I have not posted in quite a while. I think it may have been since February. Since then, the divorce procedings moved slowly until last month when we started seeing a mediator. We actually had very good progress with the mediator.
Thoughout, I continued my IC, and continued to let her know how wrong this divorce was for our family, how she had a husband willing and actively working to change my problem areas to make the marriage work.
Throughout, she continued to blame it all on me, and continued to say that the reconciliation failed because of me and the entire divorce was MY fault.

Well, over the last 4-5 months, my 3yr old daughter started a trend that she exhibited whenever she got angry at me for me not letting her get her way, or me not buying her something at the store. She would say "I like Rick. He is nice to Mommy and me". Then at times she added "Rick gave me a piggy back ride in the pet store when we were lokking at the Nemo fish". Of course my wife would say that my daughter doesn't know what she is saying and none of it happened. And she said that the only reason my daughter continued to bring up OM was because she knew it bothered me. Oh yeah, then on Fathers Day, when she was throwing a fit, in addition to saying the above, my daughter told me "I hope you die so that Rick can be my father".

At times when I had suspicions, and would confront her, she would get very indignant about it and belittle me. Just last week, when I mentioned that I wished she would start going to church again, she yelled at me that "she was a child of God, she knew that she had a solid relationship with God and for me not to worry about it", and on and on about how she is a good person and a child of God, etc....

Well, this past Monday was our 13th wedding anniversary. I had actually thought that W was having misgivings about the divroce due to our recently being in mediation and dividing up our house hold goods, etc... She was acting desponded, told me she was probably depressed, etc. I was still trying to be as positive in my actions as I could, to show her that I still wanted the marriage to work.
On Monday, she called me at work saying that she had hurt her back and asking what meds to take. I decided to come home directly after work to help her out. She told me that she could barely get out of bed because her back hurt.
I get home from work, she is walking around just fine as she hurries outside to continue her phone conversation that she needs privacy for.
I get aggrevated because the house is a MESS (as usual). There is food, and so, ants, all over the living room carpet, a carpet that has been DESTROYED over the last several months. There are dirty dishes piled high. Food debris from the kids is just evrywhere. I try to clean up some while she happily chats away in the back yard.
I go upstairs tomy bathroom, and there is her purse, the one that she has kept a death grip on for 10 months now. It is sitting open. I see an old card in it. I think "maybe that is an old card from me, maybe she is having second thoughts about all of this." I open it, and it is a Valentine's card from OM. Then I see her secret Trac phone #2 (#1 was discarded by me last August). I see text messages from him dating back to April talking of sex and talking of marriage and their future life together.
I go out back outside to her and tell her that I don't care when the divorce is final, but I want her dirty tramp [censored] out of my home NOW. Of course she gets indignant, and "how dare you talk to me like that", etc... So I pull out the card and phone (and a digital recorder that she had been using all along to try to get dirt on me for a divorce trial). She at first moves to go in the house, then turns and comes at me saying to give her her stuff back. I say no, she grabs for it, sees that she can't get it and does some swinging stuff that catching me with some nails.
I go to leave to go to OMW and let her know. Then I decide not to leave as my kids are there. I call OMW and tell her that she may want to come over so that I can talk to her and show her some things. I go in the house, upstairs, and W is on phone with OM. She goes to grab the stuff again, I grab her wrist as she puts her hand in my pocket, and she yells into the phone "ouch, you are hurting me, leave me alone, don't touch me" I go back outside. OMW arrives while I am in the driveway on the phone. I tell her to hold on a second but she blows right past me. I get off the phone and run upstairs to try to control the situation. My 3yr old D is there so I grab her and put her in her room. When I get back tomy room, OMW and WW at going at it. OMW has the phone and is yelling at her H, who is such an idiot that he is actually talking to his wife.
I break them up, they go at it again. This repeats it self several times. WW keeps saying "I can explain"...? WTF? HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN?
I keep breaking them up and saying "stop, stop, we can't do this, stop". My little girl wanders back in during a break in the action. I take her back to her room and when I return they are going at it again.
Overall, it was very one-sided, unfortunatley for WW. WW runs into the bathrooom and calls the police.
Since WW is locked in the bathroom so no fighting is happening, I go and get my kids and take them next door.
The cops arrive and ask me to tell them what happened. The officer stops me and asks about the scratches on my neck. I blow it off, say no big deal, I am not worried about it, and try to go on. He repeats several times "no, I am concerned about that. it could indicate spousal assault. how did you get them?" So I admit that WW did it. He asks if she was trying to hurt me. She is right there, and cries about how she "is the mother of your (me) children". I ask for a few minutes, the officer pushes for an answer, and I have to truthfully admit that she was swinging at me out of anger because she could not get her love letter and love phone away from me. He tells her to turn around to be cuffed. She freaks. She all of a sudden says she is hurt from OMW, so an ambulance is called, she puts on a show for them, and is taken to the hospital instead of being driven away in the police cruiser.
She bonds out that evening and was arragned yesterday morning.

I had someone on this board who I have keep in contact with, tell me over the last few weeks that she was acting like a WW. Again, just as last year I say that I don't think so, and really didn't think she was. I, once again, couldn't bring myself to believe that she would be that despicable of a person. Once again it caught me by complete surprise.

Her father and brother callme from the hospital threatening to beat me up the next time they see because because I let OMW beat W up. (I didn't, I tried to stop it,but also took care of my daughter FIRST).
I then get a call from the GF, the one who helped WW be a WW last summer, and, as expected, was helping this time around as well. She threatens me about all the tape recordings and stuff on me that WW and she have collected over the last several months, and that she is going straight to the police with it and my "[censored] will be in jail tonight". and that I will regret ever doing this to WW, etc... etc....

It is clear tome that the affair never ended. I now know for a fact that 2 weeks after d-day last summer,on the very first day my boys went back to school, leaving W and daughter home alone, when I caught W lying to me about where she was, at the same time OMW caught him lying to her about where he was, that they were trying (or maybe did) meet.
I know for a fact that things were ongoing in January.

I can see how she has spent the last 10 months or so trying to collect dirt on me to use against me for a settlement. The whole time she was still with OM. She also was exposing my 3yr old girl to OM, encouraging her to like him.

I am SO GLAD to have found out. It blew away ANY, ANY feelings of agonizing over this divorce for me. I feel relieved, I feel freed. I still have sadness over my family breaking up, but the thought of WW disgusts me. I could not in any way stand being in her prescence. I am certainly not morning the "loss" of her, which is now clearly no big loss.

I have never claimed to be a choir boy. I have always admitted that I needed to get a better control of my anger, and address other issues. And I honestly, in good faith, tried to do that, and will continue that for myself and my kids and a future wife.
She clearly never, ever did anything in good faith. She was plotting the entire time. WEhat a dispicable human being.
She has purposely and with malice mentally and emotionaly abused me for 13 months now.
And all of her actions have been about what she wants for her. The well-being of her three kids, of what is best for them, was never paramount for her. I am sure that she convinced her self that she was doing what was best for them. She can manipulate and justify everything she does.

I would be interested in hearing from"momto3boys", and friend of both of ours from several years ago in the Army, whom has been in constant contact with WW over the past several months and whom, understandably based upon the lies fed to her by WW, took WW's side and criticized me and supported WW.
WW was very good at presenting her self as the victim in everything. That it was my fault that we were divorcing because I just could not control my behavior.
I can clearly see where and why she did nothing to help me cope with the anger over her affair. She didn't want me to heal. She wanted to use my anger to goad me into arguements to tape me as evidence of my behavior.

How sick.

I am so thankful to finally be emotionaly freed from her. She was truly a huge burden.
However, now I have to do whatever I can to protect the children. they had already seen and heard too much, even before all of this. They need stability. She clearly is not able to provide that based upon the choices she has been making in the past 13 months.

To a certain extent, I feel sorry for her. She is throwing away EVERYTHING for a man who is a serial adulterer, will be paying support for 1 child from marriage #1, and support for 2 kids and wife from his current marriage, and will have 5 kids (3 hers, 2 his) who all do not want to be in a house with the person (him for my kids, her for his kids) who broke up their families.
She is a lost soul right now. I can't do anything about that for her. But I worry about the damage she is causing my children.

I am not worried about myself. I will get by. This latest developement has actually made it easier for me. But please pray for my children, and OM's children. They don't deserve any of this.

Tired Dad,
I hope you are going for custody. That is no moral environment for your kids to be raised.

Based on the events, you could have a restraining order against her -- keep her out of the house until the divorce proceedings.

Plan B to protect yourself (not for re-building).

Tired Dad.

Momto3boys posted a few days ago with an update <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I will bump it.

I am glad to hear your update. I am glad to hear you have continued your personal recovery...as I said - your wife was looking for a way out...and never really in recovery...when you had your affair, you gave her the fuel she needed.

You have made some fantastic changes in your life and as you will continue them - you will come out on the better end. Be that rock for your kids! They will need you.

Thanks for the update TD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless

T_D,

As you know, I was praying that anything hidden in your situation would come to light. Looks like that happened.

My W agrees with Lexxy - she says you should go for full custody.

Take care...

Will judges in your area side on "moral" grounds? Here they won't, however the condition of your WW's home is a good start at documenting neglect. Hang in there. Your kids should be with you.

Mrs. W8ing

Tired,

Do not drop the charges being a nice guy!!!!
Spousal abuse is a hugh factor in child custody. As a matter of fact most states say that if Spousal abuse has been committed within the last 5 years custody will not go to the abuser.
Also what happened will be factored into the custody dispute. Her A was the underlying factor for what happened yesterday. No A no confrontation with WW and OMW.

As far as their recordings. They are not admissable in court. As a matter of fact I would ask her friend to please go to the police with the recordings. Beg her then file a complaint against her for illegal wiretapping.
File a civil suit for invasion or privacy and defamation. Do it in small claims.

You are on higher ground but when your enemy gives you ammunition that helps you for the rest of your life and your childrens life you may as well use it.

Are YOU staying away from romantic affiliations with women as advised??

hmmmmmmmm???

or do I need to go look for my flyswatter? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

sorry your wife is such a complete mess ... press charges regarding the physical assault ... it is important you learn to deal with your wife in proper above-board ways ... and calling OM'sW over to the house and allowing her to enter ... was a foul move on your part.

Pep

I did not ask for a temporary restraining order. I am not afraid that WW will physically harm me. As for the domestic assault charge, once it is filed it cannot be dropped. The papers I signed that night said if I failed to cooperate with the procedings that I could be charged.
Her pre-trial is on 20 July.

A far as "foul" for calling OMW. I truly did not want a physica confrontation. Back on d-day last year I went to OMW house and we talked. I wanted to talk to OMW and show her what I had. In hindsight maybe I should have known that OMW would do more than talk. So I am guilty of poor judgement on d-day #2 for me. Mea culpa.
I did not allow her to enter. I was in the driveway on the phone and told her to hold on but she barged past loaded for bear. At that point my main concern was getting my kids out of there. If I had wanted OMW to beat up WW, I wuld have gotten the kids and went next door and not gone up to the bedroom. I removed my daughter from the area then broke it up.

I am definatley avoiding women right now. My one and only slip was a disaster that I am still ashamed of. Looking back on it, I feel used by that lady just for the sex.... and for my whole life I felt like most guys about being used for sex "that would be awesome"! But after going through it, it does make me feel de-valued, used, and hurt. She knew how vulnerable I was at the time, but she was lonely and needed "someone" for the time being.

However, now that I am happy about the divorce, and it is close to being over, and even after the D I will not have a women around my kids unless it is a "serious" long term relationship, would it be so bad to go out on a few dates?

I know, I know, I am not emotionally ready for that. I know that. I would be at great risk of getting in to a dependant, unhealthy relationship. I can repeat verbatim what my IC has been driving in to my head about that.

Tired,

My FWW was arrested for domestic abuse as well. Be strong through this. Her attorney will try to manipulate you into doing something stupid. Get with your attorney first.

My FWW wanted me to get up and testify it didn't happen. That would kill me in a custody hearing. I refused.

What ended up happening is she got off light because she is a woman. The DA gave her anger management courses etc but it still shows on her record.

If you are in the middle of a custody hearing make sure this comes to light.

When this happened I was speaking to a lawyer he told me to get a D right now because I was in the best position ever to get custody.

After that what I would say is keep your head up. What happened the other night was a mess. Make sure to insulate your kids as much as you can. OMW coming over was not helpful but you certainly couldn't have predicted the outcome.

You exposed them and it didn't turn out right. I think the OMW had a right to know.

Any way good luck. Make sure you document if she violates the restraining order.

TD

good for you

I've put my flyswatter back in my holster

Pep

TD

post here & not "there"

FWIW ... I always thought your version of "truth" seems much more likely than the "other" version of what happened

Pep

OK.

And for the record, I have always admitted to anyone and everyone that my desriptions of events are certainly skewed based upon my perspective. The thing is Angelea truly believes her versions are the 100% truth.
Just 2 weeks ago she got on me saying I went around telling everyone "stories" to get their sympathy. I said I tell them my side which is no different from her telling her people her side. And she said "yeah, but I only tell them the truth".
Maybe she really doesn't realize that "Angela's truth" isn't the unbiased 100% unvarnished truth.


Hey, I have always admitted that I have done some rotten things. In fact, so many that I forget to mention all of them and then are accused of lying to cover them up.

I still feel that I tried "to the best of my abilities" to save my marriage. But regardless of whether my actions were "good" or not, as we can now see, it never really mattered.

It's sad. I was desperate to change myself for her in any way she wanted if it meant saving our marriage. IC has been very, very difficult for me. I struggle daily with trying to keep from doing things the way I always have. I am not always sucesseful in avoiding "old ways", but I am sometimes, and the desire is there to continue.

To a certain extent, I am realizing that maybe I let her paint me as being so totally defective, and I accepted that in the hopes that by accepting it and working to change it that I might save our marriage. So now I have been trained to accept that I am defective.

We are all defective in one way or another.

I can have healthy relationships with someone who is healthy for me to be around.

I am a good person who has warts like anyone else. I deserve recovery. I am human and I am allowed to make mistakes.

I know that I am TRYING and have always TRIED to do what is right. Obviously Angela cannot claim the same.

And I HAVE NOT seen or talked to any female in an adult or romantic or whatever way since my screw up in Dec05 / Jan06.

re-post of a long one I put on Kandi's thread.
________________________________________________

“I know that YOUR AFFAIR with your partner(s) did not help in her decision to divorce you. “

First, I have always been completely honest about that. And it was PARTNER, no plural. It was a lady I met 4 times TOTAL, who lived out of state. Two of those times were simple meetings at restaurants and NOTHING else, not that that makes it any better. She was not married and had no children in her house. After I was discovered by Angela, I broke contact. I have not had contact with the lady since.
And Angela, who was still actively in her affair when she caught me, was in no way honestly considering ANYTHING else other than D. She was biding her time to try to get the goods on me in whatever way possible to help her in the D. My A only gave her a convenient reason to file without looking like the 100% bad guy in the deal. Don’t be so naive as to think otherwise.


”I think you use those kids of yours as pawns just as Ed does. How is that good?”


I am trying to protect my children from a woman who clearly is not making rational, sensible, moral decisions that are in the best interests of her children. Her A is about HER AND HER ONLY. Please give me ONE REASON, one small reason how her A with a married father of two, and planning to break up both families, destroying the families of 5 children, is in any way “in the best interests of the children”? Please give me any simple reason why it cannot be accepted to be exactly what it is, A SELFISH ACT ON HER PART AND TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE CHILDREN. And her A is controlling everything she does in her life right now.


I do not want her taking my 3yr D to see that piece of trash, and encouraging my 3yr D to like him, to the point where D says the things to me that she says. How healthy for my 3yr D is that? What kind of example is she giving our children? Her behavior over the last 13 months has been very, very irrational, and very much so to the detriment of MY children. You say I use those kids as pawns, why? Because you think Angela has some God given right to have those children all the time regardless of what she does with them and around them? She is damaging these kids FOREVER. They see their mother carrying on with a married man and father of two while she is still married to their father. Allie is too young to understand, but the boys understand. She continues to push him at them. Did she tell you that she convinced Logan to play football after he had already told me he wanted to play soccer as he always has? And guess who just happens to be the football coach? She truly has no shame.


Why is it just accepted that unless I give her the kids, go to work, pay all the bills, and don’t ask questions, that I am “using the kids as pawns”? If I could, I would quit work and be with my kids full time. But, being the only responsible adult in the scenario, I must support my family. She knows nothing about that, and has never appreciated that.

Once we are divorced, when the kids are with her I have no control over what she does and who she sees around them, as far as OM is concerned. I know that.

Do I let myself get angry and yell? Most definitely, although now much less than in the past. I continue to work on my issues and am doing much better, considering the circumstances I have been subjected to for the past 13 months.

I can tell you that these past few days at home with the kids and w/o Angela have been very peaceful. There has been no yelling and we have been laughing and having fun.

It has been very difficult to keep my emotions in check when Angela is around simply because she has been purposely manipulating my emotions to her benefit for the past 13 months. She has been consistently emotionally and mentally abusing me for 13 months. She knew that I was unable to emotionally let her go and she played on my desperation to save my marriage.



”I have NEVER supported A in her A last summer and you know that. I do support her in her D. I probably would not support her had you not gone and had your OWN affair.”

As someone else pointed out, her CONTINUING A, or didn’t poor little honest Angela tell you that truth?

I support her in her D as well, because it is also my D, and I need it quickly.

As someone else pointed out, when my A was uncovered, I immediately stopped it, have never gone back to it or any other women, and did what I could to repent for it. Funny, I gave her a second chance after her serious emotional and physical A. But she didn’t even consider giving me a second chance for my physical A. And that is because she never intended to stay in the M anyhow.

And never, never excusing my idiotic, immoral actions by having an A, if my WW had truly wanted to reconcile instead of continuing her A, we would have. And then I would not have been in the world of pain, feeling lost and unloved, and gotten into an A. And again, no excuse for me. But as I told Angela many times since, the difference was, when she had her affair, she was glad she was with OM and not me, when I had my A, I was wishing I was with Angela.


“I am shocked...You called your W a slut on this board?”


No I did not. She is not my W and has not been for at least 13 months now. Would it make it better if I phrased it as “she is conducting herself as a slut would”, or “she is acting like a slut”?

I am not sure how else to describe a women who drives up to see her married lover on his lunch break for lunch and a quick “servicing”. But oh yeah, I forgot, “it is “true love””
And I guess you consider OW in your situation a fine, moral, upstanding person?


”I only know what she is telling me...”


And look at that closely Kandi. What do you know about Angela to be FACT as far as her honesty and truthfulness? I don’t have the time to type out all the irrefutable facts that show she is a consistent liar, devious, deceptive, manipulative, plotting, and with malice.

“That you called the OMW to your house”

Yes I did.


“and allowed her access to your wife”

No I did not. As OMW walked by I told her to hold on as I was on the phone. She kept going, so I got off the phone and literally ran after her yelling “hold on, hold on”.


“and then sat there and watched her beat your wife up in front of your D...”


No I did not. First and foremost I got Allie in her room as she was in the hallway, not our bedroom where Angela and OMW were. Then I went in and broke it up. By the time I got in there they were already going at it. OMW had the phone, talking to her H, screaming at him. Angela said “Casey help me, get her off me, help me”. I grabbed OMW and pulled her off and said “stop this, stop it. We can’t do this.”
It kept getting heated and I had to break them apart 3-4 times. Then, during a break in the action, when they were separated and I was between them, Allie walks in. I immediately run and grab her and take her to her room again. When I come back in they are at it again. The whole incident lasted maybe 3-4 minutes before Angela locked her self in the bathroom.

Think Kandi, if I wanted Angela beaten up, why wouldn’t I have just gotten Allie and gone next door? If I had wanted Angela beat up, by leaving I would have given myself complete deniability of what happened and would not be involved in the situation at all.
Honestly, Angela is lucky that OMW got to her when I was there. If OMW had gotten to her at another time when I was not around, she would have been in for much worse.

You know, Angela has done some reprehensible things to me in the past 13 months, but I do not want her physically hurt. I would take no pleasure in that. Regardless of my current emotional state, I will always care about her in some ways. We are a part of each other. You cannot be with someone for over half of your life, and your entire adult life to date, have a family with them, and then have zero feelings, regardless of what is currently happening. The person she is right now disgusts me. But when I let myself think of her as the Angela she used to be, I loved that Angela to the depths of my heart. She is the only person in my entire life whom I loved and trusted completely, and the only person in my entire life whom I thought loved me completely. It still hurts.

Oh yeah, did Angela tell you how she tried to play like I was assaulting her when she was on the ohone with OM? She tried to grab her love phone out of my pocket, and when I grabbed her wrist to stop her she yelled in to the phone “stop it, you are hurting me, let go of me, stop”. So I got her hand out of my pocket and left the house. That is why I was standing in the driveway when OMW arrived.

“that she called the Police”

Yes, that is right. SHE called the police. I did not. I had no intentions of calling them for me.

“and YOU told the police she attacked you...YOU then had her arrested and sent to jail....and then got a TRO against her...”

100% lie. The officer asked me to come out on the front porch to speak with him and Angela about what happened between her and OMW, which is why the police were there.

Before I had a chance to say ANYTHING he asked about the scratches on my neck. I said “oh, no big deal, I am not worried about them.” He stopped me from going forward 3-4 times by saying “no, wait. Those scratches concern me. How did you get them”. He would not let me drop the subject. I tried to blow it off as “no big deal, I am not worried about it”. But he would not let me. So I honestly told him that Angela did them. So then he asked if she was trying to harm me when she did it. I asked to have 5 minutes to clear my head. I didn’t like where this was leading. I didn’t want to do this. My God, I didn’t want any of this. At that point in time I was already wishing that I had not found what I found that afternoon and was still blissfully ignorant.
He wouldn’t give me 5 minutes, he wanted an answer. The officer persisted, and I honestly told him how I got the scratches. And I have told OMW straight up that I will honestly describe what I witnessed between her and Angela if I am asked to do so.

”CAsey, I am appalled at this last turn of events...”

I find it totally amazing how you, just like everyone else she has in her corner, whom she has manipulated with lies, still totally accept 100% what she tells you. How can you naively believe what she tells you when you know for a fact how dishonest and deceitful she has consistently been over the past 13 months at least? How can you accept someone as the “victim” when you know what she has been doing? How can you know what she has been doing to me and still label me as the “perpetrator”? I know I am not perfect, and I do bad things at times, but come on, this is ridiculous.

I got the same thing from her family when they called yelling at me about it. They say “Well, I don’t know about all that other stuff (all her irrefutable lies), but I believe her about this.”


Hey, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. She fooled me twice so shame on me. However, you and the rest of those supporting Angela have been fooled 1000 times over, you know that you have been fooled, but continue to accept what she tells you at face value. I just don’t understand that.


“if it's NOT true..the how did she end up in jail?”

As I said above, after she called the police, the officer pressed me to tell him something that I clearly did not want to discuss and that I attempted to avoid discussing. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, that it was not a big deal and that I was not worried about it. He would not let me drop it.

“with a restranging order against her own children?”

ANOTHER LIE. There is not and was not a restraining order against her own children. Standard procedure was that a temporary protection order be placed for me against her until the hearing the next day. I could have gone to the court hearing and asked for the protection order, it would have been given to me automatically if I asked for it, but I told the prosecutor that I did not want one.
As of now, no protection order or other wise exists.
Just last night, the GF’s husband asked if the kids could go to their house to visit with Angela. Sorry, but I could not do that. I have no reason to think other than that I would not see the kids again until the divorce is over. So I offered to let her come over to my house to visit with them. So she came over and visited with them upstairs while I stayed downstairs.


I am not using the kids as pawns. I only know that she is unstable right now, and if she has the kids, I have no right to see them unless she lets me. And I now know that for 13 months she has consistently dealt with me in a deceiving and plotting manner, never once dealing with me in good faith. Can anyone, other than those who continue to believe her lies, reasonably try to tell me that I should do anything other than expect the very worst out of her as far as I am concerned? She is clearly acting in her own best interests’, period. If her kids’ best interests were of concern to her over her own selfish wants, she would not have behaved as she consistently has over the past 13 months.

Did Angela tell you that I was at my lawyers’ office the next morning, telling her that I did not want to escalate things, that I hoped we could get back on track in mediation and avoid trial? That I did not run to my lawyer with sword drawn and breathing fire?
I can tell you that Angela ran to her lawyer with sword drawn on Tues making all kinds of wild claims and threats against me.
My lawyer had an offer to her lawyer on Tuesday (incident was Monday night), an offer on how to manage time with the children for both of us while the D proceeds.
As of Thursday morning we have gotten no response, no counter-offer, no nothing from Angela and her lawyer.

Did Angela tell you that when my lawyer let slip the time of my appointment on Tuesday morning that Angela drove over to my parents house with the Sheriff to get the kids? Luckily I had the foresight to not have the kids there, I KNEW she would try that.


“And how did the OMW end up at YOUR HOUSE???”


I called OMW and told her that she might want to come over so that we could talk and so that I could show her a few things.
The last time this happened, Angela was driving out of the driveway with the kids when I got home, and refused to tell me where she was taking the kids. I luckily guessed that she took them to her mothers and went and got them while she was at her lawyers.
This time I knew not to leave my house because I know full well that if I did the kids would not be there when I returned. I actually began to drive to OMW house, but turned around and came back because I was worried that Angela would take the kids and run, just like she did last time.
The last time I went to OMW’s house and talked to her and showed her the evidence I had then. So this time was not a new thing. It wasn’t much different than last time except this time I made sure that Angela did not take off with my children.


”I listen to A when she needs someone to talk to...SHe has been there for me and I will continue to be there for her...”


As you should. And you can believe whatever she tells you. Just do not attempt to present it as the truth and to use it to tell me that I am not acting appropriately.


I do find it ironic that after what you went thru with Ed, with you being in my position in your troubles, you are so eager and willing to support someone who is on Ed’s side of the equation. Why is Angela any different from Ed or his OW? Why am I not as worthy in my situation as you are in yours? I spoke with Ed a few times back then. Did I ever, ever come back at you, supporting Ed, criticizing you based upon things he claimed to be true? I never did that.


”Some of the things that go on with you two NEEDS TO STOP NOW...”


Absolutlely. I agree. Whether she and I like it or not, we are going to have to interact after the D. We have to get along. I will always be dependant upon her to a certain extent for assistance managing my work and the kids. I know this.


“Angela is the MOTHER of your children...”


And because of that there will always be something between us. But you know what, I am the father of her children. Maybe she needs to have someone tell her how inappropriate it is to try to replace me with her married OM, particularly while she is still married to me. She encourages Allie to like him. Allie is 3yrs old, she was 2yrs old when this started. She does not know any better. All she sees is OM being sweet and nice to her and mommy, and mommy being happy around OM. Of course Allie doesn’t know that OM is being sweet and nice because he wants something from mommy. And then Allie sees mommy and daddy always arguing and being mad at each other. And Allie doesn’t know that mommy draws daddy in to arguments because she wants to tape him to use against him.

“do not call her names in front of them...do not degrade her in front of them...”


Ever since Monday night I have consistently told the children how much their mommy loves them and how good of a mommy she is to them. I tell them that I want them to see their mommy as much as they want to. I tell them to love their mommy. I tell them that mommy and daddy just need to work out a few things between us and then they will be back to seeing us both as much as they want.


I had hoped and expected that an agreement would be reached yesterday. I was disappointed when it was not. I hope one is reached today.


To me, an agreement is just something to fall back on if everything hits the fan and we must operate on the minimum. I would want, and hopes that she does to, that we can operate in a flexible way over and above any agreement, for the kids benefit. I have always wanted that.

Even in mediation, I was fully agreeable to giving her the right of first refusal at all times. My only stance was insuring a bottom line arrangement with the children that I can count on in case Angela and I deteriorate to where we are where you and Ed seem to be.

How would you feel about someone telling you to be “reasonable” and depend on Ed’s good faith and good will towards you as far as the kids are concerned? Think about that for a second and then apply the same standards to my situation.


Our mediator told us that we were the most agreeable, most willing to compromise couple he has ever dealt with.

I want this de-escalated. I want it (D) over. I want to move on.


“You guys have no idea what is going on in this relationship...NO IDEA!!!”

And neither do you Kandi.


“Casey is a LIAR! PERIOD His wife did not attack him...He called the OMW over to HER house and let that woman in her house...she proceeded to go up to her bedroom and attacked her...all the while casey is standing there watching...”


Funny Kandi, I thought you were in Texas. I did not know that you were at my house watching all of this unfold firsthand so that you are so certain of the “facts”.


“Angela was beat up by this woman...she had to go to the ER.”

She was fine until the officer told her to turn around to be cuffed and taken to the cruiser. She pleaded to not be cuffed. When he said he had to, then suddenly she felt very bad and needed an ambulance.


“He put a TRO on her.”


False. Call the courthouse. Standard procedure is the TPO after her arrangement until the TPO hearing the next day. I had no control over it. And I did not request or receive a TPO when the hearing was held. I did not even appear at the hearing.


“He will not allow her to see her kids.”


Then she has an identical twin that came to my house and visited the kids last night.



“He is also actively participating in HIS OWN AFFAIR(s)...”


News to me. I would love to hear whatever nonsense Angela may try to present about this. As Cutbert Calculus knows full well because I told him at the time, I have exchanged a few emails with someone on a strictly friends basis a few weeks back. And I specifically told this person that I would not do anything else until my D is legal. I even refused to call on the telephone. Not because I think I owe anything to Angela, but because I know that Angela has screwed me up emotionally and it would be risky of me emotionally to start seeing someone right now.


“Casey has a lot of anger issues that he needs to get control over....”


I am hoping that the biggest catalyst for me will be gone shortly….. so I am dealing with it effectively.


“how do you know she is a liar?”


Maybe because they can read, and can see where her very first posts last year were complete lies where she blasted me while having her affair.


“he's got you all suckered into thinking he has changed”


I am CHANGING, verb, ongoing. I know and even told Angela just Monday morning that for me it will be a lifelong journey and never a destination.


“and done everything in his power to win his wife back.”


I did everything that I was capable of doing based upon my emotional abilities at the time. “Everything in my power” does not mean “perfect attempt”, it means the best I was able to do, which I know is far from as good as many others could have done. I never wanted to lose her. And I even allowed myself to be pathetic and clingy while she mistreated me because of my desperation to save my marriage.
I have not gone for more than 2 weeks without seeing my IC since last August. Why don’t you ask Angela when the last time she saw IC?


“all the while he is sleeping with woman on the net...”

I have admitted meeting ONE woman and having 2 encounters with her in Decmber05. That is it, period. If Angela says otherwise, it is just another in a long list of lies.


Kandi, don’t you live in Texas? How are you so knowledgeable of the “facts” in my situation?


But I guess Ed is the one telling the truth about you guys as well? I have spoken to him recently. His side is very different from yours. Do I accuse you of lying? No I do not. I have no idea what is the truth. My assumption would be that you are giving the more accurate description of things. Maybe I should not be so willing to give you that benefit of my doubt?


“this is not a healthy relationship by any means. Casey has done his fair share of destroying it.”


We can agree on that.

so this is going to become an ugly divorce battle???

what are your thoughts about how to make this divorce less stressful for yourself & for the kids???

Pep

Hey...it's just my opinion...

But I think that any woman who takes up with someone else's Husband has a good asswhipping comin...Not saying it should be done..just saying that they should expect one.

committed

TD:

Stay on the moral high ground. Avoid the drama as much as possible. If you need 2 confer with the OMW 2 verify whether or not an A is ongoing, do it away from your family. Rather, since the OMW appears addicted 2 drama herself, and you're DVing, just stay away.

Fight fire with water.

-ol' 2long

I have been corresponding with TD on a regular basis, sometimes several times a day, for about a year now. He has admitted to me mistakes he made, his affair, episodes where he let his anger get the best of him. He has not been sugar-coating things to make himself look good or to elicit sympathy.

I consider myself a good judge of character. I had been telling him for about 2 months that, in my opinion, his wife was still actively engaged in the affair with the OM. It turned out I was right.

For 13 months now, TD has been operating under the assumption that his anger was preventing reconciliation. He looked in the mirror, saw all the bitter arguments he kept getting into with his WW, and took his share of the blame - and more than his share of the blame. Because I now understand why he kept getting into these arguments. Not because of any anger control issues - or at least not primarily because of them - but because his WW was deliberatly pushing his buttons, in as cruel a manner as I have ever heard of, to provoke arguments so she could record them. To use to blackmail him.

Anyway, during the time I have been corresponding with TD, I have never found any inconsistancies in his account of what is going on. I have never seen anything that looks like a lie. He has been unsure of himself, at times almost desperate, but nothing he has said ever contradicted anything he said before. He has never backtracked, he has never said anything fishy that would indicate he was making things up. And he has been blunt about his own mistakes and his own problems.

Even when he was having his A, he did not lie to me about it - he simply stopped communicating for a couple of weeks - and when we got back in touch, he confessed what he had done and the deep remorse he felt over it.

With his WW, those who remember last year will remember she came on this board several times to complain about TD - never to seek help. And she was caught more than once in lies - including the big lie of claiming TD was not working hard enough to save the marriage while she herself was engaged in a full-blown affair with one of TD's friends.

Also, just as it is true that:

"wherever you go, you take yourself with you"

it's also true that:

"wherever you've been, you brought yourself with you."

The past is past. We've all done what's been done. Staying on the moral high ground isn't 2 spite the "other side" that won't, it's simply the right thing 2 do.

And the only way 2 rise above this mess.

-ol' 2long

actually

I remember this very well

and it was our girl Believer who suspected there was an affair and she got lambasted on EN board for speaking out ... and it turned out that Believer's gut was correct ... and I never forgot that ... and now when Believer has some gut talk ... I tend to listen !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep

[color:"red"]EGG ZAK LEE [/color]