What if you say something like "we met at such and such hotel in my town on XYZ date?"

I didn't thought of that… As long as the OM's W didn't tell her H on what website you are posting and as long as the OM's W doesn't know under what screen name you're posting it might be okay, but I'm not so sure... Maybe some others can chime in and give their opinions on this too.

MelodyLane,
Yes, I think that would be better. Also, do I give the details of the lies the OM told his wife of where he was while she was at her parents? (when he was with me) He told her that he was attending an event about 2 hours north of where I live, while she was staying with her parents in another state. I was wondering if I need to be that specific of his lies because she SHOULD remember this. She SHOULD remember him driving her to her parents and him saying where he was going. He would NOT be able to dance around the lie if I gave specific details.

2Bnormal, I would give her those details. Like you said, otherwise he can dance around it. That is something I would want to know if I were her.

I wouldn't say that I post here on MB. But if she searched, she may find me by chance.

OK then I will give her those details as well.

Directing her to this site IS NOT going to be received well and this is your haven. She won't want to be here if she knows you are and vice versa. No contact could also be broken that way.

Exposure is the only requirement. Assisting her (and ostensibly OM) with "recovery" ideas is not your responsibility.

Don't mention MB at all.

The sex disclosure language...Perhaps:

"During such 3 day visit, regretably, your husband and I had sexual intercourse several times. I will leave further details to your husband to discuss and disclose to you. Should you have doubts or questions you need confirmed or answered I am committed and obligated to give you only the truth. I have NO other motivations for writing you other than to provide truths about your life. I have provided my contact information below should you need it. My husband is fully aware of the details of my affair with your husband and we don't wish to intrude in your life ever again, other than at your request and for that limited purpose stated previous. I am not trying to be your friend and I can't begin to think I can understand the pain I have caused you and your children. I am truly sorry."

Some words you MAY be able to use.

Mr. Wondering

Completely agree with all the advice that you've gotten from Suzet and Mel.

And I agree with Mel one step further...if I were the BS, I'd be grateful to get the letter...not happy...but grateful nonetheless. Think about it.

MrW,
Thank you for your advice and the suggested paragraph. Yes, I will be able to use most of the wording you have suggested.

Owl, Thank you too! It is hard for me to envision receiving such a letter. It helps to hear that those who were betrayed would be grateful to receive this.

MrWondering, yes I see what you're saying... I can see now why it will not be a good thing for 2BN to mention MB - and specifically that contact can be broken that way.

Sorry for the bad suggestion 2BN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

2BN,

Hope you don't mind that I'm posting to you--I usually post in EN forum, but do lurk here and have been following your posts on this subject.

Can I make another suggestion? In the section I copied below, can you down-play the love and happiness you and your H now share? This woman is going to have her world pulled out from under her, and her marriage exposed for a sham (unless she already knows). It's enough to say that you are married, your H knows, and that you and he are committed to your marriage, and that you do not desire any contact ever again with OM. Just the facts, ma'am. It may be salt in her wound to know that you're recovering fine and happily in love with your H, thank you, but her life is in shreds.

I believe you are doing the right thing, and I commend you for your bravery and sensitivity, in trying to give this woman the information she needs to make an informed decision about her life and marriage.

Regards,
Martes

Martes,
I appreciate your input. After I posted the letter this morning and read it on HERE...I realized that I may have put too much emphasis on my marriage. I plan on rewording that part as well as the other parts that were mentioned by others. Thank you again for your advice!

2B - I'm fixin' ta leave for the day, but I just wanted to let you know I'm pulling for you.

I think you have your feet on the right path, and your goals in your sights.

Flare prayer sent up for you and your dh!

- Kimmy

Good comment Martes (others too)


As far as when you should send it.

IMHO, as soon as it's done.

I'm sure your husband is not SUPER appreciative of the days you are spending on this. He's complacent, but not enthusiatic. He wants this over.

Get it out the door and end the drama.

I commend you both.

Mr. Wondering

Kimmy, Thank you for your encouragement!

MrW - I do want to send this as soon as possible. But, I feel it will be best to send this after my parents leave from their visit (they leave Aug.6). That week will be stressful enough as my niece is getting married and my daughters are part of the wedding and there is much going on.

I feel it would be best to send the letter after this to not add any more stress on the week with possible phone calls coming my way.

My H is doing Ok with all of this, but is really not talking much about it.

To avoid any unwanted phone calls perhaps you should only provide her with an email address to ask questions of you and/or your husband.

She will not likely be too excited to call you on the phone anyway and your husband definetly doesn't want to take any calls from OM or OM's W (remember, OM could try to use that phone number too). Why risk the hassle of having to change your phone number?

Get an new email address, list it in the letter and put a time limit on it's availability to her:

"Here is an email address where you can contact my husband and I with any questions or concerns you may have about the facts surrounding this situation. After September 1, 2006, such address will be deactivated (or no longer monitored by us). At that time, if we have not heard from you we will consider my exposure obligations to you complete. We will never intrude in your life again."

Email has many advantages. You can screen out OM. You can consider your words carefully and more precisely deliver just the necessary facts. You will limit the risk of making a mistake and causing further harm and you will limit her intrusion into your family and marriage (and protect your husband and children from more harm).

With the above you could send out the package tomorrow and be done with it. Trade off being...how do you then KNOW OM did not intercept the package/letter?

Mr. W

MrW,
I had considered providing such an email address for a limited time period. I may just include an email address in the letter instead of my phone number. Possible phone calls could still happen. The OM may still have my phone number. He could possibly call my house in anger for telling his wife. Also, my husband DID call the OM using his cell phone and the OM could have made a note of his number.

As far as knowing if the OM intercepted the package..If I mail the package certified mail/restricted delivery, the OM cannot intercept the package. He may intercept the postcard left by the mailman for the certified delivery. But, I will request the receipt to know if it was signed for. With that, I will see the actual signature to know who signed for it. And as I mentioned in a previous post, with restricted delivery, she would have to show ID.

Hi 2B...I agree with the others to give her your email
address but not your phone number.
You would be jumping every time the phone rings!

I think maybe put in the letter for her to acknowledge she received your letter (through an email) or that you or your husband would be calling to confirm that she received it.

I have also been thinking that she needs to know about the same things your own husband knows; no more and no less.

I will be happy for you when this letter is out of your home and on it's way. I think you will have a peace of mind that you haven't had for a long time yet you will also feel concern and heartache for the hurt that this is going to cause OM's wife. (Perhaps she already knows about her H's unfaithfulness and this won't come as quite as much of a shock to her.)

BLESS YOUR HEART, 2B, you are a SINCERE & GOOD woman!

2B

you are gradually becoming one of my heros

Pep

Hi 2B...

Here is a link for disposable email addresses...You set up an address for a specified length of time and it then emails anything received to your actual email addy...Pretty neat, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Anyway, perhaps you may find it useful...

Mrs. W