Get some rest Ms.W take care. with you all in my corner i know that i will make it.

thanks.

How are you Ms.W, hope all is well, 2long ,techie, and all
hello.


Can i make her a card and give it to her?

she is going to go this weekend to a funeral and i will take care of our DS. The funeral is all ligit. I wanted to go in fear that the om will go in my place and bond with her closer. (maybe its my imagination.)

then again...........

she is still at home ,not talking about moving out. this morning i called her asking about how she feels.

she said she is tired of everyone asking her about this and if i could stop doing so. she then said that she is trying to take it one day at a time. just trying to servive the day.

then she "admonish" me about not eating and what am igoing to eat........yadda,yadda.

told her to take care and sorry about the loan not working out.

she said OK.

you know guys....i think i was trying to use this to hold her to me. Deep down. i confess.

Now i truly have to rely on God and the wise imput that i have been getting here.


Last night she told me about when her father first started to abuse her. i listened. then i wanted to say somthing but she cut me off. well at least i listened.

hope she will say more to me in time. Gotta try remember this isnt a quick fix.

i miss her though, the real her.

Still Plan "A" in hope.

pray for me.

feedback appreciated.

Keep listening. Lock up your manly instinct to try to fix things. Be her sounding board as she works on fixing herself and clearing her own fog.

No romantic and/or mushy cards. Too desparate and needy. To pressuring. Your continued presence and quiet attention is all that is necessary.

Act happy. Be happy. Work on yourself and becoming a better person, father and husband. At times you can make her useful. It is important to try to get her to meet your needs and make her feel like a valuable person to YOU which you then get to meet her need for appreciation by thanking her for anything she does for you. Don't make yourself obvious...but appreciate her input with problems you are having becoming a better person, father and husband. Compliment her parenting and anything she does as a wife. If she cooks, help her cook and clean up...but compliment the food. If she makes you a sandwich, kindly compliment her cooking and care. How you'd soooo miss her cooking if you two ever split up. Don't make it about how you can be a better husband to HER just how you can be a better husband period...to her or someone else. As you become better she will likely follow.

The BS has to LEAD recovery.

I hope I'm right about the affair ending. Keep monitoring for contact and know that NO recovery can commence until NO CONTACT is accomplished.

Don't forget...you must still expose. Telling you this is getting a little old.

Mr. Wondering

Don't worry...about a ting, cause every little ting is gonna be alright.

lol.

bob marley.

yes i got you .

How ms.W?

probably made a booboo...

i sent this email....

Even when you feel like it. know this.................... you are special................. and never alone........................God is always there with you....to Him ...you matter.

Have an inspiring day at work. I believe you will.


your friend,


Pray to god it didnt seem too clingy or pressuring.

want to call her so i'll just post.

its amazing that i gave this woman my life...in all aspects.
she was literally my life.

this is probably why the situation is so devastating to me.

In a sense i feel like i am also living a double life.

pretending to be fine and not needing her love and affection yet this is very true.

dont know if its because i need my SF time .

Darn it!!!!

lol.

still praying with plan "A"

is requesting "quality time" from her a form of luv busting?

anybody. could i email her asking if she wants to "play".

Did some research and came up short. He moved from the previous address and the person who knows him is notified of the affair. I am trying to do my own dectitive work.

come to think of it this guy cant be serious about his girlfriend..5 years engaged? no somethings wrong.

anyway tracking other leads.

pray for me.

advice about approach WW for SF is it advisable?

Hi nc:

Just take things easy. Don't come across as pushy. If it were me, I'd let her initiate. I didn't, early on, and so I got accused of "only wanting SF" for about 3 years after d-day.

When I backed off, I was ac2ally surprised that I didn't "need" it as often as I would have thought. Now, she initiates more, and when I do, I don't get accused of using her for my own selfish needs.

But my sitch is developing a LOT more S L O W L Y than yours should, because (so far) you're nipping things in the bud pretty well.

If tracking down the OM is hard, try not 2 get discouraged and keep at it. I didn't expose 2 "Mrs Meat" after d-day, and wish that I had. It would have made a huge difference.

-ol' 2long

Hey NC,
hang in there.

been catching up on your last few days. I usually have spells where I'm not on, 'cause taking care of my children.

you're really lucky that she got depressed over what her girlfriend told her. that meant it really hit her hard. thats what you need! it's fantastic that you have someone "in your corner". thank God for that when you get the chance <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Try not to push for anything. anything at all.
sounds like you've been way verbally pushy/clingy with her lately, instead of just showing her you care about her.

I'm reminded of the famous Christian saying, by (i forget).

Something like, "Spread the Gospel of Christ. If neccessary, use words"

less words, more love <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Shutting my mouth (about that stuff) has shown a dramatic improvement for my wife lately, if you read my thread at all. I've just opened it for talking mostly about how she's doing, and offers to help her with stuff.
I "messed it up" potentially, by telling her I love her yesterday on our anniversary <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> but I'm still happy I did that, even if it sets things back a few days. hopefully, she'll "forgive me" for that, given the occasion.

I havent told her anything like that for 3 weeks. and we've had 3 pretty good weeks because of it.

k. i understand. i didnt initiate anything last night. and surprisingly i didnt need to.

today is the anniversary of her friends death and she is taking it pretty hard. She is crying today and i tried to be there for her. (last year i was such a huge NON supporter.)

I asked if she wanted me to come with her........reply? no
asked if she wanted me to drive..............no
then i tried to stroke her head. She shrugged me off.

So i told her if she need anything to call me and i will take the day off.

wish i did this last year.

such not a good day for us.

hope the OM doesnt try calling to score points.

i think i will call her to find out how she is holding up.

any input appreciated.

she did tickle my toes last night though. even if it for a short time.

i am not giving up OK. but there are times that i feel really tired.

call her to find out how she was holding up.

she was getting ready for the workday and told me that she would call me back. i dont think i will call for the rest of the day.

however this is an unusual situation due to the anniversary of her friend passing.

anybody?

nc:

I've got a lot on my plate this and next week, so I won't be around much...

...but I think you're doing a good job, from the sound of her reactions 2 you.

Again, just don't be pushy. Be a good listener and be as supportive as you can when she lets you.

I think she's "thinking". It may be foggy thinking, but it's better than running in2 the OM's arms.

-ol' 2long

k. thanks.do i shut my mouth today or ask her how she is doing later tonight?

i dont want to be pushy then again i want to show care.

any ideas?

Ita afternoon in sunny Jamaica and i am just trying to get through the day. i think i will start to post other persons not giving advice but at least lent support.

Somedays i feel like it will get better and on other days it will be so much worse. Today is going to be rough for her.

i am still trying to find my footing to be a man she desires and yet give. I dont feel in any way to contemplate calling my wife to a decision or giving an ultimatum.

I just want to be there for her today.
I am having friends calling her to comfort her today.

still trying not to give her much emotional control over me.

i see her and i just get all weak on the inside.

Is it wise to go out tonite, with all she is going through today?

last year she said i wasnt there for her. dont want her saying the same thing today.

trying to learn patience here.

you know....reading other BS life drama sorta in a demented way has a therapudic effect on me . I realize that i am not alone and to be inspired by ones who have gone on before causes me to feel a bit stronger.

i think right now i am on the up swing and i dont want to stop going up although i know that i will come crashing down soon (the roller coaster ride)

funny about these rides you dont pay for. They dont stop anytime soon.

It does however build me into a better person. I can see small changes in my character. I want to continue this trend.

hope one day my WW will truly recognise that i truly loved her and fought for her honour.

I pray we end up together. although there are day i feel like being a taker.....i know all of plan A must eventually have a telling effect on her.

Why do i love instant fix?