Guys / Girls

Thanks for the input - you're right, I'm on the verge of exposing to GF.

I know how you feel CEG, honestly.

Hurts doesn't it ? I never knew a hurt like it. But the pain won't go away until you remove the source of it. You must pull the arrow. Lance the abscess.
Another man has taken what was promised to you. Was GIVEN what was promised to you. Awful.

Its dreadful, enfeebling, destroying CEG. You can do any one of three things in response:

1. Continue to wail and wallow in pain like MIKE did. This will remove your life from the pain, but not the pain from your life.
2. Divorce your WW while you are in pain and not thinking straight. Even God allows it for adultery HE understands how uniquely painful it is for us. But divorce doesn;t remove pain. The issues still need to be worked.
3. Be a MAN and set the benchmark for righteousness and high-mindedness in a f'ked up situation. Be a hero to draw the sting from everyone affected's lives so decisions can be made while NOT in existential pain.
CEG your wife has never needed you to be a MAN as much as she does right now. She is incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone, not you, God or OM.

Its your job to reestablish calm and a fertile environment for discussion. No-one else is capable of so doing.

I know exactly how you feel that everything is hopeless, but that is your emotional response, not fact.
You owe it to your kids, yourself, your wife and the vow you made before God to be strong and calm - a beacon of light and hope in a terrible situation.

Only then, once passions have subsided and calmness prevails can any of you make sensible decisions about your futures.
Whatever any of you decides permanently now will be regretted in future I guarantee it.

I have learned, and I truly believe that there is no higher state of grace for a man than to be what his family needs in troubled times, particularly when he doesn't feel capable of so being.

Be a knight not a serf. take control of yourself and spread your calm through all your lives. Be restrained and objectived.
In that way you can be proud even if you DON'T make recovery.

Stop the (understandable) self pity and step up to the plate. Your wife needs you to save her from herself. Are you up to the challenge CEG ?

I'm just a bloke and I managed to do this against all the indicators. And I have never been prouder of anything I've ever done in my life.

Study MB. Address your issues. Love your wife while understanding the dynamics affecting her behaviour and thought processes right now. You wil be amazed how much more positive you will feel when you are taking affirmative, brave action against your troubles.

And it starts now with being the husband your wife doesn't currently deserve and the father your kids DO deserve.

Your calm and decency will shine like a beacon against the chaos of your WWs actions, and it WILL make an impression on the good woman that is captive beneath all her fog.

Hunker down for the long run but DEAR GOD it WILL be worth it. My life is transformed now - genuinely happy from a situation where that seemed impossible. But you have to calm down against your every instinct and act up.

Stop the self pity. You're entitled to it but as Dr. Phil would say "how's THAT workin' out for ya?"
Read ALL the articles on this site. Buy "Surviving an affair". Sit at the feet of Ark, Mel, WAT, Just Learning ,Pep and the other battle scarred but proud warriors who have pulled SO MANY of us from the firestorm over the years. And have faith that you can do this.
Then start to identify people in OMs life that might apply a moral pressure on him if they knew of his affair. Also have you exposed to your wifes' family and friends yet ? Exposure is a very effective tool.