CS - YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME!!!! ....to whatever beliefs you want.

So is JustJilly, Mortarman, and anyone who is a Christian and who is looking for Christian advice.

But you would deny them the right that you want to claim for yourself or the poster you were agreeing with.

Interesting to say the least, but not very "helpful" as you seem to think that ALL are entitled to who post on the MB forums.

A Gadfly by any other name.....

What is at the root of your animosity toward Christ and Christians?

Perhaps you'd care to answer on another thread and leave this one to Mortarman and JustJilly for it's intended purpopse.

My husband was adopted too. He knew from an early age.

His affair partner was also adopted, though she knew well the best friend of who she THOUGHT was her mother. At 13 they told her the best friend was the real mother.
Anyhow, if you nose around on the internet, you will come across sites that address the ways adopted people can feel and the issues they have. It is all a very human response to not knowing who or what you come from. A lot of people have a hard time working through it, and yes, I agree,having a strong faith can really help a person out.
Children who are adopted often have problems with attachment and with feeling like they really "belong".

I had very little contact with my own natural father from the time I was 3 years old. As an adult in my 30's, after he died, I learned who he REALLY was and the terrible things he had done. Felt a mixture of horror and compassion, a sense of grief :IS THIS WHERE I COME FROM?

Anyhow Jilly, just let it come out. When the worst of the hurt and poison are out you will have energy and psychological space to sort through it and put things in their proper places. Then maybe some anxiety will lift and depression will lift and you will be better able to get an even stronger handle on things.

AW,

I had a good talk with my H last night about IC. He said did I want him to go too. Together...me by myself...he would do whatever I wanted. I said I think I need some IC first and then we need to do some MC with a different MC than we went to prior.

My H is having lunch with his Dad on Monday. He told me last night that he is thinking he is going to tell him about our situation not all the details just the general gist of what happened. This came from him. It isn't something I asked him to do. He asked me what I thought about it and I said do what is in your heart. I think he will tell him. His parents have been M almost 50 years. I know they will support us staying together. I have a good R with my in-laws. I didn't do an exposure after D-Day because the A stopped pretty quickly after that. The OWH already knew so I saw no point in exposure. If the A would have continued I would have gone the exposure route.

We had a long talk about going back to work (summer vacation ends for us next week.) and how we are going to handle the fact that there will still be some contact with FOW since they will still be working together. We have a plan. I am not sure whose anxiety level is higher about this. H says for him it wasn't really a romantic thing although she was meeting some of his EN's and that on some level he was emotionally attracted to her. He knows this is an A.

My H has a high EN for an AS. I would not say she meets that criterion. I am not trying to be petty here. I am not saying she is ugly or anything like that just not my H's idea of an AS. She had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight but she wants to have a bunch of plastic surgery to improve her looks. My H is not a large man. He is 5'8. I am 5'4 petite to speak. I am not Miss America or anything but I would say I am someone he has always felt proud to introduce as his wife. I have always known my H had a high need for an AS so I have worked hard to maintain a nice appearance.

I realize now that there were several other high EN's that I was NOT meeting.

RC...nope. I am working hard on this and have taken up photography so we can do this together. I find I actually quite enjoy this. He says he appreciates this so much. I don't know why I never got that interested in my H's hobbies before. I am learning the value of this.

Affection and SF are both high on his list. These have moved higher up my list as I see these as related to intimacy and I think that is a big need for both of us.

We both share a high need for FC. I think our problem in the past with this need is always putting the kids first especially in terms of time given to them. We were not getting the 15 hours of UA we should have been. We are working on this. We know see FC in a different way then we did. We realize that our M sets an example to our kids about what M looks like. It took us awhile to wrap our head around the idea that the M is at the helm of FC and this doesn’t somehow place our kids as a lower priority.

My H has a high need for admiration. He has always met that need for me. I didn’t realize that he was mirroring what he needed as far as this need goes. I get it now. I always felt total admiration for him I just didn’t verbally express it. I have always told him I love him daily but that isn’t the only thing he needs to hear. My H is a stone cold fox. He is the most beautiful man in the world to me. I should have told him this more. I just assumed he knew I felt this way. He has always paid me lots of compliments even when things were at there worst. I took that for granted. We have learned a lot from the EN questionnaire.

I think my biggest unrecognized EN is H&O. I think I shut down emotionally and therefore shut this need out. We have been talking a lot more about a lot of things. He says he thinks us talking about stuff is a critical key in building a stronger M. Last night he seemed to have a revelation about my adoption. It’s not like he hasn’t listened or we haven’t talked about this stuff I just think he never really tried putting himself in my shoes and last night when he did he said something he hasn’t said before. He said something about this is very deep and very heavy stuff here.

I never asked him to read The Primal Wound but I think it is a good time for him to read this book. He is an avid reader so asking him now to read this won’t be an issue. We both read a lot and often recommend books to each other. When one of us is reading a really good book and share that it is good the other will say well hurry up and finish it so I can read it. When we both read a book we always discuss it. Our kids are both avid readers too so I guess this is something we all share as a family…a love of reading.

The other EN’s like FS, DS, C, are all needs too but we seem to be on the same page about those and those have never really been an issue. We are working on trying to meet all EN’s for each other and talk about ways we can improve meeting those needs. I am going to order the HN/HN book so we can read that too.

AW I appreciate you telling me that IC helped you a lot. I think because some of my prior IC experiences have not been good I have hesitated to go back. I have to go…there is no other option for me. I need to get better. I need help. I need IC. Thank you.

With sincere gratitude,
Jilly

FH,


Wow..I never ever thought about it like this but I totally agree.


True..I am getting this now. I was raised with a strong christian fundamentalist background and belief system. My problem has been a crisis of faith. I didn't understand faith. Without faith there cannot be trust and without trust I couldn't completely accept. I see this now. I realize that I don't have to earn God's trust he just gives it to us. God doesn't need to earn my trust..he has always been trustworthy. My issue has been that I always believed in my heart that you had to earn love.

In the book The Primal Wound it explains two common routes adoptees take. Route one is where the adoptee takes on the role of trying to be perfect. If I am perfect then I will be worthy of my parents or any one's love.

Route two is where the adoptee takes the opposite stance and believes everyone else must prove love. The adoptee acts out and engages in bad behaviors to force the issue of will you love me no matter what?

Often a adoptee will toggle between these two routes at different times in their life. I have been on both routes at different times in my life. I also know that adoptees aren't the only people who struggle with these routes. Anyone with self worth/identity issues most likely does. I would suspect that this is common among adolescents/teens. The difference IMHO is that unless the adoptee gets help they don't grow out of this way of thinking. This is what I will need to focus on in IC. Growing out of this mindset.

For me accepting God's unconditional love is necessary. This is where my faith has wavered...where I have questioned God. Example: the suicide of my BF at 17. This upset my faith and I became angry with God. How could he let this happen? Answer...this boy didn't believe or have faith. At 17 I blamed God for this. At 38 I realize God cannot help us if we don't turn to him for help.

I am coming to see now that God is not responsible for our choices we are. If we do not allow him to guide us then we will make the same mistakes over and over again. Yes? For me personally accepting that I am powerless without his help is critical.

I know many non believers that are very good people with excellent morals and value systems in place. Being a believer does not make one a better person than another. I have witnessed firsthand many who claim to be believers and act in ways that seem far less "Godlike" than those who aren't. FH...can you try to explain this to me why this is. It has caused me a lot of frustration over the years. Why someone who claims to have God in their heart can treat other people with such disdain. I am not speaking of infidelity here I am just speaking in general.

I have seen this behavior here on MB but since I think MB is just a microcosm of society in general I am not surprised it occurs here too. It bothers me more in real life and is one of the biggest reasons I have become disillusioned by organized religion. I have experienced firsthand the malice that occurs in church. FH can you help me to understand why this happens? Can one be a strong christian and have a good relationship with God and not attend church? It is obvious to me that someone can attend church and not have God in their heart. Why is this?

I am really trying to work through some of my spiritual beliefs right now and these are questions I have. Are these legitimate questions? Do I really need an answer to these? I don't know. Please advise.

With Sincere gratitude,
Jilly

Jilly,

God does provide what you need when you need...always has...it is us choosing to see, to be open and honest with ourselves...that changes that offering into a taking, and a growing.

I know well the run-away life...as do you. I know well being the destroyer and the saint to others...and I am rejoicing because this is your time...your time to really get all that your life has been yearning for...from you.

"I am unfortunately a master conflict avoider. My dad is a master problem solver. He is actually very good at it."

I challenge you to be aware of what is, and not what you've assumed is in your life...to make your goal to see reality full in the face and not the fantasy in our heads, from assumptions...which self-comfort. Begin by knowing what you choose in your life...

"I choose to be a master conflict avoider."

You choose to duck. Know your choice and choose differently. So much looks and tastes like conflict to you...and IT ISN'T. Know this. You're seeing illusion and it came...from your Dad.

There is inherent disrespect in having a fixer in your life...okay to fix things...sinks, cars, battles with the IRS...not people. Know this difference. Each time your Dad has lovingly, sincerely said what would be good for you to do, to stop your pain, that told self (your self) that you were incapable, needed fixing, you were broken and had no power. It is subtle, laquered in love, and it is lethal to self.

Enabling is not respecting...rescuing is harmful...for now, get this perception flipped over, so you feel less crazy in your own mind...that you would feel comforted, soothed by his words and not have sought it since Christmas...flip it over and it makes sense...leave it as it is, and it's crazymaking.

If you ponder this, you'll know the answer why taking the first step (IC or anything else) is very difficult for you...because you've been told all your life, you are incapable, when you are and have been and always will be...

This does not mean your parents are bad or wrong...they have their own journey...respect it is theirs. They are treating you as they did when you are child...can enchance your childish feelings and beliefs...giving you that powerless state, cloaked in love...do not take it Choice is yours. Know you are an adult, whole, complete, marvelously made...choose to believe this through and through...

Next, be aware of all of this...that enabling, fixing, pleasing is not love...it is in place to EARN love...see this conflict...they want to pull you home to protect you from harm...that nest quest...from loving you...and loving themselves...your pain is theirs...enmeshed and entrenched. Inject respect...know that you cannot protect yourself if you runaway or run to safety...you are going to feel pain, anger, frustration, joy and sorrow...because you are human. How you choose to view those feelings is all yours.

My Dad and SM have been married 35 years. I found only the information data sheet on my bio parents...I am the product of an affair...third daughter born to a 25-year-old woman and given up to save her marriage.

When you want to unknow what you know...please understand that's your wishful inner child. What we know is okay...just knowledge...not judgment. Does not predetermine our lives, is not our destiny, unless we choose to make it our treasure, our bane. Choose not to. Just information.

Your SM and Dad have more influence on who you are than any bio parents could...because they are who you know, and your issues were made within that relationship...and some of what you're working out with your FWH are those same issues...and he has his own, too.

Mind your DJs...give yourself the freedom to know everyone new...including yourself and your FWH. He shared with you last night...because you're safe, aware and present...and he might have been brewing on how your adoption plays into the present for a long time. Don't assume he didn't put himself in your shoes...or that he did. Wait to know. You can wait to know.

Judging yourself "not good" "good" "awful" needs some terminology changes, don't you think? Your FOO invaded your marriage, unexpectedly...you weren't prepared. Limit yourself to true expression, even as you think it...you'll build your self-trust and reliance, know you're whole, each time you do.

As for IC and MC...ask for what you need from them...before determining they're bad or not helpful. Tricky process...learn from AmIOK's thread a bit...how to be you, find you, and discern, not judge. And know this choice of going is self-care...being good to yourself, to your marriage. Think of your marriage as three parts...you, your FWH and The marriage. You can honor and love the marriage even when you don't feel like doing so to your H. You can appreciate and admire The Marriage, even when you don't feel like doing so with your H.

This isn't about fixing Jilly...it is about discovering Jilly's original self, the one that got pushed aside, and a self-image made up and maintained...to not be abandoned, to be protected, to be made good enough...which, as adults, becomes our choice to believe and live by...or not.

I know you'll choose well for yourself, your marriage and your children. All of this matters...because you do.

We cannot trace our lineage...we have no true origin or a face that resembles our own to look up the line to...we have today, as everyone does, to begin, and be and know. Level playing field, created by God, wholly equal, lovable and complete. Knowing the truth makes reality our life.

LA

Blackopal,



I agree that it is all coming out and maybe in a very mixed up order. I need to write about my experience in depth with finding my bio mom's family. It is complicated because I wanted to know and then when I found out it was emotional damaging. My parents told me growing up that my bio mom was a young teenager and that it was the best decision for her to give me up and that she probably went on to college and led a happy and successful life. This is not what happened. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt about her awful life and I blamed myself for what happened to her. I know intelectually it isn't my fault but that didn't change the way I experienced it emotionally. I am working on this.


I don't know what to think about this. It is very perplexing. I am sorry that you had to suffer through this. Are you guys still married?

Sometimes when I try to find a person's story here and go to show all users posts it only shows the last 250 so if there story isn't in the last 250 of their posts I don't know how to read about them. Advice?

PS. Miss BlackOpal I just wanted to say that I love the way you are handling yourself. You aren't fighting with anyone who is hurting you. You make a positive comment to them and then I see you put them on ignore. I really want to say that I see this as a very positive thing. It shows your integrity. Thank you for this example.

With sincere gratitude,
Jilly

Hi Jilly,

We are still together.
He seemed to find some significance in how he and she had something about their origins in common. They both expressed that they felt they would be more special to each other due to the common adoption experience.

I don't always handle myself the best <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> but I am trying. I am learning here that I have to be really clear that if I am disagreeing with someone it is not because I am making a disrespectful judgement but because it is how I feel.

I mean, you feel how you feel and they feel how they feel. I have been the angry, bitter and self entitled BS full of resentment.To my own discredit I was needlessly hurtful to people who were on the other side of the BS. This was up until about 2 years ago.
I realize now it takes a lot of guts to come here, admit to the mistake and take the heat ( some of it very abusive) for it. You are withstanding that to make things right as much as is in your power, heal yourself and those around you. I respect that.
I have no doubt that you will walk away from this experience with a lot of personal growth under your belt.

LA,

I knew that you were here on this thread for a reason. I didn't know you were also adopted. This is good. This is meant to be. This is God. I see this.

How long have you known you were adopted? How long have you known about your bio mother's situation?

You are on the mark in your whole post.About it all. The rescuing, that I am still acting like a child in my R with my parents. I see it. I know it. I have to find another way to be with them. I do not know what the way is but I do see that there must be another way. I have to grow myself up.No one can do this for me. I must do this. If I don't do this I will never be who I am truly to be.

Can you explain this part a bit more. I get that I was unprepared for the invasion. I don't understand yet what you mean by terminology changes. I think I sort of get what you are getting to at the bottom but am not understanding terminology. I want to understand.

Let me try again about my H. I love him. I am sad about the A but it doesn't affect the way I feel about him at all except maybe to realize I love him more. Wait no this isn't it. I have always loved him this much. Maybe I realize I appreciate this love more. I appreciate him more. I believe that he loves me..I really believe it. I don't want to believe it I do. This is a step for me. We are learning how to discuss without arguing. We are accepting truths. There is a different level of respect to our discussions. It is good. I feel safe. I feel loved.

I feel more anger toward FOW then toward H. Why is this? I forgive her. I don't believe she intentionally set out to hurt me. I don't think she WAS thinking. I recognize this fog. I have been in this fog. I don't trust her because of the fog. I don't want to have negative feelings toward her because it doesn't help me grow...blaming. I feel protective of my family. I am not sure how to handle this. Part of me says if she makes a move again I will act to protect. What is the way here? I don't want to feel hostility unless it is a necessary thing. Is she my enemy? I know she isn't my friend. I know she isn't my H's true friend either. A friend doesn't take someone down with them. A friend thinks of what is best for the person and acts accordingly. Is she lost right now? Yes I think she is.

She has already demonstrated that she has no respect for her own M or other people's. She had SF with her good friend's BF/father of their child. Her gf does not know this. Her H doesn't know this. My H and I know this. I am conflicted about this. I do not wish to cause malice to her. I do not wish to harm her STBX or her children. I do not wish to hurt her friend or her friend's BF. I think it is best to stay out of this because getting involved will hurt a lot of people. Getting involved would mean more contact. I think this woman should tell her friend what she did but I don't know. I don't think the FOW or her H want to reconcile. Divorce is already in motion.

LA, there is so much. I think it is best to focus on getting myself better...my marriage rebuilt from the bottom up. There is so much. My R with myself, my h, our kids, my parents, God. I have so many questions. I know I want to answer them this time.

So for now my first step is IC.

With sincere gratitude,
Jilly

Bo,

My A was with a man who was adopted, too. How 'bout them apples?

Just an aside...part of the fog...justification and had no real bearing...part of what I made him up to be, not who he was...pure fantasy.

LA


JJ,

I knew all my life...folks began telling us, they say, about three or four years old...and I have no recollection of being told...but many times, being discussed...I got the date sheet from the agency when I was 21. I have an also adopted sister, two years older...no relation.

As to terminology...judgment hit us all the time, under our own radar...judging our moods, our emotions, is like affirming we want to judge...instead of accept. "I feel upset" doesn't really say much...your feelings are upset...what are your feelings?

"I didn't want to see you guys. I feared you knowing my situation, coming in and trying to fix it. I realize that's my old stuff, and I'm working on it." Being open and present instead of judging whether you're not good, upset, out of sorts...there's a difference.

As for finding another way with them...ohmygosh..JJ? I'm still working on this! FOO is the glue of my existence...often I feel stuck...it's a long, slow process. Give yourself some slack...that's why I said your FOO walked in...lol! Wow.

Now, knowing what you choose...so you know what you control.

You cannot believe against your will. Your mind can reason, your heart can feel...your belief system is its own. You choose what you believe, because you're an adult. You have a lot of beliefs you took into your system and believed long before you knew you could choose. Knowing now that you choose to love your FWH is important. You're doing that. Your choice. Not against your will...if you make your love a thing outside of your control...that you just do, always have...then you are living in fantasy. Your feelings come from your beliefs. Knowing this is important to understanding your power and reality.

You are choosing to stay with your FWH. You are choosing to love, honor and work on your marriage. Know your goal, your reasons why...where in you that you are making this choice. Self Sleuthing.

You are choosing to believe he loves you. That's terrific. I back that choice. Know it is your choice. Not something he can MAKE you believe or see or feel. Later, when you're no longer emeshed, have that firm respectful base and know all that is yours and what isn't...then what you choose to do, your acts of love enhance the relationship...he can feel happy...his choice, too. What you do is yours. That's how you can follow Harley's Love Bank with authenticity and not manipulatively.

Anger for the FOW? Really? How odd....NOT! I raged in my head at FOW until I knew it was me throwing away my power, my choice...obsessed...and Uzzah, a poster here, and others, helped me through it...to really get it...and that was a year after DDay. Focus on you for now...know you're angry, fuming...and you have no right to forgive her anything...she didn't ask (and I hope she doesn't), do amends or anything...she was a fantasy, JJ...not real. Honestly. Know that later you can see yourself as consumed in her fantasy as your FWH was...because she is not real...his feelings for her, his choices, were about himself, not her...nor you.

Teach yourself to not compare; each time she enters your mind, throw her out. Choose not to think on her. You might just be using her as a distraction from stuff inside you...I know I did.

Don't rescue her by DJing her intent...don't be your father here, because you've been taught that's good and kind and respectful. It isn't. You don't know her intent and don't need to know it. You know the impact and results of her choices. Devastation. Do not absolve in your mind...what you don't know. Or you'll do it to yourself and your marriage.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I did.

(You knew that was coming.)

You want no contact for FWH, right? Then you must maintain NO CONTACT...no knowledge...of OW. Hold to your standards and protect the boundary of your marriage.

Do that for yourself. A gift. No contact. Stop knowing anything about her. Makes her real in your marriage and she isn't.

Choices. Choose no on OW...choose yes to be O&H and continue being safe to be intimate with, and believing you are safe to be intimate.

Breathe...do this a lot. Slowly, deeply...while sorting out what you're feeling, getting to know yourself...that's what this is...getting to know who you are right now.

When you use words in your head or aloud like "never, always, all, forever, ever" know this is a signal to you that you're more into your innner child's perspective and not as close to your adult one. Watch how you self-reprimand, even punish...because what you allow yourself to do to you, you'll do to others. And what you allow them to do to you, then you'll do to you, also.

Every day is growing...and we only have one day at a time. God's design. Celebrate that wonderful design. And breathe.

LA

How am I denying ANYONE'S rights by simply expressing my agreement with another poster's position?



I have no animosity towards Christ or Christians.




You probably don't have to worry about that because the moderators are editting the holy h#ll out of my posts.

What's funny is that the item I agreed with stayed intact, but my expression of agreement "THANK YOU" was edited out.

LA,



What is FOO? In other post I thought FOO was a typo for FOW. I see now it is not a type so what is FOO? I tried to think of what FOO is. It was kind of funny some of the things I came up with for FOO. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

With sincere gratitude,
Jilly

FH,

Brillant summation!!!

Jilly,

Okay. A lot of stuff going on here. And before FH comes back and answers your questions directly, I thought I would jump in on one paragraph you posted, as I believe this may begin to be at the center of everything that may be going on with you. So, let me start...


True. Here is what I know. Someone once told me that we are all pigs in a mud stye. And many times, we look at each other and say "Well, look how dirty you are..." when we all are in the stye and dirty. Remember...no one is good in God's eyes.


Maybe they werent saved. Maybe they had fallen, or fell victim to their own problems or sins. Each person will be different. There was pastor once that said "If you ever find the perfect church, dont join it because you will screw it up." Jilly, it has always been this way. We have our fallen flesh. We struggle with it...all of us. This is also why the Bible describes the true path with Jesus as a narrow path. MOST people will not be on it, will not make it. Most of the people that ever lived or will live will not make it. it is because they refused the narrow path. It is because THEY refused the narrow path.


Maybe their claim is not true...maybe they are not of the family of God. Or, maybe they are just in carnal state. But in any case, this is not the real question that will help you Jilly. In the end, it isnt others relationship with Him...it is yours.


Christianity is NOT a religion. sure, people have made it into a religion. But true Christianity is not a religion. Christianity is a relationship with a living, breathing person. As I said, the issue isnt Christians or a particular church or denomination...it is do you live your life with your eyes looking into Jesus' eyes? Are you a person that lives life differently than those people you speak of? Do you have a personal relationship with Him? does He guide your every step, your every decision? You see, this isnt about those people, or anyone else Jilly. Jesus has made this personal...who do you say He is? Does He sit on the throne in your life?


What would Jesus say? What does scripture say? does God want you to be away from the Body of believers? what does the Bible say concerning all of this?


Because having Jesus in your heart has NOTHING to do with where you park your butt on sunday mornings. "Just because you sleep in a garage doesnt make you a Ford." There are many that are deceived about where they are in God's eyes. These are the folks that FH is talking about all of the time, the ones that will say to Jesus "Lord, Lord." But Jesus will respond "I never knew you."

Jilly...this is a PERSONAL relationship. If you were the daughter of a US President...would your stading and relationship with your father have anything to do with whether the people around him were good people or doing right? Would they have the access that you have? Could they just march into the Oval Office and hop up on Daddy's lap and ask for anything? Could they act like an idiot and scream at Daddy and still remain in his presence?

Same goes with Jesus. If you have been saved, then you can go boldly before Him. You can walk up to the very throne of this Universe, jump up on Abba's (Which literally means "Daddy") lap and have a one-on-one relationship.

The reason people act the way they do is because they forget who they were...and who they are!


You do...you really do. This is at the core of all of the issues in your life. I will post shortly with a story a pastor once told about who we were in Christ.

FOO = family of origin

"Bo,

My A was with a man who was adopted, too. How 'bout them apples?"

Them's some green apples!

It's interesting that you touched upon this. This is a question that has been mostly unanswered for me as well. So-called religious (and that's ANY religion) people seem to be capable of the most ugly things...from the small (such as gossiping or ostracizing someone) to the large (such as mysogyny and mass murder).

You are correct to point out that this behavior is widely observable...even on this board the so-called Faithful have visited acts of cybercruelty upon various people for whatever reason...

It boggles the mind because the behavior seems to fly in the face of what religion and faith are supposed to be all about.

As someone who was raised in The Church and who is well versed in Judeo Christian scripture and familiar with other religious texts such as the Torah & the Quoran, I can only hypothesize that God (no matter which God is being worshipped) is not the problem; Organized religion is.

I believe that organized religion can be a haven for evil and abusive people (and throughout written history we can certainly find evidence that it has!) I think that this is because organized religion, by its very nature, establishes a hierarchy among the Faithful and that this hierarchy is not usually based on merit or any substantive criteria. In other words, people who may not be responsible or benevolent may make it to the top of the hierarchy-and the closer you are to the top, the less your behavior / treatment of others is questioned.

I have observed that so-called religious people can and do use various pieces of scripture to justify what they wish or simply choose to ignore certain teachings from their own religion when it does not suit their purposes.

The purpose of FAITH is to make one a better person-more tolerant, more kind, more benevolent, less selfish...but, that is not how it usually works.

asdfadsfasdfqwerf

JIlly...Not gonna post 2 you except ask one thing...

HAVE YOU ASKED FOR SINCERE FORGIVENESS FROM THE WIFE YOUR HUSBAND AND YOU BETRAYED AND ASKED YOUR FORMER HUSBAND YOU AND YOUR PRESENT HUSBAND BETRAYED TO FORGIVE YOU YET?

This is still an affair marriage...adoption or not. This is what it is.

You're here hurting NOW b/c of the issues that led you to your marriage in the first place. Two families had to be "put down" for you even to have married your present husband.

I am honest my feelings towards this.

I moved this post to Just Learning's thread.
(I meant to post it there.)

JustPeachy,


The answer to both of your questions is yes.

You have a right to your feelings and I accept and understand your feelings. I extend an apology to you for any of my actions that may have caused your further hurt.

With sincere gratitude,
Jilly

FF,

Thank you..I was really off on the FOO. I thought FOO was a typo for FOW. LA response makes more sense to me now that I know what FOO is so thank you. I came up with some pretty funny ideas as to what FOO could be.



With sincere gratitude,
Jilly