HI HTW's, I'm sorry I haven't posted to you in a while. I've been really busy...Sat. I tackled the garage, building shelving, riping out a wall, making one large room, repairing the wall I had to destroy to get the one I wanted out...tomorrow I'll start repairing the other side wall...LOL

I've got some issues with that one, exterior! I'm doing it for H, something I've been wanting to do for him...help get him organized...I guess you could say it's for me too...LOL...I can't stand not being able to locate a tool when I need it...like the staple gun I've been looking for since I started this project...a few more days repairing and building some more shelves and stuff and I'll be very proud of the finished project...

I say all this because I can see about where you are right now...I'm happy to hear that you have been doing some remodeling...I know that feeling of doing a good job...proud of the end result...

It feels good to stay busy like that...I'm glad to hear you sounding strong...I wish you the best for YOU...congrads on a job well done around the house...I am a little sad that you don't seem to have any hope for your M but I'm always sadd when people look like they are going to break up...LOL...that's just me...

The important thing is you...what do you plan to do next? What's your time limit on Plan B?

Take care and I'm always thinking about you and the kids!

My plan is to contiune Plan B for another 6 to 12 months and then re-evaluate my situation. At that time I may go to Plan D as I don't want wait 2 years for her to wake up.

Remember, I was in Plan A for 1 year so in another year it will be 2 years since d-day. I've turned the corner and know what I want now, unfortunately that also means I view the R with my WW differently as the rose coloured glassed have been removed.

Plan B is also about protecting the remaining love you have for your WS and it is becoming clear to me why that is so important as in most cases contact with a WS during Plan B is a LB'er towards the BS.

Never did I think I would be capable of running a household on my own with two kids. Well I've discovered that not only am I capable, but I am thriving! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MWIL said it best when he stated "Plan B will work...or it will work". I understand this now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

HTW,
It sounds like you are getting the benefits of plan B...it can be very empowering! The beauty is as you get more in touch the man you are, regaining strength and confidence you are becoming more attractive. You never know how a WS is going to react. Its good that YOU know what YOU want...and crumbs just won't do the trick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Well my SIL (intermidiary) has informed me that my WW will file a complaint to the courts and change custody arrangements if I continue my unwillingness to comminicate to her about the children.

She also said that she realizes that I hate her and has accepted this.

She also said she doesn't see or speak the the people I think she does. I guess she means OM.

Finally she said our kids need stabililty

I told my SIL simply to reply with "BS agrees that his kids need stability also"

Orchid, how's that for reverse babble? I think I finally get it now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But you aren't unwilling 2 communicate re the children. You're just unwilling 2 do it directly WITH her. The intermediary route should be fine, even 2 the courts. But ask other MBers. I think that if it came down 2 it, the Harleys might be willing 2 explain plan B 2 them as well, if necessary (though I doubt it would be).


She's being impacted by your plan B! That's good! Don't respond, even through your intermediary. Let her assume whatever she will.


Okay, that's a faint start. If it's true - particularly the part you're guessing about the OM - then she can PROVE it 2 you, and do so 2 YOUR satisfaction. But she's miles from that stage, if she ever gets there.


DUH!!!


Good answer. Say no more.

-ol' 2long

Short and sweet...very simple. Good job on the RB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Don't expect her to like it. You are not aiming to please the WS.

Instead give her back her guilt and let her taste her own words.

You step back and watch. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. She will test each one of those points.

L.

Hope,

Call your lawyer and explain the situation. I know you are up in Canada and I have no idea what the laws are like there. You need to find out if refusing to communicate directly with your wife puts you in legal jeopardy with respects to custody of the children. As long as you have a path for communication . . . your go between . . . I wouldn't think it would . . . but I have no idea. . .

This is work a few bucks to find out.

Congrads on having an impact on her. I know you were concerned that you weren't! Good Job and good job on the response back to WW.

Keep up the good work! Give yourself a pat on the back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi HTW,

Sounds you are doing great in PLAN B. Keep up the good work!



Me, too..... I found that a big turning point for me and the kids....was a 3-day visit to NYC this summer.....that we thoroughly enjoyed! ...but more importantly......since WS came to the scene and took all of the attention..... these three little days 'turned the page'..... and made it clear to us and to WS that he no longer had 'center stage'..... THIS was worth every cent spent on the trip......



LOL.

In my case, WS, well-aware of my PBL and under what conditions I would be willing to see and talk to him didn't stop WS from leaving a message saying something like...'it would be better for the kids if we met and talked'

My reply: '.....yes....it would be better.....'

The only difficult part, even after one year of PLAN B....and don't think will ever get better, is missing my boys while they are with WS.... but I darn sure make up for it the week they are with me!

I sure would like S back, like you,.....but the reality is...our choice is between putting up with a WS, or not!

...and hands down..... I will take the challenges of life ALONE anytime...than put up with a WS another DAY!

Hi hope,
Just checking on ya. How's it going in plan b'ville?

Thanks for asking CC and to everyone else.

Not much has changed with my situation as I seem to be settling into some sort of Plan B routine. I'm 4 weeks into Plan B and I haven't spoken a word to my WW during that time. On accasion we've seen each other during kid exchanges without speaking to each other. It is getting easier for me as the days and weeks progress and I have slowly started to regain my self respect.

I have suprised myself at how well I can handle my kids on my own and although it is a tremendous amount of work to do it alone, I'm improving everyday.

What I'm noticing is that as my self esteem improves, my TAKER is asking to have more of his needs met. I know that I am extremely vulnerable to any sort of affection from the opposite sex right now, so my radar is up and I'm careful not to get myself into positions that my comprimise my Plan B.

CC, maybe you can make a trip up to my place and help me paint since you are getting so good at home improvements <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I could use the help.

Our LSA stipulates that the transfer of kids is to occur at 7:30pm on Friday nights. In each of the last two instances where WW has picked up the kids from me, she has requested an earlier pickup time and I accomodated her on the first request but not the last time.

She did it again last night when she called my kids and when I found out I simply told my DS to let her know she can pick up the kids after 7:30pm. My son then says "dad, mommy wants to talk to you...she says it is important". I let him know that dad will only talk to mom in the case of an emergency so my son relayed this to WW and she didn't push the issue.

This morning I passed by my MIL's house to drop off some of the kids stuff as she will be picking them up from school and informed her WW cannot pick up the kids prior to 7:30pm as I want to spend some time with them before they leave for the week. I guess my WW thought she could pick them up from my MIL's house around 5:00pm.

I also spoke to her for a while and restated my Plan B intentions and my desire for NC with WW.

So another unsuccessful attempt from my WW to break my Plan B. My rigid stance on the transfer times will most likely upset her since she isn't getting her way...too bad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Way to go!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are doing great HTW. Hang in there!! We are proud of you!

Good morning HTW! I haven't been on a whole lot recently...been working in the garage remodeling it and building stuff for storage adn better organization. I like for everything to have a home...althought it may not stay there it has it's place! LOL

I was just checking on you...you sound so wonderful...strong...more confident...I can hear it in words...

It wonderful how you are sticking to your plan...shot, you may decide one day that you like it this way...who knows what the future has to hold...I wish you the best no matter what the outcome is...

How are the kids with this hold thing? How's their behavior? Are they accepting the sitch pretty well? Are you haveing any problems with them adjusting to your rules when you get them back?

The reason I ask is that I've had friends that are D and some have said that it takes them a few days to get the kids adjusted when they get them back.

Well, I'll check back in on you later! I'm proud to know you! Have a great day!

The kids are doing ok and have adjusted quite well to all the changes. There is odd occasion where they will say they miss their mom or cry for the mom when they don't get their way, but all in all we are doing well.

It is alot of work being a single dad and I find myself exhausted at the end of most nights. It is also very empowering as I am 100% responsible for their care so it builds my confidence knowing I can handle all this on my own.

I get the occasional "mom lets us do this or that", but they are slowly learning that they need to follow MY rules when they are in MY house. I have tried to maintain my discipline of them and have in fact tightened up a little since I felt they were getting away with too much while their mom was still living here.

I love them dearly and miss them terribly when they aren't with me. Other than that, it is all good.

HTW

That's great! I hope everything continues on the up and up for you and your family!

Have a great weekend!

This is an email my WW just sent to my personal email which she has never done before. It seems she is getting angry and more determined <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Why is it that I don't need her for ANYTHING, but she feels she needs to bug me on this stuff.


Hi BS,

I understand that you instructed my mother that I could not pick up the children prior to 7:30pm, you indicated that it was a legal issue. It is also a legal issue to communicate about the kids. I find that you manipulate the agreement as you see fit. The intent of the agreement is to benefit the children at all costs. You’re behavior towards me only serves to make me more determined.

I will pick up my kids at 7:30pm and in addition, please be advise I will begin to increase the number of calls and contacts I have with the kids while they are with you. Read your agreement it indicates I could, it’s a legal.

Oh, well...sounds like she's trying to get a rise out of you...blow her off!

Gosh....it sounds like she is not happy about plan B! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I guess its working then. She can increase the calls....doesn't mean you have to answer. You are doing great!

Oh yeah, I'm a expert with painting. This weekend I'll learn to be an expert at scrapping paint off windows! There should be a MB make over show...we'll rebuild your marriage, your house, your appearance.... your life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />