Forgive me for drawing attention to you, I know you probably don't really want to be in the limelight.
I think there are many of us who know you, and would love to have an update.

Please tell us how you are, and how your family is doing.

Hope you are doing well, Kayla, you are missed!

I'm feeling a bit like Lemonman - can't stay away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Life is abundantly good to me. Even while I've experienced the loss of a dear friend to cancer, a car wreck, my 22nd anniversary, my son within an inch of being the same height as me, his foot definitely bigger than mine --- he went from being a soprano in the choir I direct at church to a bass - in two months. Kasey, ever the enterpreneur on the verge of a breakthru - something that has captured his attention much more than the porn and the depression... It's like a great fog breaking here and there and I get to see the man I met and fell in love with more frequently...

And I'm buying a violin this week. This is something I sacrificed in the dark days after losing our business, to keep our house out of foreclosure... a long time ago...

The dear friend was James - if you gotta go - what a way to go - this man is the one who got me the interview at the place where I work now. Very much treated me like one of his daughters - and when I met his oldest at the funeral, I knew why! He was diagnosed with colon cancer two weeks after I had attended a funeral for a neighbor who's son I mentored in music - who died of colon cancer. James made it a personal mission to beat the cancer in his colon - and he did, but cancer had also spread to his bones and his liver before the colon growth got beat.

Once James knew he was in a terminal situation, he still maintained an eternal life perspective. They had a 68th birthday party for him - and I have to say, it was the best I had ever seen him look - healthy color, slim, very much the vibrant man to match his spirit.

His last week was in May - he attended church - he taught the young men in his neighborhood - the youth had really rallied around him and loved him like those who love with a special bond. He bore witness of his love and faith in Jesus Christ as his personal Savior to the boys, and to the general congregation. He shared special spiritual experiences over the next two days with his children and his wife. He died two days after that. His passing, but more so, his life has profoundly touched me.

The car accident is a source of humor at work because of the location of the accident, the brush fire that broke out because my hubcap decided it liked barbeque more than smooth roads... and I wasn't seriously hurt. And I was going to trade in the car for a new one the next day - kind of thwarted those plans... and the way Kasey described the accident in terms of the line of work I'm in (investing and technical charts) - an email to one of our friends who works there spread around almost as fast as the fire spread through the field... (I got side-swiped and knocked into the curb by a guy who couldn't merge very well.) They call me "BLAZE" now.

Our son wanted to make sure that Kasey and I got some alone time for our anniversary - so he found a way to stay at his cousins. Kasey and I went out to a very nice restaurant - without worrying about the money for probably the first time ever, and then watched the sun set on the longest day of the year from the top of the mountains on the east side of the valley. It was a farewell to a painful past and a new outlook and a new beginning in our hearts and minds.

Our son turns 14 in 10 days, earned a "Duty to God" recognition at church on Father's Day and is about to commence work on his rank advancements toward his Eagle Scout. He's kind, patient - terribly hormonal like most teens with the mood swings to go with - and still thinks I know a thing or two.

Life is good. Not without it's sadness or trials. But wonderfully precious and good to us!

I probably worry too much, so thanks.

You posted here and there before you became scarce. Sometimes I would read your posts and I wondered if you preparing for a separation or D. Just random things you said.

Glad things are doing better. So, so, glad.

May you continue to have joy in the journey.

SS

I find that the more I focus on being a better me, the more time Kasey has to find himself before I take those kind of actions. I made a decision a long time ago to be happy - regardless of my circumstances. He just keeps choosing to stay in the process of growth too; in the event that the addiction comes out of remission, I will have to go to those other plans - but I will still be happy, because that's my choice, not his.

Gratefully, he has been choosing happiness and recovery. We get to enjoy the journey much more that way.

I understand why you would feel a need to leave MB, and I understand why you would hang around anyway. (grin)

So many things in your post were good to read. I am happy about your son. Our youngest (son) is serving in California, Oakland. It is a great experiance. You should look foreward to it.

We have used the things in "HNHN", and "Love Busters" to help our marriage become very strong. I hope yours becomes all that you wish it to be.

I thought some about your friend. Those left behind will miss him, but I am guessing he is very happy. This is only the test - he has gone on to "Real Life."

I don't know if I ever thanked you for all you have taught me as I have read your posts. I hope someday you understand how much help you have been to so many. I commend you for the effort, and the time you took to do it.

You have come a long way since I first started reading your posts. You are much more sure of yourself. The refiners fire looks good on you. I can see it produces the desired result, even if it burns while it works.

Thanks again. Remember people care about you, because it's true.

SS

How long has your youngest son been out there? that's a tough area of the country to serve in - but our family's last HT grew up there - great man - one of the best! (My own experience of Oakland was when my boss was too cheap to get us accommodations for a convention in San Fran - instead put us up at the Motel 6 in Oakland - I was "impressed" by the 2 inch thick glass barrier in the check in area and the one working lightbulb in the smoky room with the 2 foot square "X" carved in the bathroom door... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (you probably shouldn't share that until he is safely home!)

We've had two short weekend vacations closer to your area of the country lately - during son's Spring Break we took off and went through Bryce, then south rim of the Grand Canyon (we missed the turnoff and wound up driving clear to Flagstaff, then doubled back to the park through all the scarred forest area where the wildfires burned so badly a couple years back... then finished up with a one night stay in Hurricane and a day's hiking around Zions... We loved Bryce so much that we put that onto the end of our Memorial Day weekend trip to Arches - looping through Monument Valley, through Capital Reef, down the Grand Staircase and over to Bryce. I have some AMAZING photos!

We're headed to Glacier National Park in August - I love having a job where I can take 4 day weekends once a quarter!

I have come a long way - thank you for that! I feel a lot more sure of Heavenly Father's love for me - I'm "feeling" the blessings in my life. I get a sense that I finally know who I am, and for the most part, I'm ok with all of that.

I start voice lessons again this week. I've set a goal that next Spring, I'm reauditioning for the choir! I have to train myself how to speak and sing differently - I'm in coversations 6 hours a day as a counselor; if I change to "instructor" with the company a year from now, I'll be talking 9 hours a day, but only 2 or 3 days a week... sigh. I sound really tired and ragged when I'm done. So here's hoping and praying that something can be done to give me back my vocal clarity - now that I have the psychological clarity!

How long has your youngest son been out there?
One year mark coming up in Sept.


That's a tough area of the country to serve in ....................... (you probably shouldn't share that until he is safely home!)

His first area was Richmond - so he knows how it is. It's pretty amazing how the boys have adapted. First son went to South Africa, and he has stories that would curl your hair. My W worries, but I don't. I've been there (through the experiance) and I know how much help you get, and how you are protected. You feel it every day.

We've had two short weekend vacations closer to your area of the country lately ....

I'm glad you are taking vacations like that. It means you are not so strapped for cash as you once were. It means family life is better, and you feel closer.

We're headed to Glacier National Park in August - I love having a job where I can take 4 day weekends once a quarter!

Have a good time. We did Yellowstone last summer, but camped between here and the Colorado river this year. Do all of you like the outdoors? Or just some of you?

I have come a long way - thank you for that! I feel a lot more sure of Heavenly Father's love for me - I'm "feeling" the blessings in my life. I get a sense that I finally know who I am, and for the most part, I'm ok with all of that.

You made one comment that haunted me for quite a while. I don't remember the exact quote - but it was something to the effect that you were perhaps a little overweight, and if you did end up single, no one would want you.

I hope you have more faith in yourself now, I hope you realize your great worth. There is a lot more to you than you thought AT THAT POINT IN TIME. It sounds like you have it together now, and that you do know.


I start voice lessons again this week. I've set a goal that next Spring, I'm reauditioning for the choir!

Good for you!!
I'm impressed.

I had been thinking of posting to you for a few months.
Probably I was more worried than I needed to be - in fact, I am sure of it - but I wondered.

Our youngest are twin girls, 13. They are still at home. Kids are good for us, if we live through raising them.

SS

There are still times I worry - I have faith, but I'm still at war with my body - there are some not-so-good things happening there - but the weight gain has at least stopped, as long as I stick rigidly to my diet and take my medicine.

Whew! Today was not one of those good days...

Kasey's bi-polar ran like a freight train through my son and me today.

He has so much self-hatred about our money situation - we have abundance, but he isn't the provider or the "source". Well - just because I have a great job and work for a fabulous company doesn't mean that I am either, when it comes right down to it! Heavenly Father provides! I just happen to be the one who shows up at a job to receive it.

While Kasey has had some great self-awareness experiences in the last year, there are days, few and far between, thankfully, like today. It's pretty tough to be focused on addressing the issues of a potential client, while my son is instant messaging me that his dad is doing something we haven't POJA'd on - in fact, I had very strong feelings against it happening - and his dad was doing it anyway... (someone was getting rid of a refrigerator and since we eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegies and like to shop at Costco - it's a great idea, except where are you going to put a 2nd fridge when you live in a 900 sq foot per floor house that has one bedroom converted into a therapy clinic, the other two bedrooms occupied, the treadmill, the computers, the piano (and I'd like it to be a grand piano, lol), and a laundry room that already has an upright freezer in it - and the dogfood and the cat and the water softener and my sewing machine which is buried so deep I can't even do mending! and books - books - I can quote like I do because I read about 3 a week!

And when I reminded Kasey about POJA - especially once I found out his plan was to put it into the laundry room! He got off the phone with me and just yelled at our son for tattling! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So no - today wasn't a very good day... hopefully the cycles will smooth out soon. I don't know what will happen next week with son headed to scout camp so there's no one here to make sure Kasey even eats!

While there is much to be grateful for, it's not all a happy face.

And when I reminded Kasey about POJA - especially once I found out his plan was to put it into the laundry room! He got off the phone with me and just yelled at our son for tattling!

It's a mystery to me why having another fridge is more important than having a GREAT marriage. Ask him why, if you haven't already.

We have the same troubles sometimes, I suspect all couples do. Way less now than even 5 years ago, and I am thankful for that.

It's a relief to know things are better at your house.

I shouldn't - but I will anyway.

What ever happened with the hot tub? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

SS

The hot tub works just fine - Kasey's a wiz at building things - but his attempt to turn our old chest freezer into a hot tub at the beginning - you remember that one? lol - you have a great memory!

Only one problem with the hot tub - I can't get in it. I have been fighting pretty bad excema in very small patches for 4 years - and the last 6 months it has grown to cover my ankles and my right hand, as well as the tops of my ears. So I steer clear of water beyond a quick shower in the a.m.

Side note - Camping in Utah is a must-do for everyone! We took some guests from out of state, who had never been to Utah before - we took them on a hike around the back of Timpanogos to Stewart Falls - Kasey has IBD, so he didn't drink enough water, and got heat exhaustion that night while we camped out. He slept most of Sunday until Monday morning. But I hadn't gotten enough hiking in - so I went on a 6 a.m. walk up the trail toward the top of Timpanogos, just planning to walk to the first waterfall - HUGE bull moose, chased by a female moose crashed across the trail in front of me - I froze - moose aren't like deer, I'm sure you know - they're aggressive and will charge at you just as soon look at you. He walked toward me a few steps then sauntered over to the hill side and nibbled on some scrub oak leaves. The female was still standing on the trail blocking my path to the waterfall - I only had maybe 1/2 mile to go. But when I looked closer, and saw the little brown head bobbing beside her, I turned around and walked back the way I came - I knew why the bull moose was running - don't mess with MAMA!

Son's b-day was yesterday - significant in many ways. He's 14. It was also the first day of scout camp - so we made arrangements with his scout leader ahead of time to take cake and ice cream up to the whole troop - but son didn't know about the plot. I picked up this HUGE decorated cake, packed the ice cream in dry ice and picked up Kasey. What we didn't know is that we'd be hiking a mile into the troop's camp site. Thankfully, it was on the east face of the mountain which was in shade by the time we finished our hike. The boys and scout leaders had just finished playing a pretty aggressive game of touch football when we got there - so the treat was extremely welcome - son was a hit for being at camp instead of home celebrating!

So that's three days in a row of hiking 2 miles or more for me - anyone know a good massage therapist? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />