Yes, I think so BigK...Mrs. K could really help Rach in this process...I firmly believe that...I hope that Rach will see what a kind, guiding and helpful resource that she has in Mrs. K...

Humbleness Rach...That is the first step to regaining your integrity...What will you choose?

Mrs. W

I sent you a reply to your email ...let me know if you did not get it

just remember, we are trying to HELP you, Rach....some of us have been EXACTLY where you are RIGHT NOW


Mrs K

Would it hurt for me to go away by myself for a while just to figure out who I am & what I want out of life ????
I have been thinking abot doing this & h says no way he will let me do it...
Has anyone done this b-4

WE NEVER HAD SEX, WE KISSED 1 TIME & WE TAKED ALOT, NOT JUST ABOUT THE KISS, ABOUT THE CHILDREN & ALOT OF OTHER STUFF... SHE IS MAKING IT ALOT WORSE THAN WHAT IT WAS & THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN MOVE ANYWHERE... SHE WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET ME BACK & SHE HAS PROVEN THAT ALREADY DO I THINK SHE WILL PHYSICALLY HARM ME & THE KIDS YES... I UNDERSTAND I MESSED UP MY FAULT 100 % SHE DOES NOT BLAME HIM SHE BLAMES ME

Ok, calm down.. first take off caps lock as it is shouting. Now, many BS's find it easier to put 100% blame on the OP because they WANT to reconcile with their spouse. If you feel that she may harm you than talk to your H about getting a restraining order. In the meantime, please understand that she is hurting very badly. You and her H betrayed her. Once you have taken responsibility for your actions and OWN them things will go much better.

I am sorry for the caps , did not that it meant that.. I have taken responsibility for this & I have owned up to it.. I am just so lost & confused & all i want to do is run & hide, I dont know what to do

Did you get the email from Mrs Kahuna yesterday Rach?

Yes I got it I have just not had a chance to respond sorry
there is just so much i need & want to say just dont know how to do it...

You can run and hide, sweetie. You must face this head on and earn your pride back. I did. It is hard because every time you look in the mirror, guess who is there? Do you have a faith?

You keep saying I didn't mean for this to happen, that it really wasn't that huge a deal after all no sex, just kisssing, his W is making a bigger deal than needs be made...

You know what? That's not your choice to make. You don't get to decide for her how she feels about her H's & your betrayal. Taking responsibility doesn't mean saying you made a mistake it means dealing with all the fallout whether you think it should be this way or not.

Your act has a ripple effect which is not completely known & not within your control.

The responsible thing to do is find some grace in dealing with others you've hurt. Do what it takes to make them, your family in particular, feel safe. You say you own this, that you've taken responsibility but it sounds more like hollow words. Hoping those around you will say it's OK you just made a mistake & moving on the way you see fit from there.

I am sorry I have wasted everyones time, but I dont think i belong here, thank you to the people that have tried helping me I really apprecaite it alot, I dont know what I am going to do but being in here has not helped me. I honestly do not think I can be helped... I will live with what I have done for the rest of my life & I know that.. I have taken responsibilty for what I have done,

Rach,

You are heavily into crisis management here. You post once, disappear for a few weeks, post again disappear, post again every time a crisis comes up.

You can take your bat and ball and go home or you can answer the questions you have been asked and deal with your issues.

You do belong here.

This is all your choice of course but I fully expect you will be back the next time a crisis comes along and will again leave when the immediate crisis is gone.

Please stay. Let us help you.

I just dont know what to do....
he will not go to counseling he will not read the stuff on here, he acts like everything is ok one minute & then the next he is calling me a cheating ******, I really am so lost with my self & with him & i just dont know what to do... I do not see how we can work on our marraige when the omw keeps calling & harrasing me 24-7.... I do not know who I am anymore, I dont know who he is anymore, I really dont even feel like being alive anymore, I am drained from all of this emotionally, physically,... I really am just lost I feel like the life has been sucked out of me,

Stop that woman from harassing you. Call the police. Block her number. Don't answer the phone if she is hassling you. Get a protection order if you have to. Is your husband helping you deal with this? If not, why? How does he plan on recovering your marriage? Are you or he minimising the extent of this affair? What is the plan for marital recovery?

You are still very much on a short timeline - d-day was just 4 weeks ago. Your husband will need some time to process this. Can you see an IC? For yourself to give you a plan? Can you call the Harleys? Get some HELP from a counsellor.

She is a cop so calling the cops would really do no good..
last time she was here at my house i told her I was going to call the cops & she told me go ahead, he does not care that she is harrasing me he says I deserve it (which I do).. We dont have caller id do there is no way of knowing if it is her or not...
I metioned going to ic & he said no way & that he wasnt paying for it... We got into a fight today, over sex (to me that is all he cares about) I am ok with never having sex again, I was leaving to go get the kids & he told me to give him the keys to his car so I did & went to go call a friend to come get me & he took the phone from me & said it was his phone to.. So I started walking & he came after me & yelled at me I hope she is following you & hurts you.. SO he really is no help withher at all, he has said I deserve everything she does to me & more... So I will just hace to deal with her, if we start talking about a plan he backs down or I will back down, because it turns into a fight,

How about a Womans refuge Rachael? If your husband is truely playing this game, you have to get away and get some help.

I do not think he is playing a game I thnk he is truley hurt & dont know what else to do but strike out at me, Do I think he would really let her hurt me NO.... & honestly there is no where else for me to go

OK Rach. I am happy to hear you say that. I guess you do need to recognise that you have deeply hurt him. You have attacked his manhood. It is not a nice feeling for anyone to know their spouse would like to be with someone else. It is a huge breach of trust.

Take care of yourself. Keep posting here. Your husband will get over the hurt but it will take some considerable time. The recovery from an affair is generally around 2 years and it is a rollercoaster experience.

Recovery is not for wimps.

I will see if I can get Mrs Kahuna to check in on you ok?

Please don't run away. Let us help you. We would also love to help your husband.

All Blessings,

BK.

HI rach

sorry to hear your H is like this..you need to prepare yourself that he may be this way for a while yet until HE comes to terms with things. Can you go to your parents'?? All of this must also be quite distressing for the children...Has he considered this??? Have you checked into women's refuges?????. I would not be answering the phone AT ALL. stay safe

(((rach)))

Mrs K

Thank you & i did not mean to be so harsh to you or anyone else on here I am just very confused & lost & I dont know what else LOL .... Again thank you