Orchid--TM did a pretty good job of getting his diagnoses right in the post FF just pasted. I'd edit to add that he uses Xanax almost daily to stay calm, and has been known to double up when in very stressful situations. All that said, my true diagnosis is that toolman has lost his moral compass, and there is no med in the world to help him get that back. Very sad.

Did you call and ask?

I'd apply irregardless & let them know there is something pending, but you fully expect to be cleared because someone maliciously reported you.

Thanks Pep, but as a person who used to review lots of candidates for jobs, this is how it looks to me:

two equally qualified candidates, but candidate SC has either got some serious mental problems, or, at the very least, an unstable domestic situation. Why hire her, if one morning, her nut-bag ex decides to call the cops on her again? Sounds like more trouble than she's worth.

I'd rather wait until the investigation is closed, but even then, I'm going to have to check the box that says I've had a DCF investigation. What a mess!

Thanks again.

talk to your attorney

if WH's lies cost you a damaged reputation which cost you a job opportunity .... I donno .....

Pep

Just wanted to say I'm still here. I let toolman take the kids surfing, and have their traditional pancake breakfast together. Of course, I couldn't stand to watch, so I left and went on errands. I want to make sure I don't get into the habit of letting toolman have all the "fun stuff" with the kids, while I take them shopping and make them clean the house, etc.

I guess I'm going to have a lot to learn about being divorced, so that I don't become a doormat in my future life. I seem to naturally slide into the doormat role, so I've got to try to buck that.

Bad news on the step dad--looks like the cancer has spread. I'm waiting to hear more, but it is at least stage , maybe more.

Finally got confirmation on the little girl OW. She works at the ice cream shop up the street -- one of toolman's fave hangouts. I also did some figuring, and figured out the the OW was NOT when the A started, she was actually 20. (But it's a MATURE 20, according to toolman).

Tool claims he met with her last night to break it off (again). Lots of tears, etc. Like I give a $hit. One good thing about knowing you're going to D, you don't have to fret about NC. Couldn't care less--just keep the little $lut away from my kids.

Well, that's the latest, but certainly not the greatest.

((( hugs )))

As things progress, the Ws learns that life does not allow him to manipulate you because you learn to grow away from that crap. Sometimes we stumble across crap and in most cases, clean up and move on. When that crap enters the core of our family, it takes longer to clean up partially due to the shock it was even in our home. When it touches our children, we get enraged. During those times, the WS tries to use that as a means to show we are crazy.

Just remember my story where the then WS called 911 to tell them I was a lunatic (for throwing his clothes out on the front lawn). The reality of it all caused him to go spend a few days in the local pokie and now he has it on his recocrd. Backfired? Big time.

So just be the one constant and loving one to you and your children. The WS can't ever be as good because their minds and hearts are not family prone. Let your H kick his way out of bondage to the WS and mothership. He can. Let him.

This means you won't have to do much. As for the job sitch. Probably be wise to wait a bit. When you hit the job trail..... watch out world. There's teacher with a lot of experience ready to the kind of help students really need. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,

L.

Thanks, Orchid and Pep.

Tool and I had another "talk" today. I just can't seem to get him to take ownership for the chaos he has caused. He keeps coming back to two main themes:
(1) This wasn't his PLAN. I.e., he didn't go out and actively seek the troll. He says she called and called and just wanted to see how things were going, and then they talked, and then, somehow, over a course of several weeks, his 44 year old wenis ended up inside of her 21 year old...well, you get the picture. (I certainly do!) Even if this is true, he has to accept responsibility for resuming contact. I guess I see why this NC issue is so serious, if even long time members struggle with seemingly innocent ~contact~.

Sidebar: IMVHO, any troll who calls repeatedly, even after you say, "I'm still married, I'm still working on the M, etc." CANNOT, by definition, be considered your friend. But Tool continues to say what a nice young lady she is--I'll only agree she's young.

(2) His other main argument is that the M was seriously hurting, and we were talking about D all the time. He says my actions and inactions have seriously damaged the M, and he couldn't get past it. Ok....well, that's what D is for, right? He says he stayed M for the kids. He says he worries what kind of loser I'll bring home in some kind of drunken stupor. I say, "Well, tool, you already are living my nightmare...you've already brought my children around your worthless wh0re." Funny that he was so worried about who ~I~ would bring around, when he was already, in fact, doing exactly what he feared most in me.

But Ima, little miss troll is so nice, and the kids really enjoyed being around her. Sorry, I'm going to go puke.

SC,

Tell TM, Orchid says no girl who let's a guy see any parts of her nekked c/b a nice. Imagine if he caught his D with a 40 yr old man.....what would he do. Let him have that pix in his brain. YUCK!!!! So the OW is a tramp. That's her parents problem and w/b his if he keeps it up.

As for the M already in trouble. Well that excuse makes no sense.

So the M is in trouble, the boat is leaking and you go for a swim with a total stranger while your family is in the boat, bailing it out to save their souls? What kind of person would do that?

Oh....that's reverse babble and a good one. Play that back in his ear....Btw, do Ws' even have ears? If they do, are they cosmetic or is it really connected to their brain.....if they have a brain...is it functioning? Sooo many questions, sooo little time.

L. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LOL Orchid--you really paint a graphic picture!

Yep, I asked WH what he thought about the idea of DD9 dating a 44 year old (eleven years from now..) and he said it disgusted him.

I asked him what he thought when he remembered how we LAUGH at all the poor old guys out there chasing these young things...

He said yeah, I know, but it wasn't like I ACTIVELY decided to have an A with a then-20 year old. WTF???

I know this is all fogbabble, but it's so durn frustrating because I know that he somehow managed to fog himself into a situation where he destroyed his family.

I just want to YELL at him, but then he'd call me crazy.

BTW, he said also that he'd agree to pretty much whatever I wanted for the D settlement...he'd meet w/my lawyer, and then after we hammered things out, he'd get a lawyer to just check over to make sure he wasn't getting screwed too much. We'll see.

Funny part was that he said he would still want some kind of agreement with me to protect his children in the event I went into a drunken spiral. He says, "What if you drink so much, and something happens with the kids in the middle of the night, and I'm not there to help?" Ok, good question.

Then, I thought about it for a while. WTF is he talking about? He's been gone banging his chickie more nights than not, since he started his own version of a separation. He comes and goes as he pleases, and never answers his cell phone. In all that time, have I ONCE been drunk or disorderly? Have I ONCE needed help in the middle of the night, only to find myself unable to do anything for my kids? Heck no!!! I've mopped up kiddie vomit, held little ones with ear aches, handled middle of the night bloody noses, and jutt general, mommy-I-can't-sleep episodes with no problem. Wanna know why? Cause I WASN'T DRUNK!!! Cause I WASN'T Bipolar. This image he has of me is completely out of touch with reality.

He even admits that he projects images of me from our early party-days 20 years ago (not married, in college, no kids) onto my life today. He also admits that compared to my early days, I'm actually much more stable than I ever was--no angry outbursts, no benders, etc. He, on the other hand, cannot get through the day without a xanax, or two. But I'm the nut-job.

I said to him, compared to when we got married, I have settled down and devoted myself to the family. When we married, you were devoted and committed to the family, and now you are out sowing your wild oats and partying late into the night and dating. Which one of us is modelling bad behavior for the kiddies?

Sorry for the rant....

No rant....this is good stuff. U r learning to recognize the babble crap coming from their mouth. Ever hand him a bottle of mouth wash so he can rinse the crap out of his mouth? Maybe vinegar might be good. LOL!!! (bleach is too dangerous to the human body but those aliens spew some toxic sutff).

I wouldn't trust that he will take care of his family line of crap. If he was, this A wouldn't be happening. So throw it back at him.

As for him NOT getting screwed? He already is screwed. Throw that one back at him also.

It's ok to go back and reiterate his words then reverse babble them back.

I used to say..... 'you know Ws, when you said (blah blah blah), I gave it some thought, wanna hear it?' Depending how he reacted, I would either give him the reverse babble line (that I had practiced) or just walk away and let him wonder. Im most cases, the WS in him is waaay to curious. So I would give him enough just to keep him on the edge.

Now it takes a keen mind t/d that so he can't accuse you of being incompetent in any way.

L.

I am truly sorry for his becoming a major "tool".

It is unexcusable behavior and the OW being around your kids? Sick.

His being w/a 21 yo? That is scary..almost jailbait. My xh married a much younger woman...only b/c she got deliberately preggers though. If my daughter dated a 44 yo man and she was 21....I'd be in jail myself...for shooting the coot for practically molesting a girl barely beyond her teens.

His behavior is horrid. He does NOT OWN HIS OWN ACTIONS...he spins and lies. He tries to blame yOU for doing something like getting drunk 20 years ago. How crazy is that? Tell Mr. Xanax that He needs to grow up and watch his back before an angry daddy blows his pecker off if he catches him with his barely-past-teens daughter.

Not smart.

And to toss away your family for getting your salad tossed.

I am sick to death of stupid choices made by waywards.

Thanks for your input, JustP...
Yep, the lack of ownership really gets to me, too. It's like, "It just sort of happened."

If I hear that one more time....


Anyway, my family thinks the little young thing will also turn up preggers. WH says, "oh she's not like that. she wants to be an engineer." Ok, well, little miss career path is scooping ice cream when she should be serving an internship somewhere. Why? Because she wanted to pursue a career as a homewrecking wh0re. Fog must be pretty thick.

Oh..remember the WS will use anything they can to make the BS look like the one who did all the damage in the M.

My xh? He tried to say that I was depressed! And that I was seriously unstable...yea right. Two months after separation I'm elected state prez of my medical society by peers...ya think they're gonna elect a loonybin? Methinks not.

But it is a way of doing WS smoke and mirrors. That is all. I say do some digging. If he tries to up you...yOU UP HIM>>.doesn't he take Xanax? Isn't he depressed? Wouldn't you call it almost a psychosis that a 44 yo man bangs a 21 year old? Young enough to be his daughter? Sick stuff if you ask me.

Four glasses of wine a week? No prob. That's not bad.
'
AGain the man is stretching and reaching.

The lowly Tool even called CPS. What a tool.

I am ashamed of the ACTIONS YOU ARE AFRAID TO OWN TOOL. HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS...I CALLED YA A TOOL TO YOUR FACE.

Tool.

Welcome to the exclusive sith lord club Toolie. You just earned your membership card!

My xh said I was unstable...and here it is...i was depressed...why? BECAUSE I LIVED WITH AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE MAN WHO WAS CHEATING AND LYING LIKE MAD AND MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING H3LL! that's why.

my second counselor said it was "situational deprssion brought on by living with an abusive man"...and I pulled right outta the depression after leaving him. sure did!

You're probably feeling horrid my dear because YOU'VE LIVED WITH HIS BURDEN FOR SO LONG IT'S WORN ON YOU..DON'T LET THE TOOL DEFLECT HIS TOOLISMS ONTO YOU...it can wear you down.

My xh's logic was like this: My W is crazy. She is depressed and this is why I am having an affair. She hasn't been right for some time now.

Now I will interject the TRUTH INTO IT... My W is crazy (I HAVE DRIVEN HER NUTS ALMOST...) She is depressed and this is why I am having an affair (I am having an affair with several women, lying to her, doing damaging and destructive things, and I too lied to my W and took my ds to disneyworld with monkeyho and did not tell my W...) She hasn't been right for some time now (How can you be totally normal when you've got a cruel and inhuman liar in your midst? I was trying to get him to go to MC and work on the M an I was doing all the MB'ing I could do...and he was horrible...just horrible!).

You've been only reacting to his NEGATIVE CHOICES.

Do not listen to the tool alien.

ALIENS ARE BIG WUSSY TOOLS!

Where did Toolman get his sex education from? Bubble Gum wrappers?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> So being an engineer prevents pregnancy? Better let all the GYNs and OBs know this 'medical phenonemon'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Apparently, little troll is quite a piece of work. Tool is proud to say she's wise beyond her years, having moved out of her family home at the ripe age of 15. Says it has made her much more mature than the young man who helps with our yard work, who is also 20.

IMVHO, a little girl who runs away from home at 15 is DESPERATELY seeking a father figure. Tool could have helped her---he could have mentored her, and told her where to seek help for her sense of abandonment. Instead, he helped himself...to her.

Sure, she sees it as a wonderful thing right now, but one day she will hate him for taking advantage of her in a very compromised position. Sick. Sick. Sick.

There's another piece of illogic from the mothership. So now he is advocating 15 year old girls leave home before the law says they are legal?

What kind of monster is he? Better warn the schools he is a parent by birthright but not by morals. All must be cautious when dealing with him. Even friends of the family.

RE: If I had a daughter, I would not want her near that man.

Have u thought of exposing to her parents? He is sounding like a predator.

L.

I would expose to the parents, but I think the problem started in their home. If anyone needed a little help from DCF, it was them, when she was a young teen. Real issues with daddy, I'm guessing.

Wow. Well, I guess a "normal" girl of 20 from a decent family wouldn't be banging a man his age. Do you know where she went at 15 when she left home? With a boyfriend or a grandparent or something? I wonder if he'd be so proud if your daughter were out of the house at 15. She's 9, right? Maybe you better start looking around for 32 year old guys for her now. Why don't you tell Toolman to have a look.

She probably went to go live with her grandparents, because one of her parents had an affair and they ended up divorced and screwed her all up. Toolman must admire the OG so much that he's trying to make sure his own daughter turns out just like her. Too bad that you're such a drunk and bipolar that you can't take care of your kids. Toolman is so worried about that, that he never leaves you home alone one minute with those kids. Toolman is quite the parent and role model.

How do you have S.A.D. in Florida? What a piece of work, that Toolman is.

I like Toolman's way of thinking your character matches your drunken college days. According to him, I'm a drunken lunatic too. I was still getting pretty soused when I was in the first half of my 30's when I was in grad school. I must be nuts too and way more bipolar than you, SC. You are a menace to your kids with those 5 glasses of wine a week. What a lush!