DOH! Sorry about that! Jeepers, it's even below her name! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I should get more sleep!

Does it show too horribly that I am in the US and have relatives who love to blame everything bad in society on racial minorities?

Again, sincere apologies to you Suzet...

From CNN's website:

[color:"blue"]To push that transition into the white-owned ranks and make up for the wrongs of the apartheid era, President Nelson Mandela's government backs a plan in which black South Africans "would need to constitute 69 percent of the workforce at all levels from the top down,".[/color]

Correct. Racial issues do not belong on the table.

But, Suzet, herself, brought up the racial issue. A rationalization?

I apologize for not knowing that she is in South Africa since I well know that the terms "blacks and colored" are acceptable there.

However, I would wonder what a member of the MAJORITY RACE in South Africa would think about her post?

I don't need your pity mimi. If someone's idea of assistance is personal attacks, I can do without it, thank you very much. I know perfectly well why certain posters have been unable to assist me. It really comes down to personal situations and perhaps people's posting styles.


This actually reinforces what I said earlier. The posters you refer to choose who they want to help, and to he!! with anyone else.

And I just have to say that people like GS, beavis, RacerX, sussed, tiggy, fraggles, and restarting have helped me tremendously over in Recovery. Note that they rarely post here or anywhere on the site any more because of various issues that have cropped up. I still come here because there seems to be more traffic in GQII and occasionally there might be someone who I can post something encouraging to. Others over here (who I am not allowed to mention) have been downright hostile to me, I suspect mainly because I was wayward once. And when other waywards fall off the wagon, they, too, are on the receiving end of the venom.

ummm no, I didn't report your post to the mods, but that would not be a sign of immaturity. What is immature is making accusations based on assumptions, and launching snotty attacks against other posters, as you did here.


How is anyone "helped" with your snotty school girl "vilifications" of other posters? Again, you never take your own advice by continually doing the very things you claim to abhor.

Your own posts are the most judgmental, snotty and intolerant on this thread yet somehow you can't see that. THAT is not exactly mature. Fix yourself first, GBH.

so sez the woman who was just edited by a mod for her "venom." hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

MAJORITY RACE in South Africa would think about her post?

Mimi such PC nonsense has no place in SA. Forget EVERY experience and item of racial mores you have acquired in the US before commenting. The 'majority RACE' would have no problem in Suzet acknowledging the black empowerment employment program. It is employment 'bussing' on a huge scale.

Suzet's post is African in context, not racist.

GHB, I was beaten up pretty badly by BS and FWs alike when I chickened out of exposing. They convinced me to expose. My marrige was saved as a direct result. THIS WORKED FOR ME and many many other vascillators.

I HATE bullying, I LOVE inertia-moving pressure to do the right thing.

I am no fan of PC "lets be soft and nice with everyone, however wrong and deluded they may be and however much damage to inocent parties their inaction may cause".

I am sure we disgree GBH. Just wanted you to know I was a TARGET of a "MB mobbing", and I will be eternally grateful !

Mimi, you do realize that she is not in America, right? She is in Africa so they are African blacks.

p.s. thanks for the kudos earlier, friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here where I live, is where most South Africans immigrate within canada...My town of 60,000 is probably 30% south african...it's crazy.

Most saved up all they had to move here, or had someone here sponsor them. They aall have great educations - went to school, ALOT of them doctors, therapists, dentists, and so on. BUT they had no work in SA...they had to carry a gun in parts of SA...not just to protect themselves from being white...but from getting trapped in tribe wars that are ongoing...

There is no MAORITY race in SA...as the 12 "black tribes" in SA continue to fight over whom of THEM is the superior race.

It's a VERY different culture there...and work for white people is getting harder and harder to find...it's why I agree Suzet needs to find a new job, but understand the complications of why she may not be able to...since her husband is unemployed...life there is not life in North America...and job hopping doesn't exist...and poverty there is pretty bad...there is no social system to help people out...

Suzet I am SURE is weighing all that into her choice to leave her job...

As for telling the OMW - I really think the thing to do is to tell her, but I am not living with Suzet or her H, and if they choose to not do this - its THEY who have to live with the concequences, not I.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ML, I believe I was edited because I mentioned a a couple posters by name and was uncomplimentary about their posting styles. I don't know that for sure, but suspect that is what it was because I remembered after I posted that the mods have mentioned here before not to criticize people by name. But apparently that request is only directed to a certain few, because I see others do it all the time and not get modded. So who knows.

Despite your belief, I am not "broken." I am doing very well, thank you. I just don't respond well to personal attacks, and the stuff being thrown in Suzet's direction was, IMHO, uncalled for. But again, why the mods didn't mod that out, I don't know. Maybe I'm just oversensitive to it.

I was only trying to find an analogy that might work for Suzet who was being personally attacked by certain posters here. It was not meant to be venomous, it was meant to (sort of) poke fun at what I perceived as intolerance for diversity.

ML, I don't know why you hate me so much. I know you have helped a lot of people, but you have done nothing but sprew hatred toward me. I came here for help nearly two years ago because I was terribly confused, fogged, etc. Others have helped me tremendously, enough to get me out of the fog and well into recovery. But from day one, you have been hostile to me, and I really don't know what I did to deserve that. And not that it's right, but I responded to your hostility with hostility. Once the cycle starts it's hard to break it.

I can't even remember the thread now, but not too long ago, you accused me of still being in the fog and I never could understand why. It didn't make sense to me, I love my H and am totally indifferent to FOM -- have had complete NC for nearly two years. I asked for an explanation and instead of giving one, you just spewed more hatred at me. I just don't get it, and perhaps I never will.

I suspect this post won't last very long, but hopefully you'll see it before it gets modded out. Your hatred toward me makes me sad more than angry, but I suspect in the whole scheme of things, I really shouldn't care that much. Some people click, some don't. That's life.

GBH,

As you know I to have been mob bashed by FWSs and BSs, more so by FWWs though, it's part of the territory. BSs do have issues with FWWs who revert back to WWs. This is because they see the potential for their own FWSs to do the same. Unless you have been on the receiving end of a WS you will never understand how scary it really is and why BSs never want to be in that position again. So yes BSs do respond in a very direct way, to nip the problem in the bud so to speak.

I have noticed that FWSs are a little thin skinned around here, but that also comes with the territory. FBS, FWS, BS, and WS all share a common issue, pain caused by the one they love. A very large and tough pill to swallow. I believe puttung down our weapons, while extremely hard to do, is what is required here in order to help all MB'ers, not just Suzet*.

There is something going on here that we all can learn and grow from. Soooooooo please stop the battle and work together to share ideas and find solutions. Everyone's opinion counts, is valid, and does not require bashing, although sugar coated PC speak doesn't help either.

How bout an MB exclusive here, PORH! The truth shall set you free, might hurt like HE77 for a while, but will, in the long run, help more than what is going on here right now.

Sorry for butting in where I don't belong...

You guys go back to the table and the subject at hand...

Mimi..who has lived in the South..of America...for much, much too long...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

GBH, you were edited because of your nasty, hateful personal attacks against Pep and I, which is against the rules. This was in the same thread where you feign great "offense" against "personal attacks," "intolerance" and "vilification" and then proceed to do that very thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> So excuse me if I don't take you too seriously when you clearly don't practice what you preach. [I believe the term for that would be hoisted on your own petard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />]

And honestly, I don't hate you at all, you just aren't that big on my radar screen, although it sounds I am on yours. But that is your personal issue to contend with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[For what its worth -- this is NOT aimed at anyone in particular]. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Instead it is a reaction that has built up over time & over Many many threads. So take it as voiced AT EveryOne. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

With that said:
Actually what I'd like to see (not that it matters to others here) ...is for EveryOne to stop running to the Mods all the time, over every little thing.

Sure there is a Place for it ......but it should be reserved for extreme cases.

Unfortunately,
this Practice of "run and tattle" is sadly getting to be the Norm around here.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

By the way,
When did the Memo for this practice to begin go out Anyways??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Cause it Really seems to have heated up during say the last 8-9 months.
Happens ALL the Time.

Truly,
I don't recall it being such an issue in the Years I've been reading here previously (since Nov of 02).
Really, it wasn't.
Just isolated incidents every Once in Awhile.

But in the last of 05 - till present ......it seems to happen FAR far too often (IMO).
Heck,
for awhile there even was an OnGoing post at the top of the page Just For This Topic . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Indeed,
this mentality (from all sides) of "I'm gonna go tell" is really a Bore! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Hi Suzette* remember me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't post much anymore, but do come by and "lurk" from time to time. I was really saddened to hear about your recent experiences concerning OM. I want to help you get through this, and mostly I want to see you put the OM behind you once and for all! You have chosen to honor your committment to your husband, and I know that you truly want that and believe you can manage it in your own way, but don't forget that some OM cannot be put off that easily. For some it takes exposure. For others, a NC letter works. For others, both are needed. And for those stubborn few, like the OM in my situation, a NC letter, exposure, and actively avoiding him at all costs....is what it takes. I thought at one time that if enough time had passed, he would give up and leave me alone, but that didn't happen. He is a stubborn, smug, selfish SOB. So how have I been able to maintain NC? All three of those things above. I know that you want to handle this your own way Suzette, and that is fine. But I can almost guarantee that if you are truly serious about NC and keeping your marriage intact, you will eventually heed the advice you are being given here. It may take you a while to get there, but I really think you will come to see that it will be necessary.

If you do not want the OM pining away for you, thinking about what "might have been" for the rest of his life, have mercy on him and expose to his wife. "Dreaming" your way through life is a waste. Give him his life back, and take yours back by doing all those things that Harley advocates.

Suzette, what you had done after the EA the first time did not work well enough. You know this. You can't keep trying the same thing over and over and expect different results. Clearly the OM has not given up hope. So now you have to make it as abundantly clear as is humanly possible that you do not want him in your life. Period. You now have to do more than you did before to see to it that this time there are no windows of opportunity left for him to enter, break in and steal.

Suzette....don't waste any more of your precious time on this OM. You do not need to worry about how best to handle this. There are those with experience, including me, that can save you a lot of time and trouble if you will just heed the advice. If not now, I promise you will eventually. One way or another.


Warmly,

NOW

That's the point though. Suzet wants OM pining after her otherwise she would expose to OMW and establish NC

I'm with the BigK on this one.

Suzet* characterized the latest NC letter as the third such letter. If the first two didn't work, there is a high probability that the third one will not work. There is no rational reason except Suzet* welcomes additional contact from OM.

Trust me; it is not easy to slam the door shut and to do hermetic NC. Most WP think that 90% NC is OK.

Put yourselves in the shoes of a WP and thik how hard it must be to give it all up forever---------not easy.

Okay, I'll concede I have little tolerance for intolerant people. Yeah, I guess that makes me a hypocrite, in a way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

But ya know, you reap what you sow. You made personal hateful attacks against me, accusing me of being in the fog, but when asked for evidence, you didn't come up with it. That is because there wasn't any. Prior to that, another one of your little clique made a similar personal attack, again with nothing to back it up, and at the same time, he slandered several other members here. And a third of your group defended him. That is the truth. It happened.

So you, too, have been hoisted by your own petard.

I have not been the only target of your hateful posts. Only difference with the other targets is that most of them have had the sense to either not try to reason with you or stay away from here althogether. I will try to the best of my ability to follow their lead.

Peace.