Oh, temp...

I'm just on here trying to help you...if you find any of my understanding and experience with this to be helpful...

Take what you want from what I say and leave or ignore the rest...

It doesn't at all matter to me...

I have no need whatsoever for you to agree with me or to do what I want you to do...

I just pray for everyone being as HAPPY as can be.. whether your marriage is recovered or not...

I'm really not interested in any conflict here or trying to make my point...

There's much more fun things to do...

I came on here wanting to add this tidbit:

Using Orchid's framework..if you want..I'm saying to PLAN A the H..with the goal of him one day returning from the WORLD OF THE ALIENS...

Do PLAN A without any expectation that he will show you that it is affecting him or WORKING (for want of a better word)...

I just felt good about what I was doing as a WIFE and knew that what I was doing was what was necessary to RECOVER my marriage...

My H didn't tell me that he missed the me that I was in PLAN A until after he returned home..until after PLAN B...

He has thanked me for caring enough to do PLAN A despite how awful he was treating me during that time...

Sharing my experience..like I said before..take what you want and leave the rest....

LA, ARE YOU READING THIS POST? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Awesome

That is what I'm doing now. I am going to Plan A, to care to show how I love him, not just that I love him. I have to do that from afar until he decides to come home. I hope that he does. I want to feel his arms again, see his warm brown lovely eyes again, laugh again. He's really quite funny. I know I've expressed my confusion and frustration here. You have truly helped me to become more clear. I will do what I know how, and not fill myself with expectation. I would not walk up on the street and treat a stranger with contempt, why do it here and now, when we both need love and respect so badly. You have given me good insight here, thank for the attention, I know it can be exhausting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,
Initially, I did a very poor plan A. I was making it about him. I finally had sort of broken down, couldn't sleep or eat right, and realized I was damaging any progress we had made. I decided to see my doc about AD's and discuss IC. I got on AD's and have been feeling miles better since (that was May/June). Prior to the AD's I would focus on trying to get him to understand me. From eh, probably April until July, I had been focusing on myself and my own perceptions and not infering more than H was saying. I was doing things with my son, including H in them. I was going out with friends or hanging out with friends. Started to swim, also tried to strike up conversations; inevitably, we did talk some of his A (very little), and about his new friendship with another female ex co-worker. I asked him to limit his conversations with her, he said she was his friend and he wouldn't do that. He has continued to have lunch with her and talk to her via cell, email, IM.

I noticed a shift in things a couple of weeks ago, so I started to detach a bit more, not in a bad way, but back to being nice, fun, more like my happy self. He pulled further away. He is either having another A (hence the need to snoop), or he just doesn't feel that he is compatible with me anymore. I cannot change him, I can show him who I am, give him attention, listen, laugh, love. I'm in it to win it, but I may be the only one playing. I hope not.

As I was driving to work today, I was listening to Sheryl Crow's "Wildflowers" album and heard this song; It describes my feelings and the sorrow I'm living in right now. Maybe it speaks to all of us in the throws of separations and marriage repair.

"Always On Your Side"

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side



I miss H, and I wish that I he would find his way home and we could be happy again. I'm just in a doubtful, sad place today. The weight of H moving out, the questions from my DS, the dogs, the house, the days passing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />