I'm having such a hard time moving forward with divorce.

Here's where I am:
I have an attorney.
I have a divorce document that WH and I have reviewed and agreed upon.
I sent changes to attorney 3 weeks ago but haven't heard from them and haven't pushed it. Finally called attorney yesterday; he will call me Monday.

My sordid story is here on the board.

I would really like to hear from some of you who went through a divorce that you really didn't want but, b/c of things that happened, you couldn't go back to the marriage. In my case, lots of affairs (one in front of family and friends), lots of lies, lots of emotional abuse, some physical abuse.

I know in my head and gut to move forward and move on. My heart is the hold-out. I miss the man I met and married. I am holding on and so is he but, I can't get past what has happened and he is still lying about things I know to be true.

So, please share your positive stories of life and love after divorce from someone you still loved at the time. I need positive reinforcement.

l2s - here I am!!

Except for the adverse consequences to my son, my life couldn't be better! No kidding!

The details are not important, because no one ought to try to mimic someone else's story.

But I bet a common theme among successful divorcees is having a positive outlook on life. Of course, this would be a common theme for anyone. - and maybe that's the point you should keep in mind > happiness comes from within. It's not who we're married to or divorced from that makes us happy or unhappy (or vice versa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ). It's what we make of our lives and our situations.

JMHO

WAT

Thanks. I seem to need constant reinforcement on this!!

I KNOW I'll be okay but I guess I want to know that others have made it through and have created a good life for themselves minus the XS.

I made it through 37 years of life before I met him. I'm sure I can handle a few more. Guess it's just comforting to know that others have done it and I can, too.

Think:
no more drama.
no more "is he lying to me?".
New opportunities!
Better informed.
Freedom to do what YOU want, how YOU want. aaahh....

The glass is half full. Drink up!

L2S, you're basically going through what I went through 3 years ago. Tough going, isn't it?

It was the hardest thing I've ever done but I am so proud of how I handled the whole sordid mess.

You have to be patient with yourself.

I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I can now see xWW for what she was/is.

The children are happier, too.

Sometimes divorce is not the end but a beginning.

Ahuman, into the black,
Thanks. It really does help to see that others (men and women) can make a decision, move forward, and create a wonderful life for themselves. I have that incredibly stupid fear that I'll die a lonely old woman in a house full of cats (I don't really have cats - just a part of the vision). My neighbors will discover my decaying body after the newspapers pile up in the yard after a few weeks!!!!


into the black,
You said something that for me really hit home - "I can now see xWW for hwat she was/is". That really says a lot to me and it's something I really need to tatoo on my forehead.

My marriage has never been really good. It's been one crisis after another. This post would be pages long if I detailed all the negatives. My life has been total chaos from the moment I said "I do".

I read on a post from Mrs. Wondering about how Mr. Wondering (I think it was them) has never once raised his voice to her, has never cursed her, has never thrown her past in her face. Wish I had a dollar for every time......

Thank you both very much. I need all the encouragement I can get. Gotta move on, gotta get past. I have a 14 y/o wonderful daughter that needs my undivided attention.

Remember to have it tatoo'd backwards so you can read it in the mirror.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WAT
-------------------
Life is a beach - complete with high and low tides.

[quote] Remember to have it tatoo'd backwards so you can read it in the mirror.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WAT
/quote]

Amen!!!

Actually, I just need to get on with it!!

I've let several years of my life (not to mention my daughter's) slide right on by me while trying to hang onto a marriage that has been bad for years.

Say a prayer for me. Independence day is coming up. For me, I need to make it stand for more than independence for our country.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Good Grief....

i wouldnt even know where to start.....

been D'd for almost 3 years now, and as i look back...the last few years before are all blurry, but now....

life is REALLY good...even my kids are adjusting well...

i look at my ExW....and think.."Good Riddence"....i cried alot of tears for nothing!!!

hang in there.....

time takes care of alot of things for you....I Promise!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

It's been 3 and a half years for me, and we will be divorced soon. I never expected to be divorced and it was not my choice. But my life is good again. You will get there too.

Plan a wonderful life for you and your daughter. Don't worry about being alone. There are lots of good men, and they will start showing up.

Believer,
I've followed your story and I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. But, you seem to have adjusted well to the outcome.

That's what I'm hoping for. I'm encouraged by the posts I see here that others have been there/done that and come out whole on the other side.

I want to move on and restructure my life. Say a prayer for me as I do for all of you. I really thank God that I found this site (as sad as it's existence is) because I can say here what I can't say to family and friends. I can vent here and can get objective advice.

Start restructuring your life NOW. You don't have to be divorced to begin. I think we tend not to realize or appreciate all of the choices we have.

You're right about that. I have allowed myself to remained sucked into his life. We do own a small company together and that somewhat murky's the waters but, once we're divorced, it will be all his and he will cope.

He's the type that attracts women who feel sorry for him. He's a real charmer, that husband of mine. Heck, when I met him in '96 his 2nd EXW was still keeping his checkbook balanced for him (they divorced in '93). She also was the last one he slept w/before meeting me. That should have been a clue but ...................

By allowing yourself to remain sucked into his life, it gives you an excuse to stop working on yours. It took me a long time to figure that out. I hope you won't waste time, and will get busy on YOUR life.

There is happiness and fulfillment after divorce. There's a saying that no matter where you go, there you are.

It's going to be as happy for you as you make it. You have to be ready to create it for yourself.

You have the power to do that.

FIM

L2S, Once you get thru the grief of the loss, (because it is somewhat the same as mourning a death), but once you're past that part, you will be able to view it in a different light. You may even feel as though a HUGE weight has been lifted off of you!

I reached the point of feeling FREE, of all of the emotional abuse. Life is SO refreshing, when we finally are able BREATHE and put behind us, the misery and destructive nature of the relationship.

You will eventually detach, with time. When this happens, you will look back, and ask yourself how you managed to stay IN the relationship for as long as you did!

Anyway, L2S, there IS life after divorce! And it can be so much more than you could have ever imagined! I mean that! You can view this as having another chance at your hopes, dreams and LIFE, in general! A new beginning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

(((L2S)))

Jennifer

Dear L2S,

it's funny how we seem to prefer a life of pain and misery just because we are used to it. It's familiar. Also, it's never boring. The emotions might be painful (right up to horrible) but we're not alone, and there is a lot going on. And we can keep hoping "it will really get better now" and "this time he means it".

Divorce
= no more things going on, emptiness, loneliness... ?
= having to take responsibility for yourself, no-one else to turn to or to blame...

Of course our logic will tell us that's all nonsense. But that's not how our instincts/emotions work. They need time to realise that we're safe, and actually better off, now that our lives get balanced again and harmony and friendship and truth settle back in....

(((L2S))))
you'll get through this !

I'm definitely moving forward.
I call the attorney tomorrow and hope to get final papers for our signatures.

I really am sad about the whole thing. I get occasional glimpses of the man I used to know and love. I do a lot of thinking about how wonderful it could have been but know that it's too late to go back.

Too many poor choices on both our parts.

The stories posted here about successful life after divorce are very comforting. I know that every situation is different because people are different but it helps to hear the success stories.

Folks didn't die. They didn't rot away in their rented apartment wtih the shades drawn!!! They got on with life.

Thanks.

L2S, Not only does life go on, be "life" is given back to us.

You are doing the right thing, L2S, and you WILL survive and have a happy and fullfilling life, without the physical/emotional/verbal abuse! And your daughter will grow up knowing that there are some types of behaviors that are never acceptable. You're her role model, and she will look to you for the wise choices you make, such as this one.

Hang in there, and remember that doing what's right isn't always what's easy.

Jennifer

you will HAVE to mourn the loss and you will have to give yourself time to heal...DO NOT rush into another relationship or get serious too early...

im not saying to stay home and become an "old maid" or hermet....go to the gym, church, re-establish old friendships...all that kind of stuff....go on dates etc...just keep everything in perspective...

it took me over a YEAR to finally begin to end my mourning process, but we are all different.

but BE CAREFUL and MINDFUL of "rebound" relationships....

i speak from experience!!! (boy...i made a few mistakes along the way!!)

i was told by my therapist to wait 1 year for everey 5 years of M...i was M'd 15 yrs...im on year 3 and have a very HEALTHY and fullfilling R with a GF....but im in no hurry to rush into anything...thank God, she understands....

just sit back, go slow and enjoy the ride...believe it or not...life will seem better than before!!!