I don't think it's pitiful at all .... it's a real feeling, nothing wrong with it. Put that one down on your list, too: "you are not humble enough and that's what drove WH away".

What's the real, truthful response to that? "Knowing my value does not mean I am not humble." "Whether I am humble or not did not make WH's choices for him." "WH chose his path, I did not drive him to his choices." Whatever the real truths are.


"I know how I am feeling is not accurate in my head, so I can put down the 'right' and 'rational' answers. Yet I cannot help but to feel very low. So what do I do?"
The hard part starts once you have the lists. That's when you have to catch those thoughts when they come on and replace themwith the truthful ones. You re-train your brain to dismiss the beatings with what you know is real and rational and truthful. That starts happening sooner than you think. And then pretty soon, those thoughts won't be piling up and stomping you down so much, and you'll feel a little less low.... and then even less .... and then maybe even a little bit better. Because you know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH is that you're actually a beautiful hand-made work of God. That you are valuable and strong and smart and capable and even though you have faults, just like everyone else, you are smart enough (and humble enough?) to recognize them and acknowledge them and choose when and how and even whether to work on them.

It's normal to feel low and hurt and beaten up. If you can catch those degrading, defeating thoughts and replace them with ones that you know are true .... then at least there's one less person beating up on you.

-AmI.

Because you know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH is that you're actually a beautiful hand-made work of God. That you are valuable and strong and smart and capable and even though you have faults, just like everyone else, you are smart enough (and humble enough?) to recognize them and acknowledge them and choose when and how and even whether to work on them.

It's normal to feel low and hurt and beaten up. If you can catch those degrading, defeating thoughts and replace them with ones that you know are true .... then at least there's one less person beating up on you.

Wow!!!

I love this web site.

So true AmI, So true. It applies to all of us, and the sooner we make it part of us, the better we will do.

I use music too - things that are uplifting, and make me feel good.

What we allow upon the stage of our mind has a great effect upon us - for good, or for ill. We can't prevent thoughts from coming, but we can refuse to entertain them, and we can refuse to let them stay. I agree with AmI that replacing bad thoughts with good ones works well, and it starts to help right away.

Milk, you are better than you know - You may as well accept the truth. I think it was Jesus that said "the truth will set you free."

SS

Thanks AmI and SS. Just had a lunch with my friend who just came back from the court - he is now officially divorced. He was acting normal, but I could tell this was very difficult and at one point he started to shed some tears. Even though it was HIM who filed (b/c his wife was having an affair and demanded D), it was not easy.

I felt the urge to talk to WH again, just to really talk one more time - to see if it's really what he wants. I called, he answered (surprisingly), but he was so casual, cold and distant. I hesitated to bring it up, but did not want to regret so asked him the question - if he was really sure that he wants this. He said throughout our MC, he realized that we are not compatible, and yes, he wants a divorce, so that was it. He said "if I had my way I would have wanted 50/50 custody, because I am NOT leaving DS4", stressing that he only wanted to get rid of ME. That hurt, but I told him "well, DS4 and I are a package deal, we became family together, I am his mother, and if someone leaves one of them, ultimately the person is leaving the family." He said "well" but did not say anything further b/c he was at work.

After I heard that this is the well thought idea and WH is really sure that this is the best for all of us, I kept it light and did not pursue. I said "ok, I just wanted to make sure. OK, I'll talk to you later then".

I actually don't regret that I called. I feel that I needed this last call (regarding US). Even though I knew that WH obviously wanted a divorce, a part of me always wanted to second guess his intention, because that's my wish. But I need to really face the reality - which is that WH really doesn't love me anymore and we are NOT family anymore. Sad, but it's better to know now and I can just force myself to move forward, instead of trying to escape into my wishful thinking which is "maybe WH is also having a second thought...".

I will not bring this up again anymore with WH. I'm glad I communicated my wish to him, so that he knows what I wanted. It's his choice to break up our family, not mine. I will be sad but will be okay. I will find happiness again, b/c this was given to me. I do not have to live with this forever b/c this not my choice. I do not have to feel guilty.

My friend told me over the weekend (which touched me so much that I almost cried...) - "Milk, I really admire you that you have tried so hard for the sake of DS4. Someday I will tell DS4 that his mommy tried very hard to save this family". I did try, not only for DS4 but for all of us, but it failed. I can't control others and cannot always get the way I want. WH won, in terms of our wishes - he got what he wants, I didn't. But I really hope I will have peace soon and no regret in this regard eventually, because then I can 'win' as well. Of course a part of me still wishes that someday WH will regret and feels sad & guilty about what he has done to his family, but that might be asking too much. He may well become very happy. But that is okay. I can be happy too.

Milk

I'm glad you made him the offer.

This is probably a DJ, but I'm going to say it anyway.

I would almost bet he's thinking "I'm so wonderful, of course she wants me back."

In reality, you made the offer because it's the right thing, not because of how wonderful he is.

It's really true what one poster said - There are those that get it, and then there are those that don't get it, and they don't get that they don't get it.

I shake my head often because of things the WS's say and do. I am sure happiness will be an elusive thing for him for quite some time, and I am sorry for him.

I hope you use all the tools at your disposal, and come to realize you really are a child of God, and that he sent you to succeed.

Do you have big plans for Christmas, or will it be a laid back day for you?

SS

Thanks SS. WH said something interesting when I asked him today if he truly wanted to come back when he said he wanted to come home or he just wanted my financial help - he denied it was because of the money, but at the same time he admited that his getting DUI scared him and he wanted the quick 'fix' and that he needs to learn how to stand on his own feet when he faces difficulties.

This tells me that in the past, every time he told me that he 'loved me so much that he could not live without me and that he was the luckiest man on the earth', he must have had some kind of drama and he wanted to make sure I was there so that he would not be 'alone', but he probably never really 'meant' that he loved me. That's really sad and I feel like I wasted my youth but at the same time we had a wonderful boy, so it wasn't all that bad, I guess. His IC one time told me "Milk, WH does not know what 'love' really means and he is emotionally numb and that's why he can do this to you", which may be true. Of course, though, he would say "I know how to love, because I love DS4 so much".

Now that we had this 'last' talk, meeting him at Christmas (his family invited me and DS4 so we'll be there...) will be quite uncomfortable and awkward, but I'll have to deal with that. I hope DS4 will not make a scene by wanting to be with his daddy when we leave......, which always breaks my heart. He used to always say he wants 'Mama and Papa' together, but recently he stopped making these requests. He might understand now that this is not something we can offer. That again breaks my heart, but what can I do.

I hope one day I can find someone SOLID & STABLE, someone with a very strong family value - and DS4 can have a male figure at home.

No, I don't have any big plans for Christmas. I'll have my friends over on Sun and DS4 and I are going to soon-to-be x-in-laws on Mon. It's so weird.

I'll have just one more vacation day left this year, so I might take that sometime after Christmas.

How about you? By the way, I just read your post on SVB's thread and read the part where you mentioned your daughter is in college. For some reason I thought your kids were small. Wow. So as an experienced parent and husband - what is happiness to you? What do you think WH is looking for? I know, I shouldn't even be thinking about this, but I'm curious b/c now that I know you must have done through a lot..., and you know, you also ride a motorcycle <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Milk

Or vacation year starts Nov 1st - and I get 20 days off (four weeks - counting only week days.) I'll probably take most of the week off next week, and only go to work to check a few things, and make sure we are ready for year end accounting change over.

My oldest daughter WAS in college. Well, I suppose she still is, but part time now, taking evening classes. She is married with one daughter who turns three in March.

My oldest son is 29 this Dec 29th, so yes, I am older. I turned 51 last Sept.

Happiness?

Happiness comes from doing what is right. I am sure of that now.

Motorcycles, firearms, hiking, food, good friends, and so on are fun, and they can add to a happy life, but they are not the kernel, not the heart of happiness.

I suppose I sought excitement just like your H. I never looked outside my marriage, but I mean in doing fun and exciting things. Over the years, I have come to know that happiness lies in finding out what God wants me to do, and then doing that. I don't mean to say I am really good at it (grin) but I am getting better, and I am becoming more and more happy as I go along. Doing what God wants seems to be a good balance between work, family activities, helping others, and even a little time spent on personal hobbies. I think BALANCE is a good word here. When one shuts out family for hobbies, or when one looks outside the marriage, or does what THEY want without agreement from their spouse, it does not bring happiness, but it brings destruction.

Our family likes to gather, we don't fight, or argue, and we have good times telling stories, playing games (board games this time of year) singing songs, and laughing. Most of our married children live close, and visit one to two times a week. We feel very blessed.

I should say that we have 8 children - 4 boys, and 4 girls. 5 are married, we have 6 grand children, and the twins (girls 13) are the only ones at home now.


As far as what WH was looking for -
When you don't know what happiness is, you keep looking, and looking, and looking, and never find it. Having fun, is not being happy. It can be part of it, but fun on it's own can be hollow. I think your H is looking for happiness in fun, and can't figure out why it isn't working for him.

I have seen friends search the same way - faster cars, stronger drugs, more money......... but none of that works. It's short term, and does not satisfy over time, so one keeps going back for more but never finds what they seek.

I should tell you about my history with motorcycles so you don't get the wrong idea.

I was raised in what was then a small town. Population less than 7,000. Mostly a farming community.

We lived on the edge of town, and many of my friends had motorcycles to drive from home to the farm to do chores. Milk cows, feed horses, and so on. My first vehicle was a motorcycle, I used it to get to school and back, and work and back. It was a small one.

Over the years, the town has grown, and the traffic has gotten much worse. I don't actually have a bike that runs right now - my # 3 son having blown up the motor on my last one a few years ago, but I have owned one most of my life. If I did have one, I would probably not ride to work, but just out in the country which is what I enjoy. I have never owned the big ones - only the ones made for riding on dirt roads, out in the hills. Street legal, but made for trail riding.

I just kind of always had a bike because I was used to having one. I brought it up because I wanted to have full disclosure - that........... and to tease you.

Christmas?
I have mixed feelings about talking about this. I think you may understand after you read.

Our family likes to come home to visit. We'll have a family dinner on Christmas eve. Simple, not much work. Maybe toast, cheese, bottled fruit, and maybe some home made soup. We'll sing songs, and we'll read the Christmas story from the book of Luke. Our home is not large, and some will sit on the floor, but they won't mind. After we read, we'll talk about things. Our week, our next family gathering, and some of the kids will come up with holiday plans and be joined by their siblings.

Christmas day will start early - the twins still get excited. Then breakfast, and maybe a nap if I'm lucky.

We'll visit my parents, and my W's mother mid day. IN the evening, we have a big Christmas breakfast planned. We used to do it in the morning, but we switched this year just for fun. We'll do waffles, pancakes, hashbrowns, eggs, and pretty much everything you can imagine. Most of the married kids will be here with their own children. One daughter wants to have a talent show - not a serious thing, but just for fun where we can laugh at each other's performances. I may even be in it, if I can think of something to do. That last sentence leaves a lot unsaid, maybe you'd have to be here to understand. AD has visited us twice, he could maybe comment.

Late evening on Christmas day, we'll play board games, and talk some more, and laugh a lot. Some of the married children will drift off to see the parents of their spouse, and some will stay. We'll have holiday snacks, and probably eat too much. We may stay up late. (probalby)

The rest of the week are not planned out in detail. I want to do a few short hikes with the twins. (we live in the desert south west, so the weather is usually pretty good.) W and I will take a walk, maybe more than one.

I could go on, and on. Family is important.

I hope you have a good time at IL's home. I imagine they still love you, and wish things were different. I hope they take good care of you.

It is good for DS to have a relationship with his grand parents. I am glad you are doing this for him.


Merry Christmas -

SS

Hi SS, your post boosted my Christmas spirits.

It's always nice to get together with your family. I've always been very close to my family, and enjoyed get-together on WH's side. Yes, my ILs still love me and MIL said to me that she considers me as her 'daughter'. Since WH and I have known each other for so long (we met when in college), they have become a part of my family and I think I have for them as well. So it's even harder to accept that the 'part' is now broken. My FIL and BIL are still praying for us. But WH's sisters and mom have been telling me to 'move on', because WH has become a man even they do not recognize. MIL specifically told me that "I cannot tell you to get back with WH because he is really not a nice man right now". But the truth is that I don't even have the option anyway.

But I am glad that I can still talk to them and DS4 still has a good relationship with them. My lawyer also encouraged me that I maintain a good relationship with them.

We'll have friends who are like God mother & father to DS4 over on Sun, so we'll celebrate Christmas with 'my-side of the family' and on Mon we'll got ILs. In between, I'm sure we'll visit my other friends who are deeply involved in our lives. In Feb my parents are coming to visit us, so that would be nice too.

Your analysis of what WH might be looking for is very insightful. I think you are right. I used to be a little bit like that too, so I can relate. Although I have always been a family-oriented person, so I didn't necessarily look for 'excitement' or 'fun' to feel happy. As long as I had my family and could do things together, I felt happy. I wanted to spend 'too much time' with WH, if anything, and he felt 'chained', because he wanted the freedom to go out, flirt with other women, and come home without being accused by me.

At the same time, I wish we had a bigger kitchen, closets and bath. And we did. But then WH moved out. So I realized that bigger kitchen and bath did not make our family happier. But I can proudly say that having a solid family was my top priority, even when I was wishing to have a bigger bath tub. I guess WH felt I was too 'controlling', b/c I was saving money for the family, wanting to spend too much time together, wanting to have a bigger house so that we will have more space even after having the second child..., etc., he must have felt it was all based on my 'agenda'.

It's strange, b/c my friend who just got divorced was complaining how his wife was never home. She goes out constantly, leaving her two children to him. She would go out and would not come home till 2am, as if she is still single. She did not want to spend time with her family. And she ended up having an affair. So that was my friend's complaint. He wished his wife was more family oriented like me. Now, instead, my WH wished I was more like her, giving him space and not wishing to always spend time as a family. How ironic.... The other friend of mine whose x-husband divorced her liked to go out and have fun but did not do so as much as my friend's x-wife. Yet her husband complained that she did not do enough things for him. And he left. He wished my girlfriend was more like me (he was a big flirter and tried to flirt with me too while they were still married). It was his 3rd marriage and now he is married to a woman who is 20 years younger (his 4th marriage!). My GF told me "I don't know why WH left you, because YOU were doing all of these things my x-husband was complaining about (cooking and cleaning and maintaining a flat stomach after having a baby)". But in my WH's mind, I was not letting him have freedom like my GF.....

So it's impossible to meet all of these guys’ wishes! I met two of those guys' wishes, but didn't meet my own husband's. My friends' lifestyles were more like what my WH wanted.

By the way, though, the guy who left my girlfriend is NOT happy with his 4th wife. He complains about her a lot now and they apparently fight a lot. It appears he is looking for a 'perfect' wife... Is WH also looking for a perfect wife??? I hope he will realize that there is no one who can meet all of his wishes... Maybe one day..., but that will be too late...., it's such a waste. Divorce is such a waste.

BUT, again, it's not my choice so I shall move forward.

Merry Christmas!

Milk

You are right, there IS NO PERFECT SPOUSE.

I do suggest that dating for a while and getting to know someone helps us know if they have the qualities we are looking for.

One of the reasons I asked SVB about church - well, it's simple.

If she finds someone at church - she has met someone who likes to go to church.

If she meets someone at a bar - It is most likely she has found someone that likes to spend time in bars.

That may or may not be what she wants - but you get the idea.

I really doubt that she likes to spend time in bars, or that you do. That would be my guess.

Meeting someone at work is neutral. Since nearly everyone works these days, you never know what you you are getting until you are around them enough to learn their likes/dislikes.

School is much the same - it's hard to know much about someone you meet at school until you spend time with them. Of course, there are those who are pretending (from school, from church, from work, and even from bars) and that makes it even more difficult to know what they are like. It's hard to maintain pretense for a long time though, so one who dates long term usually finds out the truth.

I spent a lot of time praying about marrying my W - if it was the right thing. I don't know your religious background, but I highly recommend that approach.


Our society seems to get much of it's view of love from television, and movies. I don't like to live drama - and I think what is portrayed on the screen is not real for most of us, but it's what we see, and what we know. I think it distorts the view of life for many people, so that they don't live in the real world as far as their expectations.

This person who is on his 4th marriage is a good example. Is it these 4 women who are broken, or is it him?

I am afraid your WH will be like this - broken, living with false expectations.

To an extent you and SVB are in that same position - but the other side. You wonder if it's even possible to be married, and to be happy at the same time. You have some examples (your parents, and perhaps others) but you keep seeing bad examples too, and you worry.

I have learned a lot about people by watching others. If you read on MB much, you will know what I mean. I think you get a lot of information from watching your friends too.

I found and married someone with similar goals to those I had - but I bet you thought you were getting someone like that too.

Milk, I really think your WH is broken. I don't know if he will ever fix himself, but for sure no one else can do it for him.

You concentrate on you, and become the best person you can possibly become. If you can do that, everything else will follow.

I hope your weekend is a good one - and long one.

SS

Oh, and one more thing -

It was interesting to read what you say about the home, bath, etc.

My W and I differ on some things. We used to hold it against the other - that they would't agree with us.

Now we realize there will always be things we differ on, but we glory in the things we agree on, and we work together to find common ground on the other things.

We (moslty) follow the POJA. Sometimes not on small purchases, but always on big ones. What a difference it makes. Once we agreed we didn't have the right to force our wants on the other, we made great progress.

I want this, and you are a jerk for not agreeing with me.
What would it take for you to be enthusiastic about this?

Which person would you rather be married to?

I love Dr Harley - I have gotten a lot from his books. We accomplish so much more using his approach.

It's not so much what you want, it's how a person goes about trying to get it that creates problems. Usually -
If a WH wants you, plus another girl, he is still broken. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

SS, thanks, your words are (as always) very deep. Looking back, we were too inmature and did not know how to follow the basic consept of POJA (not that we knew about it, but basically we always tried to get our own ways, which is the complete opposite of POJA). I was the kind who tried to 'convince' him (I never did anything behind his back, though), and WH avoided confrontation so he always 'agreed' with me on the surface but ended up whatever he wanted behind my back. So I probably annoyed him a lot, trying to convincing him, and he appeared to be a big liar in my eyes because he did everything behind my back.

It sounds like you and your wife have built a very solid foundation that is based on 'trust' and 'respect'. That is wonderful and that is the key to maintaining great relationships. I wish we could have done so. I will try to use my lessons next time.

Milk

How funny since I called on Wed, WH hasn't called (he used to call for DS4). Maybe he is afraid that I would try talking him into reconciliation or something....??? I won't do that. It's pointless. Or maybe simply he has 'found' his love online and is quite busy. Or he might be enjoying the 'power' he feels he has over me and wants to punish me more by not calling. Or, his lawyer suggested that he does not talk to me until we settle. I don't know.

By the way the scary thing WH mentioned on Wed is that now he has $20K in debt! Holly cow....., how did he incur that much debt??? Why in the world did he even purchase such an expensive 'toy' (= motorcycle)??? Did I tell you that he has upgraded his motorcycle? I don't know what he is thinking.....

Milk

milkshake,
May I ask a question about what you hoped your WH would do?

In early posts you mentioned "acting like it's no big deal". And in a recent post, you called him.
What would demonstrate he recognized it was a big deal? What could he have said in that phone call that would have changed things?

I'm the WH in my marriage. I'm desperately hoping for reconciliation. But, I wonder if I'm failing to communicate or demonstrate my remorse. And yet, even asking the question feels like it would be manipulation "if you don't know, you don't feel it, if you do what is suggested, you're just trying to work a forumula, it's not sincere". it seems impossible to do the right thing. Desire/intent seems have no role.

I know for sure it must be demonstrated, as nothing I say is truth. But, what shows recognition that it is a big deal? Sure, that probably sound silly, but I have no idea what would communicate it that I haven't already done. Perhaps it's so obvious I just am missing it. Our failure to communicate for 15 years gives me little hope I'll figure it out with out being pointed. Or in that phone call. What really is the expectation? I've tried so hard to let her know I love her and want to work on this (Actually, the attempt at getting help i.e. counseling never interested her... ever.) but she only points out that I'm decieved to think there is any hope.

Sorry, probably a bit too much venting there. I just can't help but think that I'm completely missing something that is very obvious to her/you. I appreciate your help.

married 14 yrs, 5 kids

KwahTin,

Did you ever tell how sorry you were and how wrong you were as you were looking into her eyes? Did you tell her that you are willing to do anything to regain her trust? And are you doing so? (i.e., always letting her where you are going and when you expect to return, etc.?)

Trust is the biggest issue. It's so hard to resore it b/c we BSs are so severely hurt. I never thought my WH was sincere b/c he did not show any emotions and could not really look into my eyes either. He continued to do 'his stuff' even when he said he wanted to try one more time, so to me he was just trying to 'use' me for financial reasons.

If you are truly remorse, your wife should be able to tell. If she tells you though she is 'done', it may not be because she does not believe you are not remorse, but she may not want to go through the pain.

If your affair started out from on-line chatting, for example, and if you continue to spend a lot of time in front of your computer, whatever you promised to your wife will not sound too convincing.

I honestly believe that if you two have been married for such a long time and have 5 kids together, this marriage must mean A LOT to her. I don't know how your affair started or how long it lasted, but it sounds like the damage it caused to your marriage was huge. And it will take time to patch things up, because the trust is broken. Keep trying and don't even think about playing any sorts of mind game.

Good luck.

Milk

Hope everyone has a very nice Christmas!

Love,
Milk

DS4 had a LOT of presents and a very nice Christmas. We went to soon-to-be xILs, which is a bit odd but we had a good time. DS4 was, as always, all over WH initially, but then whenever he needed help, he looked for me, which made me feel better and might have made WH a bit sad possibly. I brought a lot of DS4's recent pics which everyone enjoyed, and WH asked for one of them.

To be honest, it DID irritate me a bit to see WH having fun as if nothing has ever happened, but I was also surprised that I did not care too much either. If anything I felt more sad that my ILs are WH's family and not mine so they will always have WH over and have a good time. Not that I want them to be mean to him, but it was irritating to see WH acting normal towards them as if it's really ME who was the problem and therefore he should not feel any sense of guild at all around ME nor around his own family.

But compared to last year, I felt much more comfortable. And like I said, I could act very natural and neutral towards WH today.

WH asked if he could take DS4 to some place this weekend, which itself is fine, but he does not have a cell phone (he had one but he never told me about it - his brother told me about it, and now he may not have one) and that bothers me. I always have mine and WH KNOWS that he can always get a hold of me whether we are at home or away. So I am going to ask him to get the prepared card or something so that I know exactly where he is and I can get hold of him.

One thing I'm happy about is - that DS4 no longer cry for daddy when we leave. He used to cry whenever we left (and WH stays longer at his parents, or vice versa), wanting his daddy. But now he seems to understand that we CANNOT come home together like other families. That used to tear my heart apart but now I am glad he has the understanding of it. My friend's boy asked DS4 why his daddy does not come home (and I got cold feet for a moment when this boy asked this question) but DS4 calmly answered "because my daddy lives in an apartment".

I don't think I can ever forgive WH for what he made our son go through. He is only 4 and look what he has to say to his friends. Anyway.... All in all, we had a nice Christmas.

One of the presents I put in DS4's stocking was a DVD I bought while I was in Japan back in September. DS4 found it and told me excitedly "Mama, Santa knows I'm Japanese! Why does he know??" It was really cute. He claims he 'saw' Santa last night...;)

Merry Christmas!

Milk

Merry Christmas Milkshake and DS (((Big hug)))

Thanks Jean. Hope you had a fun Christmas.

Milk

Can't believe 2006 is almost over. I feel like I have gone through a decade over the past couple of years. When I look at my pics three years ago, I look happy, young, and unguarded. Pics from 2005 look clearly older, depressed and tired. Though in 2006, in some of the pics I started to look a bit happy again... Hopefully I will continue to 'recover' whatever the status of my marriage is.

WH looks a bit happier now too, which is to be honest a bit irritating b/c that means he is doing better w/o me, but at the same time I think I'm glad to see that. After all he is the father of my child and I want DS4 to have a happy & healthy (mentally and physically) daddy.

My new year resolution for 2007 will be..., to restore my confidence in myself and to be able to start trusting people again..., but as always, the top of my list remains DS4's health and happiness. Without it, I won't be able to achieve my 'goals'.

Milk

With your talent, and ability, you have a good chance to reach your goals.

How do you go about trusting people again?

How do you define and measure that? I mean, how will you know if you have reached it?

SS

Hi Milk --

You are getting better. Believe in it. We have to sometimes take it one baby step at a time. There is always the backwards steps too....but just believe. You can do it.

Take care!

Kim