did she leave yet ? if she did i heard harley tell someone on the boards plan a plan b and then plan a again ....
this sounds interesting to me cause i call to be nice and dont get no where when she calls they get a little deeper.
you got to get a real plan going and my friend i cant tell you how much exposure helps.
right now my ww had told me to keep her family who suppports me she dont need them eventulaly shes gonna miss them and me too deep down i believe this
think of the quote if you love something set it free if it dont return it wasnt meant to be if it comes back its yours forever
me and you both are in a war!!!!we lose alot of battles along the way but its the war well win if we strike at the right time seperation made me feel hopeless but to tell you the thruth now i feel it was best cause i dont want to enable her affair.get back to me well talk we got to help eachother man

JM,

She is still living here and cake eating, probably a better reason not to wait too long to Plan B.


I still need to create a stronger plan A then go to plan B in 3 months. Affair has seen light of day. Her cell phone minutes were about 1,100, most to him. So he is filling in her ENs.

She has agreed to take EN questionnaire. I told her I still thought she was a good person, I feel I have to give the affair time to die. It is barely older than 2 months. It has been exposed for about 2 weeks.

SAA is the greatest book. I am going to have to get the tough love. Plan B will work if I must implement it. I will use the time getting everything into place prior to Plan B. Say November? Hopefully, exposure and Plan A will kill it.

I need to build resolve to send her on her way. I almost plan B'd her a month ago. I was angry and I said matter of factly that she is not to live here and I was keeping my kids.

The fear was there and like I said, OM said she could stay there if she has to.

She cannot afford to live on her own. Only option is OM or parents (3 hrs away.) Besides, planning B will appease my family, they will see it as an action, that I am not being a doormat for her.

Pep,

Thanks for the link. It is awesome and I need to devote more time to it and take more notes.

Ceg,

I am getting the 1980's copy from my library. Is there much difference between that and the 1990's? BTW - Your initials are the same as my WW's OM. Ironic. Made me second guess your posts then I saw the UK.

alot of the mb vets say to get his need her needs too.i think we need both of those books.
keep me posted on your sitiuation

Interesting weekend and Monday.

1st. WS agreed to do questionairre and she completed it tonight. We had a good conversation about separation and she hopefully understands that it is her that is moving out. I made it loud and clear that this was what she wanted and I told her that I cannot sleep in the same bed she has slept in because it won't let me heal.

She told me she still loves me and said what I did was stupid (encouraging affair). We talked alot about sex and how wrong our sex life was.

She tried the "I never was happy" and I called her on it. I said don't lie to yourself, you were happy during our marriage. What made you vulnerable these last few years was your unhapiness, but that unhapiness wasn't all from the M. She agreed.

We stopped the convo when things got tense and I thought that was a great idea. That way we wouldn't get mad and say stupid things.

I honestly believe, in my case, separation will help. My WS may use fog talk but two things have existed throughout the entire affair.

1) I have always known and 2) she has never lied about it. I am finding it hard to trust her, but she honestly is not hiding anything from me (keylogger proves it). I know she talks to him on the phone and she does not deny it. I am thinking along the lines of separation for my own sanity.

She says she just isn't in the place she needs to be to reconcile. She said she has tried to get to that place but can't.

She also blurted that she can't keep away from him, but tone and mood of the convo conveyed that she feels helpless. Anyways have a good night and good luck to all of you.

Brian

hey thor,thats what i get from my wife she makes everthing seem like it dont matter but deep down i know she is lost and in need of help
maybe your seperation like i said earlier will give you the time for you so when you do see her she will see the changes more clear good luck

Hope so. It seems as if it is this week. I told her to tell her parents and she said she will have to.

I asked her if she would tell her friends and she said no. I said what if they call? She asked me to say she was out and give them her cell phone.

A is 3 MONTHS old and she is moving in w/ OM. She would rather leave her home and children instead of staying and trying.... I just don't get it.

make sure and ill repeat it make sure when people call you dont enable her and tell them shes out

Hey,

Went to my therapist today. I feel empowered. I asked WS when she would be out and if she was excited. She asked why I was angry. Gee, I dunno.

This is going to blow up in her face. Just have to be patient. I told her that the relationship is like heroine and that is exactly what it is. And there is nothing I can do to help until she wants it. She is in denial about her addiction. She can't wait to get her next high.

Real problem: her depression is sinking in deeply. She is always tired and "can't sleep." She stopped working out (something she did for 10 years of our marriage.) She went to bed the other night at 8. I got up with the kids at 6:30 and she was still "tired." 1st she claims its hormones then she claims she has worked alot lately (24 hours?).

Anyway, we are coming up with a separation agreement. She still hasn't told her parents about moving in with "MR. Walk on Water." but she says she will. Yeah right, I will.

Anywho,

Smell ya later,

Dunno why I feel good, but maybe its because I am not in limbo, she can no longer fence sit or cake eat. She claims she is going to pay child support (wonder how long that'll last)

Brian

hey brian i am happy you feel so good today .......throw a little towards brooklyn lol.
it will blow up in her face thats what we got to hope for that we can be the methadone for the herion addiction that our wives are on right now ..

Hehehe

Have you read SAA yet? The 1st example he uses is almost a carbon copy of what we are going through. I just got an email from a mutual friend and she told me to keep my head up high.

Positive thought: Remember the old Superman movies (before Christopher Reeve)? Well, Superman would stand there and bullets would just bounce of his chest while he smiled, hands on hips. Why then, did he duck when they threw a rock or a gun?


Even more positive: Stick in there. 5 years from now, no matter what happens, you can look back and say honestly, that you did everything in your power to make it work. You won't be second guessing things.

Anyway. Keep your head up. Go work out. Get a hobbie. Something to occupy your mind.

later

Brian

thanks pal i dont know y my books didnt come yet but im sure it should be anyday
i feel the same way i want to come out of this knowing i did all i could to save it hopefully it does but if not she has to have the feeling of what if this or what if that cause im gonna give it my all
does working out help you deal with this im gonna try it

Yes. I lift weights and run for 25 minutes on the stairmaster. I could lose a couple pounds anyway so it makes me feel good and directs the energy where it needs to go.

She moves out tomorrow. My brother is having me and the kids over for a cook out on Saturday and Sunday, I might spend some time at my mom's with the kids. This will really let her understand what she is doing.

I still think that she wants to come here, watch the kids while I work, stay until bedtime and then leave. Like she can be married during the day, then spend time with her lover at night.

I am forcing her to tell the kids though. And I won't let her stay after I get back from work every night. But she can come back to tuck them in at night. I have no problem with that. BTW she is going to pay $500.00 child support per month. WTF is she thinking. She is going to lease a new car. Where she thinks the money is coming from is beyond me.

Working out gives me time to just run things through my mind, listen to some music and get a good feeling of exhaustion. Helps me sleep well too.

Anyway. My kids are not allowed around the OM. Right now this is based on wife's good faith and I truly believe she would never bring him near them. But it is backed up with a standing order of protection. If I find out, he gets arrested. Hehehehehe. Unfortunately they couldn't guarantee a cell with a large gay man.

Oh man. She is out. I thought I was going to be strong and just act nonchalant. She kept trying to face me and I moved away. We held each other and cried (thoughts going through my head: this is soo effing stupid and why is she leaving if it hurts her so bad). I told her to take care of herself and I turned my back when she went out the door. I couldn't watch. Hearing the door close made me cry hard.

Then, a peaceful calm settled over me. It was strange. I called her immediately and told her that I was okay.

Here is the strange part: Working on separation agreement and her biggest concern is the reconciliation part. In other words, she focused mostly on the conditions for her to re-enter the marriage as if that were the most important things. She had no problem about the Order of Protection against the OM.

I repeated to her over and over that as soon as she walks out the door she no longer lives here. I think it is setting in. I truly thought she believed she could come and go as she pleased, be married with children during the day and sleep with her lover at night.

Now is the time for patience. Agreement allows for her visitation to be when I am at work. Basically she watches the kids. I come home and she leaves. However, twice a week she can stay until their bedtime 7PM. I get weekends to myself and the kids. She may check in but not for long periods of time.

It is just so weird.

Oh, strange doings: my mom did a background check on the OM. He has had 18 different addresses in the past 2 years. WS response: "Yeah, so..." WS told me that he is paranoid that my family is going to kill him. I told her that I can't prevent them from doing anything but I doubt they would kill him, maybe just maim him a little.

Alarm bells are ringing.

Summary: Today, my WS left her husband of 10 years and 2 children for a guy she has been with for 3 months. Unreal. I just don't get it.

The affair is really intense with them phoning each other several times a day just for a minute or two (I've seen cell phone record.) Considering how quickly it heated up and how intense it is, do I have any hope of it burning out just as quickly?

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im definatly not the person to talk to right now cause we will both be buying cans of tuna and ramen noodles from the commisary in jail
i would have no prob finising both of our headaches at once and we both are i


n ny <how convienant?>
any way im almost at a point where i dont care and i hope this passes cause i dont want to have her heart right now stay strong bri and for real if you need anything ask not crazy stuff but ok too but anything i feel we got to help eachother now and we will