I thought I answered this for you before...

Yes!

Have you?

Why the continued interest? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

-HD

The continued interest was because of your refusal to answer this question until now.

I am in Australia so no, I never counselled with them.

I'm sorry.

I thought I had answered it for you.

NB,

I hope whatever the medical test is, it comes out okay. I know how scary things like this can be.



I know, but you also said...


BWHAHAHA right back at ya! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That's what I was meaning all along -- before I got bashed on the head by everyone. Just try it first, and if that doesn't work then you at least tried to follow it. You know what I mean... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know what you mean too, by the way. I'm just joshing you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I just need to take it easy and not stress so much about everything.

Easy to say...hard to do...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-HD

Yeah, we both need to take it easy and not stress so much...

About the other: Well, my words are right there, aren't they? LOL I've changed a bit on my stance, HD. You wouldn't have seen me back then fight like heck for exposure. I've had some issues all along with who needs to know, and who needs to tell it.

Always, I felt the OP's spouse needs to know, but... I really do wonder what Harley would say when faced with the POJA used as a tool not to tell. I mean, how many WS's (FWS in your wife's case) would agree to tell - simply because it's the compassionate and right thing to do? I'm talking from a strictly human standpoint - the spouse of the OP needs to know, in my opinion. Not many, I bet.

I know it's because it's very uncomfortable for the FWS, they want to put the affair behind them (or continue it in a current WS's position), and the potential for great change (including loss of job and status) is a pretty big motivator NOT to tell.

Still, it's so brtually unfair (to me) when the spouse of a cheater doesn't know. I think it's cruel. I'm not saying YOU are cruel, or that your intentions aren't pure, but I have to say that I feel very strongly (now, obviously) in telling.

As far as working with the affair partner - once I left my job (where I stayed too long) I realized how **just being there** kept me from having complete closure - and freedom. Understand, the affair was OVER, but he wasn't totally letting go... and in my own way, I can see that I hadn't totally either. I wasn't in love, I wasn't in lust, I wasn't feeling much of anything about him... but I'd harbored this notion (stupid) that we could be co-workers and friends after the affair. Incredibly cruel and disrespectful to my (then)H... as well as being dishonest and disrespecful to myself... not to mention the OM and his partner (who are NOT the focus, but since I brought harm to them I felt a measure of responsibility). Just a very bad scene, and one which I feel VERY STRONGLY about when I see it in action these days.

I don't know if anything I've said has made you think differently, HD, and I don't know what my own motivation is in telling you these things. Hopefully something I've said touched you in a way that will make a difference for you or at least give you insight into why some of us feel so strongly.

Bless you, HD, for your willingness to listen...

I’m always willing to listen to you NB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I’m right now getting prepared to leave for Philadelphia this Sunday, so I’ll be out of town for a few days.

W is, of course, not liking me leaving...but I only end up traveling a few times a year now, so it’s not so bad as before (just means more work for her with the 2 kids while I’m gone).

I know what you mean, and I have gotten a lot of insight into the people here who feel very strongly about the “non-Harley” ways I have gone about in my recovery. I know many posters here post through the eyes of their own experiences (I'm just as guilty as they are). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

While I have not followed “the book” to the letter, we have, in our own way, gone about to have what I consider a very strong marriage and recovery from the affair. Although, what I have stated MANY times, it is NOT the recommended way to go about doing it! For the vast majority of cases, it doesn't work.

There are, of course, still some underlying issues that have not been fully closed, but I’m sure with time and patience the right opportunity will present itself for me to do what I need to do.

Thanks again for everything (and even a SHOUT OUT to you Star*fish)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We are working towards our goal.

I just need to mind the stress (and the body)!

Now...where did I put that valium again?... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

-HD