Just popping in quick to say that I've been working & haven't had time to gather my thoughts. But this week should definitely be the week I can post thoughts on Chapter 1. NB, sounds good!! Only got to read your reply briefly, but I say share the wealth baby! (meaning co-leaders would be a great idea!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Some thoughts on the first chapter: His Wife

Stormie talks about how difficult it is to pray for a husband who is unkind, abusive, etc. This made me think of when I was a BS, and how I prayed my heart out trying to change my first H. We were involved heavily in our church then, and I wanted him to be the spiritual leader I heard so much about. He wasn't a normally unkind man, but he could be... he cheated on me, he called me names, he would NOT lead our family. Our marriage was in deep, deep trouble for years.

But now, I am married to a sweet, tender-hearted man... he hasn't cheated on me, he doesn't call me names, yet he also has some difficulty leading. Our marriage is not in trouble, but we lead troubled lives.

Some of this may be attributed to the fact that this is a second marriage and also because of the guilt associated with our beginnings. Most of all, I feel it has to do with the fact that we haven't gone to church in ages. I came from an Episcopalian church in the States (gave my heart to Jesus at 15), he is Catholic, but feels unwelcome because of his divorce and remarriage.

How to pray around all that junk?

I love Stormie's first perfect 3-word prayer (which, as it turns out, is exactly what I was speaking about to JustJ earlier in the thread)...

Lord, change me.

I can do that. I can pray that.

So, the first person I'm praying for is MYSELF. Interesting.

I understand and appreciate the concepts of making a home for your H, respecting your H, and praying for him even if he isn't a believer... no problems with any of that... but a big part of this chapter is about knowing when to keep quiet and knowing when to speak.

THIS I have a problem with.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am a talker. I've said things, in anger about our situation (not about him personally)... that I can never take back.

So, she says to keep quiet, pray and pray some more, before I speak.

I don't wanna! <stomping foot>

Shut up and pray.

I can do it, I s'pose, but I don't want to... it feels dishonest. Does anyone else feel this way?

This is something I will need some help with, I think.

Anyway, these are my thoughts tonight...

Hello, everyone. I have this book and it has helped me so much. I keep it in my car and try to read at least one of the prayers for my husband daily. It has helped me (us) tremendously. I am new in my walk and I am so thrilled to find this study group. I would like to join if you'd have me.
Just a thought regarding the prior posts-I know that I have been both very very good and very very bad in my life. I do not want to pass judgement on anyone, I just want to learn from all of you and to pray together. I don't care about what anyone of us has done or been, I just care about where we are about to go!

Dearest Denise, Annie T, FinallyLrning, Daisey_marie, moveforward, roly, cheryl, bjs, carenMc, silverpool, standing together and renee (and hopefully I haven't forgotten anyone!),

Ladies:

Since I began this thread a lot has happened... around this site, and in my personal life.

My heart's desire was to begin (not lead, but begin) this study with Christian women... and we could uplift each other and pray for each other.

When so many of you joined in I was... overjoyed.

I believe the momentum was at its highest about two weeks ago, and I could see that great things were going to happen.

Then life stepped in, as it has a habit of doing.

I have prayed so much about this study, and eventually became confused. God is not the author of confusion... so I know it wasn't His prompting that got me befuddled.

Whatever or Whoever it was, it changed the energy here... clearly.

I allowed my human feelings to get in the way of what God wanted... I wanted so badly to be involved here... but it seems that the drama has scared everyone away!

This book is life-changing and I encourage you to read it and absorb it. I had so hoped that we could rise above the crud and go forward, but it isn't to be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

None of this is said to ask for anything from you ladies... we ALL have our own stories, our own crosses to bear. None of us would be on MB at all if we didn't have marriage issues, would we?

So, PLEASE do not let what has happened here stop you from doing your study.

I promise you, I have prayed about this extensively and believe I am being led to work on my own walk with God... and alone-time is needed for this kind of journey -- well, in this case, "alone" means just me and God.

I am sincerely sorry that I got you all excited and dropped the ball in the first inning. It seems like the game got rained out after that. I cannot apologize enough.

I really don't know what else to say... except PLEASE DON'T STOP.

God bless each and every one of you. ::::hugs::::

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

Well

since I am new to this book ... I thought I'd start at the beginning....

How beautiful is this?

This says to me .... Pep YOU are a precious gift for your husband .... God says so !

[color:"red"]so far .... this book ROCKS !!!! [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Pep

When I think about myself, I don't normally frame myself as a "ruby"

... but, when I frame myself that way ... When I think about being a ruby ... sparkling and warm and of great and rare value ... I feel God entering me...

It changes what I believe about myself.

Do you feel that way too?

Pep

Hey Pep, thanks for picking this thread up. Thanks also for this question.

When I keep my focus on God then I do feel like I am worth something or special.

However the past several weeks my h has revealed some very difficult things to hear and I've taken my focus off of God and onto the things my h has said and I don't feel special or like a gift at all. It's been a struggle.

Hello ladies, having some financial difficulties so phone/internet is off.

I have actually read the entire book, and purchased it for a dollar something on Amazon. And am now reading a chapter a night.

Let me tell you that I have been praying the wrong way the entire time.

I too was praying "Change him Lord" but I wasn't praying with a right heart, and once I began to pray for the Lord to change me and to purify my heart and make it clean before him it has impacted my life GREATLY.

I notice that I have a different take on many things, not just my marriage.

I haven't been praying the right way this entire time. I was praying superficial prayers......bless my kids......bless my husband....keep them safe. Now I pray easily a 1/2 hour every night.

I didn't realize that I should be telling God how I felt.

But listen to this. You are supposed rid heart of all the anger and hatred you feel. I felt this included the other OW. So I decided to try to pray for her. IT WAS HARD.

I said "Lord, I want to forgive this woman, but I don't understand how because I know that I can't trust her....how can I pray for someone who I don't trust?" I got my answer plain as day. It was "Caren, you don't need to trust her, you need to trust me" and it made perfect sense, and I am able to pray for her now.

I'm not just praying that she stays away from my husband, I am praying that she has a heart to receive God and ears to hear what he's saying to her. She is an unhappy person, she has been hurt in all of this too......I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Also it has helped immensley praying for understanding of what my husband is going through.

I have broken Plan B. I believe that the Lord is leading me in this direction.....it was an overwhelming feeling, and I went with it.

The day after the first time I prayed for him when I spoke to him on the phone that night he just blurted out "I LOVE YOU".....I was a little taken aback as he doesn't normally say that....after a minute, I said "I love you too"

He is constantly asking me if everything is okay. Things have improved dramatically since I've begun to pray.

I am on the computer at the library, so my time is limited.

God Bless you all,

-Caren

P.S. I am checking out another book of hers "Just enough light for the step I'm on".

I'm still around - I meant to do a chapter a day but am only at Chapter 4 now - on Finances. I really need to be able to let go and give that to God - it's such a struggle for us financially right now - that it really hit me about giving when we are called to give. That is very hard to do when I don't feel like we can afford to give. I'm embarrassed to say even with tithing - it has been months since we have actually tithed.

I find this verse in chapter 4 to be comforting

"My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:18

that and the end of the prayer seem to be the key point for me out of this praying for dh and myself to "not be anxious about finances, but will seek your kingdom first, knowing that as he does, we will have all we need"

I am really encouraged after reading all the posts about this book. Im going to run to the store and get it tomorrow. Its just what I need. I look forward to reading along with the comments that you all have to share. Thanks for the inspiration. I think it is a really great idea and it couldnt have come at a better time for me. Thank you New_Beginning for setting it up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep & Friends-
I love this verse. I must admit that I don't usually think of myself as a jewel. This verse inspires me and challenges me! It is often hard for me to do good to my husband when I still harbor some anger and resentment. Like Stormie says, though- I need to concentrate more on myself and what value I add to the marriage. Spending more time in prayer, and not doing the 'change him!" prayers, has really turned my focus more on the things that I need to work on and to leave the rest to God. I have been away on vacation, and I want to catch up- Is everyone on Chapter 4?

[color:"red"]This book is REALLY scary ! [/color]

"God would use me as an instrument of His deliverance if I would consent to it."

.... there it is

right there

my first letting go ...

I want to say ... "But what if ..."

and I KNOW how lame that phrase is when talking about the power of God

just when I think I am strong ... I am shown how really afraid I can be

Pep

Hi Ladies,

Thank you so much for keeping this study alive! Many, many hugs!!


I've been thinking about God, this study and my walk with God over the last several weeks.

In this time, I have had several very scary things happen. Health things, adult-kid things, life things.

Somehow, I don't see this book as "that kind" of scary.

But your words, Pepperband, touched me.

Interesting.

...enlightening...

Scary.

PS: CarenMc, I think it was you who mentioned "Just Enough Light For the Step I'm On"... it's excellent.

So glad this thread is being kept alive! I know I've said I would be here, but work keeps getting in the way.

Caren, I think your post has really affected me personally. I think it hits home for a lot of people on a lot of points that I wanted to expand on:


I think "Change him, change her..." can expand into other people in our lives as well. I know I've been guilty of this on many occasions. We're always looking to "change" someone. I think I heard this somewhere, not sure where, but a woman usually goes into a M hoping they can "change" their H into whom they want him to be whereas a man goes in hoping things will never change & his W will stay just as she is. That's a powerful thought. Why go in to change anyone at all? Why must he change, really? We're the ones that grow b/c ultimately, it's all about our own choices that we make & our own growing that the Lord does, not someone else's. And we do that w/almost everyone we come in contact with. We're hoping when we don't see eye to eye that "they" change to see our own POV or bend to our set of rules, instead of just meeting them where they are & building the R that way. We want to stay where we're at b/c it's "too much work" or "we're fine the way we are". Growing is all part of God's plan for everyone. This whole life is a journey, a learning tool.


THe Ultimate Love Language

I think your last quote above reflects upon this section in Chapter One. This would fall under the catetory of "Love Your Enemies", "Pray for those that persecute you". And yes, it IS the ultimate love language. Praying for our enemies or for those that hurt us shows where our heart is.

THis one sentence in that section really stuck out for me: Prayer brings unity even if you aren't praying together. Since H's been home, I've wanted him to take the spiritual guider role in our M & our family. It's taken him a while to do that. And at first, I was so frustrated. I kept saying to God, "I don't want to be the leader anymore. I want to submit & let him handle it." And it didn't happen. Until recently. When I finally learned how to pray for him & give in to the fact that it's in God's timing, not my own, this prayer finally happened. H has even asked that we do a Bible study here at home w/our children, something me & the children did on our own while he was gone. We watch biblical programs together & discuss the Bible often. He still cannot go to church w/us b/c of his work schedule, but his heart is in the right place & every now & then, he'll mention how he's the spiritual leader of the house, not as a way to lord it over us, but when I'm in an uppity mood & trying to usurp that role all over again b/c *I* think he's not doing a good job. I need to learn to trust God. He WILL NOT let me down. He never did & He never will.


I can relate to this so well. I remember the first time H said I love you after he came home. The first couple of months, he slept on the couch & wouldn't really give me hugs & kisses & those words just weren't a part of his vocabulary. He reminded me over & over how if he didn't "feel" it, he would never say it. But, he was going to give it time. So I prayed. I prayed the way Stormie suggested I pray & lo & behold, one day, as I was ending a conversation w/him before he went to work, I wanted to say I love you so much, but I refrained b/c I just "knew" that he would cringe on the other end of the line. Then, w/o warning, he blurted out, "I love you." Taken aback, I said it back to him. I was on Cloud 9 the rest of the day. Finally! Those words were uttered! And he wouldn't just say it, he told me that over & over. He would tell me when he "felt" it. I guess he felt it! That's when I "knew" that God was working profound miracles in our lives. He was continually working behind the scenes & finally we had evidence right before our eyes! Trust in the unseen. Trust in Him. Trust that He "knows" when the time is right. Trust that He "knows" what our wishes are before we even ask Him! Simply trust. Profound message for me that day.

prayer

is difficult for me

when

it involves

making a committment of letting go

I own that

suggestions?

Pep

PS ~~~> at first I wrote "my sense of letting go" ... and I realized this was soft-soaping what I really fear ... what I really fear is committing my life to God ... committment <~~~ something for me to ponder & pray about

help me ladies ~~~> please pray for me to committ & to surrender my life to God !

Pep,

Could you be having a hard time b/c of what you had been through in the past? Once the control comes back into our lives, sometimes we really don't want to lose it again, even if it is to God. What helped me is realizing that God will NEVER hurt me. I can always trust Him 100%, unlike human beings who have that 1% chance of hurting you. God will ALWAYS do what is best for us. Always. We are His children & He loves us. Perhaps if you keep reminding yourself of this daily, along w/just admitting to God that you're having a difficult time in submitting to Him completely, He will listen & help you in that area.

Of course, I will also put in a good plug for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I think that's so true, ST, about once we've been betrayed in such a horrible way, that it's hard to trust anyone... even God.

I love the poem about God being the weaver... how he sees the underside (the weaving of our life)... and all we see are the strings on top (a jumble)...

I just wish I could see the the underside -- sometimes, at least.

I will pray for you, too, Pepperband. I know exactly what you mean, and struggle with this aspect of my relationship with God, also.

Pepperband-
Letting go is exactly what I have been trying to do. Not letting go as in "all is forgiven and forgotten", but letting go of hurt, anger, disappointment. Realizing that "giving it all to God", does not mean that I forget everything that has happened. It means that I trust in God and I know that no matter what happens, I will be safe. It means knowing that I don't have control over everything (I never did). The only person that I can control is me. I am responsible for my 'walk' and in order to grow into the woman that I am meant to be, I need to relinquish control and trust in God to take me there. My prayers are with you

Thanks ladies ... it really helps.

The adultery/betrayal in our marriage no longer bothers me ... and therefore I cannot attribute my stubborness to anything outside of myself ... my pridefulness is the culprit, rest assured!

I think it is my basic personality .. oh dear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Pep

Funny thing is ... in a crisis, I can actually plug into my faith pretty well ... it is outside of a crisis that I fail so miserably!

I just realized that!

... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Pep