Hi M2L,

The issues I had with my H pre-A were this:

-he didn't want children, and I did.
-he was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder after missing numerous days at work and suffering frequent panic attacks. My brother has bi-polar disorder and I didn't know if I could deal with taking care of another "sick person" for the rest of my life.
-he was interviewed at my workplace and my boss told me he was the worst interview she had ever experienced. She said he would never get another job because of his interviewing skills. H was miserable at his current job, and this scared me to death. It worried me for our future.
-at the beginning of our relationship, H forced himself on me sexually when I didn't want to have SF. This eventually lead to a sexual aversion and lack of any sexual feelings for H.

That being said, these "issues" I had with H were also ALL MY FAULT. I had just as much a part of these issues as him, and instead of being his W and supporting him, I looked for comfort outside of my M.

I use to complain about H not wanting children, but I was having an A and not building intimacy with H to where he would want to have a family with me.

H suffered from anxiety and panic, but I was sneaking around and being a cold and heartless OW, so that of course makes his symptoms 100x worse.

You get what I'm saying. My behavior triggered his behavior which triggered mine again, etc. No one is "that bad" unless they are willingly doing harm to their spouse.

Otherwise, each problem is a couple problem, with each partner equally responsible...hands down.

KM