yeah just 1 semester. so she can foot the other 2

nc007...

As 2long said, if you can take it, I would take her calls and talk to her...Many times conversation is a top EN for women...YOU want to be the one meeting that EN, not OM, so when she is allowing you to do that, by all means, DO IT...I know that much of what she says is painful for you to hear...Think of this way if you can...I'm guessing that your marriage vows said as most do, "for better or for worse"...This is one of the "WORSE" parts that the vows were refering to...Remember, you are the one living up to your vows...

Mr. W chose to listen to a lot of my fogspeak...It pains me greatly when I think back to that time, but you know what else it does? It creates awe in me for him...TRULY...I talk about that with him ALL THE TIME...He just AWES me...He is a man amongst men...He is my hero...He did not back down when I was a soul sick mess...He stood proud and fought for me and our family...I will cherish him always for that...You may not feel like it right now nc007, but Plan A is a hero's battle...It is...It is quite simply one of the most selfless acts that a human can perform...It takes much courage and personal strength...You can do this nc007...Be proud of yourself as you go...You will not regret maintaining your integrity in this way...

And as 2long also told you, when you expose to people, you can not control what their reactions will be...What you want to do is enlist their help in your ultimate goal which is keeping your family intact...

And by all means contact an attorney and get a temporary custody order in place...Do NOT allow her to move your son out of the family home...She of course is free to go...he is NOT...Children, though never to be used as tools, are many times very powerful magnets for women to return to a marriage...Further, a WS is NOT a responsible parent most times...I certainly did not demonstrate myself to be during my affair...A WS operates much of the time with their head in a cloud of fantasy, and that is NOT a good way to parent, I can assure you...

Mrs. W

Hey nc007...Don't get any "depressants" buddy...You want ANTI depressants...Run from a doctor that wants to give you a prescription for "depressants"! Tell him you've got that covered-no thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I know what you meant-I'm just kidding you...I just wanted to see if I could give you even a small grin...Sometimes it's good to laugh to keep from crying, KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hugs to you!

Mrs. W

today i am coming to accept the fact that she may go.

she keeps harping on it.
she is also looking after a litter of pups that needs to be taken back to the vet in 2 weeks time.

last night she had a headache and didn't talk much.Made her toast and tea and tablets. later my son is on the computer with me and she said. how come now i am allowing our son to come into my arms and play on the computer when i never use to do that?

i didnt reply.

spoke about the SF a few days ago and she said that she is afraid to make love because she doesnt want me to see it as an attachment.

Told her no problem. i would meet her needs in this department .no strings attached.

she also asked about me still wanting to go to a dance we were invited to. i said yes. she said i could go alone.

i replied that i would love for us to go together.
i was accused of not wanting to dance before. (true)

i said at least i would know what i was missing with her.

she said she was afraid that i would go back on my words about her being free.

I replied. "look....i in my heart dont want you or my son to go. however i cant change you or control you.it's your choice"

had small chat about other issues.

think i will answer her calls today.

still hoping and praying in plan "A"

yes...take her calls

Talk...but mostly listen

Don't call her yourself much...show some restraint

Try to be the one to end the call(s)


Mr. W

what did you think of my day yesterday?

Good job opening the cage door.

You are not her keeper...but if she walks out on you, you will be devastated and not likely to be friends with her as that is YOUR choice.

Maintaining SF with her is very good (wear a condom)

Go Dancing...even if she won't go with you

fill the home with music. Classics that may all by themselves trigger good memories she shared with you. Don't indicate or get emotional about them just sign and be happy.

just doesn't sound like a woman that's planning on leaving in a couple days. The longer you keep her their and Plan A her the harder it will be for her to leave and the more effective Plan B will be if she leaves.

If she ever starts to go, don't allow her to take much with her. Anything that is absolutely HERS can go...but "OUR" things stay. They can be divided up later in a divorce order. You want your home to remain intact.

I wish you could prevent her from the belief that if she leaves her and your son are leaving together. She should just go and leave son with you.

Tracking down and following OM is a good call. It may take a couple attempts but once you find his family, GF and friends expose immediatatly. REad up on MB how to expose and what to say. Can you trace his license plate on his car back to an address????

Mr. Wondering

yes working on that.

called her today and asked about her eating and if all was ok and lery light banter then hung up.

she called a short time ago asking about some food program on TV then i asked about her day and all.

she aske how all of a sudden i am being so protective. i didnt answer that question. said just wanted to know and i ended the conversation.

so you are suggesting to go to the dance by myself?

i am mentally tired again.

not depressed ...just tired.


this is all i can think about everyday. every hour.

try as i might. i cant think of anything else.

still crying. i feel like something died inside me
but i can't place my hands on what it is.

no i dont cry in her presence.

she has a really traumatic background. but never use to pay any attention to it until now. being severly abused and all by family. i never liked her saying that she hated all men to anything 'till now.

i think she KNOWS that I LOVE her. But i cant understand that even though she is WW that i coulg hear such venom coming from her mouth and she mentally pushing me away.

it still hurts.

nc:

It's going 2 hurt for a while, 2.

At one point, 7 months after d-day for me, I had 2 get on anti-Ds, and QUICKLY! I couldn't stop crying, even at work. Pepperband was the one who first suggested that I go 2 the emergency room and get them that evening. I have HMO insurance coverage, and it only costed me a few dollars for a month and a half of prozac.

Most people take a while 2 feel the effects, but for me it was less than a couple of days. I felt GREAT after they kicked in. The highs and lows were still there, but for me it was like watching someone else's life happening.

I was able 2 function for a change.

I highly recommend that as your next move.

Well, that and EXPOSURE! You might be able 2 nip this affair in the bud if you expose now.

-ol' 2long

yesterday evening when she picked us up (son and self) she was looking really DEPRESSED.

asked her what was the problem. she eventually said like she has no one . no family , no friends .......no one.

so she wish she was dead. said that she was too much of a coward to take her own life.

then asked me why do i want her around. why not kick her out and get a divorce.

If i am not afraid to be associated with her.

I reminded her that i am here for the long haul and i am proud of being with her, there is nothing that she could do to make me hate her.

told her that i love my son and i love her.

then i left the house.

this morning i made breakfast for her and took my son out for the day. i didnt invite her.

just gave her a long warm hug and kissed her on her forehead.

pray for us.

still in plan A and exposing.

yet to fing GF. still trying.

is this more of her fog talk or can this really be depression or just mood swings.

nc007...

My best guess is that she is probably depressed too...It is a great emotional toll to lead a double life...Why don't you suggest that she go to the doctor with you and get on anti d's as well?

Mrs. W

called her a short while ago. she said she wanted to go out after we got back in and spend some time by herself.

told her ok.

i treated it in an offhand manner.

she repeated it again. the need to sort herself out.

asked what she wanted me to pick up from the supermarket.

she gave me a few items to get.

said (and sounded) that she just woke up. i want her to know that i am there but i dont want to come across pushy.

i want to give her space while i prepare to strike.

is she feeling guilty sometimes? that i dont lash out?

wasnt that PART (besides exposure) of the goal of plan A?

i found out why she is so depressed.

her girlfriend was in a conversation with her and told her in no uncertain terms that what she was doing was wrong and that she is becoming like her father.

that both upset her and made her feel depressed.

sunday she told me that she doesnt care what anyone thinks including my parents and that she wants to be alone and why dont i just live my live while she lives hers.

i replied that i remember an oath i took before God.

she said that we dont have a marriage.

i replied i am not talking about marriage but the vows i made to :love, honor, cherish, obey, better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health,

then before i took my son i told him to kiss her and then i said." i am proud that you are my wife"

today she took the day off from work and decided to go to the beach. she took her journal and a book called "The Purpose Driven Life"

before i left i told her that i love her and kissed her on the cheek.

i am just short of giving up.

It is only our son i feel that is holding us together.

almost dont care.

bump!

Ms. W, 2long, brownhair,techie...........****** anybody?

pray my wife comes out of her fog.

can i do a reverse exposure.?

Hi nc:

I'm not sure what a reverse exposure would be.

It's of critical importance right now, for you and your son (and your W 2, for that matter), that you hang on. Even hunker down and face the possibility that this will be very hard for a while. Most experts will say that recovery takes 2-5 years after infidelity, and that's after the WS is committed 2 making the M work.

I don't mean 2 scare you off with that, just that it's possibly going 2 take a long time 2 get through this, and that everyone will need YOU 2 remain the stable, sane one in this whole mess.

Remember that the ultimate goal for the end of this process, whenever and whatever that 2rns out 2 be, is for you 2 be able 2 look back on the choices you made during all this and have no regrets about what you did.

-ol' 2long