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2B, no. She thinks that we are saying SHE believes there is no forgiveness without divorce, which is not what we are saying at all. There are a small handful who might believe that D is the only answer [and that might be the answer], but it is by no means "THE THINK" as she has MIScharacterized it. That is a MISCHARACTERIZATION that only dramatizes the issue and does nothing to further the discussion. Understood now.
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one .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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one .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think there is more than one....no?
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When IWRA used the verbiage "The Think Here" I got the impression she was using it as a term representing (or misrepresenting) the majority of this website.
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one .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think there is more than one....no? ? two ?
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Not the entire website, Resilient, just some of the thinking on this thread and a few other threads on this forum.
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one .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think there is more than one....no? ? two ? There might be TEN or FIFTY. It still doesn't make it "The think" aka group consensus, as she inferred. That would not even qualify for a legitimate generalization. Nor does it serve to disqualify that viewpoint. Just whining that "OMG, some think they should get divorced" does not address the veracity [or lack thereof] of that viewpoint and DOES nothing to further the discussion. It only adds to the DRAMA and fans the flames, which I suspect was the goal.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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IWRA is there anyone you WOULDN'T advocate helping ?
MB Alumni
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Not the entire website, Resilient, just some of the thinking on this thread and a few other threads on this forum. You seem to be pretty darn clear that is NOT the answer and I would like to know why. I am not so clear. I would like to see you lay out the case against that position since you seem to be so very certain. Instead of carrying on that some people HAVE that position, how about ADDRESSING the substance of the position and MAKING YOUR CASE AGAINST IT, instead of just griping about it? I am certainly open minded to all solutions and would like to see yours.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't know Bob, it would be difficult to not help someone that was hurting and asking for help. (I am talking about in real life.)
But back to Shaden's question:
"What would JJ or someone in her situation be expected to do?"
P.S. Mel, is your question why I think it would be wrong to divorce to gain repentance? I found the answer in one of foreverhers posts but I don't have time right now to go back and look for it, he explained it better than I ever could.
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we give Shaden lots of space to "think"... he's Canadian .... eh? Not only do I live in Canada... our own country (now what the heck is our President's name... I mean Prime Minister's name again)... but I live in the Prairies... a whole he!! of a lot of wide open, wasted space to think in. The French Toast was good... and I didn't even have the vanilla to put in it. Shaden
BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.
Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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but y'all have politeness issues and SHORT senior citizens! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't know Bob, it would be difficult to not help someone that was hurting and asking for help. (I am talking about in real life.)
But back to Shaden's question:
"What would JJ or someone in her situation be expected to do?" IRWA...Why don't you tell us what YOU think the answer to this is...So far, all I've see you do is condemn others for the possible solutions that they bring up and are working through...I've yet to see you offer any solution except help at ANY cost... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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but y'all have politeness issues and SHORT senior citizens! You ain't seen my Gramma... and she sure isn't polite on the road... although come to think of it... she has been shrinking the last couple of years.
BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.
Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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but y'all have politeness issues and SHORT senior citizens! You ain't seen my Gramma... and she sure isn't polite on the road... QUIT BRAGGING!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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but I live in the Prairies... a whole he!! of a lot of wide open, wasted space to think in. So Shaden, does this mean that you can sit on the porch of your igloo and watch your dawg run away for 5 days? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Mrs W, I have no solutions. It is a difficult situation.
I am hoping others do have some suggestions, though.
(Other than to divorce.)
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Now back to the question I was pondering while out on the open Prairies, shooting some ducks and plowing down some canola fields... Geezzz... I had to go back one, two... no maybe 10 or 50 pages to find my last post... I said... "I would expect that the first step is the "correct", open-minded attitude and a questioning of their life and decisions made... not just defensiveness and more justifications. Admission to the mistakes made." I think added to this is the attitude, knowledge, and willingness to realize how her presence here may and will be offensive and painful to some who are struggling with the pain and fears accompanying the loss of their spouse to an OP. And by being here, willing to take the hard road of feeling their pain, accepting their anger, and hearing some tough advice to a difficult situation. Knowing this, would someone still come to MB to receive help? If they do, then, from Pep's thread and original question... they would come no longer as naive, but as one of the other... possibly desperate. Mulan said Okay, I'll give you my answer: JJ - or any other person who married their affair partner and is now shocked because because they are now being cheated on - should cut their losses and realize that they cannot make a marriage with someone who clearly does NOT believe in fidelity. My question really wasn't surrounding what should JJ or someone in her sich do to fix her current marriage... it was what should she do now, as a continuing WS, to make her A right? But... discussing on what to do to fix her current marriage could be tied together, although I think they are almost 2 separate issues.
BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.
Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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Mrs W, I have no solutions. It is a difficult situation.
I am hoping others do have some suggestions, though.
(Other than to divorce.) Ok, and I agree that it is a difficult situation...But I would be interested to hear your motivation for starting this thread when you had no options to offer...Was your motivation only to call "venomous" those who had suggested an option (not to JJ, btw)? Further, Mr. W has offered other options WITHIN this thread... Also, could you explain your reasons for discarding divorce as a viable option? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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So Shaden, does this mean that you can sit on the porch of your igloo and watch your dawg run away for 5 days? Yep... I have 2 dogs and I wish one of them would run away for 5 days and keep going... I don't sit on the porch, though... the polar bears might sneak up from behind. Shaden
BH (Me) - 38
WW - 36
Married - 16 years
2 children - 10,12
DD1 - 05/30/05 - EA suspected, W wanted space
DD2 - 07/01/05 - EA/PA discovered & confronted WW
DD3 - 07/21/05 - Further contact discovered and now ended.
11/07/05 - exposed to OMW...
07/01/07 - separated to give "space". recovery was not progressing.
09/04/07 - DDAY all over... new OM.
Patience with God is Faith.
Patience with myself is Hope.
Patience with others is Love.
FAITH REQUIRES ACTION!
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