Here "I am." Thanks for all your advice. Gonna be a LONG day. And then a LONG life after that.

For those just tuning in, here are the latest updates:
After a 6 month hiatus, Toolman77, the FWH, decided to become a WH again. He chose to go back with the young lady who he initially had the A with. The OW is 21, and he is about to turn 44.

I recently found a hidden cell phone, and discovered that the little lady has moved to our town to be two hours closer to WH. Apparently, there were repeated attempts by OW to re-engage toolman, and he eventually decided to start "dating" her.

Eventually, he ended up bringing my children to Animal Kingdom and Disney with her, and going to BBQ and Beach parties with the children and OW. OW was presented to children as a friend of worthless BIL. At one point WH had a very bad afternoon, and decided to call OW to even babysit my children. His belief was that I was out on some kind of bender, when, in fact, I was at the grocery store, then home preparing dinner for the family. He, on the other hand was over at worthless BIL's house with his lover, then left her with my kids.

Two days later, he left for a resort hotel with OW, planning a three day lover's trip. I interrupted said trip by closing off access to the credit cards. He came storming home...and the rest is in what follows.

(((((((((SC)))))))))))

You're gonna be okay.

Really.

It's gonna suck eggs for awhile but you'll be okay.

- Kimmy

Thanks! You guys have been great. If there's one silver lining from all this, I'll have the support and comfort I've gotten over the past year of sharing with everyone. We all have a rollercoaster life, but sometimes the drops are more than we can handle. I know your story sucks, too. Hugs back at ya, Kimmy.

You'll be better off. I can't imagine the rejection you've been through over the last few years. It will be a big weight off your shoulders not to have to deal with that anymore.

Do you do yoga? You need something to find some calm and peace.

Have you read dad2my3boys' thread? The way he handled himself is inspirational -- he kept himself so controlled. Come here to vent, but stay cool and calm at home. Don't give him a clue that anything has changed when he calls or when he gets home. He can find out when he gets served.

A better life is in front of you. It's going to be bumpy for a while, but you'll be happy in the end. I don't think you'll be able to say the same thing about your WH. If he's dumb enough to get seriously involved with the OW, he's going to find himself in the betrayed role -- guaranteed...

Thanks! I've read part of dad2my's thread, but I'll go back again, with my "new perspective."

I just spoke to my dad (not the stepdad who is in the hospital) and he was very supportive. Stepdad is in recovery, BTW, looks like the cancer hasn't spread.

My dad was very supportive, offered to let me and the kids come over to hang out, called WH all the names in the book. It was nice to let someone else trash him.

I'm wondering about my kids. A few quick questions to DD9 have revealed that the contact with the OG has happened many times over the past few months. Just rubbing my face in it. I want to make sure they never see the OG again. How can I go about this?

I'm thinking about either:
a) the truth, tell dd9 that this little woman is daddy's mistress or
b) that this little woman is a registered sex offender, and she could get snatched if she ever sees her again, so call 911 if you ever see her again.

Other ideas? These kinda suck, because I'm not thinking straight.

How long do you have until they get back from their tryst?

Talk to your lawyer and see how fast you can get your ducks in a line. Can your WH be sucking money out of your business?

I don't know what to tell you about his GF. If you try to stop him from taking your kids around her, then you'll tip your hand.

Do you think this is the same girl as before?

Thanks grownup.
No, I've tipped my hand:
called the little woman on her cell and hung up
called the hotel room
cancelled all his credit cards
cancelled his bank card
took away all the checkbooks

He is in a big city about 3 hours away, and I tipped my hand about 3 hours ago. He may either decide to stay there, or he may decide to come home and kick my a$$. I honestly don't know.

Yes, this is the same little girl as before. Not to many girls from the town she lives in with her name and 21 years old, and friends with my h.

He better not kick your a$$.

He wouldn't try, would he?

Have you gotten ahold of your lawyer yet?

Oh, and if his car has insurance on it and is not in your name, cancel the insurance...and any other insurance....

I did that to the Wookie.

has he not tried to contact you?

As for you your computer, here is my thought. If you can get a new one do it today. Take off all the files that you need for work and put them on the new computer. Take this computer and store it somewhere, say your dad's house. That way if he has keylogger on it- he won't have anything except what you have typed today.

YES YES YES!

stonecold,

I'm so hurt and mad for you. The duplicity of this act, and your daughters involvement makes me physically ill.

Okay....so he knows you know....or will quickly know. You need witnesses chere. Don't be there alone when he comes storming back. Not just because he'll be so mad....but when you go court....you don't want him to be able to make up stuff that could affect custody. If you can't get someone to stay with you....go stay with them.

Follow your attorney's advice about legal matters....but get your the computer situation settled asap. Personally, I'd make hard copies of everything you need....locked up in a safety deposit box and back up the business stuff on a portable hard drive....and destroy the rest so he can't ever access them and use anything against you.

Thoughts about your daughter:

She's only nine....so exposure should be age appropriate...but I still believe the truth is best for children. I might say something like this:

"Baby, I know you've been spending time with XXXXX, but I'm not comfortable with that now that I know the truth. XXXX is your daddy's girlfriend and married men are not supposed have girlfriends....did you know that? His relationship with her is the main reason your daddy isn't living here anymore. I'm really mad and hurt right now....so please try to understand that I'm not going to be okay with XXX getting friendly with you. I love you and your daddy loves....this has nothing to do with you and you haven't done ANYTHING wrong...at all. This is just adult stuff that I wish I didn't need to tell you any of it...that's one of the reasons I'm so mad....but I don't like being lied to...and I'm not going to lie to you.

Oh my.... Does he have any cash? Imagine the embarrassment if he and his colleagues or he and the OG order a nice, big expensive meal with wine and coffee and dessert and he goes to pay and can't.... Maybe OG can pick up the tab? I wonder if she's old enough to have credit cards? I wonder how they're going to pay for their expensive hotel room?

Yes... your hand is tipped. Get your butt to the lawyer TODAY.

Post deleted by Pepperband

Post deleted by Pepperband

Just told DD9 about daddy friend. Thanks Starfish for the wording.

She is absolutely crushed. She's in tears, and I know it's never going to be the same again. This is the worst day of my life, and it's going to just keep getting worse. WH (I've got to come up with a more fitting nickname for him, because WH doesn't do it justice!) is headed home, I'll probably see him within the hour.

My attorney is in court, but I'm sure he'll call soon. I've exposed to my mom, my dad, his mom, my daughter9, and two close friends. WH is trying to make me out to be some kind of nut that needs to be hospitalized.

I've told him I don't want to talk about it. He is to get in here, pack his $hit, and get out. We'll see what happens. 1 hour and counting. Boy, I sure did wreck their little vacation.

I missed out on the all the chaos. So is she in danger? As for the children, let them know their dad is having adult issues and the important thing is they remain as a family and be safe. Let them know you are there for them (reassure them of your love), don't have to speak for their dad's support (that's his job), secure whatever finances you can, get a lawyer's advice if needed and if it is a domestic violence issue, call the police to make a report. At the very least if it is a domestic violence issue, make a report. RE: That is what the domestic crimes unit will instruct you t/d.

Let me share a story... I don't care if he reads it or not..... so here goes..... waaay back when my WS was in full bloom having the A, we were in a false recovery. I threw his things on the front lawn (mainly clothes). I was tired of packing and unpacking for him by this time (about attempt # 5), so I flung his shirts, suits and pants out unpacked but his briefs and t-shorts in a large garbage bag (see I was still nice - LOL!!). The WS was pizzed to say the least. He called me crazy and in his 'smarts' he got the idea to call 911. What an idiot. While he was on the phone with the 911 operator, he was trying to stop me from throwing out his stuff. That meant a scuffle was happening while he was on the phone. Pretty good evidence that he was pushing me around. Guess me telling him to 'stop pushing me' loud enough for the dispatcher to hear him (which he was doing) sent 4 sherrif deputies to our front door within 7 minutes. The arrival was just in time for them to see him shove me back into the house. They put him on the sidewalk and he got a bit abusive with them (my real H isn't like this - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> but the WS swore like a drunken sailor - a trait he learned from the OW). The other officer took me into the house and got my story. I gave it truthfully and it was more than enough to get him arrested. Since the officer's witnessed the pushing into the door (no injuries other than my pride), they filed the RO against him for 10 days and hauled him off to the local city hostel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He was there for 3 1/2 days. They lost his paperwork so he had to stay an extra day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> When he came out he was angry but he couldn't come home. He wouldn't stay with his relatives (SIL or parents) but he insisted he had nowhere to go and it was my fault.....(remember who called 911). So he talked himself into staying with the OW and that was worse than the trip to the county hostel. LOL!!! He called begging to come home after his RO was up. I'll end the story there. I just wanted to make my point about how the police view domestic violence. Don't be afraid to call. Even what may seem as minor incidents to us will be considered bad to the police.

The police are well awere how a WS can be out of character from your real spouse. Still it is enough to call 911 if anyone is threatening your safety in a physical manner. Don't exaggerate but don't harbor a WS' actions.

take care,
L.

stay calm

STONE COLD

Love the story Orchid!! And nobody is a better "witness" than the police!! If he comes raging back....you call 'em!

Can your dad be at your house when he comes?

You need another adult there as a witness, imo....and as a net in case he has some brilliant idea of bullying you or lambasting you.

Cos you know, the waywards always make it OUR fault...no matter what.