Your option is really simple. Buy a d*mn cell phone for your kids and tell them that you expect them to call you every day. You have to choose between saving a few dollars each month and talking to your children. I think it's an easy choice, notwithstanding your current financial situation. If you can't pay a few dollars a month--less than a hundred bucks, I might add--to speak with your children in the name of saving money, I don't know what to say.

In other respects, I think you are doing a great job following your plan. You are in my prayers.

Good call on dating HTW....there's a process and I am convinced that whether you're divorced or not you need to go though the process...So do what I did...go out and meet new friends...and disengage from the madness of your WW...

I am also convinced that what "comes arounds, goes around"...and when you have your children and they only call her when they ask you to (which at their age buddy they focus on the current)...she will most likely "get it"...and pitch a fit....because you will not return her calls...

Let the games begin...just don't be a player....

Do not allow this to be a set back....I understand what is bothering you...focus on you now....find distractions that are not other women!!

Take care...we're here....

Hope:

There is a realistic side to what you are going through. It has gone for over a year. Maybe you will meet a decent girl who is looking for a respectable guy. I am sorry about mentioning SF, for how dare I even think if you found a nice girl that you enjoyed, that you could end up in bed.

At this stage of your relationship, the odds of her coming home are smaller and smaller. Her affair is likely over, as you stated, but it may have been an exit affair for her and it is what it took for her to begin the end of the marriage. I am sorry, but don't wait on her indefinately, it is time to rebuild a new life for you. If her affair was still ongoing and her fog was still there, I would not feel this way. I think the affair is over and she is still not coming back which makes me believe she may never. She might though, if she she will lose you forever, due to another woman in your life. JMO though.

TooSoon

Well, he doesn't know if she is coming back or not, but regardless, he is a married man and is not available for dating. That is about the worst thing he could do at this point for the reasons LadyClueless gave above.

And I have to say that on second thought, I agree its best not to have the intermediary call the kids. I suspect she is doing this to get a rise out of you and force you to call her. But, when she sees it doesn't work, she will know you mean serious business and will stick to your resolve. The kids are probably bugging her about this, too, so eventually she will feel like a heel for cutting them off from their dad.

I also don't think she is done with her affair. I think this is exactly why she moved out: to resume her affair unimpeded. She just is hiding it very well so it wont harm her position anymore than it has.

I don't know where you are legally Hope but if there is a potential custody dispute on the horizon then IF the kids return to you and tell you they begged mom to contact you and she wouldn't let them then you MAY want to document such through your intermediary for legal purposes.

I am not certain how much or exactly what to say but maybe a short note saying:

"It has come to my attention that DD and DS both indicated a desire to call me this past weekend and they indicated that you refused to let them (or you made excuses why they could not). I intend to be respectful of your position as the mother of my children and allow them to contact you anytime they desire and will encourage them to contact you on a regular basis. I feel this is in their best interests."

Short and simple...by email (to document it for the record).

Since this is a one time event you may hold off to see if she keeps doing it and then document it after she's done it a few times indicating such. It may have more probative value as it shows a pattern of misbehavior rather than a one time event.

Of course, if you don't foresee any potential custody battle should you guys end up divorcing then definitely leave the issue alone for a time. You may just lead by example and make sure the kids call her when you have custody. Eventually, she'll get the hint. Just don't allow her misbehavior to control how you behave. ACT, Don't React.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W,

The terms and conditions in our legal seperation will carry over if/when this eventually becomes a divorce so all the custody issues have already been addressed.

I will talk to the kids tommorow night when I see them to inquire why they haven't called their dad. I don't think my WW would be so cruel to prevent her kids form call their dad...at least I hope not. Just like Sendme stated, the kids get so focused on the here and now that they forget about peripheral things.

So I will leave it be for now.

Hi HTW...you are doing great!

I think you are handling the communication with the kids the right way. They are pretty little and this is all so new for them. Maybe when you see them you could give them a little stuffed animal from you that they could sleep w/as a reminder to call you at bedtime. You could tell them you filled the animal w/ hugs from you and anytime they want one and you aren't there they can get one. HTW your kids know you love them. They might be a little confused about whats going on...but they know it. You are a good dad.

I'm glad you had a good time the other night and didn't end up sleeping on your front lawn...this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My kids called tonight which made my day! I will be picking them up from daycare tomorrow and spending the afternoon with them.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think they called due to my legal posturing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mr. W <-------patting himself on the back

p.p.p.s. - Have a great week with your kids.

What is your custody arrangement with your WW? Just curious as I am going through that now.

You may have to start asking MB members for a retainer soon <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


Our custody arrangement consists of joint legal and phyical custody (no primary for either parent). The kids stay with each parent on a rotating weekly basis with one visitation evening per week for the other parent (i.e Wed from 4:00 to 8:00pm).

Initially she was asking for primary custody with me having visitation, me paying child support and $20,000 alimony <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />.

That changed pretty quick as I refused and retained a top lawyer. Do not be intimidated by the WS's demands.

Good luck

HTW,
I'm glad you held your ground...and very happy you talked to the kids! She is getting the message you mean what you say. Next week will be interesting...maybe a little reality will sneak into her world as you enjoy your time with the kids!

WOW! out of the loop for a day and look what happens...I'm lost! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well, everything sounds great! How are you making it throught the first week?

Oh, and I definitily have to agree with CHaCHa...happy to see that you didn't wake up with grass in your teeth! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yestderday was my visitation night with the kids and it felt so good to see them and spend time with them after going a few days without speaking to them.

When I dropped them off, my WW was outside taking out the garbage and I didn't acknowledge her, just kissed my kids goodbye while they were still in my care and left.

A while back Send me suggested picturing my WW as just an ordinary person and that seems to be helping me feel better about myself.

Tonight I am going out to dinner with my friend, his girlfriend and his sister. This is the first time in a long time that I have gone out with a mixed group friends and I'm looking forward to it.

Don't wait up for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Don't be no ho'! And don't shame yore momma!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I didn't know men could be ho's and my mom has given up trying to make me a "good" boy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I forgot to keep the whites with the whites on my last load of laundry and now have tie-die shirts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
My mom has not let me live it down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I'm in the mood for Mexican tonight so that means I'll need to drink plenty of beer (Canadian of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) to tone down the spicy food <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This must be a record for me on how many icons I can use in one post. I feel like Mrs. W now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

<<<<snicker>>>> on the Mrs. W comment

BTW, your dinner sounds like a double date or a fix up.

I expect that you won't do to much sharing. For some reason an emotional man is sometimes attractive to a women. Even though you may have no interest NOW don't allow yourself to be pursued or your emotional needs to be overly met...even though I know it would likely feel good about now.

I know you know...but remember your boundaries.

Mr. W

Mr. W, I posted that icon comment as a test to see if the W's were reading <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for tonight, no need to worry since my friend's sister is like a little sister to me. I've know her since she was 9 and now she is 24 (Boy that makes me feel old <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)

HTW:

Okay, so she's now 24...

I hope you're still 9! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But if nothing else, we've got Mel 2 keep you on the straight and narrow path!

-ol' 2long