I think my husband might be having an emotional affair with my best friend. I do not know this for a fact, but my husband has left me because I was verbally abusing him due to my past issues of sexual abuse. (I didn't realize I was verbally abusing him.) He works with my best friend, and she is also having problems with her marriage. I know they used to talk often, and her husband even confronted her several months ago because he thought there was something going on. They said there was nothing going on and that they were just friends, which I know is true because they were close friends before my husband and I even started going out. I guess I'm just getting parinoid, because I've been reading all these books on verbal abuse and the effects of it, and books on trying to help heal a broken marriage. These books always talk about the possibilities of affairs. I'm going nuts! I'm want desperatly to work on our marriage. I'm working desperatlly on healing my own wounds right now, but I can't help thinking about this being a possibility and it keeps me up all night long. The worse thing is, is that my best friend at one point has told me that she used to picture my husband being a good kisser, and that she had a slight crush on him before she started going out with her husband. I know there's nothing that I can do, I just don't know how to handle this. Do I wait for more solid evidence? When my best friends husband confronted my husband of the possibility of there being something going on, my husband got so mad that he would even think that, that they no longer even speak to one another, and they used to be best friends. I'm so confused. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!

I love my husband dearly and don't want to lose him!

abused1

My husband was having an affair with my best friend while I was 7 months pregnant and he was also best friends with her husband. I suspected for a while before I had proof, and I wish and I gone with my gut feeling when I first felt it and maybe it wouldn't have gone on aslong as it did. But, of course I asked him and he denied it and I believed him. I had the similiar situation with her going through marital problems and her discussing it with my husband. They were also friends before we met. I have learned that your husband should not be discussing your problems with anyone other than you especially another woman unless you know about it. Check phone records. My husbands minutes went from 500 minutes a month preaffair to 5000 minutes while it was going on. Snoop. Check emails, messages, anything but don't let your husband know you are checking. I didn't confront my husband again until I had proof, and he even tried to deny it then. We are now in recovery, but I wish I had stuck to that gut feeling from the beginning. Gut feeling aren't always right, but wouldn't you rather know for sure. Good luck. I hope you find some answers.

There sure is!

First, why do you think there's an affair going on? Don't be afraid to say "gut feeling" if you have no solid proof.

In that the other husband has already had suspicions, you should contact him and compare notes. Do not alert your H that you're doing this. Lay low and watch and listen.

For your past abuse issues, seek counseling to help you get your arms around it.

Do you now clearly see your verbal abuse of you H? - or is this just what he has accused you of? The reason I ask is that cheaters always scapegoat the betrayed spouse and he may be rewriting history to justify an affair.

gut feeling, I keep trying to ignore it, but the more I read about emotional affairs and how they happen accidentally, I just don't want it to happen.


I do realize what I've done to him and I've told him. I've told him how sorry I am. I've told him that I'm getting help, and that I don't want to do this to him, or anyone, ever again. I'm 100% committed to changing, and I know it's going to be a long and hard road but I'm willing. I've told this all to my husband. The more I learn about verbal abuse the more I love my husband because he stuck by me in the hard times. When I finally realized what I had done to my husband it was to late and he wanted to be seperated.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Are you still abusing him? Did he move out or is he proposing moving out? Do you have children?

No.
He's been gone a month.
No.

a, is he having an affair with your friend? Where is your H living? Are they seeing each other outside of work? What does her H say about all this?