I absolutely entertain the possibility. I also want Cruise to "entertain the possibility" that I am also trying very hard. Of course, to you, her efforts are clear and sufficient while mine are unclear and inadequate. Such is life in our household.

Because I am still trying. No more, no less.

Todd

Todd, have you considered, or will you consider, that this may be precisely the problem you are dealing with? It would seem that it is all by your efforts and none of God's.

God will let you continue along that path if you must, but might it not make more sense to face your "fear" of loss of control and let God take over the control? It has been some 2.5 years of "trying it your way," right?

If God is your Sovereign, your Lord, and a party to your marriage, to say nothing of both you and Cruise being Jesus' "bride," what is it that keeps you from trusting and believing God's promises?

Is if fear?

Is it the idea that someone (God) other than yourself really IS in control?

Is it bitterness?

Is it the personal affront that keeps you from forgiving Cruise as God has forgiven you?

Neither one of you will really be in "Recovery" until there is first forgiveness. Until then, you will be "roommates" living on an emotional "iceberg" with no chance of it melting. Until the warmth of forgiveness begins to play out in your lives, how does one "recover" while remaining unforgiven? How do you grow and begin to heal as long as your refuse to embrace forgiveness and, instead, opt for keeping the walls of self-protection erected and reinforced?

Let's face it, like it or not, until a Christian is willing to DO what God commands of them, no matter what they might be feeling or attempting to do under their own power, recovery will remain out of reach. Christians are no longer "their own." They are "bought and paid for" by Christ and are subject to God, not themselves or the world any longer.

Right now, that very Jesus is looking for the "wandering" sheep and is ready to gently lead you back to the safety of the closeness with him. Isn't it time to consider stopping the "running" and let him begin to work FOR you?

God bless.

Cruise

On the flight back from Vienna today I read 'how can I forgive you" by Abrahms-Spring. You need to read that, particularly the section on " earning genuine forgiveness" directed at the offender.

Todd, you need to read that too. Your reaction, Cruise's reaction MY reactions, SQUID'S reaction are all there predicated and described.

You may see what needs to be done in order to forgive each other and decide its not for you, or you might find a passion to move on. Either way read the dayum book.

If I can wrangle a plane flight back from Vienna, I'll be sure to read the book... (spent a semester of college in Vienna). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'll go ahead and order it now.

Todd

I have stayed away and taken time to reflect. I have just a few thoughts...

1. I am by no means a perfect person. I have never claimed to be and I never will. I understand that I have issues that are of my own doing. They will have to be processed. I understand that the poor relationship Cruise and I had prior to her A was partly my doing. I have never claimed otherwise. My issues will need to be addressed and I do recognize they exist.

2. I do have feelings. It may be difficult to discern here. Heck, it's hard to find them in real life. But they do exist. There have been hurtful things said here directed at me and they do actually hurt. I respond to that hurt typically by lashing out. I apologize to those I may have offended. I ask that you all give me the benefit of the doubt and try to understand that I really do have meaning to what I say, even if the words are poorly chosen sometimes.

3. I have a need to be understood. What is so frustrating to me is my belief that most folks just don't work hard enough to understand me. Sure, I make it hard, and that is my issue. I really have no issue at all with disagreement. Where I get frustrated in when the disagreement comes from a lack of understanding. I respect someone who disagrees with me while understanding me. And I also listen to that person very, very carefully while I tend to be dismissive of those who don't understand. I need to work on that, as it comes across as condescending. I generally zero in on a point until I feel it is understood the way I meant it before moving on (linear thinking). Other folks think more "circularly" - this is quite difficult for me to understand and often leads to frustration on my part.

4. I'm just not there yet. For all who get upset that I am not far enough along at this stage of the game, I'm not quite sure what to say to you. I am not actively resistant (see point 3), I am just slow. I am very guarded right now. I believe something the MC said is interesting - the gist of it was that my father was hypocritical and did perverted things and Cruise was hypocritical and did perverted things. He believes I am magnifying Cruise's A because it fits the pattern I grew up with. That said, he also believes that I must confront that demon before I can fully confront the A. The idea of confronting that issue is anathema to me, so I am not sure how this will all work yet.

5. I am not ignoring the questions asked of me here, I am simply shelving them for the right time. Perhaps that is not the best course and I will continually revisit my decision to take that approach. And yes, I've heard the definition of insanity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

A big thanks to those who have seen through the chaff to find the wheat, even when you disagree. Your posts are what keep me coming back. That's all for tonight...time to hit the sack.

Todd

I am reviving this post from August last year.

Cruise and Todd: From August 2006 until now, what progress or changes have you both made and why?

Of course if you are not comfortable sharing, we understand. I took the time to go back and read up a little so of course, now I am curious. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

bump fopr perspective with Todd/Cruise.

I hope things change.

I hope they change too, MEDC.

It is disheartening to see two posters so close, and yet still not recovered.