Jenny

I don't expect you will read this especially coming from me but I wanted to say some things that might help you.

Jenny you ARE minimising your backslide in an unbelievable way. You have KILLED WS in the past who minimised what they did and its effects, yet now you have rationalised what you did so it was less bad than an email and somehow not a symptom of the EA/PA you had (or have) with OM. Jen if you believe anything please know that the fog appears THICK in your posts right now. As thick as any recent WS. Shout at me if you want, but Jen have I ever lied to you before ?

Next in thinking your marrige is currently wonderful, oh Jen are you CERTAIN Rob is as wildly happy as you think ?

I just can';t see how someone as smart and sensitive as Rob could be in a SO GOOD marrige when he has just been told that his W fears committing to him, has an eternal pull from OM and has issues with boredom and lack of excitement. I fear Jenny that you haven't told Rob any of this. How could he not be devastated to hear that ? Else how could you have resolved such pernicious issues without stuffing in only a few weeks ? It smells of denial Jenny, Sorry if I have that wrong.

Finally there is a real agressive/defensive patina on your posts now. I can understand if you feel picked on, you've been DJed and AOed by many on here ( me included,offline, sorry again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) but it looks like fog again Jen.

Every indication in your posts lately shows you are minimising what you did, and not pursuing the personal issues you identified before Rob found out that you catalogued here so honestly.

I fear for your marriage jen if you don't wake up and smell what you're shovelling is not coffee.

I post this out of care for you and Rob.

All blessings

To be honest Bob, I'm not wasting any more of anybody's time on this.

None of you have the faintest idea what Rob is like or what our marriage is like.

You are all harking back to things I said about 2 months ago. Yes, that was fog. How dare you imply that I am still in an EA with the OM. Do you know what it feels like to finally see him as he is? It feels WONDERFUL. It also feels wonderful to be fully committed to Rob.

Yes, Rob is wildly happy. We both are. Noone listened when I said we have talked this through just after Mel rang and EVERYTHING was aired. I've come such a long way in the past few weeks but noone cares about that. They'd much rather see me desperately unhappy.

Because I posted it on Idiotville most of you missed my lightbulb moment about a week ago.

Also, when Rob came home last night and I told him EVERYTHING that everyone had been saying he took away all the nastiness and all the bad feelings I had with just one sentence, as he's always been able to do all our marriage. He is my rock.

He suggested breakfast this morning and a trip to the Sunday markets. He wants our life to be fun just as much as I do.

Jen, forgive my ignorance of the remarkable recovery you two are in. I went and reread all of your posts for the last three weeks. I wanted to see how it had gone so fast. Rob really must be a remarkable man to make such progress in 3 weeks time. On June 3rd, he was not even sure he wanted to be married to you.

You will see if you read the quotes below where I get the idea that the two of you are not talking about the situation.

This is not something I pulled out of my hat-it is something you state several times in a matter of days- that you have not talked seriously for quite some time.

You decided not to process any more on MB which is fine. However, when someone mentions you aren’t talking it is all that can be seen from your posts.

Rob really should post here on MB so that all of the rest of us BS’s could get a clue how to move on so quickly. From not being sure you want to be married 21 days ago to being Wildly happy is really progress all of us would like to make.



6-16 I also just want to share how happy I am right now. This morning was extra, extra special. I know I have what most people never even see in their lifetimes. I've been coming to that realisation over the past couple of weeks.

My lightbulb moment also came when I realised that Pio still isn't talking to me, yet my own H who is the real injured party has proved what a wonderful man he is. When I read too of people never forgiving and never moving on I know that I have a man who is one in a million.
It makes me very happy.


6-7 We still haven't talked much but there's lots of cuddling and smooching and affection going on so I think we're doing fine.

6-6 Rob could probably be pushed out of his comfort zone but right now it would like look criticism. As everyone has pointed out, it's me that needs to do the work right now.

We're actually doing very well. We've decided to put talking on hold until we have some good alone time to talk. SF is still every second night as usual (and very nice SF it is too)

6-6 you were encouraged to talk, talk, talk – your response?
I have to go to.

Thank you. I'll read and digest and get back to you on our progress.

6-6 know I need to tell Rob what I want from him. We haven't had a serious talk for about a week. We need to get to the bottom of everything and really talk about it.

6-5 Rob is still upset and hurt but I'm doing all I can to help him. We haven't had much A talk in the last few days, it was a long weekend here and I'm still not very well.

6-3 Rob and I still have a lot to work through. I have been honest with him about my feelings. It has been very hard. He is still not sure he wants to be married to me. He does want to be married to be but he doesn't know if he should be.

Moveforward, I'll trust you're not being sarcastic which I hope you're not.

Plain and simple I had a true lightbulb moment which progressed on to all my actions from then on.

The only talking Rob wants from me now, and I'll check with him on this but I'm pretty sure of it, is confirmation that I love him.

I had VERY bad flu during the time I mentioned I was unwell in the posts above and it brought a lot of normality back into our lives if you can understand that.

Rob will never post here (he did once way back when and it took him about an hour to type one post), he can't type and he doesn't really agree with message boards fixing problems.

All I can say is he IS an exceptional person and I agree he could teach people on here a lot.

I was so upset last night when he came home and he wiped it all away with humour and down to earth good sense.

PS: You also said that your H said he loved you all through the A. I never did.

PPS: Patriot said don't try the crying thing here. Rob would never, never, never say such a thing to me, which says a lot about DJs and their use.

Jen - I think you do need to work on your life - to me, the whole thing has little to do with the OM or your husband. Hope you will be able to put the plug in the jug, and get busy.

Here's the thing, B, I AM working on my life.

And that is where your focus should be. Good for you!!!!! Ignore anything that gets in your way. Rehashing all this crap does no one any good.

Hmmmm, maybe I can talk Rob into meeting up with DD and her b/f in Europe.

J/k, I'm over that. But we will DEFINITELY be going on a holiday in the sun before the year's out (WITHOUT my mother).

I wish you could go meet her. That would be nice. But a holiday ANYWHERE would be nice.

After seeing their wonderful photos and how absolutely happy they are I don't feel the need any more. His parents are meeting them in August for a week's sailing in Croatia. DD has mixed feelings about that LOL.

I'm also looking forward to the 2 months they spend in the States. I can't wait to hear her view on what you're all really like. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> It's true you know, we speak the same language (sort of) and a lot of things about our countries are the same but when all's said and done, you are all of a completely different culture to mine.

I'm so happy that she got to take time to do this. Once you are married, with kids, it is so difficult. I have never traveled to Europe, or anywhere really spectacular, but did tour the 50 states.

I am too, B, it's a wonderful thing for them and something they can always look back on and tell their kids about. It's funny, I've noticed in her photos she looks somehow "older" and more like a traveller - less like the naive girl who left NZ 3 months ago.

One of her photos is of a completely naked guy (with an all over tan) lying face up and spreadeagled on the beach in Spain. Luckily it's taken from their hotel balcony so you can't see too much. It's hilarious.

Jenny

To be honest Bob, I'm not wasting any more of anybody's time on this.

This is a marrigebuilding resource jen, one you have made a GREAT contribution to. Surely discussing this isn't a waste of time ?

None of you have the faintest idea what Rob is like or what our marriage is like.

That's not true. You have given many of us insights as to teh state of your marrige, Rob's personality and attributes, recent and less recent events in granular detail. True it always been filtered through YOU but until recently you have been very generous in sharing your situation, good and bad. Only you and Rob know how your marriage is TRULY doing now, that's true. Thats why I ask.

You are all harking back to things I said about 2 months ago. Yes, that was fog.

So you didn't mean "I have always admitted OM has a pull on me" and all the stuff you said about how bored yu were, and how scared of committing to Rob ? All the stuff about marrying too early ?

How dare you imply that I am still in an EA with the OM.

You delivered a lorryload of rationalisation and fog just a few weeks ago , and AFAIK have not exposed to OMW or taken ANY steps to avoid ever contacting OM again. You have averred many times since I've known you that you're over OM yet you bump into him and by your own admission you're in fog. Whats that if not an EA Jenny ?

Now you say you're over OM again like we've ( and Rob has)heard at least twice before. And I didn't infer you are in an EA, I presented it as a possibility.

Do you know what it feels like to finally see him as he is? It feels WONDERFUL.

Heard it before Jen. History indicates you're not though unless you get help with your personal issues that make you infatuated with this man almost against your will.

It also feels wonderful to be fully committed to Rob.

I never saw you write you were NOT fully committed to Rob until your rationalisation posts a few weeks ago.

Yes, Rob is wildly happy. We both are. Noone listened when I said we have talked this through just after Mel rang and EVERYTHING was aired. I've come such a long way in the past few weeks but noone cares about that. They'd much rather see me desperately unhappy.

Jenny if you were a detached person and read your situation posted by another FWS who had said and done exactly your words, wouldn't you suspect all the issues had not magically disappeared in a few weeks ? What would you advise yourself Jenny ?

Because I posted it on Idiotville most of you missed my lightbulb moment about a week ago.

I remember you said that you thought Rob was one in a million because he didn't make you face any consequences for your recent actions, while some folkson MB were still sulking with you. Was that your lightbulb moment ? If ROb had forced you to get some counselling would he have been less loving, less 'one in a million'. Or could it be his fear of being alone,his unconditional love for you and the CA you've told us about just manifesting Jenny ?

Also, when Rob came home last night and I told him EVERYTHING that everyone had been saying he took away all the nastiness and all the bad feelings I had with just one sentence, as he's always been able to do all our marriage. He is my rock.

Your rock because he doesn't demand much of you when you f'k up royally time and again without resolving your deep seated issues that seem to cause the f'k ups ? What have you done differently THIS time than you did in 2005 when you wanted closure from OM when you bumped int him last time ?

He suggested breakfast this morning and a trip to the Sunday markets. He wants our life to be fun just as much as I do.

Lovely !. I hope you had (have) a lovely time.


I can understand why my input may not be welcomed by you.
I wish you well. Good luck and all blessings to you and Rob.

"bob"

Ever see the movie "One Hour Photo"? I liked what Robin Williams said in his monologue at the very beginning. Don't assume anything.

Bob, I think that there is probably nothing that Jen could do or say right now that could satisfy your enquiring mind. I believe that Rob loves her dearly and doesn't want to lose her. Maybe he is a CA and scared by what goes on in her head, but has decided he wants her 'warts and all'! Perhaps SF is his no. 1 EN and Jen provides that happily and willingly.

It's his call and who are we to question his motivation (or Jen's) for that matter on remaining in their marriage. I hear what you say, but did it really warrant a whole new thread? I can't be the only one thinking OMG, here we go again!

And don't you think it entirely possible that if Squid now met OM, accidentally or deliberately, she might also see him as the dirtbag he truly is? One would hope so. TT

TT, thank you.

Pio, I'll remember that and I'll try to picture them having an absolutely ****** time from now on. BTW I also speak to her on the phone, e-mail and IM with her.

You have NO idea what my daughter has been through in her own personal life, nothing to do with her parents, over the past couple of years.

Bob, I'm not even going to try and no, my lightbulb moment is private between Rob and me and I have no need nor desire to share it with you.

KiwiJ,

I have been thinking about that photo comment (of yours) for a couple of hours now. It really bothers me that you wrote it. Maybe you and Rob should talk about that. I dunno. I just go back to what somebody wrote to Bob Pure when he posted about being attacked by a dog and the other poster said if he were an analyst, he would be scribbling like crazy. Well, if I were an analyst (and I were smarter than I am) I would be scribbling like crazy over your photo comment.

I could explain why but I won't. It really does bother me. I think it would be a great conversation starter for you to Rob. Just my $0.02.

And can I say for the record that it really bothers me that B0b Pure* is always giving his $0.02. I can do it because I am American. Bob Pure* should either be giving 2¢ or £0.02 but whatever he does, he should be giving advice in his OWN currency and not mine. I find it very disrespectful. Besides - with the current exchange rate, his advice would be worth more although if the UK ever goes to the Euro, his advice will significantly drop in value. He might want to hedge against the Yen just in case.

Photo comment?? The naked guy???

I can give my $0.02 because we have dollars here.

BobP... you have offered a lot of good advice to me on these boards... some I have wanted to hear... some not... but it was ALWAYS from the heart and with good intentions. I have never seen your intentions to be less than genuine... I feel the same way about this matter. We can hope that Jen has resolved her issues in a healthy and finally secure fashion. Obviously, although she came here in the past to vent her issues.... talking to her with anything more than what she perceives as support will get your hand bit. The questions you have posed are valid and based on her own words and actions. Hopefully her "lightbuld moment" was exactly that... but to suggest that you shouldn't ask these questions of someone that would most likely (this assumption is based on her own words) still be betraying her H if it were not for a very courageous MB poster... I do not understand her issues with you... she should be thankfult hat there were some friends out there like you that were not just sitting back and joking with her, enabling her and being part of the problem. You posed the hard questions and DEMANDED character from someone you had come to respect. Good for you Bob. If that is not appreciated in all areas of the MB forum... well, so be it. Some of us here appreciate your view and approach... even when we are not prepared to hear the things you are saying at a particular moment.

Obviously I am joking about B0b Pure* but I am not joking about you.

Okay here's the deal. You have been following these photos for some time. You have mentioned that you are "bored" and really want to convince Rob to travel with you. You view the photos and see that they are "soooo happy". Implication is that you are not "soooo happy". I might even risk guessing that you blame Rob for not wanting to travel and therefore it is his fault that you are not "soooo happy". The truth is I really don't know and I don't want to seem too critical lest bigKahuna jump on me again (back of BK I am only joking). I realize that is a very simplistic explanation for what I am trying to say and I think it might be a bit more complicated so don't just dismiss it out of hand.

If I were to go back and look through each of your posts where you talk about those photos, there is an underlying theme that seems inescapable to me. Do with it what you will. I just thought it might be worth thinking about. How do you really feel when you see those photos? It is a rhetorical question BTW. I don't really want you to post the answer.

I'm leaving this thread for good now. For once I agree with TT and for reasons I can't quite verbalize, that just really depresses me. (Just joking about you too TT).