I AM A BS, MY HUSBAND AND I ARE WORKING ON RECOVERY AND DOING WELL.

I JUST KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE A HORRIBLE EXPIRENCE AND HAVE NO WHERE TO TURN. I SYMPATHIZE WITH HER, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO IT IS YOUR CHOICE. BUT TO BASH SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE DOWN IS AWFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID. YOU HAVE TO FEEL SORRY FOR WS IN THAT THEY HAVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT THEY FEEL SO DESPERATE AND ALONE. i FEEL BAD THAT MY H FELT THAT WAY. I HURT EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MANY NIGHTS, BUT FEEL THAT BASHING THE WEAK IS NO PARTY. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ AND FEEL PITY DON'T. JUST DON'T BE A CRITIC TO SOMEONE WHOSE SHOES YOU HAVE NEVER WALKED IN! TO ME, YOU SEEM LIKE THE PEOPLE IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO PICK ON THE WEAK AND NEVER FOCUS ON WHAT YOU NEED TO FIX IN YOURSELVES. THAT IS THE REASON SO MANY OF YOU ARE HERE FOR YEARS AND YEARS. OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE NOT HELPING OTHERS OR YOURSELF.




------BEING MEAN IS NOT WHAT MB IS ABOUT----- IT IS ABOUT BEING SELF REFELCTIVE AND HELPING EACH OTHER AS BEST AS WE CAN. IT IS ABOUT SUPPORT WHEN YOU ARE WEAK OR HELP WHEN YOU ARE LOST-- OR JUST HELPING YOU BE REFLECTIVE ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG. i JUST KNOW BASHING SOMEONE WHO IS DOWN IS VERY WRONG! i WOULD DEFINATELY NOT WANT ANYONE TO DO THAT TO ME AND THUS i WON'T DO THAT TO ANYONE ELSE! BASIC KINDNESS AND DECENCY TO OTHERS. DON'T ANY OF YOU FEEL THAT WAY??? NOT TO BE RUDE, BUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS OR ARE RESPONDING TO THIS MUST BE THE ONES WHO HAVE THIS PROBLEM IN THEIR OWN LIVES.

Noodle <---Angry and unhappy.

So..any time you don't like something I have to say..just remember I have been granted immunity.

Or..is the pain clause not fully inclusive?

I thought it was a blanket immunity?

do you not know how rude it is to yell?

AGAIN YOU ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING ANOTHER PERSON'S SHOES. MY COMPUTER IS MESSED UP TONIGHT AND YOU ARE NOT WORTH HOLDING DOWN TWO BUTTONS TO TALK TO! HOW QUICK YOU ARE TO JUDGE WITH OUT UNDERSTANDING THE PAIN OTHERS ARE GOING THROUGH!

cfc..

ARE YOU YELLING OR IS YOUR COMPUTOR STUCK ON CAPS?..MINE DOES THIS ALSO SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, I'm so sorry it causes you pain to talk to me

you really ought to go look in the mirror

do you think what you said to me was any kinder than what I said to her?

funny how you can condemn me- but YOU are above all that aren't you?

CAPS AND BACK TO JILLY.

SORRY FOR HIJACKING YOUR POST. MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING HELP? AND WHAT ARE THINGS LIKE NOW?

CFC,
It won't help to debate the angry and hurt people who want to batter Jilly more.
Mortorman had a thread earlier with a lively debate about the appropriateness of offering aid to a former OW/WW wife ( of which there are numerous persons on this site) who has asked for forgiveness and expressed remorse.
It seems maybe it was decided it was something that could be done, so he started this thread.

I think if we can move forward without fighting with each other and with helping Jilly that would be great. Let's just step over the recriminations of the people who are still struggling so much. If they need to start their own threads and ask for help to work through it, they can do that.

In the meantime, it would be helpful to gain some idea of what Jilly's current situation is.

so, it IS ok for you to be mean to me, but we have to be kind to Jilly?

if I post my sad story will you be nice to me?

Good Q MF,

Let's all post our entire life histories and every bit of grief and loss until everyone is simply sympathied OUT.

It's somehow related to affairs..I'm sure of it..it seems to have been accepted thus far.

Notice: To all BS's

Those who are helping JJ here will be only too happy to also help any OW/OM make a life with your H/W while you and your children are abandoned.

Of course bigK..

People like to "help"..it feels soooooo good.

I am sorry for your pain bigk. I was looking at the marriagebuilders pictures the other day and I saw you and your family. You all look so happy. I felt really sad when I saw you, knowing what you had been through.

I hope you feel better soon. After this I will not be able to see what you are saying.

Well, I'm sypathetic to JustJilly in the loss of her mother, but I'm also wondering why she feels we need to know every detail.

I'm wondering what this has to do with her husband's infidelity. The only thing I can think of is that, in her grief and maybe depression, she withdrew from him and focussed all her attention on her D.

Still doesn't matter, though...he was wrong to cheat.

cfc,

My H's OW had a terribly sad life (death of her only child...when his stepfather was the only person there. Lots of question marks about that child's death), too, but that didn't give her the right to boink my H, or every other guy she met.

Your attack on Moveforward was unwarranted and shameful. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on, not even you.

As a betrayed spouse I am appalled that people are supporting her.

If my WS's OW came on here- would you support her?

or would you have to wait til she was married to him and THEN you would support her?

what if my life story is more traumatic than the OW's, would you support me?

CFC, as a BS, you would think that you would not say any bs deserved to be a bs.

Do I?

Do you?

If your husband's fow came on here would you want everyone to go out of their way to pat her on the head and show her all measures of kindness.

I personally asked my questions to Jilly. I will wait for her response to my questions. At this point, Jilly hasn't asked for help on this thread, she has merely told us about her past. I want to know why.

Jilly, do you believe that your mom dying of cancer or your being adopted is the reason for your infidelity or your husband's most recent infidelity? I really don't understand the reason for posting that part of your life. I am trying to understand, so that I might be able to help.

Molly

Exactly.

When exactly does Adultery STOP being Adultery?

Anyone?

Ladyclueless, from what I have seen here and on another infidelity site, a lot of wayward spouses go over the fence due to their inability, for one reason or another, to handle life changing events.
I think they are out of line too.

I think what Jilly is trying to do is come up with some reason for why her husband did it. She seems to be saying she didn't pay enough attention to him and so he cheated.

We have seen that here over and over. People fall out of love because their emotional needs are not being met. They lose hope and check out of the marriage.
Jilly is all over the place right now, it looks like, with the way all of this stuff is coming spilling out with so little order.

That is why I suggested she try and focus and think about what is going on now and how she would like it to change.

Times like this I'm embarrassed to be a member of this community.

In my 3+ years here I don't think I've ever seen such bashing of a truly remorseful FWS, (and I've seen a lot of bashing).

She admits what she did was wrong, no excuses, etc, etc.

But yeah, lets just keep kicking her while she's down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

She can't undo what's done folks, but she can move forward from where she's at NOW, in the present.

I for one hear someone crying for a lifeline, and believe we should exend the "rope" to her, not kick her further down the pit. EVEN if that pit is of her own doing.

And for crying out loud... there's COM to consider in her situation too.

That's a no brainer. If they cheat WITH you they'll cheat ON you.