Hiker - Man, does that take restraint and I know the feeling of wanting a piece of the OM. Does he have a W who you can call and reveal his whereabouts too? If so, maybe she can open a can of whoopA$$ on him?

Like the others have said - great time to get some video tape, don't do it yourself b/c the temptation would be too great to "drop the gloves" and mix it up. An airhorn a nice touch, how about some pepper spray too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

V/r, No Way

...because the euphoria from that action is very short-lived.

How about calling your local TV company and ask if they want to do a story on cheating, that you have just the right footage for them if they send a crew over with a TV camera...

...or just go over there yourself with your own camera and see what you can capture. It should be good evidence just in case D comes up.

time to call pi and have them dispached asap....this will hold up in court and will cut thru any fog.

trust me on this.

been there. dun that.

Hey everyone, thanks so much for the support. Yes, the temptation to go over and kick some butt is great. I know it isn't a solution, but it would feel good for a while.

I can't video the two of them going in and out of the hotel room; emotionally I would lose control and do something stupid.

How I hate what this is doing to me and my family. My son wants to know where his mommy is and all I can do is say she's at work.

MIM,

I love your Nehru quote, so much so I posted it on my computer monitor.

Faithinme,

Glad things are good now. Someday I'll be past this mess but right now all I can think of is what a divorce will do to my son. And, of course, I ask myself everyday how she can throw all our memories away for something that clearly won't last.

justpeachy,

Unfortunately in this state adultery means nothing as far as the divorce is concerned. It can't be used to determine custody unless it can be proven that the child's emotional or physical health is measureably damaged by the spouse's behavior. We all know that is the case, but it's darn hard to prove in court.

Well Hiker you may be a little wrong about the adultry thing if you keep a log.

You may be becoming the primary caretaker for your child if she is not around much.

The amount of time you spent with them before the D is taken into consideration.

What your WW is doing with that time may also be taken into consideration.

Lets say you both work and you get home and watch the kids while she goes out you are the primary caretaker for that time.

Don't think the court is blind to the whole mess an A creates.

Thats why you should log it all because it might matter in a round about way.

If it were me, I would just call his room and ask to speak to your wife.

Even if he denies that she is there, it will really shake things up.

If, by some freak chance, you actually got to talk to her, I would say something like, "Sharing you with another man is not ok with me. A marriage should have only two people in it. I'd like to talk to you more when you get home. Bye, now."

I'm new to your story - I don't suppose you're ready for Plan B?

Post deleted by Hiker45

I'm sorry. That must be very hard for you. Just from the little teeny bit I've seen on this thread, it looked as if you could use the respite of B.

Well, no sense making her sneaking around comfy for her. Could you get a bunch of friends to call and ask for her, too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> "Hi, I'd like to speak with Mrs. Hiker, please." "Hello, is Mrs. Hiker available?" "I was just calling to ask Mrs. Hiker a few questions. Is she handy?"

I'm sorry, I know this is terribly hard. I hate the powerless feeling of knowing they are with the OP, knowing exactly where they are, and being very limited in what can be done about it. Hang in there!

Oh Man!! Been there done that. My WW Finally Met her fantasy lover this past Jan. She faked an entire week off of work to spend as much time as she could with him. I was able to actually get some pics of them together. Doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things though.

I had MANY visions of a first meeting with the OM where the outcome would have landed me in jail without much chance for parole but, I kept thinking of my kids and their need for a father.

Post deleted by Hiker45

The video will indicate that the affair is still ongoing.

If you're going to do this, I suggest getting one of your closer friends to go with you, or do the video-taping for you.

Good idea, though I really hate to get others involved in this mess.

MiM,

Doesn't it bother you that as you peruse these threads you see so few real examples of recovery?

Yo Hiker - my recovery is going better than I could have possibly dreamed 6 years ago. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT
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WAT,

Seriously, now. Why are there so many failed attempts at recovery?

Hiker,

Call the Cops and report a Meth lab in his room. Do this when you know WW is in there. May not help your sitch, but will be very funny to watch.

Sometimes it does. But then, I remind myself that those who consider themselves recovered probably have better things to do than to hang around this forum <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

If I go by the statistics, the odds are pretty much against my M working out ("exit affair", W was the WS, A was carried on in our home, A was ended by the OM, W was initially reluctant about recovery, ongoing difficulty in meeting each other's ENs). I come here to see what I can do to even those odds, and offer help to others in any way that I can (I try not to go overboard - if I was a "M Guru", I probably wouldn't have had to come here in the first place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />). Usually I mostly find despair echoed in many of the threads, but sometimes there are a few nuggets of good advice mixed in.

If you're really going to do that, don't do it from your home or cell phone, or the cops will eventually turn up at YOUR doorstep - I'll bet that they don't take kindly to false alarms like that.

Well, that's what bugs me -- the odds do seem to be against saving the marriage. How can that be, if most affairs burn out "6 months from the time they see the light of day" and 95% of affairs end within two years?

Is it that these WS's never actually come out of the fog, or that, like my wife, they re-write their marital history to make things seem like they were miserable when they weren't? They actually believe all the rationalizations they made for the affair and never stop believing even after the affair ends.

Well, I was being serious. Two kinds of recovery, obviously. I know you were referring to marital recovery, but don't discount the other kind. I never got a chance for trying out marital recovery.

I have to honestly say, if not for the adverse effects on my son, my XW's and Xfriend's betrayal was the best thing that could have happened to me.


That pretty much describes my XW. The other factors being her personality (mental) quirks, which I believe will prevent her from having any sustained, meaningful relationship.

Your wife may not be a "garden variety" WS (like my wife wasn't) and the garden variety expectations may not apply. But maybe she is.

Either way, implementation of the MB approach positions the BS for recovery - of either flavor.

JMHO

WAT