, so you two have decided not to give her that option. You’re both in damage control mode at this point, this is real life for you after all not just a message board situation, but SOME action must be taken.

Suzet, if you can’t bring yourself to shut the door on this once and for all, can you at the very least, make it TOP PRIORITY to get another position? You need to disappear…..from the job, from the OM. If you and your H have decided to keep this quiet, so be it, no one can make you tell. The least you could do is leave the scene of the crime and leave these people be.

I’m wondering if your OCD may weigh in more heavily than you realize. Is this possible (??)…it just doesn’t appear that you’ve been thinking straight. I sincerely DO wish you and your H the best, and hope that you can resolve this in a way that leaves you at peace with God, your husband and yourself. KB

The Aim: To persuade Suzet's H to tell the OMW. I've read enough on here to know that calls from the OW to the OMW are NOT welcome. They're usually followed by the BW saying "that scummy so and so had the NERVE to call me".

The other Aim: To repair Suzet and her H's marriage.

The Method So Far: Battering, beating down, not listening, name calling, disrespect.

The Result: Nothing

Has no one ever realised why JL is so successful at getting through to WSs. He asks hard questions in a respectful manner. He makes the WS look at themselves. He offers solutions. He treats the WS as a human being, not scum.

I was finally got through to here by a respectful poster who posted some very hard truths. What shone through was that he cared about my marriage, he cared about my H and he cared about me.

So much advice is given on here to BSs, saying don't forget you're dealing with a WS and here are the MB principles to deal with it. But it all flies out the window as soon as a WS appears on here.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

really?

if OW called me today to inform me that my H was making UNwelcome advances & proposals to her again ... I'd thank her

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

... and then Mr Pep would be poopontoast ... if what OW was saying turned out to be factual...


pep

Seriously Pep, it happens all the time on here.

Poopontoast. Thank you VERY much, I've just had my breakfast.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well Jennikins

"it" happends when the OW calling has an ulterior motive or is witholding the truth or just making stuff up ... or trying to make trouble in the marriage.

but if the WS sincerely wants to stop ALL advances from the former adultery-partner ... call up their spouse & tell them ... Jen, IN MY OWN CASE ~~~> OW was furious at my H for being open with her husband ... the flames of her desire for MY HUSBAND were extinquished that same day ... "How could you betray me by speaking to my husband?"

door slams shut on the affair

LOVEBUST the affair partner... and the zombie dies.

pep

I'm pretty versed on the MB principles...backwards, forwards, inside out... and support them 150%.

There is a significant difference between sugar coating something, and being cruel.

I've read this entire thread... more than one poster... crossed that line... several times over.

I'm not condemning the message.. and you won't find me contradicting any of the advice given.

I simply suggested that the approach was horrible in some cases.

Suzet is NOT your average poster.. and I can NOT begin to imagine... what she must be feeling.. on this board... she does feel like a fraud..and her self worth has probably plummeted .. not a good place to build up from ..

As a FBW ... I'm not here to judge Suzet for her sins, actions, or lack thereof... I can offer support..and lead her in the right direction, and hope she gets there sooner or later..it's NOT my place to disrespect her or pass judgement on her one way or the other.

And I'm certainly not here to "enlighten" you. Why you're taking swings at me is beyond me. Don't come down on me like I've said the unspeakable.... I've simply stated my opinion on approach...and while you gave me another two paragraphs about what YOU would prefer...doesn't make that a universal preference... and it certainly doesn't make me a fool.

I put the MB principles into play well over two years ago... and they worked really well for us..and they still do. That doesn't give a divine right to be mean and judgemental to anyone.

And what you have seen as being mean and judgemntal from Mrs. W and others, i have found to be straightforward and truthful. Their approach is honest and caring.... even if it is tough love. Sometimes a kick in the [censored] is needed.

KiwiJ... there is also another "aim" here which is being missed.... standing up for doing the right thing. It is obvious that any FWP that comes on these boards and professes that she has returned to hurting two families is going to hear it. Just as obvious would be the support she would get when she steps up and handles things in a responsible fashion.
I am direct and very forward in my opinions. I use a 2 x 4 when needed and do not call any WP a friend. When they are free of that distiction... I would once again be there to support and care for them as a friend. But honestly... sitting back and doing nothing more than offering words of caring and compassion to a person that has taken steps to hurt anothers family (as well as her own) is irresponsible in my book.
In addition, there are a lot of people here that feel personally betrayed by these types of things. I can understand that. If this were a support group for MADD (mothers against drunk drivers) and someone came on here admitting to drinking and driving or letting a friend drink and drive they would find condemnation until that behavior ceased.

You are misunderstanding yet again.

I'm not suggesting words of compassion, I'm with Jersey, there is more than one way to skin a cat. We all have the same aim. People can make their feelings known, they should make their feelings known, but when the message gets lost in a rabid outpouring of venom or sarcasm, they don't get heard.

I'm suggesting that this battering, 2x4 approach does not work. I'm suggesting that a way of getting through that does work, would be preferable.

It might make the people giving the advice feel a whole lot better for getting it off their chests but IT'S NOT WORKING.

OK, I'll add another aim which is a correct aim.

Aim: Standing up for doing the right thing.

Method so Far: Brow beating, battering etc, etc.

Result: Nothing

You say you give 2x4s when they're needed. Do they work? All I can see them doing is getting something off your chest to accomplish what?... nothing.

I bet it is working !

It didn't work with me Pep. I just got more and more hurt and more and more frustrated. What kept me coming back was waiting for someone to say something useful and eventually, they did.

The message just doesn't get through when it's venomous and sarcastic.

It's really just basic communication skills.

Says she, who resorts to sarcasm at the drop of a hat.

... have it your way Jen

Suzet* has lost ALL my respect

so I have no business saying anything to her anyway!

Pep