I am now thinking sc that he did indeed go a little further than dinner...gosh, trix got me thinking bout that and I can't get it outta my head.

but it's ok.

SHARK WEEK IS ON! I love shark week. I have no clue why. I do dive though. And I am terrified of sharks. But I love shark week.

That could be a whole session with a shrink ya know? I love shark week yet I am a diver and terrified of sharks...lmao.

Train Wreck is like a twisted perverted bisexual great white...and my stbxbf whatever he is? he's a stuuupid seal just humming to himself da da da da...as he flips along...not knowing the great white [censored] shark is getting ready to hurl her sleazy self and breach outta the water dragging the poor stuuuupid seal down.

that's my analogy for the night. ending day two of nc in dating.

he he he he...people usually say jokes about lawyers being sharks...this time the shark in the analogy is the paralegal...and the poor stuuupid seal is the lawyer.

maybe I should change her nickname from Train Wreck to Paralesbo? he he he he.

Darn it. I am sooo normal! I do read cosmo though. I do wear low rise jeans. I wear a bikini (string). I am not a freak darn it! I am not a freak! What is so wrong with a woman NOT being a freak? What is so wrong about not having your ego stroked 24/7?

Hey Peachy!

"and my family is in alabama, except for my mom who's in N. Mississippi. I am in gaw-ga."

Well, what a conincidence. I am a North Miss guy myself (Tupelo area). Is you mom near here?

Regarding the other matter what concerns me is the J's thinking. I see him making these decisions:
1. Going back to a woman that he was "embarassed" by
2. Returning to a woman who by your desc. could be on Jerry Springer later tonight
3. Not completeley giving into the idea of loving you and allowing something as small as distance become a factor. If I loved someone wild horses couldn't keep me from doing what was necessary for the both of us to be together and prosper. I would work tirelessly at it until I made it possible.
4. He bents toward self destructive behavior w/ selecting to be with this woman.
5. There doesn't seem to be any rational or long term thinking bone in his body. If so, why her and not you. I can tell little bit of information I know about you that you are the long term deal (I'm talkng marriage, family, stability, passion, responsibility, loyalty, etc.) and she has a willingness to have "sex at the drop of a hat" going for her. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I want the entire package not someone who uses their physial prowess to "trap" and then devour.

I say a lot of this since it applies to my STBXW's decision to "choose" a man old enough to be her father, with herpes, OCD, sexual addict, bankrupt, ugly, no character, a taker, morally bankrupt man instead of someone that loved her unconditionally, is handsome, vibrant, passionate, moral, has character, giving by nature and a wonderful, wonderful father (who hopefully will have custody of our 18 mo old at the end of August, i.e.-Mortarman) It makes no sense, none!

It seems some people are ****** bent on making decisions that lead to self destruction and nothing you can do or say will change their minds. I'll never get it!

I'll give you a pass on the COSMO (Acutally I have read it trying to learn a thing or two) but nothing is wrong with not being a freak. You can be both a classy, wonderful, "total" package that has a vibrant sensual side without that being 'who you are'. I am extremely romantic, passionate, sensual, etc but it doesn't define my core. I am so much more than that as well.

You hang in there and "do not settle".

Prayers PLEASE! Hard hard night. Work and the xbf

My second to last patient today, a nice lady who was incidentally, dx with a terminal condition, coded on myself and a coworker today...the orderlies were late taking her back after the procedure to her room, and I went over to look at her, and saw she had a bit of difficulty breathing, even though her breathing was even...so he and I decided to bring her up to her room ourselves.

In the elevator inbetween floors, she quit breathing but still had a pulse...We ran her down the hall and called a code immediately and the team was there as we were in the room...nothing we could do. I helped the team and bagged her...she didn't make it. Almost same age as my dad..and I had and have had horrible flashbacks tonight of seeing her die as it was same way my father died...

So...I am sweaty and shaking all afternoon long. You always think, even if there is nothing more you can do, that you could do more. I have been sick to my stomach on verge of tears all night...in my specialty, luckily, we don't get alot of codes. But it was full blown "Er" this afternoon I can say..usually calm in my neck of the woods...and I don't take death easily..I feel it.

So I come home. I am still sweaty, shaky, and nauseous. I threw up tonight after eating dinner w/ds.

I got calmer..relaxed.

And it was at this very time I wanted desperately to hear the calm reassuring voice of my xbf or whatever he is now. NC for 3 days almost...and he left vmail last time.

So I reluctantly call. We talk for 15 minutes. He is kind and sweet. We are talking and he reassures me that legally I did all I could do as I think the culprit of her breathing problem was being overmedicated by the RN in mri/special procedures...when they had given her conscious sedation earlier....he was fine.

On cell phone. He said "I am at the house now and I've got to unload some ice cream and stuff right away so I will call you back and you can get this out of your system." I tell him that I will be either on my home or cell as I was going to myself take ds out for ice cream so I could just get out...drive a bit to relax and unwind.

He NEVER CALLS BACK...and it dawns on me. When we ended our convo suddenly, he was in his garage. WHY? any ideas?

I think I know.

I think she was at his house.

I think the Train Wreck was there.

Nothing else explains this.

I am done totally.

How in the ****** could he do this? How could he just not be there when I had such a serious day? When I was crying and so shaken?

As of today, he won't hear my voice again. Nope.

Either he earns his way back...on his knees...or I am forever lost.

I am so hurt tonight. So hurt.

And I had to during the code, talk to the lady's sister who was there...the whole time in the hallway. I was crushed to have to tell her the news. It crushed my spirit to have to do that today.

Please pray for me. I forever feel I could do more. I know it wasn't possible...It was out of my hands...and it's my hope that when I go back to school I can save a few more people...feel like the world's spinning...and then this with the xbf? I can now call him the xbf.

I am sickened on so many different levels right now.

PRAYERS PLEASE FOR ME...and for my patient's family

I can sympathize with you. I feeling as if I found out all over again. I get this way when I consider being "done" and leaving, then thinking of our kids' faces if I ever do. Iam not one to lie, and if they ask me a question, I tell them the truth. I got the snowjob all through my childhood, and I don't want my kids to grow up like me. I want them to know that it is not their fault in any way, shape, or form that I am hurting or angry. I feel they need to know what the cause is, and that cause(the actions of Stacy) is NEVER right or acceptable.
I honestly don't think prayers would help me now. I've prayed until my knees are calloused, and all I have received is more pain. Every time I try to reach out, my hand gets slapped away, so to speak. But I just can't be the one responsible for putting the tears of anguish I live with into my children's eyes.

I believe that would be me(In a nutshell).
I am originally from N Mississippi. Greenville/Leland to be exact.
My thoughts will be with you, as well as with my own quandary.

Hi Peach,
Sorry about the rough night.

And the bummy exbf. If he'd only had coffee with her that would have been the first thing out of his mouth. She sounds like easy SF, and some guys have trouble turning it down. Hate to say it, but you might want to get a STD screen. Sorry.

I am sorry you are hurting. He's not worth the tears and puffy eyes... best you found out now. Please dont let him drag you down... you dont need that, either. Please take care!! - Dru

I am so sorry for your rough night. Please don't stop feeling. So many medical professionals (my STBXW RN for example) get hard and cold towards pain and death. I am glad that you feel and take it hard when someone hurts or dies. This is a check mark for you in your character make up.

As far as the BF or XBF goes, I find it almost unforgiveable that he would not call or anything when he knew how hurt and vulnerable your feelings were. However, it should also tell you about where his mind is regarding your R or lack thereof, so as much as it hurts you can take solace in knowing where you stand and which priority you are for him. You deserve much better than this and will find it or it will find you, of this I am sure. Keep being you, being real, becoming better and healthier in all aspects and expect and watch for the person that God has in store for you.

Hang in there lady!

What a job!

Peachy, you know you can't make people immortal. All you can do is keep mortality at bay. What's the point of telling you this? You know as well as I do.

As for xbf, Peachy, you keep saying it is "totally over" and then renewing contact. Don't. He got his Peachy fix, and then went back to Train Wreck.

You can't control his contact with Train Wreck, but you can turn the Peachy faucet off.

thanks everybody..feeling a bit better after the whole issue with the code (I was working on the lady w/the team and helped talk to her sister so it was yea, a bit traumatic for me) and with the bf...

I am now gonna refer to him as the xbf. I shot him an email saying that if I needed to have myself retested (as I am a health pro, get a regular pap smear, and have bloodwork done once a year for my employee physicals and am screened) that he should notify me. I thanked him for being nice the other night, but said he need not phone me back. Can email me if I need to "take any precautions" as I value my health and would want to know if he placed me at risk by being "with" the Train Wreck and not telling me. I am pretty much 100 percent certain this did not happen...at least not until after last time I saw him though. He is honest and will tell me about that at least.

Day 4 of basically NC in dating. And sad.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I can imagine how upset you were yesterday dealing with the code and all.

Trainwreck sounds like a nasty person. I can't see him staying with someone like that. (at least from all your prior descriptions of him). I can't see what he sees in her and can't see why he'd jeopardize what he has with you to be with her. It would seem that it is part a of his darker perverse side and lust for the temptress. I imagine she comes off charming and sexy, and sweet especially with their contact at the office. He would need to get far away from that one.