BOb, Better- passionate about each other! In love again- you know all the things posted on the home page of MB. DO you have that? Do you think you will get there? I hope so otherwise you will feel like you are recovering.JMO

What do you mean by 'passionate' cfc ? In love we certainly are, but PASSIONATE ? Like 'new boyfriend/girlfriend passionate ? 40's Movie passionate ? No. There was a honeymoon period about 4-9 months after d-day when Squid was passionate about me which helped me a lot in a dark time. Now she love sme, and I love her but its not 'movie' passionate. I don't think my'movie' passionate machine works any more.

Also cfc a passionate recovered marriage is only better if a person values that more than what was lost in the affair IMO.

Squid is now a wonderful wife and mother and a good friend and confidant to me. I have friends who REALLY envy that, and they should - it is an enviable sitiuation. But I lost more than I have so far gained, so enjoyable though my marrige is most of the time, I cannot consider it better than before. I am learning to live with my loss rather than expecting some magical recovered state that will arrive where neither of us have any negative effects of the affair. I just hope for a day when I don't think about it and am saddened by it. That will be a GOOD day.

All blessings.

"There was a honeymoon period about 4-9 months after d-day when Squid was passionate about me which helped me a lot in a dark time." - I think this is what I am looking for, but I am not sure. If you went through this and didn't forget what happend. That is difficult. MY h's SA/ EA lasted only two months and two SFs ( although he wasn't fufilled, but that is another story for another time). If squids A lasted longer, I could understand your problem. DO you think that it is a matter of training your brain not to think about it. And I know you are here helping others, but doesn't that cause you to dwell on the problem more than it needs to be thought about at this time? just a thought


Also cfc a passionate recovered marriage is only better if a person values that more than what was lost in the affair IMO.-YOu are exactly right in this presumption. In fact any marriage is good if it is valued. My H didn't value the M hence the A- he said having an A he thought would help him to appreciate his family. Let's hope he does now.

SO now to delve into recovery. Did you and squids see a MC?