don't know if I should be here but I know I have run out of friends and family to talk to. I am 23 years old and i was married at 21 to my husband who is 28. I used to be really happy when we first got together for the longest time. I stuck by him through everything. I am even way in debt for him at this age, i cant go to college like i want. I hope nobody thinks I am selfish. So back in March I just started to be really unhappy with him. I dont wanna hang out with him, kiss him, or anything. Also he doesn't want to do anything with me. He hates to have fun. We are not friends at all and I can feel it. So this went on since March. I am generally not happy. About 3 weeks ago, i told him I think we should seperate and find ourselves bc we never had room to grow together. I forgot to mention we married a year after we met. When I told him this, he tried to kill himself. He was then admitted to a pysch ward. Now mind you I am 23 and i have been through this. I went and seen him everyday and cried for him and felt so bad. Then he came out and I tried to make it work but quickly became unhappy again. I dont know why...he is not mean, I just fel out of love. I have been staying at my moms for 3 days. I have been less stressed, more upbeat. But then he comes around and cries and says he doesnt wanna live and ir brings me down again. I think I am ready to move on..how do i know if this is right? How do i know if i miss him or just feel guilty? Feeling so trapt. Im sorry if i shouldnt post here and bother anyone.

Sorry no infedility wrong board

Read. and Read some more. Have you read up on EN and taken surveys?

Try to go to counseling for yourself. If he is this depressed he needs counseling.
I know money sounds like an issue so go see a chaplain.

You aren't responsible for him. It sounds like more than just your M.
Good Luck.
Hugs.

Mcm is right on...

I wanted to add what you are responsible for...your own feelings, beliefs, thoughts, perspective and perception.

That's you.

Knowing why you feel what you feel...only you can know that. When you read all the articles on this website...Basic Concepts, Emotional Needs (ENs), Love Busters (LBs)...you might know better why you feel what you feel.

Only you can make yourself happy.

Keep posting...the most traffic is here in GQII...I would keep this thread going.

LA

Is there another man who is a friend that you are attached to?

Okay thanks all. I have read quite a few sections on this site. How come I feel so ready to leave? I have no interest whatsoever to make this work. I wanna be let go. HOw do i know if i am making the right choice? In regards to the above post, there is nobody else. My best friend in the world is a man, but we have always been friends. I dont think he has anything to so with whats going on. But as close as we are I wish had that friendship with my h. How do I know whwn it is time to let go? I even went and looked at my own place. I dont wanna prolong this. But he is making me feel responsible for how i feel. Im so lost. I cant live like that, there is so much i wanna do with my life....

Im sorry, i am really upset,is there anyone out there that can give me some advice?

Why do you think that your marriage stops you from "doing what you want to do with your life" ?

Have you talked to your husband about what you want to do?

But I dont think this is it.

you said,

"my best friend in the world is a man".

Right now, you are having an emotional affair

you have allowed another man to take your husbands place in your heart.

you said, "I wish had that friendship with my h." This is really good. you recognize that you should have that kind of friendship with your husband.

Now... what have YOU done to make that happen?
[the answer is, "not enough". you have chosen to keep feeding this friendship with this other man, instead of feeding your friendship with your husband.]

"he is making me feel responsible for how i feel."

you are responsible. (re)read about the love bank(click here) concept, and it will explain why this is so. you have allowed this other man to build up his account with you.

You should also read the 15 steps of unfaithfulness post.
it sounds like you're about halfway along. make no mistake; this is a road that you are on, and you will eventually travel its full length, unless you conciously decide to get off it now.

Any children with your H?


Yep.

As long as your best friend in the world is a man other than your H, you will not be content with ANY husband.

So, tell us more about your best friend? Is he married? If so, are you a better friend to him than his wife?

If you want to give your marriage a fair shake, I suggest you take a time out from your best friend and pour that energy into your marriage and your H. Order the book, Fall In Love, Stay In Love from the bookstore on this site and devour it. Ask your H to look at it as well.

BTW - does your H know your feelings? Perhaps you spoke to this above and I missed it. What is his attitude?

If you're determined to get out of your marriage, tell your H, take all the steps necessary to divorce him, and take nothing with you. You broke the contract. Set him free to find another woman.

I predict you'll end up with your "best friend."

JMHO

WAT

No the other guy and i have been friends since the time we were 10 years old, we grew up together and we have never left eachothers side, he is not married, he is 22 and i am 23. my husband knows how i feel, i have been telling him for a while now. The other guy and I get along so well because we communicate and to make it worse..people tell us all the time that we were meant for eachother...i am just trying to find some peace...i cant decide if i wanna leave my husband or not...i cant decided anymore
As far as my friend goes, we basically grew up together, we dated, if thats what you wanna call it at 13 and 14, lol and we have just had a very strong bond.
I have told my husband, all he can say is things like, 'i just want you to love me" Please be happy" Please Just stay with me" There is something left" Your killing me" "I dont wanna live" Why cant i reach out to him. When we first met and he even thought about breaking it off with me, i would cry and beg. I dont have the initiative to do that anymore......hope this answered everything

we have no children, we cant have any. It is a problem with him, but he yells at me for it all the time. We dont need any right now.

Yes roxie, it's quite clear.

You currently have more of your emotional needs met by your best friend than your H.

You are in an extramarital affair- specifically, an emotional affair. You may not like to think of it like that, but that's what it is.

To make you marriage work - if you want it to - you have to swap these two men.

If you don't want to make your marriage work, no one can make you. Please advise your husband to come here for knowledge and resources. He is understandably hurt and can find support here.

WAT

even more than "swap". You have to never talk to this friend again.

you "should" have married him. But you didnt. you made your choice years ago.

it's now up to you to show that you are a person of moral character, and stick to your decision.

Be perfectly clear: you can be happy with either of these two men. It's clear that your husband is completely committed to you. So it's all down to whether you are going to keep your marriage vows or not.
You can be happy with your husband,

you promised to be true to this man, until death do you part.
Do promises mean anything to you?

if they do, and you dont want to go through the rest of your life, with a betrayal you can never go back on [choosing to destroy your own marriage], then you need to say goodbye to your old friend, and never... never.... talk to him again.

You are not drawn to your husband, because you dont "need" him right now. you go to your "friend" for your needs. as long as he is available to you, you will go to him.

when he is no longer available to you, you will need to turn to someone else: to give you comfort, to support you, to talk intimately with.
your husband is right there. he is just waiting for you to ask him for these things. he is capable of giving you these things.
All you have to do, is choose to let him do so.


you're very young. you're only now really becoming an "adult". Dont fall into the mental game of "oh I was young and stupid",and give up on your marriage.
The only thing stupid here, would be to give up on your marriage, and regret it for the rest of your life. Regret that you devastated someone else's life through selfishness, and regret that you will forever be a "fallen", flawed person who is incapable of keeping trust with someone.